Sunday, January 06, 2013

Public Service Announcement #17

We are aware that a number of you suffer from flatulence.

Infomaniac, as usual, is here to help you…

[via]
Source: The Complete Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

Please consult with our health inspector, Margaret, should you have any questions or concerns.

This has been an Infomaniac Public Service Announcement.

28 comments:

  1. Like I always say Darling... "Bottoms UP"

    Firsties!

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  2. Oh, and if you aim it well enough at the light sensor on the paper towel dispenser above you can make it give out three sheets instead of one.

    So I've heard.

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    Replies
    1. If you light it, you can catch the towel dispenser on fire!

      Apparently.

      Jx

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    2. I'll flick the lighter while you de-pressurize, Jon. It's okay, I'm a Health Inspector.

      Delete
  3. You know, I've seen that position relieve pressure before, but the paper towels on the floor are always a welcome touch.

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  4. You could get arrested for being in that position in a public restroom.. It is equally possible that you could become very popular too!

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    Replies
    1. Wally, isn't this why we stay together?

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    2. Dearest Maggs,
      The rest of them mean nothing to me, you know that...

      It is just comforting to me that there is another adult in the room.

      (and the vodka fountain is still on)....

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    3. Would you be a doll, Wally, and hand me the Kreml on a rope, pleeeeease? I suddenly want a Vodka shower, join me for the rocks...?

      Delete
  5. OHMYGAWD!!!! *laughingoutloudforreal* xoxoxoxo

    (now i have to clean the coffee i just spit out up)

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    Replies
    1. Savannah,
      Flatulence is a serious health condition.
      Since you dared to laugh spewing germ laden coffee, you're first with the hygienic corrective syringe. I am taking a running start with yours. Keep your buttocks high in the air, and refrain from spewing gas.
      Health Inspector Margaret

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  6. For some reason, I am amazed that MJ has failed to link the therapeutic cake technic.

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  7. Oh My Goodness! I just luv trying new positions.

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  8. Can I use a rug instead of paper towels?
    Sx

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  9. can't get past the clenched fists & tie on the tile.

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    Replies
    1. I would assume that one should have been advised to place paper Owens for the hands and tie, too.

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    2. Who's Owen, Cookie? Does he have the authority to administer a syringe?

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    3. Yes at first sight I thought the poor fella would be mopping with a floor cloth ...

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    4. Don't worry norma, your knuckles will turn pink again & you can have your tie dry-cleaned.

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    5. Steven Jobs is haunting the iPad. It was supposed to be TOWELS and he auto corrected it to Owens. I once trick with a man whose first name was Owen. Unfortunately his last name was not MacGregor.

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    6. Yes, I always blame famous dead people for my shortcomings, and bad tricks.

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  10. Can The Mistress recommend something for removing pee stains from a tie? Uh, I'm asking for "a friend."

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  11. kabuki recognizes this classic yoga position. It is called "The laughing cow". It is also widely known that the gentile refer to farting as 'ass laughing'. ANd now you know.

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  12. See, I come back after taking a hiatus and find you've published a hiatus tutorial. Yes, we call that 'taking a hiatus' in Oregon. It's polite to say either 'excuse me' or 'Please remove the Coke bottle' afterwards because Manners Are Important.

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  13. I'm sorry, you'd need a HazMatt suit to think about adopting that position in the public loos round here....

    The paper towels would just float away. Ugh.

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  14. *flings open windows to eliminate stench*

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  15. That's the exact same position I fantasize George Clooney assumes for me when he knows I'm about to walk into the bathroom.

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