Friday, October 07, 2011

Bitch on a Budget

Are you a bitch on a budget?

Looking for ways to save money?

[via Infomaniac Bitch Jason]

Then you’ve come to the right place!

We know that you don’t live under a money tree …

So we want YOU to share YOUR money-saving tips with the rest of us!

Remember that scene in “Pretty Woman” where Julia Roberts' character covers the scuff marks on her boots with a black Sharpie? Well, Mistress MJ taught her that frugalista trick!

Here’s another cost-cutting trend I attempted to start that didn’t go over half as well…drawing your clothing on with a Sharpie...



So what do you Bitches do to make ends meet?

Share your cost-cutting tips with your fellow Infomaniac Bitches in the comments box.

Mistress MJ will publish a special post soon using some of your ideas.

NOTE: You’ve got all weekend to leave comments as it’s the Thanksgiving long weekend here in Canada and Mistress MJ is busy stuffing her piehole with pumpkin products.


  1. Yay! First! For a moment there I thought you said "stuffing your pumpkin with people products" eew....

  2. I'll be back later with a list of "Princesses Penny Pinching Tits" er... I mean "Tips" to share with you all...

  3. We await your tips!

    *resumes stuffing*

  4. My tip for for saving money? Ditch your bank and use a credit union!

  5. Princesses Tip No. 1

    Make your own toothpaste!

    In a small glass jar that has a screw top lid, mix equal parts of

    Bicarbonate of soda and Table salt
    Add 1-2 drops of pure peppermint oil. (Must be the real thing)
    Stir in an amount of liquid glycerine until it forms a paste in consistency.

    The ingredients are cheap and will last you a very long time. There are also the benefits of not shoving in your mouth, all those ugly chemicals that you find in commercial toothpastes and have no idea what they are or what they do to your body!

  6. Happy Thanksgiving weekend!
    I can only think of money wasting tips right now!

  7. make your own face scrub:

    olive oil and sugar.

    I'll be back with more. need coffee.

  8. Just because you love your pubic rust colored hand towels wait before washing them until you have a full load. You use the same amount of energy. If you're a meat eater (tee-hee) buy the family packs and freeze individual servings. If your market has a meat bargin bin its a double save. Buy the largest size of household products; window cleaner and dishwasher detergent have a shelf life of about 100 yrs. Buy one bottle of Stoli and keep refilling it with off the shelf stuff. If a friend questions you about the taste, drop him or her; they're not really a friend.

  9. I find that if you don't have any money, you don't spend any. The savings are incalculable.

  10. If you're married:
    Dump the spouse and buy a whore; they're WAY cheaper!

    If you're a single male:
    Throw out your little black book and shake, shake, shake...shake your wiener, shake your wiener! The only thing hard should be your dick; the rest is FREE & EASY!!

    I promise, Rosy palm can do wonders for your constitution!

    Dressed UP...?!? Shit, you don't even need to get dressed!

    Whatever spills, you can eat as a midnight snack.

    If you're a single female:
    Take up squatter's rights in a man's lap. Pray he's straight, dizzy and dumb from too much cum and rich enough to pay the damn bills!

    If you're a single gay male:
    See above for female, knowing you can always fall back on single male if your ass starts to burn.

    Lastly, if you're just not in the mood for any of the above, make something from nothing. Not only is it cheaper to do for yourself, you also grow from the experience.


  11. BITCHES: Mistress MJ is scribbling down your suggestions in between sips of a spiced pumpkin martini.

    Which reminds me…the vodka fountain is OPEN in my absence!

    Shall we take up a collection for Thombeau? Perhaps hold a bake sale? I’ll bake the cakes.

    And Norma? It’s “cooponz” and if you don’t agree, you’re the sort who wears Crocs.

  12. My life's work is finding ways to save money.

    1. Use whiteout to cover marks on white appliances and white baseboards (skirting to you UKers)
    2. Reuse milk bags to freeze food
    3. Fill up on the food samples at Costco instead of buying lunch

    I could list more, but I don't want to give away all my tips!

    I will also be celebrating Thanksgiving (turkey and dressing) (stuffing to you USers), but I will have cherry pie since I don't like pumpkin pie.

  13. I stand on the corner preaching like a southern baptist with a sign that says "Will shut up for cash!"

  14. Those plastic canisters of Parmesan cheese (the kind with the flip top) can be washed and refilled with sugar, cereal, cat crunchies - anything that needs to be poured that comes in a large container.

    You can use exactly 1/2 the liquid detergent recommended on the bottle and your clothes will be just as clean.

    If you can get a credit card that pays airline points or similar dividends, put EVERYTHING you can on it - then pay it off in total every month with one check. The points add up fast.

    Buy several cans of good quality crushed tomatoes (not the cheap stuff) and then some Dollar Store oregano and basil. Saute an onion, add the tomatoes, then add the spices till it tastes right. Cheap, no preservatives and it freezes perfectly.

