Saturday, February 28, 2009

Daily Affirmations



Mistress MJ is seeking her own personal daily affirmation.

The type of positive reinforcement you might hear on Oprah.

For example, looking into the mirror and repeating, “I love myself” until you believe it.

Or sticking a post-it note to your bathroom mirror that says “I invite prosperity and success into my life.”

Has everyone collectively vomited by this point?

Anyway, Mistress MJ wants an affirmation to affect positive change in her life.

Please write a suitable affirmation for Mistress MJ and make one up for yourself while you’re at it.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Winner – Teen Angst Competition

Wondering who is our mystery teen?

It’s PONITA from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada!


Ponita today


Ponita the teen

You know Ponita as the woman who put GIANT UNDERPANTS on a horse.

The following bitches correctly indentified Ponita: Miss Scarlet, EmmaK, Donn, and Leah.

Mistress MJ placed their names into her chapeau and drew the winner.

Infomaniac is pleased to announce that the winner of the Teen Angst Competition is LEAH in Brooklyn, New York!

Leah, you’ve won the "I'm Savin' Up for More Valium!…So I Can Relax Forever!" Piggy Bank. It looks like this…



Thanks to ALL you bitches who participated in the Teen Angst Competition.

Send in your teenage angst photos today!

And now the question that’s on everyone’s minds…

Ponita, what is that hideous green thing hanging from the ceiling?

And were you in prison? What is that thing in your lap?

So many questions.


Note to Ms. Nations: Your Ponita vote did not count as your first guess was BEAST and we went with first guesses only. It says so in the fine print.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Teen Angst Competition

It’s time for another Teen Angst contest.

Guess the identity of this teenaged Infomaniac bitch and win a prize!...


(click to biggify)

In the event of more than one correct answer, Mistress MJ will draw names out of her chapeau to select a final winner.

We here at Infomaniac would like to hold more Teen Angst Competitions in future.

Were you a troubled teen?

Were you moody? Petulant? A dork? A nerd? Did your hair and fashion sense (like our bitch above) require an intervention?

Do you have the photographic evidence to prove it?

Then email your photo and you could be the next Teen Angst mystery blogger. (Email address is in our Blogger Profile.)

Note: Contest closes at 7:00 pm Pacific Standard Time (PST) on Wednesday, February 25th . For you UK readers, that’s 3:00 am on Thursday, Feburary 26th. The rest of you can use this handy World Clock to figure it out for yourselves.

Down With People



Except all of you bitches, of course.

What do you have to say?

Down with (fill in the blank).

Monday, February 23, 2009

Champagne Meltdown

We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

One minute we’re sipping champagne in our Ball Chair…




Next thing you know, we've had a little too much bubbly and before you know it, we’re throwing the bottle at Roger Daltrey…


Roger Daltrey: a waste of good champagne



Suddenly our TV set is spewing soap suds…




And baked beans and chocolate…


Bean dip, anyone?


Of course it all ends up in a frenzy of pillow humping.

Doesn’t it always?


Sunday, February 22, 2009

Nervine

Don’t do anything today to get on Mistress MJ’s nerves until she’s had her “calmative” …




Saturday, February 21, 2009

Infomaniac Magic Bus


Escape for the weekend on the Infomaniac Magic Bus!

What’s your destination?



Thanks to Piggy for the Bus Slogan Generator.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Filthy Friday

Pumpin’ iron at the Infomaniac Gymnasium…

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Gay Repartee

Try as she might, Mistress MJ could not get their attention…

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Winner – Teen Angst Competition

Infomaniac is pleased to announce that the winner of the Teen Angst Competition is MAGO!

You’ve won The Penis Book!



We think you’ll find The Penis Book a refreshing change from Popper’s Three Worlds, Mago.


It came down to the wire: a tiebreaker between Savannah, Kaz, CyberPete, Mago and Leah.

Which one of you would best describe the teenage IVD?


