And now, a crazy little ditty I’ve chosen for your Halloween enjoyment.
The late Screamin’ Jay Hawkins sings I Put A Spell On You…
And for all my fellow Canucks, here’s a special treat.
SCTV's Count Floyd (Joe Flaherty) previews upcoming feature Dr Tongue's Evil House of Pancakes on Monster Chiller Horror Theatre, with John Candy as Dr. Tongue.
The kind to accompany your mood when you feel that if you don’t see your lover NOW, you’ll chew your arm off. Robert Palmer – Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor)
You may know them as your employers, your spouses, your neighbours, the people who run your country.
Fucking Bunch of Miserable Cunts they are.
But you can’t tell them to their faces because you live in a World-Turned-Politically-Correct and they would make your life a living hell for eternity if you tell it like it is.
Fucking wankers.
Twats!
Where was I? Oh yes…
Is there anyone you’d like to tell off but risk eternal hellfire for doing so? And what, exactly, would you say to them?
G’won. Get it out of your system.
And you didn't hear anything I said here today. Afterall, I'm a laydee.
I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in years. 3-4 hours a night. Sometimes less.
I’ve tried all the remedies. I even redecorated the bedroom. "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go." -- Oscar Wilde's last words
Remember how I told you that I’d warn you next time I posted pics of big willies or full-frontal nudity?
This posting contains viewer-sensitive material.
Therefore, I provide the following disclaimers:
Avoid contact with skin, Contents under pressure, Some assembly required, For recreational use only, Colors may, in time, fade, Driver does not carry cash, No bills over $20 accepted, Call toll free before digging, Apply only to affected area, No riders, No wagering, No solicitors, Do not stamp, Do not disturb, As seen on TV, One size fits all, Do not immerse, Place stamp here, Simulated picture, All rights reserved, Slippery when wet, For office use only, No American coins, Times approximate, Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients, Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment, Return to sender, no forwarding address on file, unable to forward, This information is subject to change without notice, Some settling of contents may occur during shipping, Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery, Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform, Price does not include taxes, title, license, or destination charges, Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental, Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only, Dispose of properly, Edited for television, Use only as directed, Items sold separately, For off-road use only, Batteries not included, Don't try this at home, See label for sequence, Penalty for private use, Use unleaded fuel only, No purchase necessary, Your mileage may vary, Replace with same type, Booths for two or more, No alcohol, dogs, or horses, Do not write below this line, You must be present to win, Check here if tax deductible, Parental guidance suggested, First pull up, then pull down, For sale by prescription only, Sanitized for your protection, At participating locations only, Keep away from fire or flame, Prerecorded for this time zone, Void where prohibited or taxed, Not recommended for children, An equal opportunity employer, Use only in well-ventilated area, Reproduction strictly prohibited, All models over 18 years of age, No user-serviceable parts inside, Postage will be paid by addressee, Restaurant package, not for resale, List was current at time of printing, Sell before date stamped on carton, Some equipment shown is optional, This supersedes all previous notices, Your cancelled check is your receipt, Shading within a garment may occur, May be too intense for some viewers, Do not bend, fold, spindle, or mutilate, Freshest if eaten before date on carton, Be sure each item is properly endorsed, No other warranty expressed or implied, Substantial penalty for early withdrawal, Post office will not deliver without postage, If condition persists, consult your physician, Employees and their families are not eligible, Do not purchase if seal has been tampered with, We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, This is not a competition, it is only an exhibition, Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement, No postage necessary if mailed in Canada, This product is meant for educational purposes only.
If you wish to continue and view the photograph of Piggy’s sex change, just scroll down a wee bit.
I’m going straight to Hell. Especially after yesterday’s ‘Big Willies’ posting.
Yet another obvious danger of blogs is the endless amount of inappropriate content often spread throughout them. This happens on a host of levels: filthy language, risqué pictures, etc.
