A Pox on Crocs!

A Swedish hospital wants to ban its staff from wearing Crocs plastic clogs, saying they generate static electricity that can knock out medical equipment.


Blekinge Hospital isn’t the first medical establishment to outlaw Crocs. Rapid City Regional Hospital in South Dakota enforces a staff dress code banning Crocs over safety concerns. The holes in Crocs pose an infection control issue if blood or other body fluids come into contact with a cut on an employee’s foot.



Crocs “Crocling” – vomit-inducing




Health experts caution the public against wearing Crocs. Hospitals have reported Crocs-related injuries including children getting the footwear caught in escalators.





And there’s a blog called Crocs Accidents dedicated to warning parents of the possible dangers of rubber clogs to children.


Infomaniac would like to see Crocs banned throughout the nation strictly for aesthetic reasons. Sure they’re touted as practical, cheap, odour-proof, fungus-resistant, and incredibly comfortable but damn!… they’re ugly!!!



Crocs "Georgie Boot" –fucking hell that’s ugly


Are Crocs as ubiquitous in the UK and the US as they are here in Canada where every second person you see is sporting a pair?

They’re even growing on trees here!

Luckily I had my camera handy to record this freak of nature...




Crocs tree spotted in Steveston, BC by MJ


With thousands of Canadians grabbing up Crocs like candy, I thought I was alone in my aversion to the unsightly shoes.

Imagine my delight to find others who share my repulsion!

A couple of fellow Canucks (Vincenzo Ravina and Kate Leth) have a blog called I Hate Crocs dot com.

Watch as they blow up Crocs with fireworks in ‘The Burning of the Crocs’…






Coronation Street fans will recognize a fellow Crocs-hater featured on their Saturday posting. It’s Chris Gascoyne who played Peter Barlow on Corrie!




Crocs-hater Chris Gascoyne (Corrie’s Peter Barlow)



But I’m not being fair. There are two sides to every story.

On the opposing side we have Croc Fans. But note that Rosie O’Donnell is a Crocs Fan. Enough said.





So go on then, Infomaniac readers. Whose side are you on?

Crocs: Love ‘em? Or hate ‘em?

Victoria Dogs

Lewis: Cathie’s muse


VictoriaDogs dot com is a resource for dog owners in…you guessed it, Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.

You'll find recipes for dog treats, including a dog birthday cake; learn where to play off-leash; and get the scoop on services.

The site is run by that fabulous, multi-talented Canuck: Cathie Walker.

Yorkshire Speak

In an attempt to educate this ignorant Canuck, Yorkshire’s favourite poofs, Tazzy and Piggy, purchased this Yorkshire-English dictionary for me…


MJ: Let’s see if I’ve learned owt. (Let’s see if I’ve learned anything.)

Piggy: Aye, get agate. (Yes, go on then, get doing it.)

Tazzy: Best y’ do. (See that you do.)

MJ: Champion. (Excellent.)

Tazzy: By gum, we’ve supped sum stuff toneet. (Gawd, we have certainly drunk a lot tonight.) Ahm powfagged. (I’m very tired.)

Piggy: Ah-cud eet a'scabby-donkey tween tu Bre't-Vans. (I'm very hungry. I could eat a diseased donkey between two Bread Vans as a sandwich.)

MJ: Enough of this nonsense. Lesson over. Ahm still befuddled. (I’m still confused.) Boggled. (Mystified.) Flummoxed. (Bewildered.) Obviously I’ve learned nowt. (Obviously I’ve learned nothing.)

Tazzy: Flippin ‘eck, MJ! (exclamation of surprise.) You’re a barmpot. (You’re stupid.)

Piggy: Yes, MJ. You’re daft as a brush. (You’re stupid.) Yer arf baked. (You’re stupid.)

Tazzy: Yer gormless. (You're stupid.)

MJ: Gi’ over. (Stop it.) Any road (anyway) I’ll just have to make do with this handy Yorkshire Translator instead.

If anyone can assist with my Yorkshire Speak education, please submit your Yorkshire words and phrases in the comments section.

