Saturday, December 27, 2008

Houseboys from Hell

Mistress MJ was pleased to find a bevy of new houseboys under the tree this Christmas…



But trouble is already brewing.

Expectations were high as she packed them off to the kitchen to prepare her turkey dinner. But when she poked her head in later to check on their progress, she found them sipping cocktails and tittering; heads craned toward the table…




She strode toward the table and was greeted with this abomination...





Marching angrily into the adjoining room, she found another group of houseboys, aprons asunder, lazing about watching telly…





Then up in her bedroom there arose such a clatter, she hurried upstairs to see what was the matter…




That’s it. You’ve seen enough. Obviously Mistress MJ has no control over this new crop of houseboys and she’s beside herself with worry.

What should she do?

38 comments:

  1. I think you need to hire a nanny to supervise.

    First!

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  2. I think you need to hire me to supervise.

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  3. Put saltpeter in their poutine!

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  4. Fire the cook, hire a capo to beat the breed into the barracks, let Siegfried take over.
    Just whip it up Mistress - heavens DO I have to do it all by myself here ...

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  5. LEAH: First again?

    As if Boxer doesn’t have reason enough to find you annoying what with your eyes set on Old Knudsen’s cap … and now this!

    KAPI: And as supervisor, do you have a cunning plan?

    Frankly, I have no quibbles with them having fun but not until the housework is done.

    XL: I’ll only let Québécois cook my poutine and none of these boys are from Quebec.

    MAGO: Hire a capo? Or Kapi? Ha.

    Peitschenhiebe?

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  6. First! Why does everyone keep saying that?
    Get rid of the lot Mistress MJ and take me on instead. You won't catch me using my knob as a basting tool on the turkey. Uuurrrgh! Personally I prefer the tried and trusted glazes such as honey, apple cider and butter.

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  7. spank them...spank them all :)

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  8. Let's trade. If you send over those fellas I'll give you back your old ones

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  9. That's Christiano Ronaldo on the left in picture 2.
    Gotta go - I am cohabiting at present.

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  10. One of them is a bird fancier. Send him over to me, I'll see if I can put him to use somewhere.
    Sx

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  11. as supervisor, do you have a cunning plan?

    I plan to exhaust their, um, appetites, so they'll have nothing more interesting to do that go back to work.

    Though it may require disconnecting the MJ TV. (And the television.)

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  12. I Bet He Has Fir at the end of his Willy........

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  13. "Bit of a cock up on the catering front."

    (Geoffrey Palmer in Reggie Perrin)

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  14. Spare the Rod , spoil the houseboy !

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  15. You should've hired illegal aliens instead--cheaper but they work harder!

    Perhaps you should read your warranty--you may be able to exchange them! Or sell them on eBay!

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  16. GINRO: First! Why does everyone keep saying that?

    It is an Infomaniac tradition. First on the scene declares their triumph.

    Eroswings, Anonymous Boxer, and Leah are our top scorers for firsties.

    You’re way behind.

    Get rid of the lot Mistress MJ and take me on instead. You won't catch me using my knob as a basting tool on the turkey. Uuurrrgh! Personally I prefer the tried and trusted glazes such as honey, apple cider and butter.

    Honey? Are you trying to tell me yours is sweeter?

    DAISY: spank them...spank them all :)

    Oh what fun! *claps hands*

    Will you assist me, Miss Daisy?

    And when we’ve finished with the houseboys, we’ll start in on our readers!

    CYBERPOOF: Let's trade. If you send over those fellas I'll give you back your old ones

    Mistress MJ wouldn’t be having houseboy problems in the first place if it wasn’t for you and your thieving ways.

    See something you like here, do you?

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  17. KAZ: That's Christiano Ronaldo on the left in picture 2.

    Oh, that cheeky chappy.

    Gotta go - I am cohabiting at present.

    We don’t wish to hear about your sordid sex life … unless it’s with Thierry Henry?

    SCARLET: One of them is a bird fancier. Send him over to me, I'll see if I can put him to use somewhere.

    But where are you in the pecking order?

    KAPI: I plan to exhaust their, um, appetites, so they'll have nothing more interesting to do that go back to work.

    It’s going to take up a lot of your day, catering to that lot.

    Your “time” (ahem) will be stretched to the max.

    TONY: I Bet He Has Fir at the end of his Willy........

    Cum again?

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  18. GEOFF: "Bit of a cock up on the catering front."
    (Geoffrey Palmer in Reggie Perrin)


    How kind of you to save me a trip to Mr. Google yet I couldn’t resist and discovered that our Audrey was in it!

    BEAST: Spare the Rod , spoil the houseboy !

    Good heavens, are you back already from Ma Beastie’s?

    Would you like to become a houseboy?

    Miss Scarlet tells me your Dyson crevice tool is the talk of Bournemouth.

    EROS: Perhaps you should read your warranty--you may be able to exchange them! Or sell them on eBay!

    If it weren’t for all this snow, I’d hold a yard sale.

    But I don’t want to shrivel their assets.

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  19. I do!

    Despite the utter lies and fabrications about why your houseboys left you, I'll trade.

    I'll take the lot off your hands but send the bird fancier over to Scarlets room. I'm not into that.

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  20. and now mj...you have reached the point...where you are finally reading my warped mind...thank you!!!!!!

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  21. CYBERPOOF: But where will you put them all?

    DAISY: Not only have I read your warped mind... I’ve dog-eared all the juicy bits!

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  22. this is why I got rid of the houseboys and got house dogs.

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  23. "Honey? Are you trying to tell me yours is sweeter?"

    Suck it and see.

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  24. BOXER: That gives me an idea.

    I could make movies with the houseboys the way you make movies with the dogs!

    Do you think there’s a market?

    GINRO: Fresh!

    *slaps*

    CYBERPOOF: You won’t know ‘til you answer it.

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  25. "some cuffing and spanking"

    also perhaps a round of "mustache rides" would keep them entertained...

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  26. If it's moustache rides they're after, they need look no further than World Champ Stephen Neal.

    He's on my Blogroll.

    Click to see.

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  27. my heart bleeds for you ..


    i think i should pop over, distract you with my muffins, and inspect the situation more closely

    *grin*

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  28. Oooh MJ do that again, I like it.

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  29. I'd better not. My current houseboys have made me all hot and sweaty.

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  30. Well at least one of them cooks ............... sort of.

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  31. Hmm, this blog seems to be turning into AshtonCruz


    btw, one of those fuckers gave me crabs and stole my Tesco's Clubcard

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  32. Mr Frobisher . Fresh seafood is a versatile ingredient and useful source of lean protein.!

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  33. those second set of bare bottoms shame all waiters......getting your bum out on the internet, shameful......

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  34. I am backing the spanking motion.

    They need some spankings... the liberties they are taking with your house! And your turkey?!

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  35. CARNALIS: We have muffin inspectors at the door to keep tabs on the likes of you.

    GINRO: I’ll just keep you waiting then.

    CYBERPOOF: Maybe you should turn the heat down.

    KNUDSEN: I don’t just hire based on a pretty face, you know.

    FROBI: Please stop scratching your balls while you’re talking to me.

    BEAST: Your breath smells of fish.

    MANUEL: No waiter’s bare bottom compares to your sweet sugarloaf.

    T-BIRD: Right. You hold ‘em down while Daisy and I smack their bottoms.

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  36. No! Aaaargh! Grrrr. Mistress MJ why must you torment me so? And to do it while wearing high heel boots too! *sob*

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