Are you ready to vote for your favourite entry in our
Canada Day Competition?
Everyone may vote regardless of whether you’ve submitted an entry or not.
Read the following poems about
CANADA created by our very own Infomaniac Bitches and tell us your fave.
You have until the night of July 4th to make up your minds.
The winner will be announced on July 5th.
DAMIEN OZ…
Oh Canada,
Thank you for your furry beaver.
For hockey-lads and dental retrievers.
For red pubes and anal heavers.
Oh Canada,
Thank you for Mistress MJ.
For her plump but pliant vay-jay.
For her gentle but stern "hey hey!!".
Oh Canada,
Thank you for for the funny.
For humpy men who melt my honey.
For MJ - who spanks my bunny.
Oh Canada,
Happy Birthday for you and ya!
For Toronto and Vancouvah!
For lamabsting the Quebecois!!
Mazel Tov Canada.
XL…
oh my canada!
beaver, mounties, old scrotums!
infomaniac!
MISS SCARLET…
Roses are red wine, Scarlet is Blue,
Canada is fab,
And so are all of you.
DONN (aka Mr. S. Capeons)…
Happy Canada-D'eh MJ
Wave a flag day
raise your handz and say eh!
Canada'z where erbody say
"have nice muthatf^%#$day eh"
Merkins ask us why we be addin U s to everthang?
So we ain't you eh
it'z a Franch thang
and we let erbody live in this place
'eh'-liens be comin' ever-day?
our southern neighb sez weez all cra-zay
but we say
no damn way
youze guys have nice day eh
anyboday wanna come N play
what the hey
whatcha say
why don't you muthaf%$@s stay
Cause datz the C'nai-way
datz how we roll ever-damn-day
Euros came to snatch our Beavay
to chop N haul the wood away
First Asians said man what-the-hey? no way eh!
but felt bad and let their sorry frozen downass stay
now the rent's 144 damn years late
they be still reneggin' on their downass Treaties eh :(
maybe some damn day
we'll have to pay
and pave a better f%#$@ way
for erbody to stay
but not t'day
today we play away and get wasted eh
we say "gooday eh" to our neighbs
we should do this ever day
ignore our probs and seize the day ever-body ever-way
Happy damn Canada Day eh!?
ain't nuthin get done t'day
Peace Out
NORMADESMOND…
does saskatch have a snatch to chew on?
PRINCESS…
MJ’s off to meet the Middleton’s on their honeymoon,
How rude to be arriving on the first day after June.
It’s the National Day for locals and the one they celebrate
So just to piss the Royals off…. I hope she’s running late
They’ve come to see a beaver, “Show them MJ. Yours is grouse!”
Rumour has it that they’re staying at the Infomaniac house.
I have to wonder now about which room in which they’ll stay
Perhaps the Plaid Room or the Cheese Room or the Pink Room, that’s so Gay!
Now Will, will have to notice all the Houseboys on their knees
Bearing trays of cocktails as for Sir “We’re here to please”
“Have you any baggage Sir you’d like for us to stow?”
“Well I’d offer you the wife boys but the bitch she just won’t go”
The bitches have gone full on into celebration mode
It’s another wicked party at the Mistresses abode
Now the vodka fountains pumping, by the looks of it Grey Goose
And just for the occasion MJ’s gone and got a Moose
Will’s is naked in the corner with a lampshade on his head
Katie’s found a Mountie and has rushed him of to bed.
But the night it will be over and be ending all too soon
Seems the newlyweds are loving their Canadian honeymoon.
MS. FIRST NATIONS…
POMES IN HONUR OF CANANANDDA 4 A PRISE
1.
Hydro, White Widow,
Ruby, Cat Piss, Blue Buddha,
Albino Rhino.
2.
Early Purple Kush,
Willie Nelson, Wreckage,
Zero Gravity.
3.
Reclining Buddha,
Martian Mean Green, Sleestak,
Lambo, Free Tibet.
MAGO…
Cannada
Schlannada
Hauptsach' Du hast'es Muater'l liab
RANDOM CHICK…
I've never been to Canada but like the folks,
I notice that lots of Canadians are good at jokes.
I should probably know more about this nation,
But like most Americans, my brain is on vacation.
There are some Canadians I'd love to screw,
Ryan Reynolds, Corey Hart, Nathan Fallon, who knew?
Will that hellp me win this contest, perhaps,
For now I am going to take a big nap!
MR. PEENEE…
I’m happy to contribute sort of an Impressionistic Haiku.
I call it: “O Canada…. It really is a county…. Yes, it is… Is too… IS TOO…. It’s like right next door, what do you think happens when you leave New York?.... No, stupid, Connecticut is the other direction…. Is too…. Well, fuck you too…. OK, I’m leaving… No, I’m leaving first…. I do not, you always say that…. Just pay the bartender and let’s go…. No I do not have anything smaller than a twenty.”
Here’s the poem:
Naked Mounties, eh?
Poutine madness, maple stuff
Ice, ice, MJ, ice
THOMBEAU…
Oh Canada, eh?
Eh, Canada. Oh.
KABUKI ZERO…
Dammit Jim I'm a Doctor, not a Canadian! (star trek is big is canada ya know)
MITZI…
Mitzi’s poem #1:
Is she older than she looks on the telly, Are they her own teeth
with her chapeau askew, nobody knew
t'was to hide the bald patch b'neath?
Mitzi’s poem #2:
The food I love the most
Is not a chicken roast
Lovely fish and chips
Will never pass my lips
and I would rather not
Eat sausages quite hot
But if I had some Maple syrup
Oh, happy would I be
I'd pour some on a pancake
And have it for my tea.
Brilliant poems, Bitches!
One day we’ll be flipping through the pages of Poetry Magazine, as one does, and find your published verses. Then we can say, “I read it first on Infomaniac!”
In the meantime, please cast your vote for your favourite poem.