Uh oh. *gulps*
Then there is the danger of addiction. Literally some become so addicted to blogging, posting and instant messaging that other parts of their lives are neglected.
"No, you are not a gay. I am the gay. You're probably just a little bit poofy!" - Daffyd Thomas
Steve: Grand Marshal of the Just A Bit Poofy Parade
Okay, you gays have had your day in the spotlight. Buncha queens. Clear off.
By an Order of Parliament, I hereby declare October 12, 2006 the first annual National Just A Bit Poofy Day.
And who better to lead the parade as Grand Marshal than our Steve.
Steve hails from deepest, darkest Dorset and his hobbies include wanking.
“But wait,” you say. “Isn’t he married to Carly? How can be just a bit poofy?”
Take a look at his pic (above) and tell me that a penchant for wearing red rubber outfits isn’t just a bit poofy. That and the fact that he likes rugby players’ pert botties. And he’s on the blower to Yorkshire’s finest poofs twice a day and sends them secret text messages when Carly’s not around.
And where is Carly anyway? The big fag hag’s run off with Will Young leaving Steve to get up to all sorts. Filthy bugger is in his element with Just A Bit Poofy Day. Just look at him. Wanker. Disgusting he is.
Well that’s all fine and good, you say. We have our Grand Marshal. Yay. Now bring on the dancing girls!
That’s our cue to introduce the lovely Miss Tickers…
Steelworker by day, just a bit poofy by night, our Tickers is the official baton twirler in this, the first annual National Just A Bit Poofy Day Parade.
Tickers qualifies as just a bit poofy for oh so many reasons. (See hotpants above) Don’t blame the 70s.
Like Daffyd Thomas, Tickers is from Wales and is giving Daffyd of Llandewi Breffi a run for his money as the only gay in the village. No wait! Sorry Tickers. You’re just a bit poofy.
QUIZ! HOW GAY ARE YOU?
This is a GAY
Daffyd Thomas is the only gay in his village. Are you a gay too? Or just a bit poofy? Take our simple test to see if you would enjoy sex with men, just like Daffyd could if he would.
If you answer more "yes" then "no"... I am afraid you are a gay :-)
1. Is Madonna a goddess? Is Kylie a personal icon for you? 2. Is drag amusing and do you have your own drag name in mind? 3. Are relationships a new concept to you? 4. Have you ever owned a whistle and marched through a city with lots of poofs and lezzas proclaiming your gaiety? 5. Have you had sex in a toilet or outside with a stranger? If not, is it on your "things to do" list? 6. Do you know the moves to at least 2 songs by Steps? 7. Have you been to see a musical at the theatre and enjoyed it? 8. Do you own anything with a rainbow on it, especially a freedom flag? 9. Do you have a bald head, a goatee beard, a tattoo, or all of the above? 10. Have you slept with lots of men whose names escape you? 11. Do you find Ab Fab or Victoria Wood funny? 12. Do you go to the gym? Are you really slim and body conscious? 13. Is anything but pop music un-listenable to you? Are boy bands a good idea? 14. Do you drink a fair bit? Take 2 bottles into the shower? 15. Have you ever expressed an interest in interior design? 16. Can you bitch for England? 17. Have you ever worn a crop top? 18. Are fashion labels essential to your self-image? 19. Have you had a fling with someone off the internet? Or at least wanted to? 20. Do you fancy men and are one yourself?
Maidink’s man GEO heads back out on the open road today in his pickup.
Geo, we dedicate this Canuck tune to ya, b’y.
Long may your big jib draw. (translation: good luck to ya)
And keep in touch.
Stompin' Tom Connors - Margo's Cargo
Have you heard the news in Newfoundland, rolling around The Rock, How Reggie brought for Margie home a cowsie dungsie clock? With Margie being a farm girl, she almost took a fit, To find the cowsie dungsie clock was really made of it.
