Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

This edition of The Roundup concentrates only on the big stories that happened this week. Complaints? If so, this is all I have to say…




The big news items were as follows:

1) Piggy’s arse
2) IVD’s mysterious disappearance
3) First Nations' entry into the Knudsen Nation


PIGGY’S ARSE:


Always a topic of conversation at dinner parties, our lead story is Piggy’s Arse. This has to be THE flabbiest lump of lard I’ve ever seen.

Observe for yourself…






Thanks go out to Smunty the Cabin Boy for this photographic deed of derring-do. Smunty, our intrepid photographer, braved the gaseous fumes emanating from this mound of misshapen flesh so that we might gaze upon the horror for ourselves.

Those wishing a diversion can play “Connect the Dots with the Liver Spots.”

And ace reporter SID reveals that Piggy’s sadsack arse received international coverage when National Geographic hit the newsstands…





Thanks SID. Though I chose not to use the 3-D glasses that came with that issue.




THE MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE OF IVD:



IVD in happier times before he became responsible for The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts



IVD (Inexplicable DeVice) has been strangely silent lately. We’ve waited weeks for that little fairy to don The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts and to hold the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition as so many of us have bravely done before him.

Ace reporter SID was on this case like shit to a blanket.

SID’s heightened powers of deduction, combined with copious amounts of whiskey, led him to conclude that IVD suffers from PSS: Pre Shorts Syndrome.




IVD attempts to bury The Shorts



I’ve been doing a bit of detective work myself and discovered that IVD’s been arrested for stealing bras, knickers and stockings!

Using the alias of Robert Boyd, IVD held up staff at a Belfast lingerie shop disguised in a wig, hat and glasses.

And here’s the clincher…

He told the court he had been involved in a role-playing game at the time, and his character was an elf named Beho. He denies robbery but says he may have blurred reality and fantasy.





If IVD makes bail, chances are he’ll skip the country in an attempt to avoid posting The Shorts compo. How can he resist with an offer like this?…








FIRST NATIONS:





Earlier this month, I was inducted into what I thought was an exclusive club: The Knudsen Nation. And proud I was.

But then that cunt Eddie Waring snuck in under the radar and got himself a VIP pass.

And now that First Nations has made the A-list, it’s obvious that Knudsen is letting in the riffraff.

Congratulations, FN. I don’t know what services you’re providing to Old Knudsen to merit membership but good on ya.



I can’t leave you with retinal burn from that photo of Piggy’s arse so I offer you Tazzy’s beauteous botty…



Tazzy slips out of his control-top mantyhose

A Buncha Pussies and a Bitch

MJ’s incredibly gorgeous pussy


Last week I requested photographs of your pussies and other critters that share your household.

By “critters that share your household” I did not mean roaches and silverfish but thanks anyway.


TAZZY AND PIGGY:

Let’s start with Yorkshire’s Biggest Poofs’ biggest pussies, Lucky and Tigger. Tazzy and Piggy have two other pussies but they were not available for comment. I’m sure, however, that they’re plotting escape to Canada.



Lucky



Tigger




CONNIE AND TATAS:

We all know Connie’s a pussy man so it was no surprise when he sent in a photo of his wife's pussy.

I assume that is Connie’s wife “Tatas” in the photo with her pussy but it could be someone he's pulled from the pub for all we know.

There would appear to be some sort of storyline in this photo essay but I don’t want to over-analyze it.













THE SMUNTS:

Steve sent in these pics of The Smunts’ pussy but not without some confusion on Carly’s part.

When Carly heard of my request for pussy pics, she almost sent in a photo of her, as Steve put it, “rather herbaceous minge.” Close one!







OLD KNUDSEN:

Old Knudsen has more pussy than he knows what to do with and we couldn’t possibly picture them all here. So instead he’s sent in a pic of his bitch.





“Here is my big black bitch. Her name is "Cunty" which is an Old Scots Gaelic word meaning "four legged wife" well it should be. She is part Lab part Pit bull and a more harmless friendly dog you'd never find I just wish she wouldn't dig up the garden, she dug up the man from the Council last week.”


Thanks to Tazzy and Piggy, Connie and Tatas, Steve and Carly, and Old Knudsen for sharing this magic moment with us.

Vintage Sex Slang Quiz

Take the Vintage Sex Slang Quiz.

I scored 9/10. Beat that, bitches!

If you know any archaic sex slang that’s not included in this quiz, tell us about it.

And what the hell would you call what’s going on in that pic?

Gingers Facing Extinction

Gingervitis



Redheads are a dying breed and could face extinction by 2060.







If the gingers really want to save themselves they should move to Scotland.

An estimated 40 per cent of Scots carry the red gene and 13 per cent actually have red hair.




Gingers Poster Boy Piggy


Ginger actor Carrot Top says of redheads, “They say it’s a dying breed. A woman asks me how that can be. And I say that’s because no one’s sleeping with us.”

If you could live to see any human physical characteristic become extinct, which one would it be?

