Ask Norma

Mistress MJ is celebrating the long Canada Day weekend with a little trip to the seaside.

Naturally, she’s taking her personal assistant Miss Normadesmond along…



In Mistress MJ’s absence, all questions and concerns may be addressed to Norma, right here in the comments box.

Oh, by the way…

Norma will be celebrating her birthday on July 1st so be sure to drop by and give her a little love.

Birthday gifts are optional but may I suggest a lifetime supply of flatulence deodorizer pads?...



See you soon, Bitches and remember…

ASK NORMA.

Which One are YOU?

While we’re waiting for the dingoes to release Princess, let’s have a little fun, compliments of an illustration sent to us by Thombeau…


[art by Mark Matcho]

Which one are YOU, Bitches?

Where's Prinny?

It appears that Princess slept through his birthday party.



Shall we send a search party to the outback of Oz?

Prinny’s 50th Birthday Party!

Princess turns fifty on Tuesday but since it’s already Tuesday in Australia, let the celebrations begin!



Looking good for 106, Princess!

Oh, our mistake. The bakery got the orders mixed up. Although why Prinny is wearing the cake on his head is anyone's guess.

Let the party games begin, Bitches!...


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Anyone care to dance?



Go easy on the jazz hands, would you?

Hey, bartender! Who does a Bitch have to do to get a drink around here?



Let’s all of us Bitches from The Infomaniac Drinking Team raise a glass to the old dear, shall we?...


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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRINNY!!!

The Shemale Solution

Have you always wanted a Secret Lady Place but without the fuss and muss of going under the knife for a sex change?

Well you’re in luck with VAGINA PANTIES!



Only $128!

"A simple and easy-to-wear belt in a skin tone color, the pussy is also paipan (hairless) for that extra sexy dimension. Stretchy and flexible, the Vagina Panties will likely fit all and could also be used for dolls and other toys. Plus it works both ways. Sure, feel free to insert "things" into it but the wearer can also let their own, ahem, toy dangle out for that truly Japanese mixed gender androgynous experience."

Thanks to Thom for bringing this unique product to our attention. (Although one wonders why Thom knows about Vagina Panties.) Just sayin’.

Gardening Photos Reminder

Remember when we published photos of your gardens last summer?

A reminder that we’ll be doing another garden photos post in August.



So if any of you Bitches have photos of your gardens ready now, send them to Mistress MJ and be sure to include a little blurb about your garden.

If you don’t have a garden, send a photo of your houseplants or lawn ornaments. Or for those style queens amongst you, a photo of your artfully arranged cut flowers.


[photos via]

Get growing! (Deadline for photo submissions undecided.)

Filthy Friday - Summer Nights Edition

(click pic to enlarge)

How much does this resemble your summer nights?

Cocktails, Anyone?

The Infomaniac Cocktail Lounge has opened poolside.



Cocktails, anyone?

Summertime!

[photo by Gay Block]

Summer's here!

Norma and Peenee would like to remind you to Slip-Slop-Slap!

Apparently, you must seek and slide now as well.

SAFETY GAYS!

On our previous post, the ever-inquisitive Ms. Nations asked…

“PLEASE DEFINE THE TERM 'SAFETY GAY' FOR A BITCH WOUDJA.”

Perhaps this photo via TJB at Stirred, Straight Up, With A Twist, will help illustrate…



And now a word from Thombeau whose vivacious “The Redundant Variety Hour” is literally BURSTING with safety gays…

“In a nutshell: When a diva is busy singing and dancing, she is often accompanied by a brigade of choreographed male dancers who not only add to the festivity, but are there to catch her if she falls. Hence the term "safety gays".

Thom goes on to say…

“This clip is a prime example of Safety Gays at work. Not only are they dancing with Miss Mitzi Gaynor, they're spotting her. Because dancing in heels can be downright dangerous at times!”



And remember…it’s Safety Gays 24/7 at The Redundant Variety Hour!

Celebrating the Golden Age of the Television Variety Show

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Divas, dancers, glamour and glitz! An entertainment extravaganza spectacular! Costumes! Choreography! Camp!

