Now they want you to focus your attention on those pesky problem areas: your flabby underarms and your thunder thighs.
Bingowings (noun): Large, loose flaps of skin hanging from the upper arms.
The term “Bingowings” appears to have originated in the bingo hall custom of raising your arm and yelling “Bingo!” when you think you’ve won.
Do you suffer from wobbly bits and loose, droopy skin such as bingowings or jiggly thighs?
Try Slim Tape!
Can’t afford liposuction?
Try Slim Tape!
Hate exercise?
Try Slim Tape!
Slim Tape takes the wiggle out of the wobble!
FIRST!FIRST!FIRST!FIRST!FIRST!FIRST!
ReplyDeleteFIRST!FIRST!FIRST!FIRST!FIRST!
FIRST!FIRST!
FIRST!FIRST!FIRST!FIRST!FIRST!
SUCK ON IT!!!
....sorry. It's just that I'm usually about 21st.
ReplyDeleteWibblewobble?
ReplyDeleteIs that the geriatric session?
Yay first.
THIRD!!!
ReplyDeleteTHIRD!THIRD!THIRD!THIRD!THIRD!THIRD!
THIRD!THIRD!THIRD!THIRD!
THIRD!THIRD!THIRD!THIRD!
THIRD!THIRD!THIRD!THIRD!THIRD!
yeah baby!!
SHIT! One damn second ...
ReplyDelete...thanks mago.
ReplyDeletejust....thanks.
GET OFF MY TITS FRANCONIAN!!!
ReplyDelete*looks around in panic*
ReplyDelete....is he gone?
Don't you have some water to bucket away?
ReplyDelete.....*runs past naked*
ReplyDelete*run past in the other direction, naked*
ReplyDeleteChasing naked Indian women over blooming meadows might become a new hobby ...
ReplyDeleteJust WHAT THE HELL is going ON in HERE???
ReplyDeleteMistress, maybe Nations and Mago are giddy about the Slim Tape™!
ReplyDeleteNaked Indian grannies. Slim taped. Hell, Franckenhäcker - mach' mich glücklich ...
ReplyDeleteI'll Slim Tape the lot of you to your bedposts if you don't shut up!
ReplyDelete.... mnmdnghtapemnmawwgazong ...
ReplyDelete*runs past covered in duct tape*
ReplyDeleteYIPPIEH YEEEAHH WE WILL WIN THE DERBY
ReplyDeleteNATIONS, there is not enough Slim Tape in the world to bind your ginormous gazongas to stop them from flapping all over Whatcom County and MAGO, this is NOT a contest. Put down the lady with the big bosom and behave yourself.
ReplyDelete"Bringt Stricke und bindet mich ..."
ReplyDelete*picks self up off ground, brushing off footprints and peeling off bits of tape*
ReplyDeleteI was trying to say something about my bobbly bits, but got run over by Nations and Mago and several rolls of duct tape...
My gazongas are not as crazy big as Nation's, but I can make them bobble if I want to!
Don't own bingowings, thank gawd. Besides, I am allergic to every tape known to man, so I couldn't use Slimtape, even if I wanted to.
I wish Mago would translate everything into English.... I have no clue what he is saying half the time.
*walks away frowning*
MAGO: Das hört sich schon besser an!
ReplyDeletePONITA: *gives Ponita a set of sequined tassels*
Here ya go. Can you make your tits swing in opposite directions?
Mago is speaking Franconian.
None of us understands a word he’s saying.
Just nod your head politely and help me bind him with Slim Tape.
Ponita he said to bring cords and bind me.
ReplyDeleteJeezuz this IS craaaazy?! but I'd sure like to try some of whatever Nations is smokin...maybe half.
DONN: Mago said to bring cords to bind YOU?
ReplyDeleteI thought HE wanted to be bound!
Oh well, whatever.
Take a number.
There's plenty of SLIM TAPE to go around both of you.
I've got a lasso... I can hogtie the both of them. Who needs tape when you've got a good rope?!
ReplyDelete*swings lasso over head and lets it fly*
Ha! A Franconian and a Canucklehead in one loop!
