Wednesday, October 24, 2007

WINNERS of the Baby Pic Compo!

It’s time to announce the winners of Infomaniac’s Baby Pic Competition!

The grand prize winners for matching the most baby pics to the bloggers are TAZZY AND PIGGY! They had more correct answers than any of the rest of you lot so bow down to their greatness.

Here are the correct answers…


Baby #1 ... TAZZY

Pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy, pudgy.

Which part is pudgiest? The face? The arse? The moobs? Discuss.

The Smunts, SID, and Kaz all guessed Tazzy correctly.

CyberPete and Frobi thought it was SID. No doubt because of the fat arse.

Rimshot thought it was CyberPete.

And IVD thought it was my fellow Canuck, Homo Escapeons (HE). Sure, this is the land of cold and ice but NO ONE needs an arse that pudgy in Canada to get through the winter! I’ve seen baby seals with less blubber!

Baby #2 ... SID

No votes for “Poofiest?” What’s WRONG with you people? Clearly this is a poof-in-training!

The only one who correctly identified SID was Kaz. Well done, Kaz. If he had turned around, the rest of you would have noticed the fat arse in the making but I guess you were distracted previously by Tazzy’s wide load.

Tazzy and Piggy thought SID was HE. THAT is an insult to Canadians.

CyberPete thought it was Old Knudsen. Probably because, like Knudsie, SID has old, bitter balls.

The Smunts guessed it was Frobi while Frobi and Rimshot thought it was IVD. Tee hee.

IVD said, “It's Smunty, although it could easily be CyberSailor.”

Little SID receives MJ’s vote for “Baby I Would Most Like to Breastfeed.”

Baby #3 ... CYBERPETE

Those who know a Danish poof pastry when they see one are Tazzy and Piggy, The Smunts, Kaz, and IVD.

IVD said, “It’s CyberSailor but I want it to be Smunty the Cabin Boy.”

Well apparently SID and Frobi wanted it to be Smunty the Cabin Boy too as they BOTH said it was Smunty!

SID said, “Without a doubt Cabin Boy AND the poofiest.”

And Rimshot thought it was Tazzy!

*MJ pauses to catch breath and get back up off floor from busting a gut laffing over all the above wrong guesses*

Baby #4 ... SMUNTY STEVE

This little lady has poofter written all over him, wouldn’t you agree?

Smunty was spotted correctly only by Tazzy and Piggy.

CyberPete was under the illusion that it’s Connie while SID thought it was CyberPete.

Frobi said it’s Old Knudsen while Rimshot thought it was Frobi and IVD thought it was Rimshot.

Kaz said, “It’s IVD. And he’s both the cutest AND the poofiest.”

What’s with the bucket? Is he collecting money for a sex change?

Baby #5 ... OLD KNUDSEN

Lil Ole Knudsie was the baby most of you guessed correctly. Correct answers came from everyone except CyberPete who thought it was Rimshot, and Frobi who thought it was Tazzy.

He looked like a feisty little scrapper even back then, didn’t he?

I bet he bit his mam’s nipples off.


This wee witchy from Norfolk was the blogger who received the second most correct guesses.

Several of you spotted our fave witch right away, even without seeing his scrawny legs. Correct answers were from Tazzy and Piggy, CyberPete, The Smunts, and SID.

However, Frobi thought it was Rimshot, Rimshot thought it was Smunty, and Kaz thought it was Frobi.

Surprisingly, he received only one vote for “Poofiest.” That, of course, was from CyberPete.

What’s with the furry dice, IVD?

This little fella would go on to become the blogger with the most cavernous mansnatch. Who knew?

Baby #7 ... FROBI

Beauty and the Beast.

I recognized this little imp even without his wig on! And sans a handsome Spanish cabana boy at his side. And Tazzy and Piggy, CyberPete, and IVD recognized him too.

However, the Smunts thought it was Rimshot, SID thought it was HE, Rimshot thought it was SID, and Kaz thought it was Connie.

Wanna tell us what monkey business you’re up to, Frobi?

Baby #8 ... CONNIE THE CONVICT (at left)

Correct guesses for Connie came in from Tazzy and Piggy, SID, and Rimshot.

CyberPete and IVD both guessed it was Tazzy. Because of the vest, right? Tazzy always wears that horrible brown and white stripey vest and this was an early indication of fashion faux pas to come.

The Smunts thought it was SID. Why? Because of his poor taste in wallpaper?

Frobi said CyberPete and Kaz guessed HE.

Is little Tatas giving you a lap dance in this photo, Connie?


The only Canucklehead boy in the bunch, our HE was guessed correctly by The Smunts, Frobi, Rimshot, and FN.

HE was mistaken for Rimshot by Tazzy and Piggy, SID, and Kaz.

CyberPete mistook him for Smunty.

FN and I were particularly thrilled by the retro kitchen.