“The Redundant Variety Hour” has it all!

When’s the last time you visited and joined in on the mirth and merriment?

Your host is our very own Thombeau so CLICK IT, Bitches!

READER TESTIMONIALS:

"safety gays!", "unfeasibly tight trousers!", "tacky Italian television!"
- Jon

Carry-Out Boys

Carry-out boys...



[via]

Now available to serve you at the Infomaniac Grocery Store.

Do you require a carry-out boy?

Mock-Croc / Croc-Moc / What the Fock

Mistress MJ is in such a state of shock that she doesn’t know what to call this footwear abomination…



The Mock-Croc? The Croc-Moc?

The ever-delightful Mitzi sent me a link to an article that describes these mock loafers as a diabolical hybrid of the rubbery ‘Croc’-style clog.

The article goes on to say…

At their worst, the shoes resemble orthopedic foot supports, at best, an approximation of a moccasin — complete with breathing holes, jaunty clashing laces and an insole impregnated with a summery ‘citrus scent’.

And now if you’ll excuse me, Mistress MJ needs to lie down on her fainting chaise in a darkened room with a cold compress.

Crocs Warning

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Because you KNOW how Mistress MJ feels about Crocs.

Big Meaty Sandwich

A note from Mistress Maddie to Mistress MJ…

“Whilst out on this lovely Sunday, we dined at the dive Hot Dog Diner, where they offer much meat to be consumed. I couldn't possibly eat my three for $3 so I knew you would enjoy one!!! It wasn't filling but tasty none the less!”

Daddy Saddle

A gift for your daddy…


(click pics to enlarge)

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Pyjama Party

This pyjama party is brought to you by our favourite Québécois blogger, Huggy Jon.

Don't make Mistress MJ come in there and force you to go to sleep, Bitches!

WINNER OF THE FREAKIN’ GREEN ELF SHORTS!

Whilst Mistress MJ was dealing with her crashed computer, the winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition was announced.

Contestants were asked to provide a caption for this photo of the lovely Miss Scarlet clad in The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts and a Union Jack hat perched on her head at a jaunty angle…

The winning caption …

On the set of Tim Burton's latest film, Edwina Elfshorts, Helena Bottom-Carter glumly awaits take-twentythree of the "wedgie" scene.

This is the SECOND time that Mr. DeVice has won The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!

You may remember Mr. DeVice wearing The Shorts back in 2007 as pictured here…(CAUTION: Sunglasses advisory)...


So The Shorts will stay in England but will be travelling from Devon to Norwich.

And that little hat? It’s off to the runner-up in the Californian desert… miss kabuki zero.

Stay tuned for more adventures of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts in future.

Filthy Friday

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Stockpiling Smut

Mistress MJ is busy foraging for filth and stockpiling smut.



But she thinks it's high time she popped over to visit you.

It's business as usual here, once again, Bitches and it's good to be back.

While You're Waiting

Here's a little something for you to ogle as you await Mistress MJ's return...



Of course you know it's our very own AyeM8y, don't you?

I Dream of Peenee

Mistress MJ fell asleep with regrets of not backing up all her fab photos; for instance, the many photographs of Norma and Mr. Peenee...

BITCHES: The photo that was here of Norma and Peenee has been deleted due to the sudden deflation of Peenee's fun bags.

Mistress MJ dreamed that she was strolling down the street with Peenee but she kept stumbling and falling down.

Mr. Peenee suggested Mistress MJ wear a HELMET when venturing outdoors.


In other news, Mr. DeVice won The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition but Mistress MJ won't be posting about it until he steps forward to claim his prize. It appears he's gone missing again.

I Get Knocked Down But I Get Up Again

Mistress MJ lost everything (photos,documents) in the Great Crash of 2012.


But she'll be back on her feet as soon as possible.

In the meantime, tell us what YOU'VE been up to.

Oh and remember to save your files on a regular basis as anyone with sense knows.

Remember to BACK IT UP, BITCHES!

Out of Order

We regret to inform you that Infomaniac is temporarily closed due to computer problems.

*sigh* It's always SOMETHING, isn't it?

