If you are not my lover or my doctor, hands off my pussy!!!
The Mistress has spoken.
For much more eloquently spoken comments, read part of Michelle Obama's remarks here.
Thank you, Michelle Obama, for your powerful, impassioned words.
What is sexual assault?
Sexual assault is a crime of power and control. The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim. Some forms of sexual assault include:
Penetration of the victim’s body, also known as rape.
Attempted rape.
Forcing a victim to perform sexual acts, such as oral sex or penetrating the perpetrator’s body.
Fondling or unwanted sexual touching.
Why, you ask, is The Mistress so riled up about sexual assault? The Mistress encourages you to read the following violations against her person that occurred during her teenage years. This list, which only includes a handful of incidents, all occurred BEFORE the age of 20!
Why didn't she go to the authorities? It was an era when sexual assault was not talked about as openly as it is today. Many women were not believed if they stepped forward with complaints. Those who did press charges were raked over the coals in a court of law. Remember, there were no documentaries on TV to educate the public about sexual assault. No social media campaigns. No celebrities coming forward to tell their stories in the media.
A partial list of sexual assault incidents committed on The Mistress from age 12-19:
Age 12-14: Repeatedly sexually assaulted by a man in his late 20s. The Mistress prefers not to elaborate other than to say that she hopes he dies a slow and painful death.
Age 16: The Mistress lands her first job. The boss corners her each time she walks into the stock room, pushing her against the wall, forcing his tongue down her throat and fondling her breasts. The Mistress did not know anything about workplace sexual harassment. She quit her job rather than seek legal aid.
Age 16: Raped by an ex-boyfriend. Why didn't The Mistress report him? Because she was told that sexual assault by an ex-boyfriend did not constitute rape because of their sexual history together.
Age 16: Middle of winter. Having a drink with a male acquaintance in a bar. Refused his sexual advances. While in the ladies' room, the man hid her winter parka. He refused to give it back unless she would agree to sex with him. She refused to have sex but couldn't ask for help from the bar staff because she was underage and afraid she would get in trouble. She had to walk home in the freezing cold without a coat. Thankfully, next day, when The Mistress described what happened to her to a male friend, the friend confronted the man and retrieved her coat for her.
Age 17: The Mistress had too much to drink at a party, asked the host (a good friend) if she could "sleep it off" in his bed, and he agreed. Another party-goer sneaked upstairs, and attempted to rape her. She was able to fight him off by saying she was about to vomit.
Age 19: The Mistress, now a university student, is visiting the home of a fellow student. He is interested in her and she is intrigued by him but wants to get to know him better before so much as kissing him. After a short time talking, he made strong sexual advances which The Mistress rejected, and said she wanted to return to her dorm on campus. While in the bathroom, he hid The Mistress's shoes and she was forced to walk back to the dorm (about a half hour walk) barefoot.
Age 19: The Mistress leaves her university dorm room to brush her teeth in the communal washroom, leaving her door unlocked. She returned to find a fellow student on her bed. He forced her onto the bed, tried to remove her clothes, and tried to rape her. The Mistress was able to stop him, following a heated struggle. This man is now a politician.
NOTE: The above incidents, and many more, occurred while The Mistress was a teenager, before she turned 20. After the age of 20, incidents would continue to occur but The Mistress had learned a thing or two by this time and was able to defend herself.
But let's give you an idea of just one of the typical behaviours The Mistress experienced past the age of 20. The Mistress would be walking along the street, minding her own business. Men would swerve up to the curb in their cars, masturbating vigorously while ogling her. Isolated incident? No. This sort of thing happened numerous times.
As mentioned previously, this was just a partial list of sexual assault incidents.
End of personal account.
Donald Trump, hoping this will all go away, said, "I will not allow the Clinton machine to turn our campaign into a discussion of their slanders and lies, but will remain focused on the issues facing the American people."
But I say to you, Donald Trump, and all your supporters, sexual assault is an issue.
“I know it’s a campaign, but this isn’t about politics. It’s about basic human decency. It’s about right and wrong. And we simply cannot endure this, or expose our children to this any longer—not for another minute, and let alone for four years. Now is the time for all of us to stand up and say enough is enough. This has got to stop right now.”
That personal account was heartbreaking to read. So sorry that The Mistress had to endure those horrible experiences.
ReplyDeleteThis is truly a vile cesspool of an election.
