Public Service Announcement #17

We are aware that a number of you suffer from flatulence.

Infomaniac, as usual, is here to help you…

[via]
Source: The Complete Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

Please consult with our health inspector, Margaret, should you have any questions or concerns.

This has been an Infomaniac Public Service Announcement.

Fatal Farty

In our previous post entitled “Fatal Forty,” Thombeau had this to say…

To be honest, I initially thought the title of this post was Fatal Farty! (Which might be a good idea for a future endeavor. I have a classic fart story worth sharing, and I'm sure some of our other illustrious Infomaniacs do, too!)

So let’s open up this discussion to all the Infomaniac Bitches out there.

Do YOU have a classic fart story worth sharing?

And speaking of cutting the cheese, Cookie’s posted THIS over at The Hair Hall of Fame.

Ask Norma

Mistress MJ is celebrating the long Canada Day weekend with a little trip to the seaside.

Naturally, she’s taking her personal assistant Miss Normadesmond along…



In Mistress MJ’s absence, all questions and concerns may be addressed to Norma, right here in the comments box.

Oh, by the way…

Norma will be celebrating her birthday on July 1st so be sure to drop by and give her a little love.

Birthday gifts are optional but may I suggest a lifetime supply of flatulence deodorizer pads?...



See you soon, Bitches and remember…

ASK NORMA.

Cake

A woman.

A cake.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Pissing Contest Winner

Despite the whole of Italy casting their vote for Miss Scarlet, Infomaniac declares BEAST the winner of the Pissing Contest … by a landslide!


[photo via Kevin]


Beast wins the Pee Book entitled What’s My Pee Telling Me? We’ll be expecting a book report, Beast.

Miss Scarlet wins the consolation prize: A pack of Tena Lady pads …



Well done, all of you! Thank you for your participation.

Here’s something interesting I learned from reading What’s My Pee Telling Me? As you know, the book also covers information about poo and farts so we’re veering off the pee topic for a moment.

DID YOU KNOW?

An Australian study found that men fart an average of fifteen times a day while women let loose a mere eight times a day. The study also concluded, however, that women’s farts had higher sulfide content and smelled worse. Their scientific method? Subjects farted ito an aluminum bag. The gas was then removed with a syringe and expelled into the nostrils of eagerly awaiting judges.

Create Farts

I’m planning a sickie today so I have plenty of time to fart around afterall.

I’m certain the rest of you would love to be farting around too so let’s make a game of it, shall we?

Create farts.

Go on!

Cake Farts

Earlier this week, Inexplicable DeVice (IVD) put on his frilly pinny and baked a lovely Victoria Sponge Cake.

Or as Frobi said, “It's a Victoria Sponge - named after Queen Victoria - it was her favourite. Still loved by Queens in the 21st Century!”


IVD’s yummy Victoria Sponge Cake


While IVD was sound asleep in his eight-foot long bed, Mistress MJ snuck into the kitchen where the cake was cooling on the counter.

She lifted her frock, exposing her comely knickerless bottom, and deftly sat on the Victoria Sponge Cake.

IVD recoiled in horror when he found out what happened and his guests refused to eat a single slice.

On my behalf, I would like to say it COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.

Stinky Scot Barred for Breaking Wind

Stewart Laidlaw was banned from his local for passing foul flatulence.

Regulars at Thirsty Kirsty’s in Dunfermline, Fife, were fed up with Laidlaw’s fetid farts.

Laidlaw blames the new smoking laws for his expulsion.




"No one could smell anything when the pub was full of cigarette smoke,” said Laidlaw.

Pub landlord John Thow countered with, "He revels in this and does it all the time and it's absolutely foul, it would make you sick. Since the smoking ban he's made a career out of this. He has been warned and asked politely to stop it on many occasions…. when he drops one he'll shout and wave his arms so everyone can smell it."

Laidlaw has been served “last odours.”

News item here.

Flatulent Friday

According to historian Eric Rabkin, the Canelos Indians believe that when they fart, the soul escapes the body along with the smell. “When in a group someone breaks wind, one of the rest will clap him on the back three times and say, ‘Uianza, uianza!’ The exact meaning of this word is unknown, but the person who farted is then obligated to prepare a uianza feast. (Alternatively, Rabkin says, the farter can discharge his obligation by giving the clapper three clay vessels of manioc beer.)