Behave Yourselves, Bitches

Mistress MJ will be away most of the day and does not want to come home to a repeat performance of the Red Bow Tie incident.

Oh don’t act all coy like you don’t remember. That was the day you all decided that while the cat’s away, the mice will play. No sooner was Mistress MJ’s back turned than Beast was running around with my delicate underthingies on his head; Ms. Nations was begging Donn for COPPENS WITHOUT A DAMN SHIRT CHOPPING DOWN A DAMN TREE!!! photos; Mago and Mrs. Pouncer were exchanging phone numbers in German; and Leah couldn’t decipher a simple four letter word.

So Infomaniac will be supervised today by this man…


Photo via [SexyPeople]

Feel the fear.

Behave yourselves, bitches.

Crocs Epidemic

Most of you are aware of our intense hatred of Crocs.

If you are wearing them as we speak, get out and never come back!


Ginger chef Mario Batali wearing one of his 50 pairs of Crocs


The Crocs can of worms has been opened yet again with the introduction of the Sasquatch Pet Bed.



As you can see, the Sasquatch Pet Bed is a Crocs-shaped bed for animals.

The “shoe” part of the bed is made with “easy to hose down” closed cell resin and has a washable faux-fleece “sock” lining.



This madness must be stopped before Crocs make their way further into our homes.

What’s next?

Will IKEA pick up a Crocs line of home furnishings?

Will Philippe Starck dictate that our toothbrushes and toilet bowl brushes be Croc-shaped?

We say put an end to it NOW!



Note: Yes, we are aware that this item was posted extra early but frankly, we do not have enough time to spend with you on Thursday so let the fun begin now. Besides, we don’t know what kind of mood we’ll be in on Thursday. We may not want to speak to you at all!

PMS Buddy

Some of you are familiar with how testy Mistress MJ becomes at a certain time of the month.



Now you can be prepared for those days when she’ll be cranky.

PMSBuddy.com is here to help you.

It’s an online reminder service that warns you when pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS or PMT as it’s known in the UK) is about to hit.

Simply enter the date and length of a woman's last cycle. Women can sign up to send reminders to up to FIVE men in their life.

*Mistress MJ sends link to The Houseboys*

Anything from one to five days notice can be specified, allowing for warnings of various degrees of danger in the form of yellow, green and red alerts.

Sign up today!

*hurls dinner plate at first commenter*

Red Bow Ties

Infomaniac bitch Donn circa nineteen-seventy-something, rockin’ the red bow tie look.



“Chad”…we don’t know him but you’d have to agree he’s not half as hot as Donn.
Photo via [SexyPeople]

Red bowties are making a fashion statement.

Although exactly what it is they’re trying to say, we have no idea.

Will we see you wearing one soon?

By the way, Donn…you promised Ms. Nations and all of us that you’d give us a photo of yourself with no shirt on, chopping down a tree. This is a reminder. Helloooo?





Don’t go yet! There’s another post below to make up for my absence yesterday.

Piggy: The Early Years

You’re all familiar with Yorkshire’s biggest poof, Piggy, aren’t you?


Piggy in Penistone


Or at least you’ve all seen his arse…


Piggy’s arse


But how many of you have seen a childhood photo of Piggy?

Well here it is…


Photo via [SexyPeople]

Away Today

Mistress MJ is away today.

In her absence, The Infomaniac Orchestra will entertain you…



Beast, you may take the day off from hand-laundering our delicate undergarments.

But Mago, we’ll be expecting a foot massage upon our arrival home.

While we’re away, please observe the following house rules:

1. No pushing or shoving in an attempt to be first to comment.
2. No emitting bodily fluids.
3. No name-calling. Can’t we all just get along?
4. NO SHOUTING OR OTHER LOUD NOISES.

Have a nice day.

Manwhore

The first step is admitting it…



We know it’s one of you.

Speak up and identify yourself.