Thank you. LX. There are far too many women with similar experiences.
DeleteA friend of mine is astounded that I still like men after all that’s happened. I like men very much because despite the rotten apples, there are a lot of decent men in this world who understand that sexual assault is unacceptable.
my dear, dear girl: this has left me speechless.
ReplyDeletei'm sick that you've had to endure all this. i so hope that the world is now a better place for you than it was. and i'm thankful that you (seemingly) have been able to take that pain & channel it here to make us all laugh and fall in love with you.
NORMA: I would never allow the perpetrators to take away my sense of humour, which is all that saved me when I was a teen.
DeleteWhat a terrible series of assaults! And these are only some of them?!
ReplyDeleteMy initial thought was that this is extraordinary, but I expect that it isn't. I expect that as these awful things have happened to you, to a lesser of worse degree, they have probably happened to other friends and people I know, too. It is detestable. The perpetrators of these vile assaults are detestable.
Much love to you x
Oh, and: Fuck you, Trump et al!
MR. DeVICE: Chances are high that these types of incidents have probably happened to people you know.
DeleteSadly, the criminal justice system is set up to protect the rights of the accused, which makes victims afraid to tell anyone and afraid to go to the police.
Society is now more open about talking about it but there still exists a culture of silence, for fear of being vulnerable or fear of not being taken seriously.
Michelle Obama said, Maybe we're afraid to be that vulnerable. Maybe we've grown accustomed to swallowing these emotions and staying quiet, because we've seen that people often won't take our word over his. Or maybe we don't want to believe that there are still people out there who think so little of us as women. Too many are treating this as just another day's headline, as if our outrage is overblown or unwarranted, as if this is normal, just politics as usual.
I have a back catalogue too. The one that worries me the most was an assault in a lift.... he told me no one would believe me if I said anything.... which was true. This happened in the City of London and he was one of the suited and booted types. I fought him off, but I fear that he would have gone on to force himself on others.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. You are wonderful and decent.
Sx
MISS SCARLET: Thank you for speaking up. The fact that you are the first woman to comment and that you too have a “back catalogue” of incidents shows how common sexual assault is.
DeleteThese incidents may have long-lasting psychological and emotional effects on us, regardless of whether or not we are able to fight off the assailants.
Much emotional damage was done but through working hard on my “issues” and maintaining my beloved sense of humour, I was able to carry on.
It’s common for the perpetrators to convince us that no one will believe us. And I’ve experienced threats if I was to tell anyone.
And yes, these types of people often go on to perpetrate their evil actions on others.
Miss Scarlet, know that you are not alone.
MISS SCARLET, there is something I forgot to mention.
DeleteIt’s a sad state of affairs to say so but if the elevator (lift) door opens and there is a lone, male occupant, I don’t get in. I wait for the next elevator to arrive.
Same here. Nor would I get in a train carriage with a lone male. Although I have had two incidences on rush hour trains! They both got caught eventually - one because I reported him to the transport police.... it transpired that I wasn't the only very young woman he had been exposing himself to. The other one used to sit next to women on a packed train and rub his leg up against theirs whilst fiddly with himself under the cover of a briefcase. Why I didn't shout out when this happened to me I really don't know, other than I couldn't quite believe it was happening to me! But, again, he was caught some time later.
DeleteSx
MISS SCARLET: Good on you for reporting the train perv to the transit police! By doing so, you prevented this from happening to other innocent women.
DeleteYou asked why you didn’t shout out when the other perv fondled you. When you say you couldn’t believe what was happening to you, THAT’S a reason. On several occasions I’ve been minding my own business when, seemingly out of nowhere, someone starts fondling me. I’ve experienced that same disbelief and done nothing.
Public transit is a hotbed of perversity. A man once grinded his crotch against me on the bus. I rolled up my magazine and started beating him about the head with it. He yelled, “I’m being assaulted! Look everyone! She’s assaulting me! I’m calling the cops!” Thankfully, this was before cell phones so he couldn’t call the police. I got off at the next stop and made a point of getting lost in the crowd.
Yes ... here we are at the beginning of the 21st century, trying to sort out basics. No progress, still the Neanderthaler with the biggest club rules.
ReplyDeleteRespekt, Mistress, und bewundernde Verehrung.
MAGO: The Neanderthaler with the biggest club usually has the smallest dick.
Delete(not physically smaller but you know what I mean.)
