Haven’t seen enough? Here’s a taste of what’s in store if you place your bid today …
Nice manicure
Oh alright then, if you insist, we’ll put a face to the merchandise …
Ahoy, bitches!
Right, right, right…you want to know a little more about him. Let’s take a look at his Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service "dating profile" then, shall we?
“I enjoy the same inane things everybody lists in a profile, Romantic dinners, long walks on the beach, S&M, Leather, Fetters, Latex, PNP, Bondage, Role Play, Nasty Pig, Handballing, Hum Jobs, Tea bagging, etc...”
Wondering where you’ve read those words previously and seen that spectacular arse before?
It’s Mean Dirty Pirate (aka Ayem8y)!
Yes, Mean Dirty Pirate can be all yours if the price is right!
Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service wants to know how much you’ll pay for this fabulous manwhore.
How badly do you want it? …
He’s been around the block so many times we’ve had to set the odometer back.
But who cares about the mileage with a chassis like that?
How much will you give us for Mean Dirty Pirate? Cash is preferred. However, we’ll accept any item of value in your possession, including your own unique personal services, in exchange for this fine hunk of manliness.
Let the bidding wars begin!
The lines are open, bitches!
Note: Bidding is open all day Tuesday AND Wednesday.
Yay, last!
ReplyDeleteAnd I bid...100 Quatloos.
A HOUNDSTOOTH jacket ? You better talk to BamaTrav about that one...
ReplyDeleteI have a few Chihuahuas I could use for barter.
ReplyDeleteall I'm saying is my birthday IS coming up! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteSomebody is THE HOTNESS!!
ReplyDeleteVery hot!
ReplyDeleteI'm reluctant to bid though. I'm a little scared of the thing with the palm tree on the nightstand.
Will MDP put that away?
"I'm a little scared of the thing with the palm tree on the nightstand.
ReplyDeleteWill MDP put that away?"
Honey, MDP's already "put that away," if you get my cruder meaning, and probably is auctioning it off to some freaky queen on eBay as we speak.
MDP is welcome to my collection of bow ties and pocket hanks, which I can sort by gay color fetish, if he so desires.
Does he come with the sailboat?
ReplyDeleteCan I bid for Mr Swings?
ReplyDeleteSx
I'll fight Scarlet for Mr Swings
ReplyDeleteEverything I have - AND I'll give him Saturdays off.
ReplyDeleteKAPI: Yay, last!
ReplyDeleteAnd I bid...100 Quatloos.
As we don’t often get the chance to venture to the planet Triskelion, we’ll pass on your generous offer.
HEFF: A HOUNDSTOOTH jacket ? You better talk to BamaTrav about that one...
We’d rather that you explain it, Heff.
BamaTrav stopped making sense a long time ago.
BOXER: I have a few Chihuahuas I could use for barter.
If you’d said you had a big bone, we might have considered.
But a few Chihuahuas?
You’re barking up the wrong tree.
JASON: all I'm saying is my birthday IS coming up! Thank you.
Do you think you can have your birthday cake and eat it too?
I don’t think so.
THOMBEAU: Somebody is THE HOTNESS!!
Don’t you love MDP in the summer when he sizzles?
Oh, and your BID, please?
Surely he’d make a good houseboy if nothing else.
CYBERPOOF: Very hot!
I'm reluctant to bid though. I'm a little scared of the thing with the palm tree on the nightstand.
Will MDP put that away?
See comment from TJB, below.
TJB: Honey, MDP's already "put that away," if you get my cruder meaning, and probably is auctioning it off to some freaky queen on eBay as we speak.
MDP is welcome to my collection of bow ties and pocket hanks, which I can sort by gay color fetish, if he so desires
We understand you were thinking of MDP when you wore your green and yellow madras print bow tie and your white and buttercup yellow pocket hank.
We’re not sure what you were thinking but we wonder how you’d look in MDP’s butt bra.
Perhaps a clothing swap is in order?
EROS: Does he come with the sailboat?
No but judging by that look of ecstasy on his face, sailboats make him c…
Never mind.
SCARLET & LULU: Mr. Swings is not up for auction at this time.
Please stick to the manwhore at hand.
Think of his many uses…
I, for one, would use his pleasing posterior as a side table.
