Perv of the Day

Welcome to another edition of Perv of the Day.

Infomaniac will, from time to time, seek out the perviest perverts and parade them pantless in front of you, the judge and jury.



THE PERV: An unnamed naked vicar, in his 50s.

THE PLACE: Yorkshire, England.

THE PERVERSION: The vicar underwent surgery to have a potato removed from his arse.

The clergyman insisted he had not been playing a sex game.

Nurse Trudi Watson of Sheffield Northern General Hospital said: “He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato."




For more examples of foreign bodies that have “accidentally” been inserted up arseholes, please refer to Infomaniac’s “Shove It Up Yer Arse” post.

Perv of the Day

Welcome to another edition of Perv of the Day.

Infomaniac will, from time to time, seek out the perviest perverts and parade them pantless in front of you, the judge and jury.



Infomaniac finds itself in a quandary as there are two pervs vying for the title of Perv of the Day.


PERVERT #1:


Knicker-flasher Martyn Lamb: “I did it just to unwind during the day. I find it a release from my pressures.”


THE PERV: Martyn Lamb, age 40. Self-employed pest controller and father-of-three.

THE PLACE: Hambleton Junction near Selby, North Yorkshire, England.

THE PERVERSION: Revealing his skimpy lingerie and his genitals to passing train drivers – on at least 50 occasions - before picking his kids up from school.

Lamb wore lingerie under his work clothes and changed near the railway line, stripping down to a basque, stockings and high heels and a big blonde wig. A freight train driver witness reported that Lamb also wore “a denim miniskirt with brown stockings and a G-string."


"I've always put the wig on. It's the finishing touch of the day. I bought the lingerie from an Ann Summers shop a while ago.”

THE PUNISHMENT: Not guilty but cautioned for outraging public decency. The magistrate declared "not sufficient evidence" that he intentionally exposed himself.

Note from Mistress MJ: Lamb told police his wife knew nothing about his little “hobby”…perhaps therein lies the punishment when she finds out?


PERVERT #2:



THE PERV: A 29-year-old man. Name unreleased.

THE PLACE: Thomas Township, Michigan, USA.

THE PERVERSION: Arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash.

THE PUNISHMENT: Being held in the Saginaw County Jail.



We can’t decide who rates as the perviest Perv of the Day so it’s over to you, bitches.

Your verdict?

Yorkshire Speak

In an attempt to educate this ignorant Canuck, Yorkshire’s favourite poofs, Tazzy and Piggy, purchased this Yorkshire-English dictionary for me…


MJ: Let’s see if I’ve learned owt. (Let’s see if I’ve learned anything.)

Piggy: Aye, get agate. (Yes, go on then, get doing it.)

Tazzy: Best y’ do. (See that you do.)

MJ: Champion. (Excellent.)

Tazzy: By gum, we’ve supped sum stuff toneet. (Gawd, we have certainly drunk a lot tonight.) Ahm powfagged. (I’m very tired.)

Piggy: Ah-cud eet a'scabby-donkey tween tu Bre't-Vans. (I'm very hungry. I could eat a diseased donkey between two Bread Vans as a sandwich.)

MJ: Enough of this nonsense. Lesson over. Ahm still befuddled. (I’m still confused.) Boggled. (Mystified.) Flummoxed. (Bewildered.) Obviously I’ve learned nowt. (Obviously I’ve learned nothing.)

Tazzy: Flippin ‘eck, MJ! (exclamation of surprise.) You’re a barmpot. (You’re stupid.)

Piggy: Yes, MJ. You’re daft as a brush. (You’re stupid.) Yer arf baked. (You’re stupid.)

Tazzy: Yer gormless. (You're stupid.)

MJ: Gi’ over. (Stop it.) Any road (anyway) I’ll just have to make do with this handy Yorkshire Translator instead.

If anyone can assist with my Yorkshire Speak education, please submit your Yorkshire words and phrases in the comments section.

If not, then sling yer ‘ook. (If not then I suggest you go away immediately.)

Ta’ra! (Goodbye!)

Tazzy and Piggy’s Glory Hole

Here we are in Penistone, a small market town on the edge of Yorkshire’s Pennine hills.





And what’s that on the lower left corner of the stone?

Yes, indeed, it’s a gloryhole!

And look who’s here…

Everyone’s favourite homosexuals, Tazzy and Piggy!


Here’s a couple of pics of Piggy and Tazzy waiting for the punters…




Piggy




Tazzy



What’s that muck on Piggy’s wee shoe?

Todger-Shaped Tree Gives Neighbours the Willies

Yorkshireman Alan Parkin (it’s always a Yorkshireman, isn’t it?) upset his neighbours in Penistone by erecting a phallic-shaped Christmas tree.

Yorkshire Airlines

Yorkshire Airlines.

Departs in Leeds International Airstrip. Touching down 20 minutes later at Leeds International Airstrip.

Because if it’s outside Yorkshire, it’s not worth bloody visiting.

Chip-Throwers Chastised

Pauline Oakley of Doncaster, South Yorkshire, was fined £75 for throwing a “manky chip” out her car window. Doncaster Council increased the fines to £75 after announcing a zero-tolerance policy on littering the streets.

Earlier this month, a Manchester man was fined £75 for throwing chips to park pigeons.





And in May, a Luton woman was fined £75 for throwing a Cheesy Wotsit into the road.