AT least at the courts things changed. Yes, there are still judges who simply blame the victim from the start, but these are very few and thankfully they get a public kick in the teeth when they do unbearable things to witnesses etc.
DeleteEven the police is nowadays better suited for victims coming in. The "oh-don't-make-a-fuzz-you-wanted-it"-bullshit is mostly extinct, I am tempted to think.
Of course not enough.
MAGO: Navigating the justice system can be difficult for survivors of sexual assault.
DeleteThere are 460,000 sexual assaults in Canada each year, and for every 1,000 sexual assaults, only 33 are reported to the police, 12 result in charges, and finally only six are prosecuted with three actually leading to a conviction.
Furthermore, 90 per cent of sexual assaults on college and university campuses go unreported, and fewer than 10 per cent of complaints are resolved through a formal investigation.
Caramba ! From thousand to six / three is a big step.
DeleteReading this breaks my heart darling.
ReplyDeleteI thank you for your courage in being so open, honest, and frank about your lived experience. Your story is a really powerful example of being a survivor of predatory male priveledge.
So many men still see women as nothing more than de-humanised objects to use for their own pathetic sense of personal power and control and then when it is called out for what it is... predatory criminal behaviour... go on to deny it ever happened... call their accusers Liars" or blame their victim/s...
Trump is a recidivist.
I send you much love... and a couple of hugs (But only if you would like them)
PRINNY: Thank you, Prinny. I find it difficult to talk about myself in such personal terms but like Michelle Obama, I can't stop thinking about this. And as she said, “It has shaken me to my core in a way that I couldn't have predicted.”
DeleteHugs gratefully accepted. Which reminds me…
Trump said “You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.
“And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything,” Trump continues. “Grab them by the p----. You can do anything.”
I’ve met celebrities on many occasions. A few of them were attracted to me but you know what? They ASKED me for permission before they kissed me. Unlike Trump, they didn’t use their celebrity to force themselves on me as if it’s their privilege. They weren’t seeking more than a kiss, to the best of my knowledge, nor was I.
And yes, I granted them a kiss but didn’t take it any further. I was impressed that they took a gentlemanly approach and I respected them for it.
I have been thinking about you all day. I too have been very disturbed by what Trump said about women. It came after I'd watched Louis Theroux's updated documentary about Jimmy Saville, and I have also been watching National Treasure on C4 [brilliant, yet disturbing].... so I am totally sickened by Trump.... I can't understand why or how he is still running for President when he has such disrespect for half of the World's population. It makes my skin crawl.
DeleteHugs to you.
Sx
MISS SCARLET: I have been thinking of you too and in fact, had tears in my eyes, knowing how you must have felt in that lift.
DeletePerhaps one of our American readers can help us understand why or how Trump is still running for President.
As an outsider, I remain perplexed and disturbed.
Not being an American I may be unsuited for this, but looking at it, this "phenomenon Trump", I guess he channels something : He is like the "central point" of something, where it all comes together, a focus.
DeleteI do not know (and can not believe) that it is only this "angry white man"-syndrome that is spoken about in the news. After all, I am a white hetero man, I am angry, but Trump is ... a caricature, ein Zerrbild. Or like a magnifying glass for all that is wrong in the Western society.
In fact, look at him from any point, he is a lie.
I formed my idea about Mr T some months ago, when I realised that he has absolutely no idea about politics in general and foreign politics in special. In one of the "discussions" he saied that Japan and Germany did not pay enough for the protection they get from the US - fine: Thanks. I had not realised before that American foreign policy is a protection racket - that is what the far right says here in Germany.
Like You, I am perplexed, I did not believe that "Trump" would be possible in the USoA. He takes down the whole conservative party, perhaps this is a good chance for a new start. But when I look at images of his rallies, read what die-hard "Trumpians" think and how they see the world, it feeds all my prejudgements about Americans.
And I should know better, because I learned to know some of them : Decent people who did not kick women, niggers or Jews just for fun - imagine !
Trump is cynical to the core, without any empathy for any living being beyond Trump. He is not made of Fuehrer-material, but he'd be a good Propagandaminister. To be shot at the next opportunity. He has not even the format to be of real evil.
Let's check off Trump, the real interesting thing starts after the 8th of November. If only a little bit of intellectual nous would pour into the conservatives, but I believe there will be drought for the next twenty years.