I have a cute little china teacup and saucer that would balance perfectly atop his buttocks.
DAMIEN: Everything I have - AND I'll give him Saturdays off.
But would you give up your crown as Mr. Nude Infomaniac?
He could be an upmarket fruit bowl perhaps?
ReplyDeleteSx
Does the bid include airfare!?
ReplyDeleteSCARLET: He could be an upmarket fruit bowl perhaps?
ReplyDeleteClick here and scroll down to the second pic to see a downmarket fruit bowl (i.e. Beast’s bum).
MR.PEACOCK: Does the bid include airfare!?
I shall see that he is delivered to you via Infomaniac Airlines.
I was expecting at least a $1.50. The only actual dollar amount that I see is 100 Quatloos. That’s not just any houndstooth jacket that’s a gen-u-wine vintage Harris Tweed woven in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland which can be yours if you act now and you get easy pay installment plan, hurry up place your bid I’m broke, Mistress and I need your dollars…I’m off to the truck stop to work up some scratch, let me know if there’s any serious offers…
ReplyDeleteAYEM8Y: I was expecting at least a $1.50. The only actual dollar amount that I see is 100 Quatloos. That’s not just any houndstooth jacket that’s a gen-u-wine vintage Harris Tweed woven in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland which can be yours if you act now and you get easy pay installment plan, hurry up place your bid I’m broke, Mistress and I need your dollars…I’m off to the truck stop to work up some scratch, let me know if there’s any serious offers…
ReplyDeleteDid you read MDP’s comment here, Bitches?
We need a big offer NOW before Mean Dirty Pirate is reduced to crawling from cab to cab again at the truckstop!
If you act now, not only will you get Mean Dirty Pirate but we’ll ALSO throw in the DVD TRUCK STOP TROLLOP starring Mean Dirty Pirate!
MDP is in splendid form but he needs a bathing suit with an empire waistline :)
ReplyDeleteI was expecting a lot more Sailor jokes? Where does all of the money go anyway? Is this how you are supplementing your retirement fund since Bernie "Made-off" with your millions?
DONN: MDP is in splendid form but he needs a bathing suit with an empire waistline :)
ReplyDeleteI was expecting a lot more Sailor jokes? Where does all of the money go anyway? Is this how you are supplementing your retirement fund since Bernie "Made-off" with your millions?
We shall let MDP answer your questions when he returns from working his way around the truckstop.
But in the meantime...
You want sailor jokes?
We’ll give you sailor jokes…
Question: What did Captain Hook die from?
Answer: Jock Itch.
Thank you.
I’m here all day.
I'll pay you 3 USD to throw that palmtree thing by the bed away and make it 5 if you get rid of the orange banana hammock.
ReplyDeleteDid I forget to mention that other than that, I like what I'm seeing?
If the bids don't pick up, maybe bring in the ShamWow Guy?
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: I'll pay you 3 USD to throw that palmtree thing by the bed away and make it 5 if you get rid of the orange banana hammock.
ReplyDeleteDid I forget to mention that other than that, I like what I'm seeing?
Put your money where your mouth is and SHOW us how much you like what you’re seeing.
Do you think that orange banana hammock belongs to IVD? It would match that shirt of his.
XL: If the bids don't pick up, maybe bring in the ShamWow Guy?
You’ll be saying “Wow” everytime.
Does MDP come with a ten-year warranty and hold 12 times his weight in liquid?
And should we throw in a “Slap Chop” so we can hear MDP say, “"you're gonna love my nuts"?
I think I'll skip that but I had an interesting day at work.
ReplyDeleteIt certainly could be IDVs but that's a scary thought.
*shakes head and resumes looking at photos*
I want to know who does his manicure!
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: I think I'll skip that but I had an interesting day at work.
ReplyDeleteIt certainly could be IDVs but that's a scary thought.
*shakes head and resumes looking at photos*
Don’t strain your eyes.
RANDOM: I want to know who does his manicure!
I’m almost certain he does his own grooming but let’s wait to hear from the man himself later.
Perfect nails requiring no press-ons!
Erm... can Mr Pirate dance... or dress up as a pantomime character... he'd be goo as Captain Hook. If so I will bid a tenner.
