Friday, July 01, 2011

Canada Day Competition

YAY! It’s Canada Day!!!


To celebrate Canada’s 144th birthday, we here at Infomaniac are holding a Canada Day Competition.

The winner will receive an exciting prize package from Canada (no, NOT the man in the photo.)


Compose a verse about Canada and post it in the comments box.

On July 3rd, your poem will be judged by a panel of your peers.

No special talent is required. It doesn’t even have to rhyme ("free verse" for example.) Just have fun!


Note: Mistress MJ will be caught up in the Canada Day hoopla today so try to behave and keep the place tidy. As usual, the vodka fountain is open and for Canada Day we’ve added a Caribou fountain. Happy Canada Day, eh?


  1. Oh poo. I'm rubbish at verse.
    Have a brilliant day... and apologies for the odd couple that are visiting you today.

  2. Oh Canada,
    Thank you for your furry beaver.
    For hockey-lads and dental retrievers.
    For red pubes and anal heavers.

    Oh Canada,
    Thank you for Mistress MJ.
    For her plump but pliant vay-jay.
    For her gentle but stern "hey hey!!".

    Oh Canada,
    Thank you for for the funny.
    For humpy men who melt my honey.
    For MJ - who spanks my bunny.

    Oh Canada,
    Happy Birthday for you and ya!
    For Toronto and Vancouvah!
    For lamabsting the Quebecois!!

    Mazel Tov Canada.

  3. oh my canada!
    beaver, mounties, old scrotums!

    PS: Canada Day is also my Infomaniac anniversary day! Since 2008!

  4. Roses are red wine, Scarlet is Blue,
    Canada is fab,
    And so are all of you.

    I will try to write some more verses of the same high standard.

  5. Happy Canada-D'eh MJ
    Wave a flag day
    raise your handz and say eh!
    Canada'z where erbody say
    "have nice muthatf^%#$day eh"
    Merkins ask us why we be addin U s to everthang?
    So we ain't you eh
    it'z a Franch thang
    and we let erbody live in this place
    'eh'-liens be comin' ever-day?
    our southern neighb sez weez all cra-zay
    but we say
    no damn way
    youze guys have nice day eh
    anyboday wanna come N play
    what the hey
    whatcha say
    why don't you muthaf%$@s stay
    Cause datz the C'nai-way
    datz how we roll ever-damn-day
    Euros came to snatch our Beavay
    to chop N haul the wood away
    First Asians said man what-the-hey? no way eh!
    but felt bad and let their sorry frozen downass stay
    now the rent's 144 damn years late
    they be still reneggin' on their downass Treaties eh :(
    maybe some damn day
    we'll have to pay
    and pave a better f%#$@ way
    for erbody to stay
    but not t'day
    today we play away and get wasted eh
    we say "gooday eh" to our neighbs
    we should do this ever day
    ignore our probs and seize the day ever-body ever-way
    Happy damn Canada Day eh!?
    ain't nuthin get done t'day

    Peace Out
    xxx ooo

  6. does saskatch have a snatch to chew on?

  7. MJ’s off to meet the Middleton’s on their honeymoon,
    How rude to be arriving on the first day after June.
    It’s the National Day for locals and the one they celebrate
    So just to piss the Royals off…. I hope she’s running late

    They’ve come to see a beaver, “Show them MJ. Yours is grouse!”
    Rumour has it that they’re staying at the Infomaniac house.
    I have to wonder now about which room in which they’ll stay
    Perhaps the Plaid Room or the Cheese Room or the Pink Room, that’s so Gay!

    Now Will, will have to notice all the Houseboys on their knees
    Bearing trays of cocktails as for Sir “We’re here to please”
    “Have you any baggage Sir you’d like for us to stow?”
    “Well I’d offer you the wife boys but the bitch she just won’t go”

    The bitches have gone full on into celebration mode
    It’s another wicked party at the Mistresses abode
    Now the vodka fountains pumping, by the looks of it Grey Goose
    And just for the occasion MJ’s gone and got a Moose

    Will’s is naked in the corner with a lampshade on his head
    Katie’s found a Mountie and has rushed him of to bed.
    But the night it will be over and be ending all too soon
    Seems the newlyweds are loving their Canadian honeymoon.

  8. Oh, William has hair? Plugs?

    I think I know the woman in the background.


    Hydro, White Widow,
    Ruby, Cat Piss, Blue Buddha,
    Albino Rhino.

    Early Purple Kush,
    Willie Nelson, Wreckage,
    Zero Gravity.

