2016, Begone!

2016: A year that robbed us of Gigastars David Bowie and kabuki zero.

And handed to us on a silver platter the racist, sexist, homophobic piece of shit that is Donald Drumpf...


[thanks, Jeffery]

Go fuck yourself, 2016!

The Mistress hopes to return in 2017 with an improved attitude. Call it a New Year's resolution, if you wish. (Good luck with that, I hear you say.)

Until that time, let's remember that there are still pleasures to be found, as the late kabuki zero reminded us six years ago in his 2010 wrap-up...

"This year came and went so badly, it was hard to find pleasure. but here are some things i favored:

cooking outdoors. silk pajamas. godiva dark chocolate. pot roast w/ winter vegetables. hot air balloons (viewed from the ground. kabuki gets vertigo BIG TIME) watching jewelry auction television. hot bubble baths with a good comic book. listening to my parrot, who mostly speaks when i am in another room. old friends. finding out an old flame is still alive - and looking like hell. really nice bed linens. and getting my very own blog, happy one year anniversary to the man who told the world."
-- kabuki zero

Note: Read the Find A Grave memorial to Billy aka kabuki zero here, beautifully written by Cookie.

Libations for kabuki zero

A libation is a ritual pouring of a liquid as an offering to a god or spirit, or in memory of those who have "passed on".


[via]

We here at Infomaniac wish to honour the memory of the late kabuki zero with the ritual pouring of a libation.

kabuki once asked, "every new years' eve kabuki invents a drink. then that is the one drink kabuki has for that year. every year it is a dismal failure. kabuki needs more practice, as kabuki is extremely unhappy with failure. what does the goddess suggest?"

Bitches, what drink would you invent to offer as a libation to kabuki?

kabuki zero: Tribute to a Gigastar

2016 has cruelly bitch-slapped us yet again.

In the words of Infomaniac Bitch kabuki zero, “another year can bite Kabuki’s snow white ass.”



Gigastar. Artiste. The Prettiest Ballerina in the World. Kabuki zero has "gone to Fabulon." And we are saddened by our loss.

Kabuki died over the Christmas weekend, following post surgery recovery.


Talk among yourselves, give a good look at that bright eyed youth that was kabuki.

Kabuki penned his brilliant stream of consciousness blog, The man who told the World from the comfort of his double-wide trailer mansion 1970s disco love palace known as "Castle Rock" in the California desert; a home he shared with his dogs and parrots. He was also a fellow contributing beautician at The Hair Hall of Fame.



Kabuki shared (Cher’d?) a birthday with another Gigastar: Cher. Coincidence? We think not. The stars aligned to create fabulosity. Kabuki once exclaimed, “Cher I love you forever. You are my secret girlfriend.”



A quote from kabuki’s long-time (since age 17!) friend, Felix in Hollywood:

"In real life, he (kabuki) is as difficult, uncompromising, kind, brilliant and fabulous as his laser-point, razor-sharp stream of conscious writing indicates."


Felix In Hollywood (left) and Kabuki Zero (right) - 1981

"Who says high fashion is painful? To the best of our collective recollection, when the photo was taken, we had consumed, scotch, michelob, couple hits of speed, a dusting of cocaine, and a 750 placidyl each and were feeling no pain. And it was after the picture was taken that we went out to party."
-Felix


That’s kabuki on the left, Felix in Hollywood on the right, and their trick (one assumes) in between - 1985.

Kabuki remarked that he had a “keen desire to leave a legacy. A mark, a stain, a google, maybe even a scandalous wikipedia entry.”

So we here at Infomaniac wish this post to be a tribute in pictures and in his own words to kabuki zero.



kabuki on kabuki:
I am old. I am young. I am foolish. I am reckless. I am alone. I am in pain. I am funny. I am lovable. I'm an idea man. I am attractive. I am opinionated. I am unique. I am talented. I am not forever. I am searching. I am KABUKI ZERO.



kabuki on Norma:
Norma has always been too much talent for one continent. Rumour has it her CD, 'One Night With Norma' is even on the Mars lander. Talent will out - that's what kabuki always says.

kabuki on Mr. Peenee:
Rice-A-Roni is no longer the San Fransico treat. Naked peenee is, and kabuki would like a double portion. Meow.

