Saturday, October 20, 2007

Born Again SID, My Arse

SID, pictured above in his misspent youth, claims to have learned his lesson and repented

Don’t let that Stupid Oirish Cunt try to tell you he’s been born again.

SID promises, and I quote, “to try and be really kind, good and angelic, doing deeds of love and charity.”

Well I’ve just returned from the video store and I found THIS on the shelf…

I’m listing here a few of the tamer storylines involving our SID…

Making a £1000 bet with his friend Baz that he can seduce a woman within a week. He attempts hypnosis on a nun, who kicks him in his genitals; buys another pheromone spray (Pig Piss) which only attracts a blind woman's guide dog; and makes a desperate approach to fat, bald, ugly uber-feminist Millie Tant, who repays him with yet another vicious kick. The final frame has Sid begging his mother for £1000 to pay off the grinning Baz.

Attempting to become a biker having read a book about biker chicks. After buying a naff old moped Sid walks into a biker pub and is instantly out of place. Before long he has been severely beaten up, and has had the word 'Twat' engraved on his forehead.

Going to Barcelona, Spain for his friend Joe's brother's bachelor party, because he knows bachelor parties generally involve at least one sex show. Even though Sid is the best man, all the other guys just want to booze themselves silly. Sid finally cracks and outright demands to go to a sex show, and pays all the entrance fees. At the show, a beautiful woman wants a volunteer for a 'strip' - Sid instantly jumps on the stage. The woman blindfolds him and asks him to bend over - and while everybody is watching, a man dressed in a gorilla suit bangs him from behind. Sid still didn't score, but everyone got a good laugh.

Sid and his friends travel to Bangkok after hearing that the prostitutes there will sell themselves for as little as a pound. Sid is robbed at gunpoint by one of these ladies of the night after being tied to the bedpost. The final scene shows Sid trying to earn his flight home by working as a homosexual prostitute. "Just ten more goes and I'll have earned the fare to the airport."

“Good and angelic,” my arse. Perhaps, Born Again SID, you would like to explain?


  1. Sid was known (with good reason) as Johnny Fartpants in his youth. They chucked him out of hell beacause his chufftastic eruptions were annoying Hitler.

  2. Pheromone spray (Pig Piss).
    Shouldn't that be Piggy Piss.

  3. CYBERPOOP: Praying won't help in this case.

    GARFY: SID was known as Johnny Fartpants only in his youth?

    His diet of cabbage and Guinness have caused outrageously powerful explosions here of late.

    I'd say the moniker still holds true today.

    TATAS: Good point.

    Piggy Piss generally only attracts old tramps.

    Like the kind that are attracted to IVD.

  4. MJ: And you know this how?

    Are you the old tramp?

  5. I shall accept this persecution,and hold my head high in the tradition of all good and godly martyrs.

    *self flagellates*

  6. TATAS: Spend a day with IVD and you'll see what I mean.

    He's a tramp magnet.

    BORN AGAIN SID: It's not necessary to self-flagellate.

    I can help you with that!

  7. *confirms IVF's a tramp magnet*

    *because we've heard*

  8. PIGGY: Is it true that IVD's photo is on Buckfast labels?

  9. No. But it IS on White Lightning, the drink of choice for chavs.

    Makes everyone appear gorgeous, allegedly.

  10. PIGGY: White Lightning...

    Isn't that Connie and Tatas' drink?

  11. No. Theirs is turpentine.

    Or Tesco Value Meths at the weekend.

  12. PIGGY: Tesco’s?

    I thought Connie and Tatas did all their beverage shopping online.

  13. Oh oh did you know that when someone leaves a job at Tesco they are sloshed

    basically put in a cage and the others toss food at you

  14. CYBERSLOSH: Is that what happened to you?

    Is that why you're seeking work in Copenhagen?

    PIGGY: Doesn't SID have a Tesco Clubcard?

  15. This may be a different Sid by the Sid Vicious for example?

  16. MUTLEY: I am afraid you are mistaken. There is only one SID on Infomaniac and there's nothing vicious about him.

    *he's had his shots*

    RIMMER: Tut tut. Have you learned nothing?

    Here in Canuckistan we say "Eh?"...not "Huh?"

    And in the UK they say, "Wot?" At least the likes of Piggy and Tazzy do.

  17. Fucking cheeky bastards.

    Yes we shop in Tesco.

    You wouldn't be able to handle what Connie and myself drink.