And thanks for the tassels, MJ. I will have to practice swinging them....
ReplyDeleteDonn, Nations is on a natural high.... from all the flood waters steeping the plants in that so called 'hay' field across from her house.
ReplyDelete"Bringt Stricke her und bindet mich,
ReplyDeleteDann schleppt mich zu den Füßen meines Herrn,
Dem ich in meiner Blindheit Trotz geboten,
... "
Friedrich Hebbel, Demetrius
"Bring ropes and bind me,
drag me in front of my dominatrix
I afronted in my blindness ..."
Hebbel is an obscure German poet of the 19th century. You find him on wikipedia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_Friedrich_Hebbel
"Frankenhäcker" is cheap white wine from the gas station, 1 liter for 3,99, 12 %.
"Mach' mich glücklich" means as much as "make me happy".
No more frowning! :)
Mago, are you sure they aren't selling you petrol in that wine bottle? Seems to be making you a might nutty.
ReplyDeleteBut then again, that might be a natural state for you.... being Franconian and all.
I'm just going to lurk for a while..
ReplyDeletedo go on.
I'm um...gerade, das geht, für eine Weile zu lauern...something like that...
ReplyDeletegehen Sie weiter.
as you were
Donn, being trussed up like a turkey means you have no choice but to stay put....
ReplyDeleteOf course, you are aware that Mago is trussed up right next to you, aren't you?
Damn why are these keys so sticky?
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell...?
ReplyDeleteAre you trying to speak Franconian too? Spit it out in English, man! It's hard enough trying to decifer one man, let alone two...
*harrumpf*
See this is what you do on TWITTER!
ReplyDeleteIt's called micro-blogging because you can only use 140 characters per post
Where have your fingers been?
ReplyDeleteOMG The CBC is talking about the comeback of vinyl?!
ReplyDeleteSo you are admitting to being a twit? Hmmmm....
ReplyDeleteAs in the vinyl you just loaded onto your computer?
ReplyDeleteDoo doo doo doo doo doo doo
ReplyDeleteDoo doo doo doo doo doo doo
That’s the way I like it, uh huh, uh huh.
Do a little dance
Make a little love
Get down tonight
Get down tonight
Four comments in one minute... Is that a record, MJ?
ReplyDeleteMJ?
Hellooo?
*reaches over and turns volume down*
Is MJ in the bathroom or what?
ReplyDeleteLe Freak, C'est Chic
ReplyDeleteFreak out!
Aaahh FREAK OUT!
I'm not sure what she's doing but she can't seem to hear us....
ReplyDeleteNutty? My nuts are alright I guess ... definitely not frozen.
ReplyDeleteMy natural state is "conscious". Running around with Nations is an experinece I do not want to miss.
My "Franconity" is another thing, to be discussed when I will have done my Franconia-post. Sorry, there are few of us.
She must have gotten into the stuff that Nations had.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap! Mago you startled me! I thought you had wandered off.
ReplyDeleteGet down, boogie oogie oogie
ReplyDeleteGet down, boogie oogie oogie
Get down, boogie oogie oogie
Get down
Hey?
ReplyDeleteAren't we supposed to be talking about people who start a flabalanche when they raise their arms?
Funny how subject matter mutates, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI'm your Boogieman
ReplyDeleteI'm your Boogieman
Turn me on!
I love the little WIGGLE in your ARMS
ReplyDeleteThe way you cuddle on my shoulder
But you're too young to know the score
So come back when you're older
See how I got us back on topic there?
ReplyDeleteThat's called retro, isn't it? What once was, will be again....
ReplyDeleteYooooou maaaake me feel
ReplyDeleteMi-I-I-I-ghty real!
So I'd like to know where, you got the notion
ReplyDeletesaid I'd like to know where, you got the notion
to rock the boat, don't rock the boat baby
rock the boat, don't tip the boat over
rock the boat, don't rock the boat baby
rock the boat-t-t-t-t
Yeah, Donn, I LOVE Sylvester!
ReplyDeleteMan, this is a trip down memory lane....
ReplyDeleteI suck at reciting lyrics.... you guys rock!