kabuki on men:
kabuki -star of both stage AND screen - has had to carry the garbage out since 1986. That is the only reason to have a boyfriend, and that is all I would have him do. Unless I spilled something. "Boyfriend - absorb that spilled mai tai." (Instead of absorbing everything in my refridgerator) PLUS - even megastars get lonely. Or so i have been told.



kabuki on learning to cook:
Kabuki followed classic Julia Child on PBS. Self taught via The Joy of Cooking cookbook. Kabuki can cook the devil out of simple American fare. The women folk in kabuki's family are notoriously bad cooks. For four generations. It must be a curse. Thanks goodness for kabuki's penis.

kabuki on fruit and veg:
kabuki is all for the fruit but has now sworn off vegetables. they make kabuki's ass hurt. kabuki may swear off vegetables but kabuki will never swear off fruit.



Once, twice, three times a lady.
kabuki on sex appeal:
kabuki is the type of woman that wars are fought over. also known as 'a fragile flower'. a rare and unique beauty, kabuki is above all a giving woman. with a penis.



kabuki on Infomaniac’s Filthy Friday:
I smell London
I smell France
I smell other people's underpants

Kabuki is once again appalled. It must be Friday.



kabuki on aging:
If kabuki recognized aging then this could possibly have meaning. But kabuki is timeless, and refuses to acknowledge time's cold grasp. It is good to be kabuki.

Kabuki is ageless, timeless, perfection on a stick.



More kabuki quotes:

I need jazz hands and I need them stat!

i am kabukizero - and you are not

Even in the face of misfortune, I have just enough strength to see the funny.



Mirror mirror on the wall - who is the prettiest ballerina in the world? damn right its kabuki!!!

Have you ever mopped a floor in a silk kimono and white face? Kabuki thought not.



kabuki's week was so particularly unpleasant, kabuki asked it to eat a bag of dicks

Great. Phyllis Diller is in heaven and I am stuck on earth with Sarah Silverman.

I've got to boogie oogie oogie till I just can't boogie no more.



So damn hip. So little time.

And finally, from kabuki to all of us:

i would like to express my gratitude to one and all. I am so very blessed to have found so much love and understanding here in the blog verse. Everyone please have some ice cream, on kabuki.

if you hurry there is still time to fit a little joy into today. Make some rice krispy squares, i dare you. fit some fun into your life, because you may not be able to later.

I'm gonna live, live, live untill I die, die, die. love to all.

Now lets all put on a fez, and party like its 1999.



UPDATE: Read the Find A Grave memorial to Billy aka kabuki zero here, beautifully written by Cookie.

Sausage Roll, Anyone?

Following kabuki zero's out-of-control Sissy Boy Slap Party last evening in the RUMPus Room (thank you, Cookie,) everyone was a little peckish.


[via]

Thankfully, LX whipped up some sausage rolls in the kitchen. Feel free to take a nibble as he comes 'round with his tray of delights.

kabuki zero's birthday party - continued

[via]

Oh, don't tell me you didn't see this coming.

kabuki zero's birthday party

kabuki's birthday party really starts swinging when....


[via]

Fill in the blank.

Birthday Girls: Cher & kabuki zero

Happy birthday to Cher...



and our kabuki zero...



Separated at birth?

Birthday Blowout!

We are celebrating the birthdays of THREE Infomaniac Bitches...



Mitzi (Sunday, May 19)
kabuki zero (Monday, May 20)
Beast (Monday, May 20)

Happy birthday, ladies!!!

NOTE: If you're wondering why we're posting their birthday greetings in advance it's because the deadline for The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition is on Sunday and Mistress MJ must be on alert to announce the winner.

kabuki is back

kabuki zero, who has been missing for a month due to faulty reception, has returned...


[via]

Would you Bitches mind filling him in on what he's missed during the past few weeks?

Weathering the Storm

The lines are open here at Infomaniac...



Let us know if you're high, dry and accounted for.

Doubtless, some Bitches are without power and cannot comment but if you've heard anything from them at all, let us know.

We have it on good authority that the artiste known as kabuki zero is safe after an unfortunate event...

WINNER OF THE FREAKIN’ GREEN ELF SHORTS!

Whilst Mistress MJ was dealing with her crashed computer, the winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition was announced.

