Monday, May 28, 2012

Gardening With Mr. Mutley

Before we get started, a reminder to submit photos of your garden for our upcoming gardening photos event in August. Click here to see last year’s submissions.

Right. Where were we? Oh yes.

Long-time Infomaniac Bitches will fondly remember our bloggy friend Mutley the Dog (aka Rob Chambers.) …

Sadly, Mr. Mutley shuffled off to that Great Allotment in the Sky back in 2010.

Luckily for us, his memory lives on through his lovely partner Kate (aka Merry Weather.)

Last week, on the second anniversary of his death, Kate posted this beautiful “first rose of summer in my garden” for her beloved Rob…

It’s no secret that Mr. Mutley was a passionate gardener and loved puttering about in his allotment.

And it’s with that thought in mind that we here at Infomaniac are republishing a post from one of Mr. Mutley’s old blogs.

We hope you enjoy reading it.

Allotmenting! by Mutley the Dog

With the passing of the yard deep snow and the end of the gale force winds it has been my week to re-start the allotment. I mainly grow vegetables and a few flowers to cut for the pot as they say. A giant mechanised man holds the allotment on my left. He can replace his normal 'human hands' with garden tools with a few swift moves and some terrifying crunching noises. On my right is a 'Fuss Beast' a rare delight - a flurry of pink lace, taffeta and silk carrying no less than seventeen parasols in its multitudinous arms. In front of me is a very ancient man - a reincarnation apparently. And on the last side Billy the Kid - a cowboy six shooter holds his plot. Billy likes to bring unfeasibly large farm machines onto his plot and dug the whole thing in 11 seconds. Mechanical man managed to clear the whole lot as well - unfortunately including his asparagus bed, in 13 seconds, but the Fuss Beast spent the entire day worrying and only pulled up a small clump of talking couch grass - Devon's dreadful genetic mistake.

As I watched this the reincarnation came over and said in perfect English - "Looks like rain". How odd.

I decided it was best to ignore all this showing off and instead concentrate on getting my own patch ready. I wanted to plant cheese and beans on toast, poached eggs, mixed kinds of soup, noodles, pasta and chocolate. It would supplement my lard based diet admirably. However, my 'companion' - ahem - pointed out that none of these things actually are possible to grow on a British allotment. Instead I am growing tar macadam, cement, wood and aluminium to trade for the desirable food items. Allotments are great!"

I also noticed the wildlife we are already attracting including bears, wolves and sea monsters.


Thank you, Kate, for kindly allowing Mistress MJ to post the photo of your rose and to take the time to reminisce with me about Mr. Mutley.

Of course no post about Mr. Mutley would be complete without a nekkid lady, so here you go. This is for you, Mr. Mutley, wherever you are…


We miss you.

And don’t forget to submit your garden photos, Bitches!


  1. What a wonderful tribute to Mr Mutley.

  2. Gosh! 2 years already... I bet he's having a good old leg pulling with "Mu"

  3. Oh, one thing I forgot to include...

    Mr. Mutley would often include a piece at the end of his posts entitled, "Blog News" that was completely unrelated to his post.

    The "Blog News" for this post was as follows...

    Blog News

    Several members have achieved success in the recent elections to the House of Commons and indeed 43 have been elected to the Indian Parliament. The downstairs 'ladies parlour' has been renamed 'fiddlers den' in their honour. the club confidently expects to be named in numerous forthcoming expenses scandals.

  4. Replies
    1. I still titter when I read his comments on old Infomaniac posts.

  5. such a lovely i in the right place?

    1. I shall try to speak kindly of you, Norma, after you're gone.

  6. Replies
    1. It's a cliché to say he was was one of kind but he was one of a kind, DAMMIT!

  7. Brilliant post MJ and I love the Blog News
    ( I think you've captured the spirit of the English rose with finesse at the same time! *grin*)

    You've brought the fun back here -
    Thank you.

    1. KATE: Thank you for bringing so much joy into Rob's life.

      He was a funny and clever man and he'll always be remembered here.

      This is my favourite Mutley the Dog post...

      Coming Soon!

      - " Pies, boobs, social accidents, embarrassing sex, beer with weird names, perverted teens, Masons, pop stars, corrupt policemen, holidays in hell, monsters, prison ships, gratuitous nudity, talking vegetables, rubber gloves, flesh eating gulls, politics, celebrities, steam trains, philosophers, famous friends, Paul Weller, trips, the mooing phone, rotting genitals, pies, Icelandic sex perverts, wildlife reports, the West country, abattoirs, west bay, push-me-pull yous, pickles, mothers porcelain, pagan ceremonies, beetroot,and best of all radioactive howler monkeys!"

  8. Respect to you Mistress MJ :-)