nota bene: This week Infomaniac diverts from the usual synopses of your postings. Instead, we offer snippets of conversations lifted directly from your posts. Complaints? Take it up with management. Let's get on with it then...
TONY:
At times i gave my computer Cunnilingus.
STEVE AND CARLY (THE SMUNTS):
It’s amazing what you think of whilst coaxing a stubborn poo out.
-- Stevey
OLD KNUDSEN (OLD BITTER BALLS):
Fuck it they can suck my big warty cock.
I've never been too impressed with that John Travolta fella, ugly as fuck and has the acting abilities of my 4th wife faking her orgasms which is pretty crap.
The soft as shite Southern English wag their tails and sniff yer hole but thats just their way.
There was a bit of a reaction to the picture of the man with the bottle up his arse and as a bottle may be a bit extreme we all know that men like to stick their thumbs up their own arses while they're having a wank and I really doubt that we men are the only ones that buy butt plugs and beads of woe, then again I may just be the only one, ah fuck it.
TAZZY AND PIGGY:
Brain empty.
Nothing to write.
Hungry.
Back later.
SID (STUPID IRISH DADDY):
I have had the bum sex.
TICKERS:
If I tied my shirt tails under my chest and wore a cowboy hat, I'd be Jessica Simpson.
Just because I have a penis, it doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman.
BOCK THE ROBBER:
Jimbo!, I ejaculated.
VICUS:
Sadly, the clearest recollection I have, and I pray to the deities of all the major religions that I imagined this, was me and Ratty urinating off the balcony into St Peters in the early hours of this morning. I have no idea who won the contest for distance, but I was too inebriated to spell my own name. I can only hope that there were no pilgrims below, and that if there were, they did not believe that they were experiencing some sort of bizarre blessing.
IVF (INEXPLICABLE DeVICE):
Who could refuse? Clearly not me as I nearly slipped in my own drool scooping up the vouchers...
* scratches bum* and drinks juice from the carton *
FROBI:
Note from MJ: I love Frobi’s blog post labels so much that that’s what I’ll give you instead of his witty repartee……
Labels:
Hot dog sex dogging doggy style hot teenage sluts polish boys
KAZ:
How many more bloody clichés do you need?
BETTY:
Then again, I rarely laugh out loud at anything, and then usually only when I'm drunk.
GEOFF:
The part of the coastline we walked is called the 'Wantsum Walk'. It is so named because whenever you come across a group of hard kids, they ask you if you "wantsum, you fackin' cant?"
KAPITANO:
The same supplier offers a Penis Development Pump and a Sex Magnet for men. I rather like the latter - it sits in your pocket and "transmits its therapeutic magnetic field throughout the genital area".
MUTLEY THE DOG:
I have already learnt that it is wrong to shout “Geronimo!!” during sex and that “Brace yourself!!” is never considered seductive in bed.
MAIDY:
Don’t look at me ’cause I have no fucking clue.
GEO:
Action Man Geo was all action this week and little talk...
Here is my first try at making a video of a ww2 reenactment.
FIRST NATIONS:
What; you don't keep your assroll on a plinth?
EDDIE WARING:
fuck!! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What a moron.
AWAITING:
Wanna hear about how my youngest boy stopped the bathroom sink with toilet tissue? DRAINO where the FRICK are you!!!? Or would you rather I tell you the one about how I was bombarded by little neighborhood kids asking for popsicles? Oh! I know! You are dying to hear about how some little PRESCHOOL JUVENILE DELINQUINTS BROKE THE HEADLIGHT OF MY BABIES’ 1939 REPLICA PEDAL TRUCK!!! I am so out to beat a little kid’s ass…I mean, I was in FULL BLOWN PREDATOR MODE on a KID.
I mean, dang, only so much SUPER GLUE can do!!
HE (HOMO ESCAPEONS):
C’mon now, in a couple of years the aging Baby Boomers will be rounded up and warehoused in giant Nostalgia Centres. There they can pharmacologically ‘Tune In and Turn On’ (relive the 60s and 70s) until they finally ‘Drop Out’!
WW (SNIPPETS FROM SPACESHIP ORION):
Turns out Stevie, the most conservative of Canadian prime ministers since Brian Mulroney sang When Irish Eyes are Smiling with Ronald Reagan in 1984 or whenever, can't dress himself.
Stevie refuses to go anywhere, a story this week said, without a fashion consultant from Toronto who picks out all his clothes in an effort to improve his public image and appearance.
Note from MJ: I absolutely must illustrate who WW is talking about. Yes, this is Canada’s Prime Minister…
PRUNELLA DE VILLE:
Once upon a time in Africa, there lived a hardworking dung beetle named Larry. Larry was a good provider and spent his days gathering plenty of poop to feed his five hundred children. All was well until the day Madonna came to town.
CONVICT:
BANG….. my left hand mirror hit his and after a few well chosen words in my helmet I carried on thanking my lucky stars that my mirror wasn't broken and I was okay.
Within a mile I had a GSX-R600 right up behind me beeping and flashing his lights, I thought there was further damage to my bike that he was warning me of so I pulled over and he followed.
As the guy lifted his visor he was crying with laughter, he told me that he had seen the BAST@~* cut me off and then filled me in of what happened next … Apparently I had knocked the Vans giant, electric, heated wing mirror and the glass popped right out with the electrics hitting the floor and amazingly staying in one piece, the van man had turned the air blue at me as I left.
On then seeing his mirror in one piece on the floor, he was unable to believe his luck until my new friend on his GSXR ran over it for me……
Still makes me smile now……
KAV:
Some of you mentioned you wanted to have an evil laugh competition, where we can judge each other for Best Evil Laugh.
SPIKEY:
Nevermind.
and finally…
NEW CUNT OF THE WEEK
Infomaniac welcomes D.C. WARMINGTON!
Another fucking Brit.
Mr. Warmington dwells in deepest rural Sussex with his disabled sister. Her disability is the consequence of an adventure with explosives and a dustbin in 1977 involving their nephew, an amateur scientist and would-be terrorist (don't ask).
The household is completed, or rather dominated, by his sister’s cat, Geoffrey, a monster of unreasonableness who makes Mr. Warmington’s life hell.
As well as maintaining his blog “D.C. Warmington,” Mr. Warmington sits on the editorial board of “Farthing’s Compendium of Essential Facts.” This is a monumental undertaking that consumes most of his time.
Mr. Warmington has an interest in entomology, especially in beetles.
None of the foregoing contains an atom of truth.
Please join me in welcoming Mr. Warmington to our Coven of Cunts.