And the gaping gob indicates a natural-born raconteur.

Baby #10 ... RIMSHOT

Some of you thought Rimshot was Connie! Those who guessed this is Connie were The Smunts, Frobi, and IVD.

Tazzy and Piggy thought it was SID. I guess Taz and Pig were thinking of that goofy baby photo of SID that he posted long ago… this one…

CyberPete guessed that Rimshot was HE. SID said it’s Frobi. And Kaz figured it’s Smunty.

A newcomer to Infomaniac, Rimshot turned out to be a real crowd pleaser. More on that later.


Baby #11 ... CARLY

Cheeky little Miss Carly (catch that mischievous glint in her eyes) was guessed correctly by CyberPete, SID, and IVD.

Frobi guessed her as FN, while Rimshot and Kaz said it’s Tatas.

Smunty was threatened with physical abuse if he didn’t vote her as Cutest. If that crazed, teeth-clenching pose is any indication, it looks like she was ready to bite Smunty’s todger off even back then.

*frankly, I think she looks a little deranged*

Baby #12 ... KAZ

Excuse me, Kaz, but does it snow in Manchester? On Coronation Street, it only snows there once a year, on Christmas Day.

Anyway, Kaz was guessed correctly by CyberPete and Rimshot.

Although CyberPete will be getting a kick upside the head for saying, “No 12 looks like a photo of my mother. The coat is fabulous! That said, my mother is 63 years old.” Way to go, CyberStupid.

Tazzy and Piggy, SID, and IVD guessed incorrectly by saying it’s FN, The Smunts and Tatas said it’s MJ, and Frobi said it’s Tatas.

Tatas, who can always be relied on to bring the level of conversation down a notch, suggested that’s a vibrator under the snowman’s arm. Well, Kaz…is it?

Baby #13 ... FIRST NATIONS (FN)

The blogger above doesn’t have any baby pics so instead she’s sent a representation that closely depicts her upbringing

Those who guessed correctly were CyberPete, Rimshot, and Kaz.

The Smunts said it’s Tatas.

Tazzy and Piggy, SID, Frobi and IVD all guessed it was Kaz, probably because I’m always pointing out that Kaz has a bottle.

FN, enlighten us more on your first beer, if you wish. Was your first the best?

Baby #14 ... TATAS

You can see right from the get-go what a wailing, crazy bitch this one would grow up to be.

Tatas was correctly identified by Tazzy and Piggy, SID, and IVD.

The Smunts mistook Tatas for FN, while Frobi and Kaz thought it was Carly.

CyberPete and Rimshot had the nerve to suggest that it’s me! How very dare you!

What are you doing in that pic, Tatas? Digging a hole to bury your future husband?

Looks like quite a load in those nappies, too.

Baby #15 ... MJ

Photo removed.

Yes. MJ is “The Knicker Flasher.”

I was correctly identified by Tazzy and Piggy, SID, Frobi, IVD and Kaz.

CyberPete got it horribly wrong by guessing I’m Tatas, The Smunts said I’m Kaz, and Rimshot said I’m Carly.

All of you failed to mention how adorable I am. Points deducted.


Most of you vain bitches voted YOURSELVES as Cutest Baby.

But credit goes to Frobi and IVD for seeing the beauty beyond their own noses.

Therefore the winner of the “Cutest Baby” title is …


Having said all that, Rimshot the Rimmer voted for himself. Conceited Kraut.


It was a tight race in the Poofiest Baby category.

Baby #3 was in the lead but at the last minute, an email came through from First Nations (FN) that would change the course of history.

The result? A TIE between #3 CyberPoof and #4 Smunty Steve in the Poofiest baby category!


Looks like he’s on his way to a Pride Parade, doesn’t he?

Get beat up in school much, CyberPoof?


Smunty’s shoulder-baring, Flashdance-style, come-hither look reeled in the little boys from all over the seashore.

And with that sexy, windswept hair, who could resist?

Is that an exposed nipple?

In fairness, prizes will go to both these winners.

But I’d like to hear more from you about this. Suppose we held a “Poof-Off” where one tries to out-poof the other. What would they have to do to prove their poofiness? And who would win?

Wondering what delightful tat the winners will receive? Stay tuned Friday when the poxy prizes in all categories will be announced.

Thanks to all you bitches who submitted photos and to those of you who participated in the compo. You were ALL adorable babies and children. What the fuck happened?


  1. Yay! First!

    I think we all know that Smunty The Cabin Boy will win any Poof Off compo. Hands down. Or up someone's mansnatch (not mine!).

  2. Oh, and grudging congratulations to Tazzy & Piggy.

  3. Yay T&P, all those years spent in your cells, studying Pedophile Weekly have really paid off. Well done.

    As if there was ever any doubt as to the cutest baby was(my GOD, what did happen to me).