If not, then sling yer ‘ook. (If not then I suggest you go away immediately.)

Ta’ra! (Goodbye!)

The Amazing Turd Twister!

If you enjoyed sculpting with Play-Doh, you’ll love The Turd Twister.

Fits comfortably. Just insert the extruder ring between yer butt cheeks (not up yer arse!) and wait for nature to take its course.

Use one of the many templates to create exciting excremental designs. For example…


SID might like this one…





And here’s one for Tazzy and Piggy…




The Turd Twister Starter Kit includes a plastic trimming knife and a Safe-T-Floss™ Retraction Cord if you end up like one of the poor sods in yesterday’s posting.


Dishwasher safe.

Order yours today.

Customers who bought this item also bought Stinky Steve, who's been having trouble coaxing out a stubborn poo.

Come Back Later Today

Infomaniac is having problems with disappearing photos. Seems it’s an issue with some other Blogger bloggers too.

Please come back later today.

If you’re in the UK on British Summer Time, try again around 4:00 pm. I’ll either have posted something new or I’ll have an update.

If you’re on Eastern Daylight Time, try again around 11:00 am.

The rest of you figure out the time zones for yourselves. Especially you lot in WinterPeg.

Apologies for the delay. I know you’re just dying to read whatever crap (and I mean that literally in the case of the next posting) I’ve come up with for today.

And I know you’re all missing that photo of the guy with the bottle up his arse too. Unless it’s returned while I was sleeping.

Shove It Up Yer Arse

Rectum? Damn near killed ‘em!



Hospital emergency doctors frequently encounter people (mostly men, it seems) who have “accidentally” inserted foreign objects into their arses.





Photo via [Old Knudsen]



A partial list of objects found up arses include the following:

Candles
Pens and pencils
Fruits and vegetables
Chewing gum
Curling iron
Flashlight
Toothbrush
Spoon
Cooking tongs
Balloons
Toilet plunger
Baseball
Umbrella handle
Vibrators (still vibrating)
Dildos
Mobile phone
Shoehorn
Oven mitt
Sausage
Eyeglasses
Door handle
Perfume bottle
Back scratcher
Pencil eraser
Screwdriver
and …
A jar of maraschino cherries



CASE STUDIES:



PEANUT BUTTER JAR:

A 65-year-old man came to the emergency department of a hospital complaining of lower abdominal pain. A large empty peanut butter jar was discovered in his rectum, and the patient was transferred to the regional medical center for its extraction.The patient reported that he was washing his dog in the shower when he accidentally slipped and fell on a glass jar, which entered his rectum.

LIGHT BULB:

Fateh Mohammad, a prisoner in Pakistan, says he woke up with a glass light bulb in his anus. Doctors brought Mohammad’s misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object. “We had to take it out intact,” said Dr Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. “Had it been broken inside, it would be a very complicated situation.” Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. “When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this,” Mohammad said. The doctor treating Mohammad said he’d never encountered anything like it before, and doubted the felon’s story that someone had drugged him and inserted the bulb while he was comatose.

CONCRETE ENEMA:

A 20-year-old man used an enema containing a concrete mix that became impacted and required surgical removal. The patient said that approximately 4 hrs earlier he and his boyfriend had been "fooling around." After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet against the wall at a 45-degree angle while his boyfriend poured the mixture through a funnel into his rectum. After the concrete mass hardened, it became so painful that he sought medical care.

Infomaniac’s research reveals that a few objects found up arses belonged to some of our very own readers!...



Broom handle (IVF, obviously)




Live artillery shell (Geo, of course)





Bottle of whiskey (SID, naturally)





Dentures (Belonging to Old Knudsen. Found up MJ’s arse.)




If you know you have a foreign body in your rectum, or think you do, seek medical help to remove it as soon as possible.

BUTT if you must shove something up yer arse, play safely.




Bush butt plug


Now, where did I put my house keys?

