Friday, July 20, 2007

Maidy’s Bitch

An open letter to Maidy on the occasion of her acquisition of a man slave.

Dear Maidy:

Congratulations! I read the following bit of good news on your blog

Long story into Reader’s Digest format, I’m going back to work. I can’t do the SAHM thing, either mentally or financially.

So guess who is gonna be Mr Mom? That’s right, Geo! He’s gonna be my Mr. Mom, my manny, my bitch housekeeper.

*pictures Geo in French maid’s outfit*

Ooooo, I gonna so get slapped (and not in the good way) when Geo reads that. Maybe I should PhotoShop it.

So that’s that. I go back to work 01 August 2007. And as for Geo? His truck driving days are, for now, on stand-by.

Maidy: I, MJ, am here to help you whip that bitch Geo into shape.

I’ve taken Geo aside and stitched up this darling little outfit for him…


Comely, isn’t he?

As you know, I wrote the book on bitch training so I can impart all my worldly wisdom to you.

Geo’s a military man so you’ve got your work cut out for you. He’s used to giving the orders.

I understand what it’s like to have a headstrong bitch. I have to rein SID in all the time what with that Irish temperment of his…

Let Geo think he’s in control (read all about the technique in Chapter 9 of my book.) Soon he’ll be down on all fours, doing your bidding...

Sometimes, if he gets out of hand, you may need to apply gentle pressure…

There’s so much for you to learn, Maidy dear.

Oh fuck it. Just send me the plane fare to Philly. I’ll be Geo’s personal trainer ‘til you get the hang of it. You and me, Maidy. We’ll work on this side by side…

Maidy: More tea please, Geo-rgia.
MJ: You missed a spot, bitch.

Before long, Geo will be the handy little manny of your dreams and you can relax and take some time off while he keeps the home fires burning.

So what’s say we ditch the bitches and run off on vacation together, Maidy? It's happy hour!


  1. At least he shaved his legs for the photo.

    And his chect.

    And his neck.

    Okay, I'll stop there.

  2. He could have gone topless when sunbathing, though. That strap mark isn't very classy.

    I'm surprised you let SID get away with such cheap and nasty footwear, MJ. Vile!

  3. PIGGY: Now help us hold him down for his bikini wax.

    MAIDY: See comment to Piggy.

    IVD: He's a manny not a tranny.

    I can't get him into a pair of heels.

  4. Those are some kinky boots!

    Real men can and will strut their stuff in a pair of 5 inch heels.

  5. you bitch paybacks are coming your way

  6. CYBERPETE: It was a man who taught me how to run in 5 inch heels.

    GEO: Yawn.

  7. IDV has 11 inch heels.

    Necessitated his wonky ankles, the fucking freak.

  8. PIGGY: The wonky ankles we'll never see pictured in the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts if he carries on stalling.

  9. you have sullied an icon of innocence and childhood. I like it.

  10. IDV? Innocent? Pah! I'll give you the 'sullied' bit though - he's very definitely sullied.

    Oh, you mean the dollies!

  11. I remember when I first ran in heels. It was a question of out running a bunch of mean 9th graders at the end of school year

    I had no prior experience in running in them so it was just start running and hope for the best

  12. Nice to see that MJ has other uses for her toy figures apart from the usual antics she gets up to at..


  13. FN: See comment to Piggy.

    PIGGY: No, she means IVD.

    Didn’t you refer to him just the other day as a “tea-trolly dolly?”

    CYBERPETEY: At least you gave them a run for their money.

    IVD would have just laid down and started the metre running.

    SID: Sometimes you make me so mad I want to spit instead of swallow.

  14. Oh and those promised!

  15. SID: Not until you've run my bath and painted my toes.

    It's so hard to get good help.


  16. But I am innocent. Pure as the driven snow, in fact.

  17. IVD: Pure as the driven snow?

    Allow me to quote Mae West:

    “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”

    PIGGY: Have you started drinking without me?

  18. Did someone mention drinking?

    *reaches for the tequila*

  19. Ah, but Mae West was a dirty cow. Unlike myself, of course. Even Mary Poppins has a hard time keeping up!

    * daintily sips at gin *

  20. AWA: Bartender, get this lady a drink!

    Good to see you, gal.

    IVD: Didn't Mary Poppins keep a bottle of rum punch in her carpetbag?

    Dainty? You?

    Poncey, more like.

  21. Rum punch amongst other things... Well, kids'll drive anyone to drink!

    I think you'll find I'm more elegant than poncey. My technomancy skills are improving too, as I've managed to embed a working video, now...

  22. Those two in the last pic are hawt

  23. yea those dolls are cute........i never realised housework could be so much fun!

  24. IVD: How long did it take you to sort the video?

    I notice you made a mess of the comments in the process.

    CONNIE: They'd really go for a guy like you.

    TONY: If you think housework can be so much fun, put on this apron, bitch.

  25. You made geo wear the french maid outfit too? you bastard. I hope you washed it.

    I recently stole that pic from you but you were on hols so nah nah.

  26. KNUDSEN: What makes you think you're so special?

    And for stealing that pic, I'll have you scrub the French maid's outfit clean for the next bitch to wear.

  27. I remember, when I were a lad, being so disappointed that 'Gimp' action man, with removable butt plug, had sold out.

  28. TICKERS: Now you can make up for lost time!