    Well done on the compo MJ, and thanks for doing it in the first place!

  4. A spirit level fringe and a three legged goat. It had to be you, MJ.

    And Smunty is the cutest and the poofiest. Why didn't he become an actor?

  5. Oh and Rimmer - I think you'll find it's mostly straight men that have the paedophile tendencies.

    Apart from priests, obviously. They're all at it.


  6. who came last? is there a "booby" prize?

    What exactly is Smunty wearing?

    Well done MJ! how's about a fancy dress competition next? see if people can be recognised dressed up.

  7. No Frobi, it should be a nekkid compo.

    Let's see who can be recognised with nowt on!

    MJ should be first, just to get everyone in the mood. It never takes her long to get her knickers off.

  8. MJ you tart and I bet you still have recent pics of yourself with your knickers showing

  9. Has anyone noticed that Poofy Baby Smunty has a (apart from the hair) slight Emo look about him?

    Complete with his sad little bucket of sand.

    And is that a (ill-fitting) catsuit he's wearing?

  10. IVD: I’m still in shock that you received only one vote for Poofiest.

    You certainly had them fooled as a child, didn’t you?

    RIMMER: Don’t get all cocky with your newfound fame.

    And I’m not done with you yet. Readers will be seeing A LOT more of you soon, if you know what I mean.

    PIGGY: Diamonds? Are you mad?

    Rhinestones and tinsel, more like.

    TATAS: You ought to see a doctor about that clap.

    GEOFF: Don’t encourage Smunty by calling him cutest.

    He’ll be impossible for Carly to live with after that.

    FROBI: Erm, Frobi luv…YOU came in last!

    I’ll scrounge around my closet for a booby prize.

    Fancy dress compo? None of us “clean up good.”

    PIGGY & TATAS: *ignores*

    PIGGY: Emo? More like Elmo.

    I just wish Smunty would get over here and explain that fashion statement he’s attempting to make. We all want to know.

  11. Why, I'm certain MJ would clean up wonderfully and all the hetero men and homo women wouldn't be able to find themselves other than smitten.

    This poor, unworthy commenter, on the other hand, not only 'cleans up' poorly, but isn't much of a picnic untidy as well.

  12. RIMMER: We'll all have the opportunity to view your "picnic" pic soon enough.

    *evil laugh*

  13. All the infections that the sun sucks up
    from bogs, fens, flats, on MJ fall, and make her
    by inch-meal a disease!

  14. *ahem*

    My mum made me wear it! It was the early 70's and they were both hippies.


    Apparently that pic was taken just after I'd had my first haircut!

  15. I am now a Smunty fan.
    I just love that grungy swimming outfit and the enigmatic expression.

    No such thing as a vibrator when I was a kid.

    Well done to P & T. and mj for the comp.

  16. Smunty - Who the fuck cut it? Stevie Wonder?

  17. RIMMER: You scurvy monster, you.

    SMUNTY: Obviously your parents were tripping on acid.

    KAZ: “Enigmatic?” More like someone who’s just had an enema.

    As for not having vibrators when you were a kid, I beg to differ.

    I’ve visited the Antique Vibrator Museum in San Francisco and seen them for myself!

    TAZZY: Stevie Wonder. *snigger*

  18. Congrats Piggy & Tazzy!!

    MJ you look like you were part of the cast in Children of the Corn in that photo. I'm sure you grew up nicely though.

    And thanks for the compo, it was funny even if I didn't win cutest baby - clearly you all need your eyes examined

  19. CYBERPOOFTER: I'm pleased you enjoyed the compo.

    It wasn't for lack of trying that you didn't win Cutest Baby. I was stunned by how many fake email accounts you used to vote yourself as Cutest.

  20. I prithee, let me bring thee where crabs grow (oh, wait, now we're back to MJ's knickers)

  21. RIMMER: And mount their PRICKS at my footfall.

    Do not torment me, prithee; I'll bring my WOOD home faster.

  22. Dammit

    I should have created more

  23. MJ!

    How rude of you to refer to Mr Wonder in that way.

    Oh, 'snigger'. My mistake.

    *feels ever so naughty tonight*

  24. CYBERPOOF: It wouldn't have helped in the long run as Rimmer stuffed the ballot box with his name.

    PIGGY: What can we expect from naughty Piggy tonight, then?

    And what about Baby Tazzy Pork Pie? What's he up to? Polishing his chubby cheeks?

  25. What have we here?
    A [wo]man or a fish? Dead or alive? A fish: [s]he smells like a fish; a very ancient and fish-like smell.

  26. RIMMER: Dammit. I've run out of Shakespearean comebacks.

    Where is SID when I need him?

    Or as Garfy calls him, the "Bard of Bollix."

  27. I'm already impressed with your Tempest knowledge. You obviously did not receive your education (such that it is) in Canuckistan.