Cross-Species Breastfeeding

Women who have never suckled often experience difficulty in nursing on account of the sunken and flat condition of the nipples. The nipples may be drawn out by a common breast pump, by suction with a tobacco pipe, by the use of the hot-water bottle, or by the application of a puppy or of an infant a little older.
--The Physical Life of Woman, 1872

That little gem of advice was proffered up to women in 1872. But how about modern times? How many women do you know who breastfeed other species? Infomaniac does the research so you don’t have to.



A Norwegian woman took 10 hungry puppies to her breast when her dog died….



Nursing in Norway




A New Zealand woman breastfed her Staffordshire Bull Terrier pup “Honey Boy” because she wanted the dog to protect her baby girl as the pair grow up.

“It doesn't hurt, but it's a little bit ticklish," she said.




“Honey Boy”




Apparently, there exists a practice among women from Papua New Guinea hill tribes who breastfeed pigs.








Meanwhile in India, Namita Das breastfed an orphaned monkey.

"This is not a pet, this is my son. Please get that right," she insists.








Just when I thought my work here is done and there can’t possibly be more cross-species nursing, along comes Hla Htay, breastfeeding two Bengal tiger cubs.

Ms Htay said she offered her services, at least until the cubs grew teeth.







Well that’s all the research I have time for today, folks. I’ll be sure to update as more cross-species breastfeeding stories cross my desk.

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a whole shitload of Infomaniac’s readers.

Let's get started with a visit to those filthy Yorkshire poofs...

TAZZY AND PIGGY:


Tazzy and Piggy give Portland Bill a hand job


We pick up where we left off last week as Tazzy and Piggy experience Easter in SmuntyLand aka the Dorset coastline.

Taz and Pig join Stevey (Smunty The Cabin Boy) and his fag hag wife Carly (Mong-Smunt) in climbing the Portland Bill lighthouse.

A brave Carly Mong-Smunt leads the timid girlie boys up the steep stairs of the lighthouse. This is a woman with cojones. And a lovely arse which we'll get to in a moment.



Carly Mong-Smunt: A woman with big balls (and big tits!)


Previous to the outing to the coast, back in the hotel, we were subjected to pics of Tazzy and Piggy’s turds. Explore at your own risk.





STEVE AND CARLY (THE SMUNTS):


The Smunts relate their twisted fantasy version of Tazzy and Piggy’s trip to the Dorset cuntryside.



Steve goes down on Portland Bill (practicing for later that night when he'll become Taz and Pig's cabin boy)


TWISTED LIE NUMBER ONE: Steve claims he’s not giving head to Portland Bill but rather “getting all Godzilla” on its ass. LIES!



Full moon over the English Channel (Carly's Arse)


If you can’t be bothered reading their excessively long account of the visit, just play the brief YouTube video of the group descending the stone steps of “The Cobb” harbour wall. Here’s your chance to hear the voices of The Smunts, making them just that little bit more frighteningly real. Listen to that posh bitch Carly’s accent. “Don’t make me lahhhhhff.” Which, coincidentally, is the same thing she says everytime Stevey gets nekkid.

TWISTED LIE NUMBER TWO: Stevey claims the homosexuals were trying to grab his legs on the way down but see for yourself. It didn’t happen.

Read Taz & Pig’s account, then The Smunts' account. Decide for yourselves.




AWAITING:

Awa clicks a pic of this chick with a dick…



Lady Piggy of Barnsley





FROBI:

Frobi reports on Snoop Dog’s court appearance.



Snoop Dog: The bitch who stole Frobi’s wig





WW (SNIPPETS FROM SPACESHIP ORION):

WinterPeg’s WW is having an avatar competition.




May I make a suggestion?…






HE (HOMO ESCAPEONS):

HE posts a loving tribute to his wife...



Just before she crushed his head with her mighty thighs





FIRST NATIONS:




FN is snowed under by an avalanche of vintage douche advertisements.

“The only thing strong enough to combat the foetid stench of a stanky cooter is the same thing mechanics use to clean out the grease pit: CONCENTRATED PINE SCENTED AMMONIA!”





MAIDY:

Maidy finally succumbs to public pressure to replace this stupid orange baseball cap.





