Saturday, February 28, 2009

Daily Affirmations



Mistress MJ is seeking her own personal daily affirmation.

The type of positive reinforcement you might hear on Oprah.

For example, looking into the mirror and repeating, “I love myself” until you believe it.

Or sticking a post-it note to your bathroom mirror that says “I invite prosperity and success into my life.”

Has everyone collectively vomited by this point?

Anyway, Mistress MJ wants an affirmation to affect positive change in her life.

Please write a suitable affirmation for Mistress MJ and make one up for yourself while you’re at it.

38 comments:

  1. by two minutes...dammitdammitdammit

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  2. Pretty and smart DO go together.

    (Sorry savannah. Actually, I'm not. Hahahaha)

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  3. 1st with a comment actually about the post!!!


    For Mistress MJ:
    Twelve arrests, no convictions!

    For XL:
    Your mileage may vary.

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  4. Hey, I did post an affirmation. Are you saying MJ isn't pretty?? Or smart??

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  5. my ovaries are fantastic! and i have a "jelly pig" to prove it...

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  6. "you're not crap because you weren't firsty"

    I feel sooooo much better.

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  7. Stuart is now a Senator from Minnesota!
    True story.

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  8. I will hip the houseboys until they grovel and worship my wonderfulness while painting my toes.

    Every day, in every way, I'll whip 'em till they're sore.

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  9. I'm a successful and confident woman, and I don't care about the wart with the 3 hairs sticking out of it on my nose

    I think that one would work for you.

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  10. Oh, one for me?

    I'm a successful and confident woman ?

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  11. "I must, I must, I must improve my bust."

    I can't think of one for you, though.

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  12. You are slightly better than dried turds.
    Will that do?

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  13. For MJ: "At least I'm not Kapitano."

    For Kapitano: "At least I'm not MJ."

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  14. how about "i have control in my rubber glove laden hand" *snickers*

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  15. I'm about to post a...eurgh...serious affirmation...

    "The flip side of the fear coin is excitement"

    Obviously, that's not always true. When you're in battle and fear for your life, for instance, there's no positive flip side to that coin. But when you're confronting life changes, well, there really are two sides to the coin. I don't mean it facetiously. It's something real that my poetry teacher in high school said to me, and although I always thought it was a surprisingly awkward construction to come out of the mouth of a very eloquent man, I've never forgotten it, and it's definitely helped me effect positive change!

    And this is the last bit of seriousness you'll hear from me over here. We can only pray it's the last, anyway... (emoticon smiley wink)

    Here's mine:

    "You're a good Jew, a nice Jew, even though you blog on Shabbat!!!"

    xo

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  16. Hey, now that I think about it, isn't that coin one more of an aphorism than an affirmation?

    Well, it's all I've got.

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  17. HOODCHICK & SAVANNAH: Settle this “I’m first” business on your own time.

    XL: Do you have a lot of miles on you?

    Has the kapok got up your nose again?

    What are you trying to say?

    SEA: my ovaries are fantastic! and i have a "jelly pig" to prove it...

    My ovaries would be fantastic plucked from my body, coated in gold leaf and mounted on a plaque above the mantel.

    Are you referring to First Nations’ famous “Jello Pig”?

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  18. BOXER: "you're not crap because you weren't firsty"
    I feel sooooo much better.


    Well good for you.

    Now what about me?

    DONN: Stuart is now a Senator from Minnesota!
    True story.


    Mistress MJ recommends his book, "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them"

    Have you read it?

    GARFY: I will hip the houseboys until they grovel and worship my wonderfulness while painting my toes.
    Every day, in every way, I'll whip 'em till they're sore.


    NOW we’re talkin’!

    As we speak, I’m dictating your words to one of the houseboys who will painstakingly write it out in calligraphy using nail varnish.

    I shall then have it tattooed on their bottoms.

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  19. CYBERPOOF: *ignores first suggestion*

    Now about your affirmation…

    I'm a successful and confident woman ?

    For this affirmation to be successful, you must state it, not ask it.

    I think you’re one handbag and pair of high heels away from achieving it.

    GEOFF: "I must, I must, I must improve my bust."
    I can't think of one for you, though.