MAGO: Trump is…like a magnifying glass for all that is wrong in the Western society.
DeleteWell spoken, Herr Mago.
It has been said that The Republican Party is suffering from “intellectual rot.” Clearly.
Trump has boasted, "I'm, like, a really smart person." Really, Donald? Really?
Here is a list of many of Trump’s sexist comments.
ReplyDeleteHowever, it isn't up-to-date. It's dated October 8th and since then, many more sexist comments have spilled from his mouth. But to add more to this web page would break the Internet!
It is a wonder you still like men. I had a friend in college this sort of thing happened to a lot. When she told me about her experiences is when I started to get the picture of what women had to deal with daily. It ain't pretty.
ReplyDeleteJEFFERY: Yes, I still like men. Very much so.
DeleteMen who commit sexual assault are not representatives for men in general.
I have been blessed with many good men in my life and I won’t let the offenders ruin it for those good men.
There are millions of decent men in this world but sexual assault may change a woman’s view of men in general, for the worse. I understand how some women might feel that way but it’s not a feeling I share.
Sadly, it isn’t just women who are victims of these offenders, as you know. A male friend of mine was raped by a man when he was an adolescent. Another male friend was stalked by a woman and the police laughed at him when he complained.
Holy crap. If this is even remotely typical of what women put up with then I am greatly saddened. Neither my two sisters or several female friends have spoken of any of this, so reading this has been shocking. I have always thought, erroneously, that sexual assault and rape were random and generally one-off. I learned something today MJ, and have few words other than to thank you for your bravery in sharing.
ReplyDeleteRILEY: Thank you.
DeleteI hope your sisters and female friends have never been subjected to this type of behavior but chances are that they know someone who has.
I know a few women who’ve never been sexually assaulted but several women I know have undergone at least one incident, if not several.
Sadly, sexual assault is the only violent crime in Canada that is not declining.
This page by the Canadian Women’s Foundation does a much better job at explaining the facts about sexual assault than I do.
In order to bring about change, we all need to educate ourselves and others. And we must not elect anyone who condones sexual assault into a position of power.
I know we’d all rather be reading about Yodelling Pickles so I’ll see what I can come up with for you on the weekend. In the meantime, I need some sleep. Thank you all for reading and commenting on this important issue, today.
ReplyDeletep.s. Looks like the Michelle Obama video on this post no longer works. Her speech is worth listening to if you find it elsewhere.
Sweetie, I'm sorry to be so late, but I. of course, agree with the chorus of outrage on your behalf. If someone had asked me yesterday if it was possible you had been forced to endure even one of these awful things, I would have said no. Am I that naive? As you said, it points to what almost all women must have to go through. I am horrified.
ReplyDeletePEENEE: Thank you. No, you are not naïve.
DeleteThe only reason I found out that certain friends of mine had been sexually assaulted was because I told them about my own experiences. I was the one who brought it up.
There is still such secrecy and shame surrounding sexual assault so it’s not the sort of topic that women raise, even with their own friends. But it’s time we start talking about it.
I don't know what to say. But you have my admiration for being strong, honest, & fearless. I'm sorry all these horrible things happened to you. Thank you for speaking up.
ReplyDeleteI made up mind last year that Hillary was getting my vote. This election cycle's Republican candidates ranged from idiotic to deplorable. And when Trump was announced as that party's official candidate, I knew that I would never support him. He seemed like an idiot. Now he's even worse! And I refuse to support him nor anyone else who stands by this monster.
One of my best friend's husband is a staunch Republican--very active in the party. Most elections, we have healthy & heated debates over differing political views. I'm a staunch Independent, with a strong belief in personal freedom & accountability, civil rights & liberties, & equality. I vote according to the issues & for the best qualified candidate. I believe that gov't only works when all the people being governed participate & make gov't work. If you don't vote, then you need to shut the hell up & don't complain when the gov't turns to sh*t. People have fought hard, bled, & died to get us the vote. Either do your part to make gov't better or shut the f*ck up.
Sexual assault is a horrific crime, & it needs to brought up in the public consciousness that it is wrong to force your advances on someone, it is a crime, & it should not be tolerated at any level! No means No!