Yes, we have to show this photo again


It was this description of IVD that won Mago the grand prize…

The pale Byronic hero folded his long legs and knotted his large hands. Armed with patience he was ready to survive his quarterly visit to aunt Olga and uncle Fjodor. "Cheer up" they'd say, "have some grams of Vodka", and start to imbibe heavily the booze cousin Igor had created in his shed, before that accident. His brain was ready to absorb the images and pictures soon to appear on the stage this two-room-appartement provided - a curious passenger of life, old at fifteen: His time would come ...


We hope you enjoy your Penis Book, Mago. Revel in your win.

By the way, do they have postal service in Franconia?

Thanks to ALL of you who participated in the Teen Angst Competition.

There’s already been a new photo submission from one of you bitches so expect another contest in future.

Send in your teenage angst photos today!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Tiebreaker – Teen Angst Competition

A tiebreaker must be held as a result of multiple correct answers to yesterday’s contest.



The mystery teen comes to us all the way from Norwich, England.

It’s Inexplicable DeVice (IVD)!


IVD today


IVD the teen

The following on-the-ball bitches guessed IVD correctly: Savannah, Mago, Kaz, CyberPete and Leah.

In order to break the tie, here’s what we want the above-named people to do:

Tell us more about IVD’s teen pic.

You have creative license to say whatever you want to say but here are some suggestions, if you need them, to get you started…

What (if anything) is IVD thinking? What has he been doing prior to having his photo taken? Is he hatching a cunning plan? Who is responsible for the décor? Why are his lips rouged? Who took the photograph? Were sexual favours involved? Was he in fact getting any at that age?

Dream up a scenario for teenage IVD and tell us all about it.

Mistress MJ will pick her fave story at the end of the day and the winner will appear in Wednesday’s post.

Note: Anyone may leave a comment and/or a storyline but the contest is between Savannah, Mago, Kaz, CyberPete and Leah.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Teen Angst Competition

Guess the identity of this teenaged Infomaniac bitch and win a prize!...


(click to biggify)

Granted, the photo above was taken a long time ago but astute Infomaniac readers will recognize him as one of our own Infomaniac regulars.

Obviously his hairdo was a cry for help but I’ll hold my tongue from further critique and turn it over to you bitches.

In the event of more than one correct answer, Infomaniac will hold a tie-breaker contest on Tuesday.

We here at Infomaniac would like to hold more Teen Angst Competitions in future.

Were you a troubled teen?

Were you moody? Petulant? A dork? A nerd? Did your hair and fashion sense (like our bitch above) require an intervention?

Do you have the photographic evidence to prove it?

Then email your photo and you could be the next Teen Angst mystery blogger. (Email address is in my Blogger Profile.)

Note: Contest closes at 8:00 pm Pacific Standard Time (PST) on Monday, February 16. For you UK readers, that’s 4:00 am on Tuesday, February 17. The rest of you can use this handy World Clock to figure it out for yourselves.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine Kisses

You are ALL Mistress MJ’s bitches.

Help yourselves to a kiss


Mwwwwahhhh!

And put it wherever you need it.



Note: Infomaniac will return on Monday with a competition!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Fashion Friday

Filthy Friday in cancelled this week.

In its place, due to popular demand, we offer you Fashion Friday.



Consider this an opportunity for you bitches to condemn or condone the outfit above.

Unleash your inner Mr. Blackwell!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Infomaniac House of Beauty

Welcome to the Infomaniac House of Beauty!

Today we’re booking appointments for a trim…




Staff are standing by to take your calls…

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Smartest Canadian


Donn: Not just another pretty face with a big pistol


Congratulations to Infomaniac bitch DONN (Homo Escapeons) who wins The Knudsen Award for “Canadian With The Most Smarts” 2009.






Behold Donn’s gigantic brain on display: a marvel of science…




Click here to give Donn a handjob.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Awards Ceremony

Aren’t we all a bunch of swells?

Mistress MJ believes you all deserve awards.



Create an award for yourself this very minute.

Tell us the name of your award and why you deserve it.

Then sit back and wait for cheers. Or jeers.

Monday, February 09, 2009

The Giant Underpants Escapade

Wondering whatever happened to the GIANT UNDERPANTS?

They’re on a horse, of course!

