Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Infomaniac Insomniac

Does anyone have a cure for chronic insomnia?

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in years. 3-4 hours a night. Sometimes less.

I’ve tried all the remedies. I even redecorated the bedroom.
"My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go."
-- Oscar Wilde's last words

I’m open to your suggestions. Help!

In the words of The Kinks’ Ray Davies…

You got me so I can’t sleep at night

You really got me.


  1. I a gallon of vodka...the really cheap kind and drink it STRAIGHT.

    You'll be sleeping in NO time.

    Might not be able to get up in the morn, but at least you will sleep!

  2. i have a cd player beside my bed that i turn on before i get in bed. i normally don't make it past song number 4. that helps me.

    or, the way that i accidently found out to make yourself go to sleep - mix pain medications. that'll make you definately sleep.

  3. Self conditioning.
    I can fall asleep anytime anyplace, so long as i'm listening to skyscraper by underworld, I rarely hear past the first minute of the track.
    It took about 2 months to condition myself, and now it itstantly makes me drowsy, and if i'm laying down, i'm gone :)

  4. Awaiting: Yay for cheap vodka!

    Pink: Yay for mixed meds!

    Who knew insomnia could be so much fun?

    OnceWas: I have no self-discipline but ta for your suggestion.

  5. have you tried listening to those soothing nature sounds? like running water, babbling brooks, swaying bridges, etc.? i mean, for me, all it does is make me tinkle. well, that and it makes me want to slap the shit out of the stereo cause i can't stand to listen to that stuff, and i just forgot where i was going with this sentence. this is what i get for losing all my marbles before i turned 25.

  6. Glad ya posted this my insomnia has almmost gotten to the stage of no sleep at all... remids me of my party days but with the hassle of work!

    I'm trying meditation techniques... counting my out breaths up to twenty and starting again with the in breaths. It gets me off if the wanking dont work, trouble is I can't stay asleep for more than 1 - 2 hours.

  7. Pink: I tried a tape of moose mating (I AM Canadian, after all) but it did nothing for me.

    Funny Thing: I'll play that moose mating tape again as background then.

    Benjamin: One pill makes you larger
    And one pill makes you small
    And the ones that MJ takes
    Don't do anything at all

    Hardhouse: I have a problem with maths. Not sure I could reach 20 without a tutor.

  8. Broken sleep patterns often signify depression. Yoga can be a great help. And the old remedies of a warm bath and hot milk do work. If you share a bed try a couple of nights alone and see if that helps.

    But really if you're managing on 3-4 hours perhaps thats all you need.

  9. Frobi: A specialist ruled out depression. If I opt for the warm bath/hot milk remedy, can I follow it with a vodka chaser?

  10. Okay, just stay up.

    Forget the 3-4 hours and stay up all night and day. The whole while, exhaust yourself with sex,booze and rock and roll. Party like you are 18 and go to a titty bar and bless the hardworking strippers with crumpled dollar bills. After you leave, followup with a couple dozen shots of tequila with limes and dance naked in your backyard while blasting "Princes of The Universe".

    When its time for work, take a quick shower, brush your hair, apply your lipgloss, and drink a 44 ounce cup of hot coffee with no cream or sugar.

    Rinse, wash and repeat for about 5 days and you should be back to sleeping in no time.

  11. Oh by the way...I stay up to about 3-4 every morning only to wake again at 630. I feel ya on the not sleeping thing. Its a real bitch.

  12. i know how not to go to sleep...use that 'luna moth commercial' sleep medication. oh, you'll think you're asleep, but actually you'll be wandering around in the garage at 2 am.

    now the Biker takes Trazadone and that seems to help, but only in desparation because,DAYUM, does it work.

  13. Do we call you the InfoSomniac know??

    I have found that I have a hard time falling alseep unless the TV is on...don't know just has to be on and i drift away in no time.

  14. What you need is something sweet and fragrant,warm and aromatic in you.

    Anagram of "Insomniac Infomaniac"?

    "I'm a fiasco in cinnamon"

  15. Awaiting: Why do I get the feeling you've tried this remedy yourself?

    FN: I know the commercial of which you speak. I'll just be attracted to sources of light if I take the moth drug.

    Jacqueline: Susudio makes me scream. Not sleep.

    Pamer: Listen. I fell asleep during Corrie this week... I've missed 2 episodes. If I could just stay out of it for the rest of the night. EastEnders had become really boring lately. I'll try that.

    SID: You sweet-talkin' Oirish bitchslut hooer.

    Vicus: Been there done that. But if you don't get well soon and post something new, I may doze off.

  16. Having talk radio quietly on in the background sometimes works for me. If it's inoffensive and doesn't engage me, I can lie and listen to it passively, giving my consious mind something to do that isn't thinking about sleep or insomnia.

    In short: Get distracted, but not involved.

    (I'm trying Old Time Radio broadcasts from ShoutCast. And have found it's almost impossible to masturbate while listening to The Lone Ranger.)

  17. Kapitano: My mind is at ease knowing you're not aroused by The Lone Ranger.

  18. i can't sleep without my 20-inch box fan blowing on me. it doesn't matter if it's winter or summer, i'll have that sucker on medium.

    you could try listening to a baptist church sunday morning sermon. that'll put you to sleep in 10 minutes flat. works for everyone else.

  19. I wish Oscar was alive now...he would have been a superstar!
    The world could use a giant erudite smartass right about now!