Voting Day – How Not To Decorate Competition

It’s like a garage sale gone wrong in here!

You bitches have hauled out your fugliest furnishings, appalling accessories and deformed decorations.

How to Vote:

You’ve got all day Monday and Tuesday to cast your vote.

Simply select your choice for the most hideous display of dreadful décor.

Only one vote per person, please. But feel free to comment on any and all entries.

No, you can’t vote for yourself. (I had to put that in as a reminder for CyberPete).

The name of the blogger is above each photo.

In cases of multiple entries by the same blogger, we’ve numbered their entries.

Below each photo is a description of the item, in the blogger’s own words.

Et voila! Consider each entry carefully and then cast your votes, bitches!


XL:



I've had this Lava Lamp for a very long time. Over the years it has slowly lost its potency. Sadly, this is as much performance as it can manage these days. It used to grow much larger and spew magnificently. But not anymore. Friends have tried to comfort me about its condition, saying "This happens all the time. It's temporary. Nothing to worry about. It's normal." I find no solace in their words. Its flaccid state is a grim reminder of better days gone by.


MISS SCARLET:



I love my duck. His name is William. I think he demonstrates that I have wonderful taste in interiors.


LA DIVA CUCINA:




Bowler's decanter. It is undusted and made of plastic to boot! Notice the loverly plastic base molded to resemble fine wood grain! The "glasses" are plastic but the decanter is glass and is much too small to hold enough liquor to satisfy La Diva let alone six thirsty guests. Yet, it still sits on my speaker next to my tv and buffet. A nod to my tacky ass Midwestern roots!
It was a gift from my friend from my "club" days in Detroit in the early '80's though he only gave it to me a few years ago. He has exquisite taste in vintage and has bought me a number of incredible items that are flawless. Yet, he sent me this. I asked my husband if we could hide it and he said "NO." Don't know why. We don't use it, it's ugly, does not match a thing and naturally, I don't dust it but once in a while! haha!


NORMADESMOND:



Picked up years ago at a Paris flea market. "Poubelle" means garbage, so i suppose this was meant to hold the gnawed chicken bones on the dinner table.


PRINCESS #1:



The Empress attended a royal gala dinner at "Bucking Huge" Palace with "Miss Betty Dress Nice" and this candelabra arrangement was part of the formal decoration for the event.

Knowing the Empress's adoration for Her and given Mother's continual harping on all evening about "Miss Betty beauty flowers," "Miss Betty Dress Nice" kindly presented it to her to take home as a gift (and mainly to shut her up). So, I'm afraid that we are unable to part with it given its very "Royal" origins.


PRINCESS #2:



This is a desk top pen holder given to me by one of my friendly friut flys.



MR. PEENEE:



Although I actually think this room (our downstairs powder room) is spectacularly successful, a number of our friends seem stunned by it.


MANUEL:



37 years old....seriously I am 37 years old.


FELIX IN HOLLYWOOD:






I am submitting a lamp that was purchased by my parents at a charity shop in Niagara Falls, NY in 1966. I've never been able to quite decide: was it someones misguided project in a high school metal shop class, or is it some brilliant piece of 1930's avant garde art?

The original shade was a plain beige. I added this one a few years back. Swanky, no?


INEXPLICABLE DeVICE (IVD):






I scoured Castle DeVice for but a scrap of bad taste with no luck. Then, suddenly, inspiration hit! The lofts and attics and turrets - No one had been up in the rafters in years! Perhaps there I would find the most elusive of tasteless decors?

Arming myself with the latest in electrified daguerreotype photographic equipment, I ascended the stairs and slowly opened the hatch...

Aaaaaaaiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!

My eyes were assaulted by ghastly stencilled boarders! It took all my nerves and composure not to recoil in horror and plummet to my doom.

Steeling myselves, I managed to photograph the offending images before hurrying back down the steps and cracking open the smelling salts.

Needless to say, now that they've been discovered, those boarders will soon be eliminated!


MITZI #1:



As promised, Carmen's Red lamp. I hope it doesn't cause you too much distress. Gander at the woodchip wallpaper. It's what the previous owners had all through the house. Can you believe that? And Carmen likes it!



MITZI #2:



In my computer room is my collection of Harrod's Teddy bears, Joy, Teddy and Babs (named after the Beverley Sisters).


MITZI #3:



And the third one is taken just above my bed. See the picture of the boys in a boat? The flash is just for you.



KAPITANO #1:



I'm not sure I can offer you anything hideous. A little eccentric, maybe.

The first photo is of a wall mounted installation of three gold painted cowbells...with a hooter on top.

The dangling cowbells and their metal wall fixing were, for some bizarre reason, a Christmas gift from one of my uncles. My father spent a weekend painting them with some leftover gold paint and fixing them to a wooden shield mounting which...appeared from somewhere.