ReplyDeleteSx
I meant good!!! Freudian slip...
ReplyDeleteSx
Can he move furniture? I may need assistance to clean out behind and under the fridge, maybe the sofa and beds.
ReplyDeleteI've 20 euros left over from a trip! Which is like 40 million pesos!
So here we are again.
ReplyDeleteDidn't take long to wipe my name from the list did it?
*sigh*
A second on the lips a lifetime on the hips...no...hang on...
Ummm ....I never know what to say when people are flashing their bits all over the place
ReplyDeleteI have roughly $30 US in leftover Irish Pounds (pre-Euro) that I use decoratively. I'd willingly throw that AND a ShamWow! for that amount of fabulousness.
ReplyDeleteAnd if I win now, some Orange-Glo and Kaboom to make the offer even more irresistible.
yummmmmmmmmmmmmm
beast: I always say 'HEY BAYBEEEE WHOOP WHOOP C'MON BABY OVER HERE RIGHT HERE OH YEAH BIG DADDY YEAH THATS RIGHT COME TO MOMMA AND BRIND THAT BIG OL' BAT WITH YOU; YEAH, WE'LL PLAY SOME BALL WITH THAT YESIRREE DAMN YOU BETCHA' and etcetera. I hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, I bid TEN THOUSAND QUATLOOS. And this giant can-opener looking thingie. *stands ready to activate MJ's 'discipline collar' if she refuses the bid*
btw, rude filthy buccaneer dude whoever you are? SMOKIN' ass!
...and other parts. Absolutely SMOKIN'.
ReplyDeletecrap oh dear; is that the first Infomaniac reader TAINT SHOT on record? I do believe it is!
Too bad you didn't think to install the 'scratch and sniff' option. Dang.
ON HIATUS! STILL ON HIATUS!
ReplyDelete*puts down cocktail and gropes for keyboard in gin-sodden misery*
Donn - Empire waistline? Humph! If I saw an actual bid I might be inclined to wear a leather teddy and beat you with a whip. Whatever fulfills your fantasy…if the price is right.
ReplyDeleteCyberpoof – the palm tree thing is actually a lamp but if it suggests some form of sexual torture then by all means stick your finger in it.
Xl – The Sham Wow guy is currently incarcerated and a star in my upcoming porn, Spokesbitches Behind Bars.
Random Chick – I do my own mani-pedi as times are tough. If you bid now I’ll throw in a day of Heaven spa treatment.
Scarlet – A girl I could worship! Honey you have the highest bid so far, Captain Hook, Blue Beard, any of the bearded Pirates…your wish is my command.
*Does the yo ho ho and a bottle of rum jig*
Eroswings – My entire adult life has been spent moving furniture and cleaning dust bunnies from behind fridges…Highest bid so far…but use some imagination please don’t waste a good piece of ass on cleaning unless you mean the pipes.
Ginro – I’ll be yesterdays news tomorrow too…we’ll commiserate together.
Beast – It’s all about manners…say thank you!
Lord DuPree – Ding Ding Ding I think we have a winner…and a lovely assortment of parting gifts.
First Nations – Smoke it all you want…if you bid some hard cash. Hard is the key word here.
Oh and Jason – Next time I’m in New Orleans, it’s on the house…I told you before I’d marry you.
So far I think it’s Damien who pledges everything…I’ve never been to New Zealand, as a mail order whore, but I do worry about hobbits?
BITCHES: Thanks to Mean Dirty Pirate for taking over the reins and responding to all your so-called bids.
ReplyDeleteMistress MJ is too knackered to comment further. The Houseboys are running a hot bubble bath for her as we speak and we shall be sipping cocktails from the privacy of our boudoir for the rest of the evening.
There will be no new post until Thursday so continue setting your money down in hopes of walking away with Florida’s finest (fill in the blank), Mean Dirty Pirate.
Sure, economic times are tough, but this is one fine speciMAN!
p.s. Ginro, you were out of sight but not out of mind.
MDP: I would seriously consider Ms. NATIONS’ offer as she has a load of biker friends who would like to invite you over to their clubhouse.
And DUPREE? Welcome to Infomaniac! Looks like YOU’RE the frontrunner!
Of no relevance of course, but does it count that I've spent all night staring at the photos?