    Reclining Buddha,
    Martian Mean Green, Sleestak,
    Lambo, Free Tibet.

  10. Cannada
    Hauptsach' Du hast'es Muater'l liab

  11. Hey Halifaxians! (if any...I know I wouldn't admit to it)

    *walks off whistling 'In the Navy*

  12. I've never been to Canada but like the folks,
    I notice that lots of Canadians are good at jokes.
    I should probably know more about this nation,
    But like most Americans, my brain is on vacation.

    There are some Canadians I'd love to screw,
    Ryan Reynolds, Corey Hart, Nathan Fallon, who knew?
    Will that hellp me win this contest, perhaps,
    For now I am going to take a big nap!

  13. I’m happy to contribute sort of an Impressionistic Haiku.

    I call it: “O Canada…. It really is a county…. Yes, it is… Is too… IS TOO…. It’s like right next door, what do you think happens when you leave New York?.... No, stupid, Connecticut is the other direction…. Is too…. Well, fuck you too…. OK, I’m leaving… No, I’m leaving first…. I do not, you always say that…. Just pay the bartender and let’s go…. No I do not have anything smaller than a twenty.”

    Here’s the poem:

    Naked Mounties, eh?
    Poutine madness, maple stuff
    Ice, ice, MJ, ice

    Thank you. Did I win yet?

  14. I drank way too much beer today to even think about verfisi... versitifa... TO DO A DAMN POEM about Canada! Anyways I rhyme better in another tongue! ;)~
    Joyeuse fête du Canada à tousse!

  15. Oh Canada, eh?
    Eh, Canada. Oh.

  16. BITCHES: Mistress MJ celebrated a joyous Canada Day amid 300,000 fun-loving Canucks in what is being referred to as the “Thrill on the Hill.”

    As Will and Kate passed by in the landau, Kate looked directly at Mistress MJ and waved. And when Kate waves at Mistress MJ, I like to think she’s waving at ALL Infomaniac Bitches. However, I thought I heard her mumble to Wills, “The bitch hasn’t posted Filthy Friday.” But I could be mistaken.

    Capping off a perfect day were your poems. Thankfully, you’ll be judged by your peers as I couldn’t possibly choose a winner from the entries that have come in so far. Keep ‘em coming!

    Apologies if I don’t drop by to visit all your blogs. It’s a busy weekend here in Canada.

    Oh where are my manners? We have a new bitch on board…

    DEEPBLUE: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    Bienvenue à Infomaniac!

    Je suis très heureuse de vous voir ici.

    Profitez de la fontaine de vodka!

    Et un bon sac de chips au ketchup.

  17. Dammit Jim I'm a Doctor, not a Canadian! (star trek is big is canada ya know)

  18. It's too early for writing verse. That needs to wait for red wine, the fug of ciggy smoke in a pub lock-in.

    I'll be back.

    Happy day-after Canada Day Bitches.

  19. This is not an entry. This is a pathetic admission that I can't think of anything about Canada that isn't from "Corner Gas" or "The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen."

    Torso Man is a great sundial.

    I'm impressed and jealous that you were so close to such glorious brunette greatness, Mistress!

  20. Oh Hai kabooks and Roses and Stacia!

    Got to run but just want to thank you all for your contributions and hope you’ll continue submitting poems today.

    Voting day is Sunday.

    p.s. Happy Infomaniac Bitch anniversary to XL who left his first comment on Infomaniac three years ago on Canada Day! That’s 3 years of “Yay! First(s)!”

  21. I'm no good at composing either, but I'll be happy to drag in the vodka fountain and serve everyone else? XL was discussing a CAPE COD over at his place. Anyone?

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  25. Happy Canada Day!

    Is she older than she looks on the telly, Are they her own teeth
    with her chapeau askew, nobody knew
    t'was to hide the bald patch b'neath?

    I lost the muse when I couldn't think of anything to rhyme with carthorse. So here's another:

    The food I love the most
    Is not a chicken roast
    Lovely fish and chips
    Will never pass my lips
    and I would rather not
    Eat sausages quite hot

    But if I had some Maple syrup
    Oh, happy would I be
    I'd pour some on a pancake
    And have it for my tea.

  26. I was also on Parliament Hill on Canada Day. Almost one per cent of Canada's population was crowded into a two or three block radius.

    Got to finally see Great Big Sea in person.

    Still getting over the sunburn on my arm.

    Oh yes, saw the Royals.