Contestants were asked to provide a caption for this photo of the lovely Miss Scarlet clad in The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts and a Union Jack hat perched on her head at a jaunty angle…

The winning caption …

On the set of Tim Burton's latest film, Edwina Elfshorts, Helena Bottom-Carter glumly awaits take-twentythree of the "wedgie" scene.

This is the SECOND time that Mr. DeVice has won The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!

You may remember Mr. DeVice wearing The Shorts back in 2007 as pictured here…(CAUTION: Sunglasses advisory)...


So The Shorts will stay in England but will be travelling from Devon to Norwich.

And that little hat? It’s off to the runner-up in the Californian desert… miss kabuki zero.

Stay tuned for more adventures of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts in future.

All Dogs Go to Heaven

The “prettiest ballerina in the world”…yes, I’m talking about kabuki zero, is in mourning.

Kabuki’s four-footed friend Elmo died last night in kabuki’s kimono-clad arms.

We’re sure you would agree that little Elmo died in the arms of an angel.

We know that many of you have pussies and bitches of your own and understand kabuki’s loss.

Note: Obviously that is not Elmo’s collar in the photo. Kabuki is much more stylish than that.

Where is kabuki?

Is kabuki ashamed of what he did at his birthday party?

[via]

Kabuki Birthday Party Aftermath

kabuki zero said, “Apparently we can only discuss kabuki's birthday the one day. oh damn.”

Mistress MJ is under court order not to breathe a word about kabuki's birthday party…

Draw your own conclusions about what happened that night, Bitches.

Beauty and the Beast

Happy birthday to kabuki zero; our beauty…

And happy birthday to Mr. Beastie; our beast…

How is it possible these two were born on the same day?

kabuki zero: GIGASTAR!

Skip the Grammys tonight.

Instead, click here to watch our very own kabuki zero, star of stage and screen.

DOUBLE Birthday Happiness!

Mistress MJ is thrilled to host a double birthday party as both Beast and kabuki zero celebrate their birthdays on May 20th.

Let’s get started by wishing Beast a happy FIFTIETH birthday!..

He’s still young at heart as you can see from the photo above.

As you know, Beast loves bananas so we couldn’t think of a better 50th birthday gift than a mountain of bananas…

Enjoy them, Beast!

They’re much more nutritious than your usual diet…

[via]

Not only is Beast celebrating his 50th birthday, Beast is also the current winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

We’ll let you know when he hosts the next big Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition so that you, too, can be a winner.

In fact, I think he’s working on a post right now!...

Oh no, it turns out he’s just working on his memoir.

Random Beast quotation from his upcoming autobiography…

“I once had to pee in a plastic cup when stuck in a hidious traffic jam in a tunnel for 4 hours on the M25.I had to keep stopping and emptying the steaming contents out the window so we didnt have an overflow situation.”

We’ll have more from this exciting page-turner at a later date.

But now we shine the spotlight upon that Goddess of the Desert Empire, our blooming Desert Rose…kabuki zero…

Happy birthday, kabooks!

Of course, you remember kabuki as the winner of the How Not to Decorate Competition.

I want to leave that chapter of my life behind me

And so you shall, kabuki, now that we present you with a beautiful Herculon La-Z-Boy Reclina-Rocker with built-in stain release…

We here at Infomaniac have included a few words from the kabuki Book of Life (sixteen weeks on the bestseller list); words that may help you in your journey…

“i have tossed off my melancholy, and am ready to kick lifes' ass. Put a prince cd in the boombox, hand me something wet (in a glass, please) and step back. Or step off, just move out of the way. Cuz if you don't - there will be serious windburns on your ass. I said ass twice already, must be ass season. and don't make me break my foot off in your ass. especially if i am wearing my silver snake-skin cha-cha pumps.”

Wasn’t that inspirational? Who needs Oprah?

“Don’t hate me because I’m blessed with looks, brains and talent. some people are fabulous, and others have fabulous thrust upon them. kabuki has both. TA-DA!”

And there you have it, Bitches.

Two incredible Infomaniac bitches born on the same day.

Fate has delivered them to our doorstep on a silver cake server…

Happy Birthday Beast and kabuki zero!!!

Now everybody help yourselves to the vodka fountain! And CAKE!

Note: For more Beast birthday fun, visit Inexplicable DeVice and Miss Scarlet.