ReplyDeleteNow work, and then staring. I wonder if I'll ever sleep again.
I'll raise my bid with the 25p I have left from my London trip.
How did I get here so late? I bid eleventy-three dollars, but that's for all night. And he has to bring his own truck.
ReplyDeleteI would like to thank everyone for their kind and generous offers but unfortunately the reserve has not been met. Time to move on to The Home Shopping Network or Ebay. All is not lost as I have been offered a lucrative deal with the Damron guide book people to write the definitive Truck Stop Guide. Peenee I’ll be in San Fran soon to collect my eleventy-three dollars as I hitch my way across the USA.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: Of no relevance of course, but does it count that I've spent all night staring at the photos?
ReplyDeleteNow work, and then staring. I wonder if I'll ever sleep again.
I'll raise my bid with the 25p I have left from my London trip.
Which photo are you using as your computer wallpaper?
MR. PEENEE: How did I get here so late? I bid eleventy-three dollars, but that's for all night. And he has to bring his own truck.
If he has his own truck, it’s a “pick up.”
AYEM8Y: I would like to thank everyone for their kind and generous offers but unfortunately the reserve has not been met. Time to move on to The Home Shopping Network or Ebay. All is not lost as I have been offered a lucrative deal with the Damron guide book people to write the definitive Truck Stop Guide. Peenee I’ll be in San Fran soon to collect my eleventy-three dollars as I hitch my way across the USA.
Obviously these bitches don’t know good value when it’s staring them right in the face.
They’ll be sorry when you’re on your book tour and refuse to sign their copy of “Mean Dirty Pirate’s Definitive Truck Stop Guide.”
BITCHES: What a bunch of cheapskates!
I’m away for the day but when I return home late tonight there had better be a decent offer on the table or I’ll be forced to snap him up myself.
I am on the table.
ReplyDeleteSx
The first arse photo. It's got a feel good vibe to it.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping MDP will be in California around mid to late August as I'll obviously be looking hard.
No thank you :-)
ReplyDelete100 pound STERLING!
ReplyDeleteOne RCMP Red Snuggie™!
ReplyDeleteScarlet! You naughty girl you!
ReplyDeleteWhy, my innocent cheeks are now blushing the most furious red ever after reading that.
Eh ... ? I won't move away from that table as long as Scarlet is here ...
ReplyDeleteI would just like to point out that contrary to previous comments (MJ & 'Petra), the 'banana hammock' does not belong to me.
ReplyDeleteGet rid of it and I'll see the bid of 100 Quatloos and raise 2 bars of gold pressed latinum-
I mean: I'm happily married and will not take part in this sordid whoring...
Oh look! If it isn't Princess Consuela Banana Hammock
ReplyDeletepick me! pick me!
ReplyDelete*hopes irritable unwashed aquabandit knows about the 'long distance' competition we bikers like to put on for 'special people'. You need a willingness to meet new friends, a pool table and several large guys with names like 'Cincinnatti Meat' and 'The Strangler' to play. then just chalk a line on the felt, squirt some mustard on your thumb and grab your
self by the base of your
ReplyDeletewait, what?
ReplyDelete*takes another hitHACKGUACKHACK HACKHACKGAGBARF*
no, really; what?
*wanders off*
BITCHES: None of you bitches have put in a high enough offer for this fabulous Floridian Truck Stop Trollop.
ReplyDeleteTherefore, I shall be renting him out rather than selling him outright.
I just checked and the domain name “rentamanwhore.com” is available.
AYEM8Y: Thank you, Mean Dirty Pirate, for gracing this blog.
We are honoured that you, as Beast would say, “flashed your bits all over the place.”
Cum again.
Well i for one am shocked. Shocked, i tell you. what kind of person keeps their rod and reel in the bedroom? that is some kinky shit.
ReplyDeleteKEVIN: One assumes he goes "fly" fishing.
ReplyDeleteWhy has MDP got a phone in his shower?
ReplyDeleteSx
It’s back to the truck stop for me where Mistress now rents me by the hour with a complimentary tantric pedicure guaranteed to make your toes curl. Pass it on...
ReplyDeleteOh and Cyberpuss I could use a vacation to Lapland.