Great!
ReplyDeletePonita wanted to talk about her wobble parts ...
They are my bobbly bits, Mago. They aren't huge enough to wobble like First Nation's....
ReplyDeleteI want to thank you falettinme
ReplyDeleteBe mice elf agin
Sorry.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, MJ....
ReplyDeleteI didn't know mice had elves....
Go on, PONITA.
ReplyDeleteShake 'em for MAGO.
Sorry, Ponita.
ReplyDeleteOh MJ ... hello ...
'Sokay, Mago, I don't know how to say bobbly bits in Franconian... or anything else, for that matter.
ReplyDeleteHello Mago, darling.
ReplyDeleteTape?
MAGO: Speak dirty to us in Franconian.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to practice with the tassels for a bit first... see if I can get them going in opposite directions.
ReplyDeleteDONN, we need more tunes!
ReplyDeletePonita's gonna dance!
MJ Don't get shelved ...
ReplyDeletePonita Wasn't it Mistress Larue who started this fine art?
anyway: SWING!
I think I'll practice for Fammy first, before I do a public recital.
ReplyDeleteAlthough if I get good at it, can I have a spot on the Infomaniac Dance team?
When marimba rhythms start to play
ReplyDeleteDance with me, make me sway
Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore
Hold me close, sway me more
I'm channeling DEAN MARTIN now!
Meestress MJ, zee inmetes hefe-a tekee oofer zee esyloom.
ReplyDeletePonita, you have to AUDITION to be with The Infomaniac Dancers.
ReplyDeleteXL: Welcome to the esyloom.
Once I'm up to snuff, I will book an appointment to audition.
ReplyDeletePonita: MAGO and I are the judges.
ReplyDeleteDean Martin seems right. MAybe some Sinatra ... ?
ReplyDeleteOnly two? I figured there would be a whole panel....
ReplyDelete*snapping fingers with hat at a jaunty angle*
ReplyDeleteFly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a-Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me
Two swingers, two judges! One to one.
ReplyDeleteBaby, do you understand me now?
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel a little mad
But, don't you know that no one alive can always be an angel
When things go wrong I seem to be bad
I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Santa Esmerelda version of course?
Listen, bitches, you’ve been a SWELL audience but The Houseboys are running a bath for me.
ReplyDelete*goes out on a wave of Bobby Darin*…
O the line forms on the right dear
Now that Mackie's back in town
Look out Old Mackie is BACK!
See you in the morning, Bitches.
I know your eyes in the morning sun
ReplyDeleteI feel you touch me when we're watching porn
And the moment that you wander far from me
I wanna feel you in my arms again
And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love and then softly leave
And it's me you need to((SHOW!!!))
How deep is your love
How deep is your love
I really need to learn
Cause we're livin' in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
Internet porn should be free
'Night, MJ!
ReplyDeleteI'll keep practicing....
Good night to everyone else too...
D'oh!
ReplyDelete*turns off puter
HACH ... the nine o'clock blues ...
ReplyDelete"I woke up in the morning,
and my babe was gone"
90! Weee!
ReplyDeleteYou just need to see poor old Madge waving in that Parkinson interview a few years ago.
Ah, so that's the secret to winning Bingo!
ReplyDelete92nd! I've just invented slim staples.
ReplyDeleteBe back in a minute , just trying to peel all this tape off of First Nations . She is making a right old fuss.
ReplyDeleteIs there another party?
ReplyDeleteSleepy Brit reporting for duty....
Sx
you have got to be fucking kidding me
ReplyDeleteGod - I'm a bit late today and all Hell's let loose.
ReplyDeleteThanks mj - but I'll stick with thejumper.
PONITA, DONN, MAGO & XL: I’ll have a word with Ms. NATIONS about cleaning this place up.
ReplyDeleteNations started it!!!
We were just going about our business here when she stuck her nose in and now look at the state of the place.
Um, did anyone remember to untie Mago before I went to bed?
CYBERPOOF: You just need to see poor old Madge waving in that Parkinson interview a few years ago.
50 years of intense yoga sessions and she STILL has to worry about bingowings!