The brass hooter is of the kind which was attached to cars a century ago - before we got horns operated from the steering wheel. This was a different gift on a different Christmas from a different uncle.

Ah, but that gold paint. what was it left over from? Years before, dad had had the idea of painting the ceiling fixtures gold...and sky blue. With red bits. So he spent a week up a ladder very carefully painting bits of the ceiling with a tiny brush. Fortunately, I couldn't photograph the result because it's almost permanently in shadow.


KAPITANO #2:



As for the, um, sign. Dad is a railway enthusiast. And it's the nameplate of an old steam locomotive - and not, as you were probably thinking, the house name of a dyslexic sex maniac. Though it probably should have been.

The panelling and lamps are more of dad's DIY work.

This is the house I grew up in. I'm sure it had no effect on my psychology at all.


BEAST:



Beast has been a busy boy and not had much chance to do anything other than work and sleep . Regretably, I have missed competitions and not got round anyones blogs . By way of making amends, I have knocked up a foil hat(For IVD) and mashed it up with a tasteless household object(For MJ) , and that my dear readers is the best I can do for the next few days . So here we go.


MUTLEY THE DOG:



I always include a few plants such as these!


KABUKI ZERO:



Avast me hearties! Please consider this pirate-furniture as my entry into your contest. The set also includes a matching sofa & coffee table. I just couldn't bring myself to put them all together.


EROSWINGS:



I had a hard time searching for a suitable entry. Luckily, I still had my collection of fast food, gas station, and amusement park cups in one of my cupboards--Everything from Taco Bell to Circle K gas stations!

This monkey water bottle is the jewel of my plastic, large gulp cups collection! Purchased at the San Antonio Zoo during a hot summer day, I've used this monkey cup frequently on long drives and on hot days when I'm outside. My friends think it's hideous and wrong to suck liquid out of a monkey head, but I find it perfect for containing cold cocktails and you don't have to worry about spills if you accidentally (or drunkenly) knock it over!


SAVANNAH:



Monkeys are sort of a totem around here. This lamp was a gift from a friend to join the collection of monkeys already residing here. What can i say? There's a carved monkey lamp in the library, but this one sits on the kitchen counter next to the phone, (geddit?) hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.


JILL:



My amputated monkey. Gift from mother in law - as is.


CYBERPETE #1:



This first one is a painting by a local artist that used to live next to my
aunt and uncle. My parents bought 6 paintings by this painter and this is
one of them. It hung in my parents living room for 25 years until it was
relocated to my living room last year. I needed something big, "red" and
free to put on the wall and my mother didn't hesitate to pull it off the
wall and make my father hang it in my flat. It's only on loan according to
my father, and the only reason it's still here is that I can't afford to buy
the perfect painting at the moment.


CYBERPETE #2:



A massive Tweety Bird.

I made the mistake of telling my best friend back in '98 that Tweety Bird is
my favorite Looney Toon character, and on one of his many trips to France he
found this monstrosity. Because he adores me so, and because he is such a
lovely guy with the biggest heart evah, he dragged this thing back with him.
I cherish it, and I just have too much heart to get rid of it. Been thinking
about putting it in basement.


CYBERPETE #3:


The third item is a red tree horse. I've been looking for the name of this
atrocity but can't find it. I did find out that it's a Danish souvenir horse
but I'm sure it has a proper name.

Anyway, this belonged to my late brother. When he passed I stole two things.
A red shirt with a massive gold glitter panther on the front, and this red
wooden horse. I don't know why I took the horse, but I've grown to like it a
lot. Even if it isn't very pretty.


CYBERPETE #4:



This item is so very late 80s. Everyone had these back then. I'm finding it
quite hideous but at the time I quite liked this ceramic man. Who knows why.
I bought it on a summer holiday at a fair in a small town called Assens
(tee-hee!) with my parents when I was 10. I'm just happy I have grown into
my impeccable style now.


CYBERPETE #5:




I made this myself in a ceramics class. The woman who ran it was being a
bitch about other people doing uninspired vases and ashtrays, so I started
creating a spider. Just for kicks. She then came over to me and told me that
it wouldn't survive the oven, so in a hissy fit I took a rolling pin and
smashed it. Then I asked if it would now. She said it might, and so I used a
special glaze on it and the miracle of miracles it did survive the oven.

Actually it's the only thing I've ever made out of clay that I actually
like. Yet, people always tell me how ugly it is. So here it is!


END OF ENTRIES

That’s the lot, bitches!

Take your time before casting your vote.

You’ve got all day Monday and Tuesday to make your choice.

The winner will be announced sometime (non-committal) later this week.

In the meantime, Mistress MJ will be busy Febrezing this blog.