Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Winner! – How Not To Decorate Competition

The lucky winner of the How Not To Decorate Competition will be taking home this set of “Why Do Dishes When You Can Do Daiquiris?” cocktail napkins …

From kitsch to crap. We had it all in this year’s How Not To Decorate Competition.

We knew you were all hoarding ugly mugs in your kitchen cupboards.

But we had no idea how much useless bric-a-brac you were hiding behind closed doors!

Mistress MJ feels like she’s running a thrift shop!

Such bad taste must be rewarded.

But only ONE bitch can walk away with the coveted cocktail napkins.

Drum roll please ……

The winner of the 2010 How Not To Decorate Competition is …


kabuki: “i have never been so offended in my life.

Miss Scarlet’s “William the Duck” was runner-up and Savannah’s monkey lamp took third place.

But it was kabuki’s furniture suite that took first prize for the most stunning example of tasteless décor …

(click to enlarge)

Mistress MJ has questions for kabuki: Where is the lampshade? Is the dog alive? Did you steal this furniture from the set of a Sam Shepard play? Is this your living room?

And, even more importantly, La Diva Cucina asks, “Does it smell like ass?”

Let’s assume this is kabuki’s living room as he has not suggested otherwise.

Obviously, kabuki is in serious need of some furniture fairies and that’s where you, the Bitches of Infomaniac, come in.

It’s time for …


Let’s all get together and suggest ways to make kabuki’s room more attractive. How can we improve the aesthetic appeal of the room? Suggestions, please!

Finally, we here at Infomaniac wish to thank all of you for participating, for your entries and for your amusing comments.

All of you (even kabuki) can take consolation in knowing that at least your place isn’t as bad as Crazy Curtis’s house (Ayem8y’s neighbour). Be sure to click here to see Ayem8y’s footage of the squalor.

Mistress MJ feels dirty and is off for a nice soak in the tub now.


  1. First!?
    Congrats to kabuki.

    My advice?
    More big wood in there.
    Always my advice.

  2. Congrats to the winner!

    How about calling Good Will and starting over from scratch? If it doesn't pee on furniture and behaves the coyote can stay.

    Oh and my ceramic pimp will look fabulous in there darling!

  3. Yay congratulations to Kabuki. He really deserved it what with all the hard work he put into it like hauling that heavy shit into his house in the first place.

    As a reward I’m giving Kabuki’s room a much needed Extreme Makeover!

    Now I’m getting to work and improving the housing prices in my neighborhood by tossing a match into Curtis’s hovel.

  4. Congratulations Kabuki Zero!

  5. Omedetou, Kabuki!

    You can begin your fabulous living room makeover by getting a lampshade from Felix and borrowing Princess's lovely cloth to use as curtains. Then hang up some of Peenee's wall art along with CP's painting. Perhaps you could have your floors redone.

    But to really tie together your new accessories with the furniture, paint some of IDV's floral vagina borders along the walls. They'll add color and warmth to the walls and create visual interest.

  6. Congrats Kabuki on a well-earned victory.

    Oh Hai Pete, Princess, Eros!

  7. Would Kabuki like to borrow William the duck?
    Congrats Kabuki!!!! You should see my three piece suite...!

  8. Congratulations Kabuki-san!

    What is your opinion on thermic recycling?

  9. Unsurprised congratulations to Kabuki.

    As for makover suggestions...I suggest a vertical tower art installation with a live flame motif. Followed by a performance piece entitled "Kabuki in a Suite Shop".

  10. congratulations, kabukidarling! xoxox

  11. Congrats Kabuki

    as for improving the look I suggest putting a match to the whole lot

  12. Congratulations, Kabuki darling, no on is more deserving than YOU!

    Now, don't get all sniffly on us, after all, you shouldn't pitch if you can't catch!

    Have you confirmed your appointment with They are waiting for your call....

  13. I still want the lamp want want WANT!!

  14. I feel for William The Duck. Second Place is often hard to live down.

  15. I would still like to know if the dog is alive or just stuck to the furniture.

    The Dude from Lebowski would dig the whole spooky Kabuki ensemble...the shadeless lamp really ties it all together.

    It's not easy to win a competition on MJ's blog because of the ferocious competitive nature of her posse. This is no small feat and the bragging rights alone will get you into a lot of after-hour blogs that won't just let "anyone" in.

  16. Should we be congratulating Kabuki for having such godsawful tat?

    Ah, well. Congratulations Kabuki!

  17. i think everyone's mindset is stuck in the wrong place. why makeover? kabook's divine room only needs a few shmitchicks and chachkahs to complete the look he was going for...(a fun area rug made from dank yak fur would be kicky). what this rooms screams for is a new outside to match it's inside!

  18. Like what, Normadesmond? A Romanian village after the Vodka festival?

  19. I STILL don't feel clean, Bitches!

  20. Three cheers for the Kabuki, I knew you could put it over darling.

    a.) Fire bomb.

    barring that,
    b.) Lose the front door key and start driving. West.

  21. Just keep Scrubbing Mistress,
    I'm sending you an emergency pack of heavy duty Loofa's...

    Miss Kabuki has demonstrated his exemplary skills in the fine art/interior design arena, you just don't find tallent like this in a Wheeties Packet any more, and congratulations are well overdue to such a tireless artiste...

  22. Congrats, Kabuki Zero!!!

    Beyond that I'm sorta at a loss for words. (though I dug THAT lamp too)

  23. Congratulations Kabuki maybe this will make the furniture easy to live with.
    I rather liked Miss Scarlets duck

  24. tremendous! I take this as a personal victory of sorts...

  25. First,let me thank the academy, although they have done nothing to deserve it. Second, the man upstairs - who in this case is me! A short tale. My bro calls - "you want a desk?" . me says "yes". Brother shows upwith this frak show furniture (and a desk). "It was so nice, and they were just going to throw it out!" he says, astonished. "Great - I'll put it in your sisters' house" I reply - a wise move I think. Yes? No! Two years later I am moving into my sisters' house, into the empty apartment where I had deposited this horror. So boys and girls - I will remove it - and then place my real furniture. Thanks for the votes,and may anyone who thinks I would sit on this stuff - well I got something for you bitches.

  26. However, if you have a spare herculon barcalounger - well actually I just like saying "Herculon Barcalounger". Like a bad taste mantra.

  27. Improve this room? Start a cat-babysitting service, and let em all go at it with their claws til there's nothing left but stuffing for beanbags. Then decorate with the other contestant's stuff.

  28. "How can we improve the aesthetic appeal of the room?" Why would you want to meddle with perfection?