EROS: Note that I didn’t make mention of someone’s nickname. Ahem.
KNUDSEN: I've just invented slim staples.
But if each staple weighs approximately 33.1mg, some folk are going to have to cut calories to make up for the extra baggage.
BEAST: Be back in a minute, just trying to peel all this tape off of First Nations. She is making a right old fuss.
ReplyDeleteIs that your Lurex purple posing pouch on the floor?
SCARLET: Is there another party?
Feel free to make your own fun.
Mistress MJ has cramps.
DAISY: you have got to be fucking kidding me
Bingowings are not a joke, Miss Daisy.
KAZ: Thanks mj - but I'll stick with the jumper.
If you’re knitting a jumper, would you mind knitting a new uterus for me while you’re at it?
99...
ReplyDeleteOne hundred, Mother Fuckerz !
ReplyDeleteHardly seems fair does it?
ReplyDeleteWho am I kidding we are talking about Madge. Bwahahaaa!
would anyone like to purchase a silver mummy cast of FN? the inside is kinda fuzzy, but you can breed that trait out of the clones you'll no doubt be making using this cast later on.
ReplyDeleteanyone?
anyone?
.....hello?
HEFF: I expected you to be 69.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: I've seen better wings and thighs in a bucket of KFC.
NATIONS: You may have been first but HEFF beat you to 100th by a few minutes. HAAAAAA!!!
I know a song too! I want to sing a song too!
ReplyDeleteMonstrous
and empty fate,
thou, turning wheeeeeeeeeel,
art mean,
voiding
good health at thy will.
Veiled
in obscurity,
thou dost attack
me also!
To thy cruel pleasure
I bare my back!
(drum break)
Thou dost withdraw
my health and virtue;
thou dost threaten
my emotion
and weakness
with torture!
(extended guitar solo)
At this hour,
therefore, let us
pluck the strings without
delaaaaaaaaaaay!
Let us mourn together,
for fate crushes the braaaaaave!!!!
(guitar solo)
yeah, yeah, yeah!
too busy rocking out to the swingin sounds of the 1300's. can't hear you.
ReplyDelete(prolonged dulcimer solo)
NATIONS: If you dare play Iron Butterfly's "In-a-Gadda-da-Vida" drum solo, I shall have you forcibly removed.
ReplyDeleteA long long time ago
ReplyDeleteI can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
But JANUARY made me shiver...
DONN: There is no damn way I'm driving that beat up old Chevy of yours after what happened last time.
ReplyDeleteGot there and the levy was dry!
Has anyone seen my occarina???
ReplyDeleteand what has poor old Bigowings done to be banished ???
ReplyDeleteBEAST: Has anyone seen my occarina???
ReplyDelete*listens for whistling sound coming from direction of Beast’s bottom*
Have you looked in your fruit basket?
Everything else seems to end up in there.
As for Bingowings, he’s been banished because I have cramps and had to get tough on somebody.
You’re next if you don’t watch your step.
MOrning ... and when the music's over, turn on the light ... oh GOtt ...
ReplyDeleteMAGO: There's nothing you can do.
ReplyDeleteYour hands are tied...literally.
Did you say ein zwei DRY?
ReplyDeleteThen we had better take the '55 Ford?
DONN: As I was motivatin' over the hill
ReplyDeleteI saw Mabellene in a Coup de Ville
A Cadillac arollin' on the open road
Nothin' will outrun my V8 FORD
The Cadillac doin' about ninety-five
She's bumper to bumper, rollin' side by side
116th!
ReplyDeleteSo what's all the hub-bub about over here? Oh yeah, Bingowings. I don't think I have those.
Carry on.
pome in honur of Bingowings banishment:
ReplyDeleteI’ve been washed down the sink of your conscience
In the theater of your love I lost my part
And now you say you’ve got me out of your conscience
I’ve been flushed from the bathroom of your heart
....I didn't write that. It's off the internet. Really. I know, its really good, right? But I didn't write it.
ReplyDeleteHow come everytime you have cramps , I come down with manflu
ReplyDeleteHave you got a Beast voodoo doll ???