We shipped them across the country to Ponita in Winnipeg, pictured here holding them in her Kung Fu grip…




Here’s Ponita proudly displaying the GIANT UNDERPANTS. Doesn’t she look thrilled? They could have been yours, bitches, but Ponita WON. Don’t you wish you’d tried harder for them now?...




Let’s introduce you to Ponita’s horse, Thunder; a seven year old, grey Tobiano Paint/Arabian cross gelding. …




Yes, Thunder, you lucky boy, these GIANT UNDERPANTS are for YOU!...




The crowd is hushed as Thunder steps gingerly into the GIANT UNDERPANTS…




Will the GIANT UNDERPANTS be spacious enough to accommodate his big bottom?




Fait accompli!…




Hmmm…something’s not quite right. Thunder isn’t comfortable and a hole must be cut to accommodate his tail…




What are you lookin’ at?...




Oh, the humiliation…




We’re not sure if this is how Mr. Ed got his start in show biz but we think Thunder has real star quality.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Saturday, February 07, 2009

You Gotta Work It

Mistress MJ has summoned Mago (aka Franconia Man) to spend the day massaging her exquisite feet.



She is aware that this will raise petty jealousies in some of the Women of Infomaniac.

To maintain the peace around here, Alan Rickman is inviting you womenfolk into his boudoir…



As for the rest of you, you look like you could lose a few pounds so so why don’t you visit the Infomaniac Gymnasium?

Classes are now in session.



Work it, bitches.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Filthy Friday

Memo to this man…



Put Mr. Baldnutz on speed-dial.



Note: Bonus post below.

Memo to the UK from Canada

Memo to the UK from Canada regarding your recent “snowfall”:

WE LAUGH AT YOUR SNOW!


Beast shoveling a light dusting of snowflakes


You know nothing of snow. Try a winter in Canada, why don’t you?

Did you know that Canadians learn how to snowshoe before they learn how to walk? It’s true!


Photo of snowshoes provided for ignorant Brits who have never seen nor heard of such a thing. You strap them onto your feet and can actually walk effortlessly on top of gigantic Canadian snowdrifts.

In fact, babies born in Canada during the winter are strapped into tiny snowshoes on their way home from the hospital lest they fall out of their mother’s arms and into a snowbank on the journey.


Meanwhile, in the UK, you tremble at the sight of ever-so-frightening GIANT SNOWBALLS...


Highways officials were called to remove this giant snowball. It is believed it was the head of a giant snowman.


And who could miss THIS headline from the BBC?...

Snowballs prompt 500 calls to 999

Incidents involving snowballs prompted members of the public to make more than 500 emergency 999 calls to police in Nottinghamshire.

A force spokeswoman said some of the snowball-related calls were genuine emergencies and incidents.

However she said some were of a trivial nature that did not warrant the use of an emergency call to police.

Officers have reminded members of the public to only dial 999 for genuine emergencies.


You poor shivering, slip-sliding British personages.

So Who Ya Gonna Call?

On Monday afternoon, BBC Radio 4 called up Winnipeg Mayor Sam Katz to ask how Manitoba's capital manages to clear snow when London can't.

Yes, you British toffs had to turn to the professionals…CANADIANS, THAT’S WHO!



Ms. Nations (in Washington State) having a laugh at the Brits expense…and rightly so, we might add

Let’s ask Ms. Nations (An American but nonetheless wise in the ways of snow…she’s Aborignalish after all) what SHE thinks of snow in the UK, shall we?...

HA I say. You think that is snow? That was BULLSHIT!!! That was WEAK!! That was buttercream fricken' frosting! Away with your so called snow which has the brain of a duck you know! HA UPON YOUR GARDEN SNOWINGS I HAVING LAUGH!!!! you get 7 ft. snowdrifts and winos frozen to the pavement in their own piss then I'll grant you some damn snow. until then go boil your bottom you silly englisher person.

...yes. I have JEERED YOUR SNOW.

yes I have.


...I did.


your snow is pathetic.




British Infomaniac readers (names withheld) keeping their spirits (and their man boobs) up

In closing, we, the people of Canada would like to say:

Get a grip, UK. It’ll all be over soon.