Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Massage Parlour Madness

Mistress MJ turns her back for five seconds (okay, five DAYS) and returns to find malicious gossip being spread.

According to Herr Mago, “There's trouble at an Infomaniac outlet in Manchester.”


Mistress MJ would like to go on record as saying that Scarlett’s “massage parlour” is NOT an Infomaniac outlet nor does it have anything to do with our Miss Scarlet nor does it employ any Infomaniac Bitches.

The dungeon mistress is a Miss Dawn Donaghue…


…no, not Dawn Davenport…


Miss Donaghue says: ‘There were only one or two customers a day. They spent a lot of days sitting around chatting and drinking tea.’


I’ll thank you to lay this story to rest now.

47 comments:

  1. Sorry about all of that.

    They weren't listening much to me.

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  2. Home again, home again! Whad'ja get me???
    We all knew that 'Montreal' was your special code word for 'Manchester'. Good of you to fly over and take charge personally, I say. Did you ever install sprinklers and fire extinguishers? Is there tea left? Will someone let Mago out of the gimp box? Can I have my Barbies back now?

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  3. Oh welcome home Mistress! You have been missed. I’ve been busy doing clients…over at The Hair Hall of Fame in your absence. No I didn’t steal any of them away from you in fact many of my own have vowed to book appointments only with you from now on! The traitorous bitches.

    P.S. I guzzled your supply of champagne that you use for a final rinse on blonds.

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  4. special to Mago and other oppressed Infomaniacs: try this link!!

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  5. NATIONS: Home again, home again! Whad'ja get me???
    We all knew that 'Montreal' was your special code word for 'Manchester'. Good of you to fly over and take charge personally, I say. Did you ever install sprinklers and fire extinguishers? Is there tea left? Will someone let Mago out of the gimp box? Can I have my Barbies back now?


    I got you some CHEESE. What do you THINK I got you?

    I have not forgotten our bitchfight Barbies episode.

    AYEM8Y: Oh welcome home Mistress! You have been missed. I’ve been busy doing clients…over at The Hair Hall of Fame in your absence. No I didn’t steal any of them away from you in fact many of my own have vowed to book appointments only with you from now on! The traitorous bitches.
    P.S. I guzzled your supply of champagne that you use for a final rinse on blonds.


    That champagne photo needs a “hair bows” tag.

    Must I do EVERYTHING?

    NATIONS: special to Mago and other oppressed Infomaniacs: try this link!!

    We tried and it DIDN’T WORK!

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  6. Welcome back! I was out of town too so I am not responsible for any of this gossip.

    **plugs in vodka fountain**

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  7. At last the voice of reason! I will be eternally grateful to you for laying this dreadful story to rest. I've had sleepless nights. Welcome home!
    Sxxxxxxx

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  8. You'll never see me at the crack of Dawn! Welcome back!!

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  9. Welcome back.

    I wondered where Bill Webster had got to. He was used to more salubrious establishments in Germany, though.

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  10. yum... tea and crumpets with your spankin'!

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  11. Crikey, I turned my back and missed all the gossip. Hope the hols were jolly xx

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  12. she's carrying a jar of petroleum jelly.

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  13. Ha Ha! That reminds me of the bag memento that Mr Frobisher started; when I did the mend I revealed that I carried a tub of vaseline in my handbag. Still, this no proof that I am in any way connected to a parlour of ill repute.
    Sx

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  14. Oh dear, predictive text has got the better of me. I meant meme.
    Sx

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. OH GOOD GRAVY MARIE.

    Go to: Monkey Reviews.

    search for: Lucille Bogan Shave'em Dry lyrics.

    *stomps off indignantly eating cheese, forgetting to remove bow first*

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  17. Welcome home MJ. I'm very glad that little issue in "Manchester" has been sorded.... er... I mean sorted...

    Is that Soft Cheese Ms Nations is eating? I can only do soft at the moment...

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  18. BOXER: Welcome back! I was out of town too so I am not responsible for any of this gossip.
    **plugs in vodka fountain**


    Has the vodka fountain been unattended in your absence?

    SCARLET: At last the voice of reason! I will be eternally grateful to you for laying this dreadful story to rest. I've had sleepless nights. Welcome home!

    I can only imagine the HELL you’ve been going through, Miss Scarlet.

    THOMBEAU: You'll never see me at the crack of Dawn! Welcome back!!

    I’m having problems finding a box to mail your cha-cha heels.

    GEOFF: Welcome back.
    I wondered where Bill Webster had got to. He was used to more salubrious establishments in Germany, though.


    I saw him just the other day.

    Damn the 10 month episode difference.

    MISS JANEY: yum... tea and crumpets with your spankin'!

    Welcome back, Miss J!

    Do you remember our cream tea?

    LULU: Crikey, I turned my back and missed all the gossip. Hope the hols were jolly

    Jolly? Or jelly?

    See Norma’s comment.

    NORMADESMOND: she's carrying a jar of petroleum jelly.

    By golly, she is! Ha!!!

    SCARLET: Ha Ha! That reminds me of the bag memento that Mr Frobisher started; when I did the mend I revealed that I carried a tub of vaseline in my handbag. Still, this no proof that I am in any way connected to a parlour of ill repute.
    Oh dear, predictive text has got the better of me. I meant meme.


    Are you referring to the Man Bag meme?