WW: Last night, as you can see, you missed an informal get-together here with friends.
ReplyDeleteNote that two other WinterPeggers made it out of their snowed-in driveways to join us.
What’s your excuse?
NATIONS: And here’s one for YOU. I didn’t make this one up either…
She says not to buy her flowers
Or big expensive gifts
She says she don't want jewlery
And she doesn't need another dress
If I want to show her how much I adore her
The best way that I've found
Is to make sure when I'm finished
I put that toilet seat down
BEAST: Our menstrual cycles are in sync.
Would you like a cup of soothing chamomile tea?
I saw a bear holding an umbrella riding one of those in the circus one time. I did.
ReplyDeleteor no wait. isn't that when a bunch of people wipe burnt cork all over their faces and sing 'Suwanee'? In a velodrome?
*looks around*
*slinks out in disgrace*
122nd! the next per three people after me are cunts!
ReplyDeleteI
ReplyDeleteAm
ReplyDeleteNOT!
ReplyDeleteMistress MJ senses that things are about to spiral out of her control on this blog once again and is taking to her bed with a hot water bottle and a snifter of brandy.
ReplyDelete[rushes to fluff Mistress MJ's pillows]
ReplyDeleteNOOOOO!
ReplyDeleteYou must watch it all implode,
it is your destiny!
3
2
1
*
128 comments? are you kidding?
ReplyDeleteI have nothing to say.
129th!
ReplyDeleteI have come to collect my lasso... forgot to untie Mago last night... sorry, dude! Hope you have feeling in your hands still...
Was a hell of a party last night! Nations started it all..... crazy bitch! She's one helluva swinger.... and that ain't mentioning her gazongas...
first! a hundred and 31st! yipp-fucking-ee! A hundred and thirty? holy mother of bingo......
ReplyDeleteAw! her is gone to sleepie!
ReplyDeletelets sing her a sleepie-time song!
"And when we're rushing to the night,
I'm a roll and hold you tight,
And when we see those police lights,
It's a clue we should take flight,
And run away and don't look back,
While they hide behind their gun and badge,
You say I'm addicted, partially inflicted,
But I got what you want and you got what I need!"
..or wait wait wait i know a better one. 'Cop Killa'
ReplyDeleteI got my clown wig on.
I got my butt plug in.
I got my lace apron on.
This shits been too long.
(prolonged dulcimer solo)
I got my pacemaker turned off.
I got my colostomy stent turned off.
Im bout to bust a nut off.
It hurts when that happens
You gotta get stitches
(a door slams, a woman screams, the moon drips blood onto the sleeping valley below)
Cuz this is thriller,
thriller night!
And no ones gonna save you from the beast about strike!
You know its thriller,
thriller night!
You're fighting for your life inside a killer,
thriller
toniiiiiiiiiiiight!
(tiny black man dances on top of a wrecked car)
Uh oh... sounds like Nations is on a roll again!
ReplyDeleteMay be a partay again tonight, folks!
There was a farmer who had a dog,
ReplyDeleteAnd Bingo was his name-o.
B-I-N-G-O
B-I-N-G-O
B-I-N-G-O
And Bingo was his name-o.
I like trying to stay on topic.
It'll take a lot more than SlimTape to get rid of me!
ReplyDeleteBastards, you woke me up!
ReplyDeleteSilence, please, as I prepare the next post.
*throws clown wig and butt plug at whomever is still up*
I tend to only leave one comment per post. Is that okay?
ReplyDeleteCSI: Sure it's okay to leave only one comment per post.
ReplyDeleteNot everyone has a big mouth like Nations.
My hands are still a little insensitive ...
ReplyDeleteMAGO: Are you typing with your penis?
ReplyDeleteNo, after a night tied to your bedpost my willie and me need a day of recuperation.
ReplyDeletewhat the fuck happened here???? 143 comments? mago & first AND mistress MJ??? cords, tape, naked, jiggly bits??? i declare, sugar, i can't stay away a day without missing something! xoxoox
ReplyDeleteSAVANNAH: Keep your eye on Mago.
ReplyDeleteRemember that the next time he offers you a “hug”.