FACIAL EXERCISES!
As it says on the cover, "Milady can now create Beauty, Glamour and Personality with her Holiday Magic Informative Cosmetics FACIAL EXERCISES and massage routines for skin beauty that help hold back the signs & lines of age."
The album is narrated by the accomplished Hollywood makeup artist and host of The Ern Westmore Hollywood Glamour Show, Ernest Henry "Ern" Westmore...
Ern Westmore on the set of TV show The Ern Westmore Hollywood Glamour Show.
[via]
Ern was from a family of legendary makeup artists and his father, George Westmore was Winston Churchill's barber. Ern, considered the most talented of the Westmore Brothers, worked at RKO, 20th Century-Fox, Warner Brothers, and other film studios.
Portrait of the makeup artist as a young man...
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And later in life...
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Unfortunately, Ern was forced to leave Warner Brothers due to chronic alcoholism. He also "struggled in his personal life due to his vices, having been married four times." Ern died of a heart attack in 1967.
But before his demise, Ern left Hollywood to become spokesperson for the door-to-door Holiday Magic cosmetics company (masterminds of the Facial Exercises album.)
"I'm going door to door to make you this incredible offer!"
Several years after Ern's death, Holiday Magic found itself in hot water for being one of the largest pyramid schemes of all time, defrauding investors of millions of dollars.
So, where was I? Oh yes, the FACIAL EXERCISES...
(click to enlarge pics)
If you're bursting to do the above illustrated exercises along with me (and Ern) click here to listen. Then turn your record over to hear more.
Ern promises that regardless as to whether you're young, middle-aged, or ON THE WRONG SIDE OF FIFTY, you can become a far more attractive person than you ever dreamed possible.
As well as guiding us through FACIAL EXERCISES, Ern spends considerable time extolling the virtues of such Holiday Magic cosmetic products as:
Strawberry Frappé Cleansing Cream
Fruit Tang Skin Toner
Papaya Dew Moisture Cream
Mint Ice with Honey & Almonds
Lemon Delight Eye & Throat Oil
Avocado Hand Cream
Banana Body Lotion
The infomercial portion of this album only served to make me hungry, thus piling on more pounds that I'm sure facial exercises alone cannot correct.
What about you, Bitches? Have you ever tried facial exercises? Or have you tried keeping fit by listening to an exercise album?
[fluffs pillows]
ReplyDeleteMight I suggest Silent Scream & Tiny Face to The Mistress?
Now we know what Ringo's "O-face" looks like.
DeletePoor Barbara Bach.
Was he hawking at a fruit stand or in the market produce aisle? His beauty treatments sound like dessert snacks!
ReplyDeleteNever tried any facial exercises nor listened to an exercise album. But I have followed some workout videos and early morning fitness shows when the weather was bad for running outdoors.
Prancercise, perhaps?
DeleteFacial excerises!?!?! Mine gets enough exercise now. I couldn't be more taut.
ReplyDeleteMISTRESS MADDIE: I'm sure you have an orifice (aside from your mouth, as illustrated) that isn't quite as taut as your face.
DeleteI applaud your lining up "to relax mouth muscle tension" with the photo of Cookie's monster. I think that'll get you lots of takers, so get more platters pressed. Personally, I'm grimacing as fast as I can.
ReplyDeleteNORMA: Well spotted! How fortuitous was that photo placement?
DeleteYou can't help but excel at paste up.
DeleteGeorge Westmore was Winston Churchill's barber????
ReplyDeleteDid he just use a polishing cloth ?!
Sx
MISS SCARLET: It says so here in the first paragraph that Ern’s father, George Westmore was Winston Churchill’s barber.
DeleteFun fact: Churchill was called “Copperknob” in school because of his ginger hair.
Not too thrilled to be imagining
DeleteWinston's OTHER knob.
NORMA: You can’t un-see it.
DeletePleasant dreams.
Only my personal trainer. Oh, and this, of course... Jx
ReplyDeleteJON: Miss Gorham is all you really need.
DeleteAnd I’m adding the Buttock Clenches to my repertoire, providing that the conductor makes house calls.
Is it the same as what we called calisthenics?
ReplyDeleteVery popular in theatre workshops, along with reciting the alphabet with a mouthful of marbles...
DINAHMOW: Calisthenics? I must be doing it wrong.
DeleteErn fascinates me. What a life. And this "Holiday Magic" - I'm sure he worked it and squeezed out what was possible. There is an amount of sleezy seediness in it, just cool. No wonders he needed all that booze.
ReplyDeleteIf the model was his cousin Ethel ? Or wife number three ?
To answer your questions - no, never, in both cases. And I never will.
MAGO: If I heard Erm correctly on the recording, he said the model was neither a model nor an actress (he didn't mention a cousin or wife) but someone from the Holiday Magic firm named Barbara Cooper. I could be wrong.
DeleteThese brothers are really outstanding. "Bud" worked with the incredible "Milicent Patrick" on the Creature from the Black Lagoon.
DeleteDid you notice that they all died very young, in their sixties ? 1973 was a bad year for the family. I wonder if "Westmores" are still active in the trade. Or is the whole thing nowadays replaced by digital whizzardry ?
MAGO: It’s a dynasty!
DeleteErn’s brother, “Monte” had 3 sons: Marvin, Michael and Monty who all became makeup artists.
There are make-up artists in the generation following that one, too.
p.s. Thanks for the link and no, I hadn’t noticed they all died relatively young.
Blaisdell is also notable.
DeleteMAGO: master monster maker for the low budget film industry.
DeleteThat’s a great honour, as odd as it sounds.
Sorry to hear about your injury, what did you do, fall off a horse or something?
ReplyDeleteI do 2 facial exercises on a daily basis one for amazing cheekbones and the other develops dimples in your cheeks.
For prominent cheekbones:
Jut out your bottom lip and cover your top lip with it, suck in your top lip and hold it there tightly. With the side of your hands place them firmly where you want your cheekbones to show. Now smile in 3 stages, smile 1 hold for 3secs smile 2 for 3 secs on the 3rd smile hold it for 30 secs then slowly release the smile. Do 3 reps and in a month's time people will start mistaking you for Angelina Jolie. I like to think of myself as looking like a young Debbie Harry.
For dimples do the same as above but using your index fingers to make dents in your cheeks, my dimples are slightly lop sided cause I do them in bed whilst reading using my thumb and index finger. I still get asked for ID at the local offy!
MITZI: We’ve missed you!
DeleteI followed your instructions and now I look like Jocelyn Wildenstein!