While You're Waiting...

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While you're waiting for Part Five of Let's Bring Back, Mistress MJ is putting you on hold.

What is the longest you've been placed on hold during a telephone call?

And which companies are the worst for wait times?

And does an actual human being ever answer the phone anymore or is it always an automated voice?


Mistress MJ will return soon. Your call is important to us.

Let's Bring Back: Part Four, L-O

Welcome to Part Four of "Let's Bring Back." If you missed our discussion on what this is all about, click here.

Note: If an item on this list is highlighted in blue, you can click on it, if you wish, for a description.

Let's bring back...

Letter openers



Do you use a butter knife to open your mail? Put that butter knife down now! Everyone knows that butter knives are meant for hotkniving, not opening letters.

Instead, use a decorative letter opener to open your handwritten thank you notes.



Lighthouse keepers



Before lighthouses became automated (like every other ****ing thing today,) someone had to climb all those stairs to maintain the lighthouse; guiding mariners and keeping them safe from crashing onto the rocks.





Long cigarette holders



You already know of my affinity for smoking accoutrements.



Love letters


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Sexting is the new love letter. We say bring back the original love letter. On paper.



Maps



When this sort of thing stops happening, perhaps I'll use GPS.

Besides, new research shows that drivers are better off using road maps than satellite navigation systems.



Nosegays



Originating in Medieval times, nosegays (or "tussie mussies") were small bouquets of flowers worn to ward off unpleasant odors. One simply turned one's head to the side, breathing in the sweet scent, thus keeping the nose "gay" or happy.

They were often carried in exquisite little cones such as this, that dangled from the finger by a ring until they were needed...



Nosegays...far more enchanting than Febreze.



Ornate ceilings



You Bitches spend most of your time on your back. Why not have something beautiful to look at?


Which of the above would you Bitches like to bring back?

And would you add anything to this "L-O" list?

Come back soon for Let's Bring Back: Part Five. 

Let's Bring Back: Part Three, H-K

Welcome to Part Three of "Let's Bring Back." If you missed our discussion on what this is all about, click here.

Note: If an item on this list is highlighted in blue, you can click on it, if you wish, for a description.

Let's bring back...

Handwritten thank-you notes



Show your gratitude by writing a simple thank you note.

Sending a "thank you" by email is better than no "thank you" at all but a handwritten thank you note adds an extra personal touch missing in electronic communication.

Keep a little drawer of stamps and stationery at hand. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. A few lines written on the back of a postcard will do.

Studies show that expressing gratitude has been linked to better health, sounder sleep, less anxiety and depression, higher long-term satisfaction with life and kinder behavior toward others.



Hat boxes


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Hats were once commonly stored in decorative hatboxes to protect them from dust or being crushed or misshapened. And, as Gloria Swanson demonstrates above, hat boxes were used for travelling. Particularly handy if you're taking both your trilby and your Homburg.

And while we're bringing back hat boxes, let's bring back hats!







Head scarves

This...



Not this...




Nor this either...





Home wet bars



Need we explain why no home is complete without a wet bar?

Comes with complimentary houseboy/bartender, naturally...





Imperfect smiles

Think Anna Paquin...



Rather than the perfect line of Chiclets teeth on Jessica Simpson...



But let's not go overboard and take imperfection as far as Shane MacGowan...





Jukeboxes



Have you ever seen a jukebox in a McDonald's? Possibly, but not likely.
Update: I was wrong.

Jukeboxes were a staple in diners all over Canada and the United States and were especially popular from the 1940s through the mid-1960s.



Drop a nickel in the slot and select a tune!

The Infomaniac Jukebox would play only songs we like, of course.

Anyone trying to slip in a rap song will be BANNED.



"The Kindness of Strangers"



I have always depended on the kindness of strangers
- Blanche Dubois in A Streetcar Named Desire

While the Random Acts of Kindness movement may sound a little too "Oprah" for you, their hearts are in the right place.

Their aim is to inspire people to practice kindness and pass it on to others.

We here at Infomaniac agree.

An act of kindness can only take a moment or it can be a commitment of time on a regular basis...it's your choice and that's part of its appeal.

Need some ideas? Click here.


Which of the above would you Bitches like to bring back?

And would you add anything to this "H-K" list?

Come back soon for Let's Bring Back: Part Four.  