Proving yet again how much she loves Canadians, Maidy decides to replace it with a Toronto Blue jays cap.




Maidy takes offence when I suggest she forget the cap and just cover her head with a paper bag.




GEO:



Canada’s famous Wawa Goose statue


And proving how much he loves Canadians (doesn’t everyone?) Geo goes out shooting with his camera and takes a pic of a Canada Goose. In Massachusetts!

No long border crossings for them, eh?





DIRTY TONY:





Tony’s been to see His Bobness in Sheffield.

He’s been there and got the t-shirt.





OLD KNUDSEN:

The usual busy week on Old Bitter Balls as, amongst other pursuits, Knudsen plays Spin the Bottle.







RICH:



Rich the snitch


Rich blows the whistle on Old Knudsen, who, it seems, has been soliciting sex in Beantown.



Knudsen: Offering sex for a tenner






EDDIE WARING:





This week on Leatherette Beanbag: Lady boys and puking midgets.

Or “Eddie Waring: A Day at the Office.”




SID (STUPID IRISH DADDY):





Manflu gone! But slowness in posting still there!

SID, post something new you lazy Irish cunt.




CONVICT:




Vet loses hand to crocodile.

Surgeons in Taiwan have reattached a vet's arm, after it was bitten off by a crocodile as he tried to give it an anaesthetic injection.




TICKERS:





Tickers compares driving to anal sex.





PRUNELLA DE VILLE:


“What's pink and cute and can travel at 600 mph?”





Extreme cuteness alert as Pru informs us about Helly Kitty Airlines.





GEOFF:

Jim Carrey gets on Geoff’s tits.








BETTY:

Betty’s listening to “any music which is the antithesis of Snow Fucking Fucking Patrol.”




IVF (INEXPLICABLE DeVICE):

IVF put us on hold while he was out on maneuvers (Manhoovers).

But the wait was worth it as we finally get to see the winsome witch himself…



This witch is a sexy bitch





CHELLY (HOWEVER):


Chelly claims she’s posted this Nigel Harman fan montage for me but that little minx wants him bad.

KAV:





Kav puts his foot in his mouth (and pencils up his nostrils) and asks us to relate our foot-in-mouth incidents.





KAZ:


Kaz and her oral fixations.




This time it’s ice cream.




BOCK THE ROBBER:




I just like to quote random bits of dialogue from Bock the Robber…

Fuckin bastard. I'll find out where you live and I'll pour a nest of ants through your letterbox.

Fuck you, you fat prick!!

Well fuck me sideways

You fucking fool.

Was that the finest piece of satire ever to appear on Irish television, or the worst example of scum-sucking obsequious arse-licking you've seen in your life?

Scunthorpe won 2-0. They're promoted. Wooo hoooo!!




SPIKEY:





Spikey finds a mouse in his recycling “blue box.”





MUTLEY THE DOG:





Mutley resolves to be a kinder person.

“As I have no colleagues working with me in the partly converted toilet which serves as my office (still the gents!) I decided to be kind to strangers instead . Believe me this is not as easy as it sounds!”




BILLY (¡OYE BILLY!):


Billy’s given up on ever learning to drive and would prefer to spend the money for driving lessons on booze instead.




HARDHOUSE:




Bournemouth’s Hardhouse is back!

He’s been gone so long I was tempted to make him a “New Cunt of the Week” but you old-timers will remember him.




And finally…



NEW CUNT OF THE WEEK


Another Brit joins Infomaniac. Welcome GLENDA of Flaming Nora!



“She writes. She blogs. What's she on about now?”


Glenda lives in London but she’s a displaced Mackem from Sunderland on the North East coast.

Not only does she amuse us with her blog Flaming Nora, Glenda writes and edits Corrie Blog; a blog for Coronation Street fans. AND she provides weekly Coronation Street updates over here. And she’s on the writing team of Dollymix.



Corrie's Jack Duckworth: “Flaming Nora!”


All this and she’s a Sunderland AFC supporter.

Everyone join me in clasping Glenda to your bosom and making her feel at home here on Infomaniac.