The clock was from Toronto and her mind was soon made up, She said to Reggie, "Get the cow and load her on the truck." We're heading for Ontario and we're off to make her big, 'Cause Margo's got the cargo, b'y, and Reggie's got the rig.
Reggie's got the rig, Reggie's got the rig; Margo's got the cargo, b'y, and Reggie's got the rig.
Now they're rolling thru the Maritimes and the truck was nearly full, The cow began to bawl, she was lonesome for the bull; The Mountie pulled them over "Is there something I can do?" "Go right ahead, sir," Margie said, "climb in the back and moo!"
Now when they got to Montreal they missed the Autoroute, But they found that everyone in town was glad to help them out; "The sooner you hit Toronto," they said, "the sooner you'll make ‘er big," 'Cause Margo's got the cargo, b'y, and Reggie's got the rig.
Reggie's got the rig, Reggie's got the rig; Margo's got the cargo, b'y, and Reggie's got the rig.
Now the truck was overflowin’ when Toronto hit the rise The 401 was full of dung and the cab was full of flies We're losin lots of money Reg, We can't afford to stop We gotta find the place that makes the cowsie dungsie clock
Well I wish ya coulda been there on the corner of Queen and Yonge. When Margo found the company and she dumped her load a dung! And when she found the office she was singin and doin a jig! Margo's got the cargo b’ys and Reggie's got the rig!
Reggie's got the rig, Reggie's got the rig; Margo's got the cargo, b'y, and Reggie's got the rig.
It was later in the evenin’ when they heard from Mr. Judge "I don't know what to give yas, but I'll never hold a grudge!" I tink a tousand dollars would be fair to hand ya down And thirty days of lodging will be free upon da town!
Now Margo says to Reggie, "What a helluva deal we struck!" "We mighta lost da cow, b’y, but still we got da truck!" And now they're back in Newfoundland, They're loadin up the the pig Cause Margo got da cargo, b’y and Reggie's got da rig!
Reggie's got the rig, Reggie's got the rig; Margo's got the cargo, b'y, and Reggie's got the rig. Margo's got the cargo, b'y, and Reggie's got the rig.
More results from the Men's Health magazine study…
Poorest city: Hull Cheapest city to live in: Hull Cleverest city: Edinburgh Rudest city: Manchester Best-dressed city: Manchester Worst-dressed city: Stoke Safest city: Swansea Most dangerous city: Glasgow Drunkest city: Glasgow Best sense of humour: Liverpool Most polite: Cardiff Best all-round place to set up home: Bristol
Above: Infomaniac's choice - The Volvo P1800 Looks likes this lucky lady is being chatted up already. Don't just stand there! Get your motor runnin'....head out on the highway!
The poll revealed 68 per cent of people have had nookie in a car. And one in ten say they have actually engaged in sex WHILST DRIVING.
The poll does not reveal whether or not, like our friend First Nations, they honked the horn with their arse. The Top 10 “passion wagons”
1. Volvo Estate 2. Mercedes Benz Sprinter Van 3. VW Camper Van 4. BMW 3 Series Saloon 5. Ford Escort 6. Audi TT 7. Land Rover Discovery 8. Porsche Carrera 9. VW Golf 10. Ford Focus
"A red Volvo P1800 is best," says Infomaniac. "Not very spacious, but stylish as Hell."
I love this version of Temptation and it’s not going to get out of my head this weekend unless I play the hell out of it at work today.
Canada’s own Diana Krall…
Rusted brandy in a diamond glass everything is made from dreams time is made from honey slow and sweet only the fools know what it means temptation, temptation, temptation I can't resist I know that he is made of smoke but I've lost my way he knows that I am broke but I must pay temptation, temptation, temptation I can't resist Dutch pink and Italian blue he’s there waiting for you my will has disappeared now confusion is oh so clear temptation, temptation, temptation I can’t resist
And while I’m at it, I’ll listen to the original Tom Waits version too.