Let's Bring Back: Part Two, D-G

Welcome to Part Two of "Let's Bring Back." If you missed our discussion on what this is all about, click here.

Note: If an item on this list is highlighted in blue, you can click on it, if you wish, for a description.

Let's bring back...

Discreet voices



We do not want to hear your cell phone conversation. Do not make us print out this guide on How To Practice Cell Phone Etiquette and shove it down your throat.



Door-holding etiquette





A polite gesture that only takes a moment and your good manners will be appreciated...sometimes. 

I'm surprised by the number of people who do not say "thank you" when the door is held open for them. Nonetheless, I shall continue to hold doors open. But I'll remember your face, beeyotch, and the door will be slammed shut in it next time.


Dressing screens





Disappear behind a dressing screen and saucily toss your petticoat over the side as you continue to undress.



Elegance



When Suzy Parker gracefully steps out of this car, not only will she look fabulous; her knees will stay together.



Elevator operators





That's right. Men and women in uniform used to press the elevator buttons FOR you!

"Ground floor: Perfumery, stationery, and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food. Going up..."

And while we're at it, let's bring back beautiful elevators like this Canadian Art Deco beauty!





Evening strolls



Rather than collapsing onto the couch for a night of TV re-runs, get up off yer arse and enjoy a leisurely stroll through your neighbourhood.

You can gossip about your neighbours' decorating tastes. It's easier to see into their houses when their lights are on at night!



Fainting couches



I couldn't do without mine. Hand me my cold compress and vacate the room, please.


Fans, handheld



Not simply a charming way to keep cool, handheld fans have their own secret language!...





Garden parties





Tea, cocktails, finger foods, and croquet and horseshoes in a idyllic outdoor setting.

Not your typical BBQ with Uncle Fred showing up in his "Kiss the Cook" apron with a burnt weenie.


Which of the above would you Bitches like to bring back?

And would you add anything to this "D-G" list?

Come back soon for Let's Bring Back: Part Three. 

While You're Waiting...

While you're waiting for the next installment of "Let's Bring Back," why don't you put on a fresh pot of coffee?

Let's Bring Back: Part One, A-C

Welcome to Part One of "Let's Bring Back." If you missed our discussion on what this is all about, click here.

Note: Links for some of the following words/terms are provided if your first language is not English...or for those of you who are still too young to live at the Villa of Queens Old Homosexuals' Haven Retirement Home and would not know what a "car tail fin" was if it fell off and hit you on the head.

Let's bring back...

Aging naturally



The Advanced Style blog and book show stylish older women, living life to the fullest. Please try to avoid the Jocelyn Wildenstein look and age as nature intended you to. Every wrinkle tells a story, don't it?



At-home doctor visits



I don't know about you Bitches, but when I'm feeling poorly, I don't fancy travelling across town to wait for two hours in a waiting room full of sick people, another half hour waiting in the examining room, and then making the return trip home. And yet, that's exactly what I have to do. Calling Dr. Kildare!

Oh, and while we're on the topic, I was recently given the option of having this instead of seeing a doctor face-to-face in the actual room with me. I'm not living at a remote weather station in Antarctica or a small archipelago in the middle of the ocean, ffs!



Attention spans (are you Bitches still with me?)



Bandstands



Music in an outdoor setting, free and accessible to all.



Beautiful train stations (e.g. New York’s Penn Station was an architectural treasure before its demolition in 1963)



Let's bring back the death penalty for developers who don't respect architectural heritage.



The Carol Burnett Show



Reruns of The Carol Burnett Show would be a welcome break from reality television. In the meantime, thank goodness we have our Thom's Redundant Variety Hour!


Car tail fins





I ♥ chrome and fins.

I can't tell a modern Honda Accord from a Honda Civic from a Toyota Camry. Bring back automotive style, design and character.


Courtship



Woo before you screw.

AyeM8y asked yesterday, "Can we bring back casual sex and one night stands?" So there may be some dissension amongst you regarding the revival of courtship.


Covered bridges



Also known as "kissing bridges." What a perfect place to court your sweetheart. Or give him a blowjob if you're AyeM8y.



Which of the above would you Bitches like to bring back?

And would you add anything to this "A-C" list?

Come back soon for Let's Bring Back: Part Two.