With The Mistress
injured, it seemed that keeping fit was futile, aside from shoulder shrugs and stretches. Enter,
this album...
FACIAL EXERCISES!
As it says on the cover, "Milady can now create Beauty, Glamour and Personality with her
Holiday Magic Informative Cosmetics FACIAL EXERCISES and massage routines for skin beauty that help hold back the signs & lines of age."
The album is narrated by the accomplished Hollywood makeup artist and host of
The Ern Westmore Hollywood Glamour Show, Ernest Henry
"Ern" Westmore...
Ern Westmore on the set of TV show The Ern Westmore Hollywood Glamour Show.
[via]
Ern was from a family of legendary makeup artists and his father, George Westmore was Winston Churchill's barber. Ern, considered the most talented of the Westmore Brothers, worked at RKO, 20th Century-Fox, Warner Brothers, and other film studios.
Portrait of the makeup artist as a young man...
[via]
And later in life...
[via]
Unfortunately, Ern was forced to leave Warner Brothers due to chronic alcoholism. He also "struggled in his personal life due to his vices, having been married four times." Ern died of a heart attack in 1967.
But before his demise, Ern left Hollywood to become spokesperson for the
door-to-door Holiday Magic cosmetics company (masterminds of the Facial Exercises album.)
"I'm going door to door to make you this incredible offer!"
Several years after Ern's death,
Holiday Magic found itself in hot water for being one of the largest pyramid schemes of all time, defrauding investors of millions of dollars.
So, where was I? Oh yes, the FACIAL EXERCISES...
(click to enlarge pics)
If you're bursting to do the above illustrated exercises along with me (and Ern)
click here to listen. Then
turn your record over to hear more.
Ern promises that regardless as to whether you're young, middle-aged, or
ON THE WRONG SIDE OF FIFTY, you can become a far more attractive person than you ever dreamed possible.
As well as guiding us through FACIAL EXERCISES, Ern spends considerable time extolling the virtues of such
Holiday Magic cosmetic products as:
Strawberry Frappé Cleansing Cream
Fruit Tang Skin Toner
Papaya Dew Moisture Cream
Mint Ice with Honey & Almonds
Lemon Delight Eye & Throat Oil
Avocado Hand Cream
Banana Body Lotion
The infomercial portion of this album only served to make me hungry, thus piling on more pounds that I'm sure facial exercises alone
cannot correct.
What about you, Bitches? Have you ever tried facial exercises? Or have you tried keeping fit by listening to an exercise album?