However, if you’re not a manwhore, tell us which Infomaniac bitch is!

Recurring Bra Dream

Mistress MJ is having that dream again…


(click to inflate)

Filthy Friday

It seems that Piggy’s arse has lost its novelty and that some of you are demanding an edgier, filthier Filthy Friday.

You may thank Beast, who provided this link to Le Pamplemousse.

Pamplemousse, for those not versed in the art of love, is French for grapefruit. We think you’ll make the connection by viewing this photo…



Coincidentally, grapefruit is one of many fruits that Beast enjoys inserting up his backside but that’s another story and one you’re all too familiar with.

So for those of you looking for your Filthy Friday fix, if this description of Le Pamplemousse gets your blood tingling…

Le Pamplemousse has developed a permanently pumped basket and enjoys showing it off in creative ways. He's an expert at pumping both cock and balls, shaping his foreskin and his sac into perfect pumper forms. As a muscle bear, he goes for the gusto of heavy duty pumping !

…then click here to see more.

The Devil Made Me Eat It

Satan forced my hand to devour a packet of dark chocolate-coated HobNobs in the middle of the night.



Have you ever stood in peril in your pantry?

Felt temptation as you knelt in the darkened kitchen before the dim glow of the refrigerator light?

Come forth and testify that you too have succumbed to Satan’s power!

Your fat arse belongs to Beelzebub!!!

Can I get an amen?

If this HobNob addiction continues, I’ll soon be…

Results of the Reader Survey

By popular demand: gratuitous nude photos of Old Knudsen

The results of the Annual Reader Survey are in and clearly you want more Old Knudsen.

A full list of your desires follows:

Giant naked disembodied penises.
Can we have some more bondage and discipline please?
Everything that the Tubes said that I could have in their song What Do You Want From Life?!
More shaved beaver.
How about a couple more contests as well, i love entering blog contests!!!
More recipes !
Hot gay midget action.
I'd like to see naked Action Man Tim again.
A bit of your lair?
Perverted marmosets.
Something that contravenes the UK's extreme pornography law please.
A little pain (consensual), perhaps?
I'd like to see ten uses for a sea cucumber.
More illustrations of Camden leisure pirates.
Maybe you could just be more cruel to us?
A monthly diary of what's been happening inside those stripy tights.
A picture of how far you can work the Jameson in?
Canadian landmarks!
An essay on the Canadian beaver!
A treaty and deadline for the repatriation of Celine Dion!
Nekkid young men who are not sagging!
Mud wrestling with kippers!
More Old Knudsen in General.
Lots more Old Knudsen please!!!!!!
Some hot naked midgit sex please and more of that cunt Old Knudsen.
Your bed.
Fewer cross-dressers and More very angry-indeed –dressers.
More waiters with their clothes on.
More chain smoking chimps please.
Filthy Friday to start living up to its name.
Donn Coppens with no shirt on chopping down a tree.
Beast posed the dead man in the foreground in 'Raft of the Medusa'.
Voices starting a new blog.
Frobi rising nude and glorious from a wine dark sea.
Any franconians.
IDV standing in the sand of the colliseum shouting 'are you not amused??' and brandishing his sword.
Knudsen. Just pretty much anything with Knudsen. Or his hat.



Are we finished here now or did we forget anything?

Annual Reader Survey

This blog needs more pussy


It’s that time of year again when Infomaniac allows you, our Bitches, to give us your feedback on this blog.

What would you like to see here in 2009?

*Suggestions welcome.

COMMENTS FROM PREVIOUS READER SURVEYS

Saggy, nekkid old men. Or perhaps a still life of a basket of fruit from the Tate Modern.

-- Beast


We’d like to see a big rancid cream cake stuffed up Beast’s arse.

-- Piggy and Tazzy


Orangutan buttocks. Or a nice set of baboon buttocks.

-- Garfer




More features about Old Knudsen cos he is my favourite.