Back as soon as possible,Bitches.

Cleanup Cancelled

Can somebody tell me how Mistress MJ is supposed to clean up this place when the likes of Mr. Cookie keeps sending me THIS sort of thing?...

Down With This Sort of Thing

Protesters rally to clean up the filth on Infomaniac…

Wenis Wednesday – Diamond Jubilee Edition

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You KNOW how Mistress MJ feels about socks with sandals.

Welcome Back, Mr. Device and SID

The heady scent of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts has lured two long-time Infomaniac Bitches out of their closets and into Mistress MJ's comment box.



Welcome back, Mr. Device and SID!

Both Bitches have been absent in the Blogosphere for awhile so no doubt there are some of you don’t recognize these veterans.

So let’s have a little “meet and greet,” shall we?

By the way, BOTH Bitches are former Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts winners, as you will see.

Here’s our Mr. Device strolling along a beach in Blighty, probably out catching crabs…



Name: Inexplicable DeVice (aka Mr. DeVice)

Occupation: Witch.

Location: Norwich, Norfolk, England.

Sexual Preference: “Ever heard the phrase 'Friend of Dorothy'? Well, meet Dorothy. As queer as they come. A fully qualified, professional, mincing machine. Complete with neurotic split personality and everything.”

Where has he been for so long?: Having his warts removed.

And now let’s have a look at Mr. DeVice wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts…




Moving along now to SID. Let’s see what SID looks like in The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts, shall we?…



Name: SID (Stupid Irish Daddy)

Occupation: Useless Twat / Mistress MJ's personal slave.

Location: Buttfuck, Northern Ireland.

Sexual Preference: Straight but he’s anybody’s after a few beers or a bottle of Jamesons.

Where has he been for so long?: Fat camp.

Welcome back, Bitches!

BITCHES: Don't forget to enter The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition!

Beware of Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Knockoffs

Fakes…

[via]

The real Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts…


And you can win The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts simply by clicking here and following Miss Scarlet’s directions.

Official Shorts of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee

In honour of Queen Elizabeth’s 60th anniversary on the throne, we here at Infomaniac present the Official Shorts of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee.

No, not this sort of thing…


[via]

We’re talking about The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!...



Having adorned the backsides of folk worldwide (including several Infomaniac Bitches,) The Shorts are now in England with the lovely Miss Scarlet…



Head on over to Miss Scarlet’s place, create a caption for the photo of Miss Scarlet wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts (above,) and you could be the next lucky winner!

CLICK HERE to enter!!!

The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition!

Are you in desperate need of a pair of pants?

Well, search no further!

Enter The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition!!!

You could win THESE fabulous Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!...

Long-time Infomaniac readers know that Mistress MJ won The Shorts way back in 2007…

Mistress MJ (above) wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts on her head. What? Doesn’t everyone enjoy wearing pants on their head?

And of course those are The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts over my stripey tights, below…

The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition has been a tradition since 2004. The Shorts have travelled internationally and have been donned by many people including several Infomaniac Bitches. Read the Definitive History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts to discover more about their amazing journey.

This time, Miss Scarlet is hosting the competition.

Actually, Beast was supposed to be the host of the contest as he won The Shorts from Infomaniac Bitch Donn back in 2010.

But Miss Scarlet was forced to rescue The Shorts from Beast’s filthy lair.

As you know, Beast has hygiene issues and reportedly has been wearing The Shorts to bed each night in place of his SpongeBob boxer shorts.

Miss Scarlet broke into Beast’s sleeping pit and gingerly removed The Shorts from the floor with a pair of tongs. She proceeded to scrub them with a Brillo pad, whilst dressed in a hazmat suit.

Miss Scarlet informs us that following a rigorous scrubdown and a complex sterilization process, The Shorts are ready for their next lucky winner.

So head over to Miss Scarlet’s place now and try your chance!

All you have to do is create a caption for the photo on her blog and YOU could be the next lucky recipient of the famed Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!

CLICK HERE to see Miss Scarlet in The Shorts AND to enter the contest!!!

Filthy Friday

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