Thursday, May 10, 2012

Broken Down Bitches (Part Two)

Yesterday we covered your physical health.

Today we turn to your tenuous mental health.


It has come to Mistress MJ’s attention that Infomaniac Bitch Hayward believes he needs therapy.

This leads Mistress MJ to wonder how the rest of you are getting on in the mental health department.

Are you finding what you need? Try aisle four. Or just follow Wally over to the prescription meds counter...

[via]

A few years ago, Mistress MJ asked you to name the five simple things a day that you do to stay sane.

[via]

Since so many new Bitches have joined us since then, let’s do it again, shall we?

What are the five simple things a day that you do to stay sane?

50 comments:

  1. The sanest thing I do is read Infomaniac!

    Meds? Where?

    ReplyDelete
  2. You BOTH posted at the same time!

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1) Try to be first on Infomaniac.

    2) Meditate.

    3) Surfing the Internet for porn.

    4) Meditate.

    4.1) Eat

    4.9) Meditate.

    4.99) Drink

    5) Meditate

    ReplyDelete
  4. I pop over to see Ayem8y's butt, the Cookie Monster and to contemplate the power of the green elf shorts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's only three, Hayward.

      Shouldn't you add "Vouvray?"

      Delete
  5. 1. read infomaniac

    2. drink

    3. drink more

    4. "puff, puff, give"

    5. walk


    (ok, #5 is a lie, but i just thought it would look better than sayin, "drink even more.")

    and that's how mama stays sane, sugar! xoxoxox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SAVANNAH: #5 should read "stumble"...on your way back from the bar.

      Delete
  6. pictures of my home.....
    down time diversions.....
    photos of myself...

    and now this.

    is this one big reach-a-round? am i being profiled?
    is infomaniac selling my information to third parties?

    i've "cced" my attorneys.

    ReplyDelete
  7. OMG, was wally really a beach boy?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sanity? Oh...I lost mine years ago... and have never looked back!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PRINCESS: It's trailing behind you like toilet tissue on your shoe!

      Delete
  9. I shook hands with madness so long ago that I find it difficult to imagine 'sane' holding any attraction as a state. When the alternative is working in an office, going to church and wearing sweater sets, I'll stick to decorating with dessicated mice, being stalked by Led Zeppelin, and visiting with the naked headless chicken who comes to visit me while I'm taking a bath.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1) Vicodin

      2) Beer

      3) Grass

      4) Throw on something pretty

      5) Leave the stereo arm up on my Leslie Gore album.

      Delete
    2. WALLY: It’s your pill party and you’ll cry if you want to.

      By the way, that ball gown makes your arse look big.

      Delete
  10. Sanity is way over rated.

    However, I do indulge myself in the following:
    1. Drink
    2. Check out Informaniac
    3. Drink more
    4. Take meds
    5. Masturbate

    Not necessarily in that order.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BLAZNG SCARLET: You’re drunk right now, aren’t you?

      As for #5, well, it is Masturbation Month.

      Delete
    2. Not drunk yet ....but I'm heading to my second job as a bartender soon.
      So I will be.
      Soon.

      Delete
    3. Scarlet, Isn't it amazing how masturbating keeps one sane?

      Delete
  11. Good God. 2009... back when I was young and pretty and used to speak to Mr Beastie's pants.

    An update on how to stay sane:

    1. Visit Infomaniac
    2. Smoke
    3. Read Infomaniac archive
    4. Try on bras
    5. Sniff new shoes

    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MISS SCARLET: Trying on bras?

      That makes Mistress MJ insane!

      I do enjoy sniffing new shoes though. And I “visit” really gorgeous, expensive shoes that I know I can’t afford just to be near them. I also try them on and vicariously experience the thrill of being at the ball…where, of course, my arse does not look as big as Wally’s in a ball gown.

      Delete
    2. Wait, are you saying it's not 2009?

      Delete
  12. Miss Janey:

    -sees her therapist, Dr. O, weekly
    -attends 12 step meetings
    -meditates when she has time to work it in. Really she should make time.
    -drinks red wine, smokes pot and watches 30 Rock re-runs
    -pretends she's a rich successful romance writer named Helen Shane and improvises her fake life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This makes Miss J one of the most together people we know.

      Delete
  13. Oh honey, it's simlpe. It starts with 5 shots of gin!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. ...and what in hell do you mean, my mental health? Im in fine mental health I'll have you know. "Black man , black man, where have you gone too, black man, black man, where did you go.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MISTRESS MADDIE: You’re on your sixth shot, aren’t you?

      Delete
  15. I count five things five times and then do it five more times, but then I have to worry that I've counted everything six times so I have to start over.

    Notice how often meditation and Vicodin come up in these answers? How do people tell them apart?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PEENEE: You’re the authority.

      According to AyeM8y you wrote the following in the Peenee Diaries:

      Vicodin
      Vicodin
      Vicodin
      Cat food


      Meditate on THAT.

      Delete
  16. 1. Wake up with four dogs attached to my hip.
    2. Feed four small dogs.
    3. Walk four small dogs.
    4. Feed/Walk four small dogs
    5. Drink vodka

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BOXER: You left out the poop and scoop segment.

      Delete
  17. Husband, terriers, Champers, Internet (which takes the place of former staples, reading and writing), and dreaming of vacation (all I ever wanted...).

    But I'd take a vicodin if they weren't illegal here...

    ReplyDelete
  18. MUSCATO: Shall we send you some Vicodin?

    We won’t breathe a word (“Our Lips are Sealed.”)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, after all these years, I've just adjusted the terriers and Champers doses and it mostly goes fine.

      Although we're stopping in the UK this summer on the way to the States almost exclusively to stock up on codeine.

      Delete
    2. (and here I was, afraid the Go Gos ref would go unnoticed. I should have known better!)

      Delete
    3. MUSCATO: And to think that we here in Canada were once considered the codeine capital.

      The Americans used to cross the border in droves!

      Honey, We Got the Beat.

      Delete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. 1 There is nothing more exhilarating than a good old fashioned cuppa first thing in the morning brought to me on a silver salver by my maid Carmen, though it could be the MDMA kicking in.

    2 When I feel my nerves jangling I eat a handful of almond and a banana.

    3 Visiting a cafe and eavesdropping on other peoples conversations it's just something I enjoy doing.

    4 I like to challenge myself at least once a day by doing something I dread such as answering the door to religious callers, going on a roller coaster the greater the stress the bigger the high when it's done with.

    5 A good old fashioned fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I remember going on the "Big One" at Blackpool's Pleasure Beach, when going down the first drop it automatically takes your picture, my stomach was in knots but I managed to suck in my cheeks and pout for the camera victoria Beckham esque. Then I took my knickers off and emptied them in the gutter, well, when in Blackpool!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MITZI: When riding a roller coaster, it pays to be prepared.

      Delete
  22. Oh thank you MJ, with my free sample I'll be able to shit myself with confidence.

    ReplyDelete