Monday, July 01, 2019

The First of July

July 1st holds special meaning to The Mistress. It's Canada Day; it's Norma's birthday; and it's the day that our friend LX posted his first comment on Infomaniac, back in 2008. Click here to be carried back to days of yore.

In honour of all three events, The Mistress offers you Bitches the most Canadian of cakes: a lumberjack cake...

The Mistress is not in the most celebratory of moods. Why?  Because LX (aka XL aka Mr. Lax) has published his final blog post.  

LX has been the Official Infomaniac Pillow Fluffer and Personal IT Consultant to The Mistress for many moons. He is a loyal friend to us all.

And you know that "Banned By Infomaniac" sticker that you've all received? Some of you NUMEROUS times? That's LX's creation...

The Mistress is in denial that LX may not be hanging about to celebrate future festive events with his signature dish: the traditional cranberries recipe...


1 can jellied cranberry sauce


Remove both ends of can.

Push product onto plate.


The Mistress has deluded herself into believing that he is using a health issue as an excuse; an excuse to get out of entering his limp ficus (again) in the upcoming 9th Annual Infomaniac Garden Photos Contest.

LX, if we must see you off, The Mistress will see to it that you are hooked up intravenously to the Vodka Fountain. 

Oh, and Mr. Lax? You're a winner. You never really had to ask...


  1. Ack, I have some of Mr Devine's dust in my eye...
    And I feel the need to do something interesting with some Cranberry Sauce.
    Happy Canada Day, Mistress!

    1. MISS SCARLET: Don't even think about suggesting a Cranberry Sauce Competition of sorts.

  2. Happy Canada day.

    Happy Birthday Norma.

    Too early for Sylvaner, sorry.

    1. MAGO: It must be Sylvaner-o'clock somewhere.

    2. I'm raising a glass of Apfelwein to Norma as we speak. Jx

  3. Can I take my slice of cake in the Plaid Room? Did you get death Norma anything spectacular for her birthday? I saw a swell hemroids pillow, but nothing with any lovely vintage pattern for her decor.

    1. MISTRESS MADDIE: Yes, by all means take your lumberjack cake into the Plaid Room.

      Are you wearing tartan? Just in case Norma smears it all over you, the cake mess will blend in.

      I’m not sure what to get for Norma. She already has an ear trumpet.

  4. Tip o' the hat to the Mistress...Hubba Hubba.
    (That photo of you with your Canadian Hijab!)

  5. Thank you for the wishes! Hope you
    can hear me, I'm in the mausoleum.

    1. NORMA: Mausoleums are the “greener” more ecological choice for burial.

      But did you know that that caskets have been known to explode in a mausoleum as a result of gas build-up from the natural decomposition process?

    2. Happy birthday, Norma!

      Oh, and don't have beans as your last meal!

    3. I forgot my manners, Happy Birthday, Norma!

    4. I know that mausoleums (mausolea ?) can be tricky, but never heared of exploding caskets. Like, blammo there goes grandfather ?
      Frankly, it reeks a bit of urban myth. Do you have a source, by chance ?

    5. MAGO: Here’s a newspaper article about exploding caskets.

    6. Sorry, I'm not allowed to read the Chcago Tribune for being a bloody European.
      But this is no excuse for being lazy - I should have looked for info by myself first : Here is an informative article in VIce. Who knew about "burping caskets" ?

    7. MAGO: I read the article and noticed it mentions a vague human shaped stain. It’s like something out of the movie “Spinal Tap!” (LX will know what I’m talking about.)

      Whatever happened to dying with dignity? Ha!

      Personally, I would be more concerned about a “farting casket” than a “burping casket.”

    8. Me? Gassy?
      You must have me confused with someone else.

  6. Happy St Canuck's Day - here, have a present... Jx

  7. It seems LẌ has not thought this "retirement" business through. Fancy leaving you sans Pillow Fluffer and I.T. Consultant...


    One good thing has come of this: That there is going to be a 9th Annual Garden Photos Event!!!

    Now, excuse me, as I'm off to get a large helping of that delicious lumberjack...

    ... cake.

    1. MR. DeVICE: Do you have a photo of your flaccid ficus?

  8. Happy Canada Day (OK, a day late, but it's the thought tht counts, right?)
    Happy Birthday, Norma! xoxo
    I think I'm going to buy a can of jellied cranberry sauce in tribute.


    1. SAVANNAH: A can of jellied cranberry sauce?

      The Mistress is ordering a CRATE for everyone.

    2. But of course! I was thinking of a Warhol-esque shrine/framed can sort of thing. xoxo

    3. SAVANNAH: What a perfect addition to the Infomaniac Art Gallery!

  9. So Norma dear,
    t'was your day,
    Stonehenge marketh,
    the eons away.

    Your petrified vulva,
    in pocked marked form,
    shows the legendary erosion,
    or many a cum-dump storm.

    Your prolapsed anus,
    tied in a knot,
    now a curious butt plug,
    leaving Dr. Seuss besot.

    For it is where it came from,
    it goes where it went.
    When mother comes homes,
    she'll double the rent.

    For the Norma is,
    always open, not shut,
    a fucking anomaly,
    pubes worn, never cut.

    Now her inner-self,
    once pristine and tight,
    serves other hole-sters,
    with ironic delight.

    She's topping it off,
    her sexual career,
    She's climbed every mountain,
    and sipped every beer.

    Now they line up,
    to get her inside,
    From tired old queen,
    to the rage of gay pride.

    Many happy returns Norma (and hopefully they'll each bring a friend!)

    1. Ah, to be linked with Pride...I think I need a float.