  15. I buy a jar of marshmallow creme and a box of Rice Krispies. Take a spoonful of marshmallow creme and shove it into the box of Rice Krispies. Just like the prepackaged treat but cheaper and no mess. Go to the local hotels between 6 an 11 am enter through the side door and have breakfast for free. Hang out at the local churches on the night they feed the bums for a good meal. Steal the packets of sugar, salt and pepper from fast food places. Borrow the neighbors cat. Pretend to be a valet at nice restaurants for a good car. Complain at hotels about noise and receive an upgrade. Late at night take a blow torch and steal a parking meter then make a master key and from then on you have an endless supply of change. Hang out at truck stops for free sex and pocket change. Steal fresh flowers from graveyards. New jewelry is found in your butt from tricks fisting you. Take candles from alters at church. Siphon gas from tanks in parking lots. Get new clothing from the Goodwill, steal it from the donation cube.

    Gosh so many hints, these are just the ones from off the top of my head...

  16. Lordy, I'm running out of postits just writing down y'alls awesome hints!
    I am the frugal Queen of all Queens (sans Weenis variety.) 1. Make your own spary cleaner: 1/4 cup Dawn, 1tlb rubbing alcohol, the rest water to fill a standard size spray bottle. Cheap, cleans everything, and won't leave streaks on glass! 2.Men will do ANYTHING for a blowjob. Promises of same go a long way. Bills due? Laser treatments starting to add up? Liposuction emergency (MJ?) just pucker you lips and......
    3. Save your dottle. Thats the hard crud that fries onto the side of the bole and down the stem. Scrape that shit off and give it another lick 'o the'll rock yer world.
    4. Line dry.
    5. Grow your own. Anything. Seriously. You're doing the Earth a favor and your pocketbook too. I cannot stress this one enough, people. Seeds are cheap, and any doofus-even Canadians!- can learn to take viable cuttings and grow them on. 'Producing your own' is the purest form of REVOLUTION, and a great way to 'Fuck the Man.' And it's bareback!!!
    5. I'm really loaded.
    6. Consign whatever you can. Clothing, books, appliances, cars...use it the fuck up and then sell's like getting paid to own things!
    63. The Biker and I have been operating in the black, household-wise, for the entire 345 years we've been together doing this: Run a booth at swap meets. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will pay off like doing this. It doesn't even matter what kind of swap meet. Antiques, cars, motorcycles, VW's, plants, household shit, clothes, animals...seriously. You pay your 15.00, get in early, set up your sad tiny table full of crap, and there you are before opening, when the real bargains are to be had and the freaky wheelingdealing happens PLUS and you can claim a dealers make the most incredible connections for the goddamndest things and meet the most amazing folks you've never imagineD...and you can party your ass off the whole time. Just buy a tall coffee early on and keep refilling it from that flask you keep in your garter, Mago.
    5. Keep a list of things you're looking for and garage sale that motherfucker like it's 1999. That list will soon become your best friend. You'll find yourself listing for your friends soon, and before you know it you're a picker, which is a damnded lucrative business. I knows; I done it.
    7. I'm all kinds of fucked up. Ask someone else.

  17. Seriously, I'm completely ratfucked here. And someone left me alone in the same house as a lighter.

    this, my friends, is a recipe for disaster.

  18. Hm, I am proficient in sewing my own clothes and I've dyed stained clothing before so it looks brand new. Also dying things with types of tea is pretty awesome.

    Whole new meaning to tea-bagging?

  19. I only carry rocket fuel in my hip flask, FN, now don't point that torch lamp please ...

  20. Save water - shower with a friend. Then collect the water to put on your garden. Particularly useful if you're on a water meter.

  21. 9. Hit up your Franconian friends for their used accessories.
    3.Free spank...Get on the mailing list for the Lane Bryant catalogue: cute clothes in plus sizes and smoking hot voluptuous models are never a bad thing if you like the ladies. Double points if you actually are one, or aspire to be one! It's a shop and spank paradise!
    3. If you have cruise control, use it. I mean your car, not you personally; that wouldn't be fun at all.
    6. I forgot.

  22. Don't eat processed foods (that includes pumpkin pie!) I've been doing it for 3 mo. now and have saved a pile of money and lost 15 lbs. It does get a little boring though I have to admit...

    Also, I had a plumber in to fix the dishwasher: he says just 1 or 2 teaspoons of powdered soap is optimal, and don't EVER use the preformed soap tablets, they kill dishwashers.

  23. I wipe my arse with these small pieces of paper the bank gives me - saves a lot! Can't do this with gold coins, eh!

  24. BITCHES: Thank you for your excellent cost-cutting tips! Mistress MJ will post a selection of them later this week.

    AJF: Welcome to Infomaniac! We have no idea who you are or where you came from but thank you for your helpful hints!

  25. An elasticated knee support cut in half and worn on your head, will give you an amazing instant facelift, wear it under a wig or a hat and you'll look 20 years younger!

    Ugly people in the south of England, become better looking by simply moving up north.

    Those serve yourself checkouts in supermarkets are a boon. When buying expensive exotic fruit such as dragonfruit and kumquats put them through as onions instead, onions are a lot cheaper, and if you get caught you can always tell em you forgot to bring your glasses out with you.

    People with huge flat screen plasma television hung on their walls save money by not buying curtains!

    A useful tip when staying in hotels is not to steal the towels, dressing gowns and bedding etc. Take advantage from of the unattended maid's trolley in the corridor, that way your crime will go undetected. Plates and cutlery can by hoisted from trays left outside other rooms.

    Pistachio nut shells halves painted with a nail varnish colour of your choice and stuck on with superglue makes a cheap alternative to those murderously expensive nail extentions. Paint the tips white for that french manicure look.