-- Old Knudsen and everyone else who reads this blog

Me, impaled on Old Knudsen’s cock.

-- Leah and a dozen other female readers and one fella who didn't want us to mention his name


Nekkid blokes. That’s it. Just nekkid blokes.

-- KAZ


How about a sewing circle?

-- Scarlet

Editor’s note: How about some subversive cross stitch instead?...




Monica Bellucci’s fine ass.

-- Donn

Editor’s note: That topic is getting borrringgg. Don’t you covet anyone else’s ass?


Photos of your dainty feet, Mistress.

-- Mago


Hot young men in skimpy outfits.

-- CyberPete

Editor’s note: Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen.


Dugongs. Toilet Planters. Giant turkeys of death. Inbred children eating dirt by the side of the road. Cheese rolling and border skirmishes. Oh wait. That’s my blog.

-- First Nations





*Infomaniac will, as usual, ignore all advice.

Primate Pipe-Smokers

It has come to our attention that some of you need a good cheering up.

And what better way than to look at pictures of pipe-smoking chimpanzees!












Caveat: Infomaniac does not endorse primate pipe-smoking nor the actions of pipe-smoking primates nor the contents of said pipes.

Open Wide

Today Infomaniac poses the question:

What is the biggest object you’ve ever fit into your mouth?

And /Or

What is the greatest number of similar objects (e.g. gumballs or marshmallows) that you’ve fit into your mouth at once?

Scratchin’ On Heaven’s Door

Paco

Anonymous Boxer’s wee chihuahua Paco died on Friday morning following a brief illness.

Heaven’s head bitch (pictured below) awaiting Paco’s arrival...


Paco was an Internet star and entertained us with his many moods, costume changes and video performances.

If we were lucky, we received greetings cards in the post with his image on them. Just like this one!...



The staff here at Infomaniac (Mistress MJ, The Houseboys and The Infomanaic Dancers) invite you to share stories of your furry friends who have passed through to the Great Garden in the Sky and are waiting there to toss a ball to Paco.

Oh look! Here’s one of them now…


Ms. Nations’ old Opie

Filthy Friday

Since becoming a member yesterday of Blogger’s “Content Warning” club, we wondered, “What can we post for our first xxx-tra Filthy Friday?”

So we dug into our photo folders and found our most objectionable image…


Piggy’s arse

All Aboard!

Giant Underpants Giveaway

Just as CHANGE is the buzzword of the day...



...there are going to be Changes at Infomaniac.

Mistress MJ and The Houseboys have begun sorting through the flotsam and jetsam chez Infomaniac in preparation for our move across Canada later this year.

And we’re discovering all sorts of forgotten gems.

Like these GIANT UNDERPANTS!...



With so much sorting and packing to be done, we simply cannot keep everything.

So we are offering you this chance to claim the GIANT UNDERPANTS for your very own.

The big knickers are clean, by the way, and have never been worn. Yes, they’re still in the package.



If you covet these GIANT UNDERPANTS, please state why you should have them.

Mistress MJ will send them to the most deserving Bitch based on how much she likes your answer.

You can read more about the World’s Largest Underpants here.


Photo taken by Mistress MJ at Archie McPhee in Seattle

1975

In 1975, the Vietnam War ended; Spanish dictator Franco died; the British Conservative Party chose it's first women leader, Margaret Thatcher; Muhammad Ali beat Joe Frazier in the "Thriller In Manila" match; Sony introduced Betamax videotapes and Matsushita / JVC introduced VHS; Angelina Jolie and Russell Brand were both born on June 4th; ‘Love Will Keep Us Together’ by The Captain and Tennille was the number one hit on the Billboard charts; and men looked like this…

Faggots Galore

Warehouse sale! Prices slashed! Everything must go!

Infomaniac has stockpiled an oversupply of faggots. We have a wide variety of overstock, discontinued, slight irregulars and showroom samples priced to move.



State your style and size preferences.