    "Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful"

    "Pray now, forget and forgive" (if you know what I mean) since, after all is not "Kindness, nobler ever than revenge"?

  28. RIMMER: We're not all lumberjacks here, you know.

    What sayest thou, Belly Button?

    Hmm...perhaps my Shakespeare knowledge IS lacking.

  29. Such a fix if ever there was one.

    Ah well,well done P&T.


    You get a prize and I get to suckle on MJ. How cruel is that I ask?


    Nice Tupperware bowl haircut MJ!

    Cyberpete is still, in my eyes, a dead ringer for Steve.

    And castaway that a latex bathing costume?

    I demand to see the proper results!

  30. SID: To suckle fools.

    And at least my haircut has some style to it! Albeit questionable. Smunty looks like he fell off a chuckwagon!

    There was no fix and you’ll not see my paperwork. Besides, wasn’t it YOU who was emailing me every 5 minutes to ask if you’d been voted Cutest yet?

  31. Yeah MJ, what gives with the offering to Baal beside you? Were you on your way to a Lil' Demon's club meeting?

    "He want's you too, Malachai!"

  32. RIMMER: Nothing as sinister as that.

    I grew up in a rural setting and have been a goat lover all my life.

    If I wasn't living in an urban setting right now, I'd have a wee goat farm.

  33. First off, I'm not Smunty!!!

    Tell him, MJ

    And you should have done like I did, when hair is questionable - wear a hat (it was the 1980s afterall)

  34. You're really gonna stick with "Rimmer" aren't you? (sigh)

    I wish I could've grown up in a rural setting (rather than suburban). I want horses and room for a dozen dogs (lotsa room!)

    (tries in vain not to titter at "...have been a goat lover all my life.")

  35. ...I'm just sitting here letting it all wash over me, like when the drainfield failed...congrats winners!

    *wishes she could bounce dimes offa baby tazzy's chubby butt!*

  36. Cyber-Smunty-Lookalike: Take it up with SID.

    Rimjob: As per your request, I’ll address you from now on as Rimjob.

    FN: Tazzy is to be addressed from now on as “Tazzy Pork Pie.”

  37. Piggy was taking the piss, 'Pork fucking Pie' i've never been called that in my life.

    My nickname at school was 'Eddy'.

    Don't ask...!

  38. TAZZY-PORKPIE: I think I can guess.

    You looked like Eddie Munster.

  39. *laffs*

    Which was it Tazzy?

    Unsteady Eddy??

    Eddy the Teddy??

    Zeb eddy??

    Ever Ready Eddy*??

    Eddy in Beddy?

    Eddy the Donkey??


  40. Eddy Eddy Gives Good Heady?

  41. I’ll request once again:

    Rimshot, Mr. Rimshot, Mr. ‘Shot, Reverend Rimshot (or simply Reverend).

    Thank you, in advance, for your kind compliance with this request.

  42. Holy shit, that first photo looks like the freakish offspring some doity' trollop in mexico tried to blame on me when I was in the merchant navy...

  43. eddy hold it steady, wait till i'm ready!


  44. *Yawns!*

    Heard them all before!

    No the 'Eddy' had something to do with my surname...

    And if you think i'm telling you that on here, you're sadly fucking mistaken!

  45. R.....What did you say your name was?

    MR.GASKIN: Welcome!

    Any friend of Frobi's is a friend of mine.

    Even if your offspring are hideously ugly.

    And even though you're a ginger.

    FN: Tazzy Pork Pie Chubby Butt!

    TAZZY-PORKPIE: You'll cave.

    *hands Pork Pie a pint*

    Get this down yer neck.

  46. "Get this down yer neck."


  47. That Mr Bean baby is freaking disturbing.

  48. SID: You just can’t let it go, can you fat arse?

    *wondered who would be the first to spot that*

    MAN: The bad news is that you have to stare at it for another day as I’m not posting anything new ‘til Friday.

  49. So what's next on the list MJ?

  50. CYBERPOOF: *notes that there's nothing new on CyberPoof's blog*

    TATAS: If you had read this posting (pay attention!) you would have seen this...

    "Stay tuned Friday when the poxy prizes in all categories will be announced."

    However, you can ignore it since you won dick all.

  51. you're just grumpy because I'M the only baby who got BEER. HA HA HA.

    and 'Seagrams 7'

    and the occasional hit off a cigar.

    KEEP your prizes. I have my MEMORIES.

  52. remember nothing except the black out blankness of your youth and the raging hangovers of a preschooler...and for some reason a pet lobster.


    different gutter.

  54. You are right, I should really blog about my boring life as it, believe it or not, is getting interesting

    at least for a little bit

  55. CYBERPOOF: Tell us more.

    Did you finally get a date with someone who didn't want payment in return?

  56. My jaw may be aching but my lips are sealed