Planet Oz

This posting is dedicated to Infomaniac’s Australian readers.





It appears that this is Australia Week in our blogging circle as both Dinah and T-Bird have posted about Australia too.

And now it’s Infomaniac’s turn.

Laugh as I expose my limited knowledge of The Land Down Under to you.

I know little of this great nation. I’ve never visited Australia nor do I have friends or relatives there.

Here then for your entertainment is everything Infomaniac knows about Australia in a nutshell.




You dress funny...


Cork hat




Your music has a sound all its own…


Didgeridoo




Carrot panpipes and flutes




Your foods are both salty…


Vegemite




And sweet..



Tim Tams: "two and a half inches has never been so satisfying"




And your culinary customs are most peculiar…


Tim Tam Slam





You have your own beer…


Foster’s Beer



Which inevitably leads you to engage in beer-related activities…




Darwin Beer Can Regatta





You’re a nation of sportsmen…


Tunarama in Port Lincoln … men and women compete to see who can throw a frozen 8-10 kilogram tuna the farthest.







Camel races in Alice Springs






Cockroach races in Brisbane




A land of unique and fascinating flora…


Baobab tree



And fauna…



Platypus




Tasmanian Devil




Bilby
Bilbies have their own Appreciation Society




And geological marvels…


Stromatolites





Your towns have names that make us titter…



Like Iron Knob and Tittybong.




Your Christmas occurs in Summer!…






You’re an inventive people…


Boomerang



You have an artist who paints with his penis…


Pricasso (Tim Patch)




Canada has the Sasquatch. You have the Yowie…



Statue of a Yowie



AND a man in search of the Yowie…


Tim the Yowie Man




Your films are delightful…










Your telly tickles me…


Dame Edna



Kath and Kim




You have your own unique literature…



Australian Bush poetry




And you have a way with words…

Yobbo = loudmouth; someone uncouth
Billabong = waterhole
Grog = plonk; cheap liquor or wine
Dunny = outhouse
(And so many more… fill me in on these for I am but a simple Canuck.)




Your legal system is to be commended…



It is illegal to wear hot pink pants after midday Sunday.




And finally…

Australia is in the future…



Sydney and Brisbane, for example, are 17 hours ahead of me!



So there you have it. The sum total of Infomaniac’s knowledge about Australia.

Can you add more? What do you know about Australia?

Go on. Enlighten me, bitches.



Note: Infomaniac will not be updating until Thursday.

Beast's Favourite Post

It’s time for another installment of Your Favourite Post.



Today’s submission comes from Beast all the way over in Bournemouth, Dorset, England.

I’ve led you to believe that Beast spends all his time stuffing fruit up his backside but our Beast is a man of many parts.

Beast’s interests include getting drunk and finding new ways to incorporate salad cream into his recipes.

Beast’s favourite Beastliness post of all time is entitled “WAR AND PEACE” and to read it you may CLICK HERE.

Enjoy. And be sure to try the recipe for Baked Beans and Eggs.

SnUggs

I tolerated Uggs (short for Ugly) although they got on my tits.


Uggs




But when Crocs came along I was forced to put a pox on Crocs.





Crocs




Are you sitting down?

Because you’re about to witness a heinous fashion crime.

A pair of Uggs mated with a pair of Crocs and gave birth to THIS FUCKING MONSTROSITY…




SnUggs




Have I walked onto the set of a horror film?

Look it over. There’s not a single attractive feature anywhere upon it.

There is NO EXCUSE FOR BAD DESIGN!

Who is responsible?

Is there a team of horned cobblers in Hell working feverishly around the clock to manufacture these abominations?







I couldn’t even wear them alone in the privacy of my own home with the curtains drawn!

And how the hell do you accessorize? What kind of outfit are you wearing to coordinate?

Do they come with a complimentary bucket for people to vomit into it when forced to look upon your ugly footwear?

It’s like a car crash. You just can’t look away. But force yourself, people. If you see them on a sale rack, run out of the store. Back away from the SnUggs.

If ANY of you purchase a pair of SnUggs, I’m cutting you off.

When oh when will the madness end?

Someone bring me a double martini. NOW!






DISCLAIMER: Infomaniac is not responsible for the nightmares that will result from staring at SnUggs.

Naked Gardening Day

It’s World Naked Gardening Day!





So get naked, grab your hoe, and get out in your garden.

























Don’t leave yet. There’s another post beneath this one.

CyberPete Has Moved!

Denmark’s biggest poofter and Kylie Minogue’s number one fan, CyberPete, has moved to Blogger.

Visit CyberPete at Sayhey.

If you love shoes, cocktails with umbrellas and Kylie Minogue, you’ll love Sayhey.


KYLIE MINOGUE’S ARSE


CyberPete is also the current custodian of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

Now go visit CyberPete and be sure to make snide remarks about the girlish pink colour of his blog.

Filthy Friday – Knock Your Socks Off

Infomaniac is of the opinion that if you’re going to get nekkid, you should take your socks off.

However, if you insist on going naked with socks, at least find a pair with no holes…





That’s right, take ‘em off…




That’s better!…





You've got nothing to smile about, buddy ...





Checking for sock lint...





Yeah, you look like you could use some sun. But with those socks on, you're going to get an uneven tan...






Hey! Feet OFF the counter!…





Thank you for using a towel on my chair...






Caution: The action heats up right about here ...


















Looks like the slip-guard on the soles of your socks didn't prevent you from falling off your chair...

Oh look! It’s a couple of Infomaniac’s finest male specimens!...

Beast and Inner Voices browsing the personal ads at SockStars…

Celebrity Arse – Jake Gyllenhaal

Today’s request for Celebrity Arse is from everyone’s favourite witch, Inexplicable DeVice (IVD).

IVD is foaming at the mouth to see Jake Gyllenhaal’s arse.

See Jake’s lovely face before you ogle his botty



So Infomaniac's people got in touch with Jake’s people …


Hello Jake? Infomaniac here.



And here’s what Jake had to say:

IVD wants to see my arse? Really?…






Hey IVD. Jake here. You wanna see my arse? That’s kinda private. How about my nipple instead?…






I gotta walk my dogs first. Ooops. Here’s a wee preview for you…






The more I think of you, IVD, the stiffer I get. Oh IVD, "Jake Jake the Trouser Snake" can’t wait to break free from his prison! ...






It’s so stiff you can hang your hat off my Rocket to Uranus…





Morning wood!…






I’m getting hot thinking about you, IVD. Gotta work it off. I bet you’d like to be under me right now, wouldn’t you, you little tramp?…






Listen up. Here’s the deal you little slut. You do what I say and I’ll show you my arse…


Ooooo yeah, baby!



Since you’ve been such a good boy for daddy, I’m gonna show you my arse …






Are you ready?…





Now zoom in!…


JAKE GYLLENHAAL'S ARSE



“Jake G Does IVD” … soon to be a major motion picture.