I've all ready shut up a few of the vocal Republicans I associate with & often have heated debates & discussions with at social gatherings. When they ask me why I support Hillary & her supposed crooked political history, I reply: 1. Because she is smart & the most qualified, serious leader. 2. I refuse to support a candidate who demeans women & is a total idiot. I end the debate by asking, if it was your mother, your sister, your wife, or your daughter, would you be okay with leader who tries to rape them? Who forces himself on them? Would you support a monster who thinks it's okay to mistreat women & demean them? Would be okay with a man sexually assaulting your loved ones?
Suffice it to say I have made people uncomfortable but most importantly, I've changed some minds & made people aware that their choices matter. And whether I'm outnumbered by the opposition doesn't matter--I've never run away from a fight when it mattered, & I've always stood by my beliefs. Even if I stand alone, the important thing is that I make a stand. When you take a stand, people will notice. And attention is the first step to identifying & solving a problem.
Thank you MJ & Scarlet for speaking up. You have my support & admiration. Your coming forward makes people realize that sexual assault is a huge, ongoing problem, & we all need to be made aware of it & do our part to stop it & punish the guilty. We need to speak up for those who've been silenced & stand up for those who've been beat down. Evil happens when good people do nothing. So Speak Up & Stand Up to the evils of this world. Choices matter. Make your choices count. Do the right thing.
EROS: I’ve spoken up because I was motivated by Michelle Obama’s speech.
DeleteShe said, It's that feeling of terror and violation that too many women have felt when someone has grabbed them, or forced himself on them and they've said no but he didn't listen - something that we know happens on college campuses and countless other places every single day.
Many of us know that feeling too well and yet there is no escaping it. There is no way of knowing who will be the next to threaten us or when or where it will happen. It is to live in fear but to put on a brave face for the world; a brave face for yourself so you can cope.
Thank you for standing up to your Republican associates and asking them the questions which need to be addressed. It takes guts to do that.
You say, Evil happens when good people do nothing. I couldn’t stand by and not say anything, even if it’s preaching to the converted.
Mj, I think Norma sums up how I feel! I am shocked to read this. And proves how common this probably is. And that your humor has saved you. Humor....the miracle drug I call it. Now a hug to you.
ReplyDeleteMISTRESS MADDIE: Humour is essential.
DeleteFor example, when I am down, nothing cheers me up like a Yodelling Pickle.
The lecherous pig, what his wife sees in billionaire Trump I'll never know. I popped by yesterday and read about your ordeals, I was left shaking with rage, so much so I couldn't write a comment. I was often mistaken for a girl in my childhood and had my fair share of abuse too, not as horrific as what you went through. When I was about 10 I was dry humped and slobbered over by a paedo in a public toilet afterwards he gave me a couple of quid. Oh and countless flashers.
ReplyDeleteMITZI: I thank you for telling us about this horrible episode in your childhood. It saddens and angers me that anyone would sexually abuse a child. Apparently, 44% of sexual assault victims are under the age of 18. No child should have to suffer this. So much emotional damage is inflicted when one is young and vulnerable.
DeleteWere you told about sexual abuse as a child? Perhaps things have changed but as a child, I was told not to speak with strangers or accept a ride with them. However, I was NOT told what to do if a stranger tried to sexually assault me. There was no mention of the fact that someone might try to touch your private parts. No one told me about inappropriate touching.
And no one told me that someone I KNOW might assault me, which was the case when I was an adolescent. I was always told to be wary of “strangers” yet in 3 out of 5 cases, the victim is someone known to the child; not a stranger.
I’m glad you’re back with us again, Mitzi. You’ve been missed.
***hugs Mistress tightly. Apologises for everything. Someone has to.***
ReplyDeleteDAMIEN: While I sincerely appreciate your apology, it is not you who should be doing so; it is the assailants who should be apologizing and I know that won’t ever happen.
DeleteBless
DeleteMany years ago...I worked at a shelter for victims of domestiv violence. That's a polite term for husbands who do terrible things to their wives. ALWAYS with brutal physical violence, often sexual violence.And in those days many people, including some law-makers, thought rape was just fine if it was within the marriage.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experience.
DINAHMOW: Thank you for telling us about how not that long ago, many people, including some law-makers, thought rape was just fine if it was within the marriage.
DeleteThe law did not change in Canada until 1983; only 33 years ago.
A year before the change to legislation occurred, Member of Parliament, Margaret Mitchell raised the issue of violence against women. She was laughed at by MPs in the House of Commons when she demanded the government take action to stop domestic violence. The outcry from women's groups brought attention to the issue.