Copulation Street

Eating Betty’s “hot-pot”


Find out what really goes on behind the curtains on Coronation Street.






Don’t miss the three-way between Mike, Deirdre and Ken!




Those filthy buggers!



Read how Rita and Sally catch Norris wanking!





All this and more at Coronation Street: The Erotic Version.




Lower, Vera luv. Lower.

Album Cover of the Week

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

I tried to get ‘round to all of you but listening to Taz and Pig’s long, drawn-out podcast took my entire Sunday evening so apologies to those I’ve missed.





The great British Biscuit Trial continues as I crunched my way this week through a packet of McVitie’s Dark Chocolate Digestives.

All this biscuit-munching may result in an arse like Piggy’s if I don’t limit my intake…





Ha! You thought I was going to post this photo, didn’t you?…





Let’s see what the rest of you have been up to…


TAZZY AND PIGGY:



Piggy and Tazzy: mongs with mics.


If you have fuck-all to do with the next 50 minutes of your life, give a listen to Taz and Pig’s podcast.

Actually, just listen to the first few minutes as I, MJ, do the introduction and I lead in with one of my favourite songs, “Be My Baby” by the Ronettes. Everything else on the podcast is shite.

So for those of you who rightly can’t be bothered to listen to the whole boring podcast, apart, of course, from my intro, here’s the gist of it…

Taz and Pig slag us all off.

IVD, the “poor skinny little fucker” is urged to “pull your finger out of your bony arse and get a fuckin’ pic of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts on your blog.”

SID’s hard-on is a topic of conversation as SID is assumed to be “playing the podcast in his car, fiddling with his willy as he drives along the motorway” in his “soggy crotchless panties.” Now that I believe. Let’s hear more about his thigh fat next time though, eh boys?

Piggy relates how he made the Smunts’ children cry and he describes them as “little bastards” who may not be Smunty’s kids at all. It’s also revealed that the Smunts’ house is infested with fleas and that the Smunts make a shite cuppa tea. And, no surprise here, we learn that Taz and Pig had to fight Smunty the Cabin Boy off in the sauna.

Taz and Pig wager on who will win in the “Two Dirty Slappers” Maidy/MJ bitchfight. Their money’s on Maidy, that “lazy bitch who took three fuckin’ years to read Harry Potter” and whose “gaping cunt looks like two bits of sloppy liver slapping together.”

We are treated to hearing Piggy fart on the microphone instead of his usual M.O. of farting under the quilt or on Tazzy’s thigh.

We learn that Tazzy has a “silky anus.”

Lots of “mmm,” “aye,” and “oink” as Taz and Pig are incapable of speaking English without all of us consulting our Yorkshire-English dictionaries.

And finally, you two can fuck off with your planned Sunday night podcasts versus my Monday morning Blogging Roundups. I’d put a stop to that idea right now if I were you.

And who are you calling a dirty slag?

Mmm. Aye. Oink.




SID:


SID humping hugging a tree.


The Oirish Cunt heaved his fat arse to the top of Slieve Donard where, unfortunately, no one pushed him off.




GEO:





Geo poses his young daughter’s Barbie dolls in compromising positions as they simulate a Maidy/MJ bitchfight.

The perv.



MAIDY:





Dumbass mistakes the open window on her vehicle for a clean window and flings her leather card carrier out.



KAPITANO:

Kapi lists a variety of subjects in the school curriculum…

Nature Study



Women's Health



American History





KAZ:





Kaz reveals that on the night that Elvis died, she was table dancing in a seedy underground nightclub in Belgium.



THE SMUNTS:



Piggy (Gollum) and Carly’s mammoth mammary.


Plenty of piccies of The Smuntyville Horror Part 2 aka Tazzy and Piggy visit the Smunts.




BETTY:



Clive Jenkins: Hot? Or not?


Betty asks, “WHO WAS THE MOST ATTRACTIVE TRADE UNION LEADER?”



GEOFF:





Geoff critiques forthcoming attractions at the Dartford Orchard Theatre.




FIRST NATIONS:





FN continues her holiday travelogue. That’s her above as a local farmer urges her to try his corn.




EDDIE WARING:





British ex-pat Waring wastes his money on American beer.

“I drank 5 fuckin' pints and probably pissed 15 times, all I got was a headache.”




BILLY:





Billy asks who would you do if you batted for the other team.




IVD (INEXPLICABLE DeVICE):





IVD is awol (stalling for time to avoid posting The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts compo) as he’s servicing the employees of the London Underground.




OLD KNUDSEN:



Graham Norton's arse.


Knudsen presents tits, arse, and the Gangs of Glasgow.




TICKERS:





Tickers snuggles (but with who? a sheep?) whilst wearing an old dog coat and eating cauliflower cheese.




AWAITING:





Our Mississippi Mama Awa is back!

And she’s brought her bigass titties with her.



AND FINALLY…



MJ’s pussy


Remember to email me pics of your animal friends this week. I’ll post ‘em on Sunday, August 26th.