    Perhaps you should draw attention to your lovely slim waistline instead.

    And remember…a good padded bra can work miracles!

    VICUS: You are slightly better than dried turds.
    Will that do?


    That will do fine for you but what about me?

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  20. KAPI: For MJ: "At least I'm not Kapitano."
    For Kapitano: "At least I'm not MJ."


    But I’d like to experience what it feels like to be a singer-songwriter computer technician/atheist with art degrees/non-smoking esperanto-speaking socialist/travelling teacher of English.

    Now I’ll never know.

    DAISY: how about "i have control in my rubber glove laden hand" *snickers*

    *snaps glove playfully*

    LEAH: Aphids ate my aphorisms.

    Here’s a Shabbat quote for you from The Big Lebowski. I recommend having it emblazoned on a t-shirt…

    “Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!”

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  21. Your uterus is a holy temple - for both of us.
    Take your glasses off before looking in the mirror - for me.

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  22. Size is a state of mind. So is what you do with it.

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  23. KAZ: Your uterus is a holy temple - for both of us.

    Temple of Doom, more like.

    Take your glasses off before looking in the mirror - for me.

    I should have all the mirrors in my home covered if it weren’t for the fact that the houseboys need mirrors to apply their lippy.

    MAXI: Size is a state of mind. So is what you do with it.

    If you are referring to penis size, Infomaniac has prepared this handy post to help you achieve an accurate measurement.

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  24. You're only as old as the woman you feel
    Groucho Marx

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  25. DONN: *grabs CyberPoof's tits*

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  26. For MJ:

    I can do anything. I am strong (strong) I am invincible (invincible) I am woman.

    ...or...

    My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
    And they're like
    It's better than yours,
    Damn right it's better than yours,
    I can teach you,
    But I have to charge


    For Eroswings:

    Good morning sunshine! The earth says hello!

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  27. 'Correct punctuation and sentence structure is for the weak.'

    Works for me.

    Before business meetings and debates in the Lower House I also use ...

    'I am a Hornivore and I'm full of the Horn.'

    I'm told Her Majesty uses that one a lot too.

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  28. For MJ:
    "I'm God's gift to mankind"

    For mago:
    "Tora Tora T ..."

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  29. EROS: For MJ:

    I can do anything. I am strong (strong) I am invincible (invincible) I am woman.

    ...or...

    My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
    And they're like
    It's better than yours,
    Damn right it's better than yours,
    I can teach you,
    But I have to charge


    *shakes it to the left, shakes it to the right*

    When I stop walking, they’re still moving.

    For Eroswings:
    Good morning sunshine! The earth says hello!


    Gliddy glub gloopy
    Nibby nabby noopy
    La la la lo lo
    Sabba sibby sabba
    Nooby abba nabba
    Le le lo lo
    Tooby ooby walla
    Nooby abba naba
    Early morning singing song

    ANGELA: 'Correct punctuation and sentence structure is for the weak.'
    Works for me.

    Before business meetings and debates in the Lower House I also use ...

    'I am a Hornivore and I'm full of the Horn.'
    I'm told Her Majesty uses that one a lot too.


    You are so wise, Angela.

    Is it any wonder Old Knudsen confides in you?

    MAGO: For MJ: "I'm God's gift to mankind"

    Do you approve of my wrapping paper?

    For mago: "Tora Tora T ..."

    If you were a Thatcherite it would be, “Tory Tory Tory!”

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  30. Or, if Jewish, "Torah! Torah! Torah!"

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  31. MJ ...
    "Because I blog I'm practically famous."

    ME ...
    "Because I blog I'm Practically Joe."

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  32. I don't like to impose my way of life to others. having that in mind here are my statments:

    «Omni soit qui mal y pense» (just because it's the most nobiliarquic way to ot care)

    «you can never have enough gloves, hats and bags.» (Patsy Stone dixit)

    «Couldn't care the least» is an expression to abolish. There is always a higher state of alienation. You just have to try harder.

    tee hee

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  33. FABULASTIC: «you can never have enough gloves, hats and bags.» (Patsy Stone dixit)

    That should be our mantra.

    AND SHOES!!!

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