Invasion of the Penis Snatchers

This was the happy scene poolside this weekend before the
INVASION OF THE PENIS SNATCHERS…




Minutes later penis panic ensued.

Tim was the first to report losing his tackle …


Whither went my willy?


An angry Bollix reported his meat and two veg missing later that day…


Bring back me bollocks, ya filthy bastard!


Infomaniac is issuing an All Points Bulletin (that’s “All Ports Warning” for you in the UK) to inform you that there is a penis snatcher on the loose!

Penises are not the only items to have gone missing.

CyberPoof is flapping his arms about after reporting his missing strappy sandal.

Did anybody else lose anything at the party?

Anyway, back to the missing genitals.

Could this be an example of Koro?

Or could it be the work of a long, lanky, bikini-clad queen with a chip on her shoulders?


The suspect


Heff was also an unfortunate victim of the penis snatcher. Undaunted by the crime, Heff created a makeshift penis in an attempt to seduce one of our female guests …




If anyone has any information on this crime or knows the whereabouts of the suspect, bring him in for questioning.

And punishment by Mistress MJ…

Pool Party Cleanup

Just look at the state of this place!


Dedicated Garfer continues his lesson on the Physics of Floating


The party was going swimmingly (ha!“swimmingly”) until IVD and CyberPoof got into a talon-bearing, wig-pulling catfight.

IVD swung at CyberPoof with his handbag and this is the tragic result…



Do you have any idea how glitter can clog a pool drain? Well DO you???

IVD swam off with the bartender but not before doing a few laps around the pool…




Showoff


IVD and CyberPete weren’t the only ladies misbehaving.

Ponygirl went wild on Daisy when she caught her messing with her man…


Kaz, Random Chick and First Nations looked on in horror…





DJ Maxi Cane passed out after getting into the poteen…



Maxi was last heard singing this verse:

Be ye pagan, Christian, or Jew
Take off your coat and grease your throat
With a bucket of mountain dew.


Bollix has been going on about how he wants to get into my pants but who knew he meant it literally?...




Manuel was let go from the serving staff when it was discovered he was giving out more than his business cards…


Photo via [Old Bitter Balls]



Old Knudsen wasted no time driving Miss Daisy…





Tim showed up late with some of his cronies, angry that he wasn’t invited…




Oh no! That’s not Tim with Eroswings, is it? IVD will be SO jealous!...




Some of you couldn’t be bothered to stick around for cleanup duties. Donn, for instance, took a short walk off a long pier…



But as long as I’ve got a pic of his fine Canuck arse now, I can’t complain.


The cleaners managed to get the yogurt stains out of Tickers’ cossie…




But his headpiece is still at the shop and he refuses to do a lick of work without it…





Practically Joe has been a bad boy and will be punished accordingly…





Miss Mu Tai Dong is in no shape to help out...





Inner Voices is completely useless. He’s siphoned off my pool water into his VEE-hick-el and made his own swimming hole…





Anonymous Boxer swam off when I asked for her help on the cleanup crew…


“Pfffftttt” was her only comment.



Right. That’s the last straw. EVERYBODY OUT OF THE POOL!!!...




Filthy bastards. All of you.

Pool Party!

Welcome to Infomaniac’s end of summer Pool Party!

Grab your snorkels and swimsuits and let’s get into the groove.





For your comfort, I’ve arranged for plumbing facilities to be installed. Note to Inner Voices: This means you...





DJ Maxi Cane has travelled all the way from The Emerald Isle to spin some tunes on the turntable…





What’s this? Geoff disagreeing with the DJ’playlist?..





Cocktails are being served by one of my handsome houseboys. Expect CyberPoof to spend most of the day at the bar, playing the role of barfly...




Now let’s see who’s arrived so far.

I see Betty is here all the way from Kent. And doesn’t she look glamourous posing poolside?…




There’s T-Bird teaching Eroswings how to swim…





Kaz has her beer goggles on…





IVD (left, in leopard print swimsuit) is chatting up the always smartly-dressed Mago, who appears to be having a conversation with IVD’s chest…





Daisy feeds Beast a banana. No, Daisy dear, that’s not exactly where Beast likes to have his bananas inserted…





Somewhere a car tire is without its inner tube thanks to First Nations…





Isn’t that Bollix showing off one of his big balls?...




Looks like Random Chick’s found his other ball…





But it’s not all fun and games, oh no. Gather round for an educational lesson in which Garfer demonstrates the physics of floating…





Heff opts for a mud wrap spa treatment…





There’s Anonymous Boxer and a few other lovely Women of Infomaniac performing an elaborate synchronized swimming movement…



Boxer makes it look so easy…like she’s done it a million times before.


Who have we got here? Looks like Ponygirl, Savannah, Cecile, Carnalis and hell, I’m not sure. Leah or Robyn or Catscratch?...



I’m not sure who’s who but they look like they’re good to go, don’t they?


Mistress MJ consults with her poolboy to let him know which of her male guests are most likely to “put out”…





Mistress MJ must then follow up with the female guests to caution them against entertaining delusional thoughts such as this…




I tried to get round to photograph all of you but I’ve run out of film for my Kodak Brownie and need to reload.


And an attractive guest has just arrived and I must slip into the cabana for a few minutes.

While I’m gone, please help yourselves to the appetizers and cocktails.


Look over there! Looks like Old Knudsen’s made a friend!...



Seems like you’re all getting along just fine.

Now everyone into the pool!

Filthy Friday

Well now that we’ve got the filth portion out of the way, let’s get down to some blog business, shall we?


Happy Birthday, Billy!

Join me in wishing a happy 29th birthday to our little Billy in West London.

Everyone help yourself to a nice slice of Billy’s birthday cake.




I’ll ask you all not to do anything naughty with the cakes.



Party Plans

You’re all invited to stop by on the weekend as Infomaniac celebrates a Summer's End Party.

Bring your swimsuits and snorkels.

See you there!