Sunday, January 25, 2009

Open Wide




Today Infomaniac poses the question:

What is the biggest object you’ve ever fit into your mouth?

And /Or


What is the greatest number of similar objects (e.g. gumballs or marshmallows) that you’ve fit into your mouth at once?

51 comments:

  1. Um.... let's see.... a giant wooden spoon my mum used when cooking, that was covered in chocolate cake batter.... I was less than ten so my mouth was smaller than it is now....

    Anything else is personal.... :)

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  2. Three Rich Tea biscuits. [age 10]
    I discolated my jaw.
    Sx

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  3. Blogjinx! I just told Manuel I can fit 2 ginger nuts into my mouth.

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  4. That's a private matter.

    It's not like you are going to share.

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  5. Three Super Dickmanns.
    Last week. Don't ask.
    http://www.dickmanns.de/

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  6. A deer!

    Yep thats right. A whole deer!!

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  7. My formerly enormous pride. And then I swallowed.

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  8. I haven't put anything exciting in my mouth, ever. However my dentist has managed to fit more metalwork, tools and hands than I thought legal.

    Took him ages too and sometimes his assistant managed to get a few fingers in there too...

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  9. I used to love stuffing Ritz crackers in there, about 8 at a time.

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  10. I can just about squeeze in the lid of a shaving gel tin.

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  11. PONITA: Do not speak to me of wooden spoons.

    Mistress MJ cannot touch them nor have them in her mouth.

    She has a special rubber handle on her wooden spoon so that she need never touch the dreaded thing directly.

    Wooden spoons freak out Mistress MJ.

    Let us never speak of this again.

    MELPODEUCES: I have a gutter that needs unclogging.

    How soon can you come round?

    SCARLET: Rumour has it that your jaw is in fine working order now.

    KNUDSEN: I just told Manuel I can fit 2 ginger nuts into my mouth.

    Manuel’s not a ginger so I don’t see the point of your discussion.

    You two are becoming unusually close of late.

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  12. CYBERPOOF: A private matter between you and your imaginary boyfriend?

    Which reminds me…

    How do we know that IVD’s new boyfriend is real?

    MAGO: Super Dickmanns or Mini Dickmanns?

    The man in this photo appears to be stuffing as many Dickmanns as possible into his mouth too.

    Is this a typical Franconian pastime?

    MUTLEY: A deer! Yep thats right. A whole deer!!

    Doe!

    LEAH: My formerly enormous pride. And then I swallowed.

    Old Knudsen told me that you prefer to swallow rather than spit so this is not news to me.

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  13. FAMULUS: I haven't put anything exciting in my mouth, ever.

    Well it’s high time you learned.

    You don’t even have to leave home to do it!

    GEOFF: I used to love stuffing Ritz crackers in there, about 8 at a time.

    I feel there is something you’re not telling us.

    Some tragic reason why you had to stop.

    Please, go on.

    TICKERS: I can just about squeeze in the lid of a shaving gel tin.

    You’re not trying hard enough.

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  14. Hmmmm.... you certainly seem to have issues with wooden spoons.

    What's the story behind that?

    Fammy, I have a couple of things that would like to go in your mouth... :)

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  15. Well, in my incarnation as Melpodeuces you'd first have to light some incense to me and then sacrifice the fatted calf or something. Although considering what I'm a god of I'd settle for a fart and a burnt packet of crisps.

    But at the moment I'm off to Hogwarts where I do a bit of moonlighting. Helps pay the bills don't you know.

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  16. I don't dare try either as I am sure I would win one of those Darwin Awards.

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  17. PONITA: you certainly seem to have issues with wooden spoons. What's the story behind that?

    What part of “Let us never speak of this again” don’t you understand?

    PROFESSOR: You’re hired.

    But in your capacity as God of Bowel Movements, if you don’t do a proper day’s work for me, I shall hold up the fearsome pack of Imodium before you.

    XL: But it’s your turn to chlorinate the gene pool.

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  18. You're repressing, aren't you, MJ?

    Did you notice the expression on the chimp's face is almost the same as on that woman's face?

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  19. Never really thought of this before...hmmm...

    I'd have to say a Polish. That's a Chicago style hot dog, not the European person!

    When I was ten, I managed to put an entire packet of M&M's in my mouth as a dare. But then one went down the windpipe and I choked. So I had to give myself the Heimlich while my friends panicked and freaked out. Luckily, I was able to dislodge the offending M&M. And I managed to pick it back up and eat it after spitting out on the table--no use wasting a good M&M!

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  20. PONITA: Did you notice the expression on the chimp's face is almost the same as on that woman's face?

    Surely you’ve read enough about Bonobos on Donn’s blog to know that we are one and the same species.

    EROS: I'd have to say a Polish. That's a Chicago style hot dog, not the European person!

    It’s best that you clarified that.

    As for the M&Ms…plain? Or peanut?

