Thursday, October 19, 2006

A Guide to Self-Control




Self pollution: the addiction nobody dares to talk about.

Here’s a guide to overcoming temptation.



Via [Information Junk]
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19 comments:

  1. Pamer8:57 AM, October 19, 2006

    man if i did all they say, there'd be no time left in a day...it's just faster and easier to jerk off

    ReplyDelete
  2. Billy10:20 AM, October 19, 2006

    Right, from now on I'm lying on my back and keeping my eyes open.

    *ahem*

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  3. Betty10:44 AM, October 19, 2006

    Well, there's certainly lots of great advice there on how to avoid the temptations of self pollution, with loads of links as well.

    Oddly enough, there isn't a suggestion that you should avoid surfing the internet, which has been known to be a source of images that might cause unnecessary congestion in certain bodily organs.

    I find that wearing a straitjacket and sleeping in a cold bath usually stops me from doing Satan's Work with my hands, actually.

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  4. Anonymous11:47 AM, October 19, 2006

    hanging around piggy and tazzy definately needs to be filed uner the self pollution category.

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  5. FirstNations11:57 AM, October 19, 2006

    15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.

    ..Yes, Thomas Culpepper couldn't have put it better. The doctrine of signatures AND the spirit of victorian repression. Two great tastes that taste great together!


    16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

    ...Joan Crawford would approve wholeheartedly. Except for the 'not binding' part.


    17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.
    ..as a young man, Robert Crumb found pictures of Bugs Bunny sexually stimulating and carried on in his wallet. THERE IS NO ESCAPE!

    18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.
    ...using a suitably hard, level surface, preferrably one at waist height, place the offending member on same and strike repeatedly with the Good Book until all vestiges of resistance are overwhelmed! the book of Mormon! It's not just for reading anymore!

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  6. Anonymous11:58 AM, October 19, 2006

    mmmmmmm ........... pussy on ceiling.

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  7. S.I.D.1:38 PM, October 19, 2006

    mmmmmm...... a glory hole.

    *quickly clarifies*


    with a pussy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Billy1:44 PM, October 19, 2006

    "strike repeatedly with the Good Book until all vestiges of resistance are overwhelmed"

    I don't know I often find repeated strikes have the opposite effect.

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  9. The Mistress1:52 PM, October 19, 2006

    All of you lot: I feel I've provided a public service here today but I expect you'll have forgotten the sage advice by the end of the day and you'll all return to your wicked ways. Don't say I didn't try.

    Steve: Quite the acrobatic feat but your bendy bit should be up to it. Let us know how it goes.

    SID: And how exactly do you know about glory holes? Does this have anything to do with Pig and Taz's visit to Oireland?
    *disturbing visions*

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  10. Kyahgirl3:04 PM, October 19, 2006

    you deserve a knighthood at least for all your public service messages!

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  11. Geoff3:10 PM, October 19, 2006

    A lot of thought went into that guide.

    They didn't just toss it off in a couple of minutes.

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  12. Prunella Jones3:17 PM, October 19, 2006

    If you think about Jesus while you masturbate it's not a sin. Truth! Plus Jesus was hot.

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  13. Tickersoid3:30 PM, October 19, 2006

    This has all come abit too late for Dan Craig.

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  14. S.I.D.4:57 PM, October 19, 2006

    Yes MJ, Piggy and Tazzy did come over here.


    But did not, repeat NOT in the way you think.

    You dirty minx!

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  15. The Mistress10:44 PM, October 19, 2006

    Kyahgirl: Just call me Lay-dee MJ.

    Geoff: Not just a couple of tossers.

    Pru: You're going straight to hell for that comment. See previous posting.

    Tickers: Dan Craig... Wanker of the Year!

    SID: Me a dirty minx? That's rich coming from you, ya filthy Oirish hooer.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous11:59 PM, October 19, 2006

    9. this sounds a bit like the scarlet letter. but if steve is not supposed to tell anybody, what happens if it falls out of his pocket? am i permitted to make fun of him when the entire month is in red?

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  17. The Mistress12:25 AM, October 20, 2006

    Pink: The entire month WILL be in red. Not IF.

    And a note from me to everyone: I am no longer Master of my own domain. I'm out!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Benjamin1:50 PM, October 24, 2006

    oh, every now and again I find a blog that I like. i'm enjoying this x

    ReplyDelete
  19. The Mistress9:44 PM, October 24, 2006

    Benjamin: Welcome! I've bookmarked you especially because you likened Mary Poppins to an LSD film.

    ReplyDelete

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