    When you took Mr. Frobisher’s photograph, did he insist you rub Vaseline on the lens?

    NATIONS: OH GOOD GRAVY MARIE.
    Go to: Monkey Reviews.
    search for: Lucille Bogan Shave'em Dry lyrics.
    *stomps off indignantly eating cheese, forgetting to remove bow first*


    Go to Monkey Reviews WHERE?

    Why must I do all the work around here?

    PRINCESS: Welcome home MJ. I'm very glad that little issue in "Manchester" has been sorded.... er... I mean sorted...
    Is that Soft Cheese Ms Nations is eating? I can only do soft at the moment...


    Oh dear, are you still having dental issues?

    I shall be ‘round later with a poultice.

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  19. BITCHES: Mistress MJ is calling it an early night but will try to drop by as many of your blogs as she can tomorrow.

    Where is XL to fluff my pillows?

    What have you done with XL?!

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  20. i had XL committed to the local sanitarium, to rest his fluffing arms. kabuki only had one more massage to go before kabuki earned a free 'dirty sanchez'. kabuki may sue the fake miss scarlet for miss representation. POW!

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  21. Mr Xl is busy organising to post me my lovely prize....

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  22. XL is currently trotting around LA.

    I'm hoping he picked up my hint about posting RDJ to me.

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  23. First Donnn, next XL ... the "Course of Infomaniac"?

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  24. Welcome back MJ, it's been a tad boring without your presence.

    Dawn looks rough as a 50p hand job as does her tragic house of ill repute, grim. The best brothel keeper in Manchester is Lillian from Shameless.

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  25. KABUKI: i had XL committed to the local sanitarium, to rest his fluffing arms. kabuki only had one more massage to go before kabuki earned a free 'dirty sanchez'. kabuki may sue the fake miss scarlet for miss representation. POW!

    I’m not certain that our own Miss Scarlet will take pity on you and honour your coupon but I’m sure she’d offer you a Butter Stick Treatment.

    PRINCESS: Mr Xl is busy organising to post me my lovely prize....

    You won another prize?

    You’re going to have to build an additional room!

    ROSES: XL is currently trotting around LA.
    I'm hoping he picked up my hint about posting RDJ to me.


    Why wasn’t I informed?

    What am I to do with these lumpy pillows?

    MAGO: First Donnn, next XL ... the "Course of Infomaniac"?

    Was it something I said?

    MITZI: Welcome back MJ, it's been a tad boring without your presence.
    Dawn looks rough as a 50p hand job as does her tragic house of ill repute, grim. The best brothel keeper in Manchester is Lillian from Shameless.


    *adds Shameless to telly must-see list and checks BBC Canada schedule for more episodes*

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  26. Dawn Davenport looks a lot friendlier than Dawn Donaghue

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  27. Is it safe to come out from underneath the bed now???

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  28. NURSEMYRA: Dawn Davenport looks a lot friendlier than Dawn Donaghue

    You don’t want her coming after you armed with a jar of Vaseline, that’s for sure.

    WALLY: Is it safe to come out from underneath the bed now???

    Is XL under there with you?

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  29. welcome home, sugar! thanks so much for the hugs earlier! xoxoxo

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  30. Mistress, I think xl is under the kitchen sink, perhaps we should tell him you're back....

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  31. I wonder if this establishment offered a Cleveland Steamer as one of its services.

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  32. SAVANNAH: welcome home, sugar! thanks so much for the hugs earlier!

    Shhh…everyone will want hugs!

    WALLY: Mistress, I think xl is under the kitchen sink, perhaps we should tell him you're back....

    Why is XL under the sink?

    Did he overdo it at the vodka fountain?

    COOKIE: I wonder if this establishment offered a Cleveland Steamer as one of its services.

    I don’t know what you folks in Ohio get up to but I’m sure that even Mancunians have standards.

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  33. did divine retire from movie making? big bodies dont make big intuitive hands so ...i think i will pass.

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  34. At least I can claim innocence on this one! Welcome home.

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  35. Seriously now: Donnn is a hopeless fackbooker and lost to the drug - but where the hell is XL? Following Bukowski's traces in LA? Who saied this? I miss the tall handsome Texan!

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  36. @mago, if you're on Facebook, you'd have seen his news.

    He's in LA looking for drug-fuelled orgies.

    So, the question is:

    Who is going to fluff MJs pillows?

    If we don't sort that out, she's going to throw the mother of all tantrums and I've got enough drama in my life as it is.

    Volunteers, queue to the right please.

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  37. Drug-fulled orgies ... London, Rome, Warsaw, Montreal ... I'm not good with pillows. Mistress MJ will be crumpy this morning ...

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  38. Leave a wheel of aged Limburgher on her front doorstep and she will be yours forever. Them Canudistans love their cheese.

    XL stopped by here last night and wrote nasty things on my picture windows in spit. With his WEEN. *heart fluttering*

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  39. ..Harris Glenn Milstead, I heart you!!!!

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  40. K9: Sadly, Divine is with us in spirit only.

    He died at age 42 back in 1988, a week after Hairspray was released.

    THE REST OF YOU BITCHES: Mistress MJ is tired and cranky and from the looks of things will be spending another restless night sans fluffed pillows.

    It’s time to post Filthy Friday.

    At least you all have a chance of being first to comment, what with XL absent.

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