    And did you remove all the brown ones first a la Van Halen?

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  21. I want a picture of your big toe(s) to find out ...

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  22. Ten year olds have a lot of fun, don't they?
    Sx

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  23. MJ in my capacity as Melpodeuces, God of Bowel Movements, House Plants, and Clogged Gutters, I shall joyfully attend to your buttocks at the first available opportunity.

    Meanwhile Ero Swings needs a little medical advice re the Heimlich manoeuvre:

    Should you find that people are just standing around laughing whilst you choke to death, a simple and expedient method is to either bend over as far as you can, or to try and do a handstand. A good cough, and then gravity should do the rest. Although neither method is without its risks *hem hem* they are preferable to the alternative.

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  24. when i was about 14 i fit 3 of those giant gumballs in my mouth at the same time and was able to chew them...i almost gagged myself a few times but did it...my 92 pound sister can eat a big mac in 3 bites...she still impresses me...

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  25. I went off Ritz's and got into TUC's.

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  26. I am well versed in the similarities between us humans and the Bonobos, even before entering bloggerland.

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  27. A guinea pig.

    I was trying out the Richard Gere rumour and was thankful to hear I'd done it wrong.

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  28. MAGO: I want a picture of your big toe(s) to find out ...

    My big toes do not resemble Dickmanns. That much I can tell you.

    If you enlarge my avatar, you can see my bare toes through my stripey stockings.

    If you require more information, my feet are a women’s European size 36, narrow and with a high arch.

    You have no need to see my feet as they will be inside your mouth where you can’t see them anyway.

    DR.PONZISKEIM: There are a good many folk present here today who have been trying for months to get Eroswings to bend over as far as he can.

    DAISY: Old Knudsen told me that you have no gag reflex.

    GEOFF: Having never had a TUC, how would you describe the experience?

    What am I missing?

    PONITA: My favourite practice amongst Bonobo males is the so-called “penis-fencing” in which two males hang face to face from a branch while rubbing their erect penises together.

    If DONN were here, he could elaborate.

    MAXI: I bet Yer Ma got it right.

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  29. I suppose we don't. Saying I'm a little jealous of him is not an option though. Absolutely not. No jealousy there. Nope none. None what so ever.

    None.

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  30. Ooops sorry, I changed my name again. I am confusing myself with these multiple personalities.

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  31. It were Super Dickmanns ...

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  32. Roughly 1,70 is not "petite".

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  33. CYBERPOOF: We haven’t seen any proof yet of IVD’s boyfriend, have we?

    LORD-OF-FLATULENCIA: MJ your feet are so dainty! Are you petite as well?

    You don’t want to massage my feet as well, do you?

    Mistress MJ is of slim build although she is rather buxom although certainly not to the distracting point of say, a Dolly Parton. Click the buxom link to see what we mean.

    And as you can see in this photo, she has what might be referred to as “birthing hips”.

    And finally, she is 5’3 ½ feet tall. Do the math if you want metric. You’re the Professor. Oh wait…you’ve morphed into a Lord. I can’t keep up with your multiple personalities either.

    MAGO: What measurement is 1,70?

    Are you pulling these numbers out of your arse?

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  34. My arse is muscular. Assuming that size 36 represents roughly 23 cm I figured your hight as 1,70 meter, 170 cm for you metric heathens over there, guess that is 5 feet 5 inches. If I get it right you are 1,63 tall. As civilized people we use a "," to separate the left from the right.

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  35. MAGO: My arse is muscular.

    There is no need to belabor the fact.

    Mistress MJ has seen the arse in question and agrees that it is has a pleasing form.

    See our response to Lord Whassisname above you. Mistress MJ is 5’3 ½ tall (just over 160 metres?) so your calculations are off.

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  36. New, from Infomaniac Films: Attack Of The 160-Meter Mistress!

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  37. Yeah, 160 and still growing ...

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  38. XL: Oh for heaven’s sake.

    Can you people not give me some peace and quiet?

    We have a new item to post and then we wish to retire to our salon with a bottle of wine and watch a film.

    And no, the film is NOT Attack Of The 160-Meter Mistress!

    MAGO: That’s quite enough out of you.

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  39. MAGO: Stop it.

    Stop it right now!

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  40. MAGO: Ta, it was relaxing indeed.

    No thanks to you and XL.

    Naughty boys.

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  41. I have decided to just leave my mouth open for a while and see what finds its way in...

    I am still debating as to whether I should close my eyes or not...

    Inside or out is another consideration.

    Any advice?

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  42. FAMMY: Have you seen the film 9½ Weeks?

    Just leave your mouth open and see if you can identify what falls into it.

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  43. Mistress: No I haven't, but I do consider this an ommission in my education and so I must do something about it.

    I have decided that I shall first identify *who* is trying to put anything into my mouth and close my eyes only if panic fails to set in...

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