Scratch ‘n’ Sniff Blog

If this blog had a scent, what would it smell like?



And would you like us to add a "scratch ‘n’ sniff" feature to Infomaniac?

Oh Canada

By popular demand, Infomaniac is responding to your request to learn more about Canada.

We first ran this item over a year ago but obviously some of you did not learn the lessons to be gleaned from this post.

Here it is again. As you read and study, you may make notes in the margins.





Remember that Planet Oz post where we examined what makes Australians a unique people?

Infomaniac will employ a similar outline to show you foreigners what makes Canada such a great nation.

Let’s get started, shall we? Observe and learn.




Our houses are well-insulated against the cold Canadian winters…






We have an efficient transit system…


Snowshoes




The snowmobile or “Ski-Doo”




Laugh at our funny fashion sense…


Canadian hockey commentator Don Cherry, known for his sartorial statements.





Sample our Canadian cuisine…


Poutine: The Canadian holy trinity of fries, gravy and cheese curds.




Kraft Dinner: A staple of the Canadian diet, I’ve gone on at length about “KD” here.




Fiddleheads




Beaver Tails





Nun's Farts




Maple Syrup




Nanaimo Bars





Butter Tarts




Canada is the donut capital of the world.




Get buzzed on our hooch…


Screech




We’re a nation of sportsmen…







A land of unique and fascinating wildlife…


Marmot




Musk Oxen




Moose



Yes, most of our wildlife starts with the letter “m”.



But let’s not forget our national symbol, the beaver…






Our towns have names that make us titter…



Dildo, Newfoundland




Come By Chance, Newfoundland



Punkeydoodles Corners, Ontario





We have funny money…



The Loonie is our one dollar coin, so named because it bears the image of a loon on one side.



Our two dollar Canadian coin? Yup, it’s called the Toonie.



The rest of our bills look like this…






Every Canadian has a wad of Canadian Tire Money stuffed into his wallet…


Canadian Tire Money can be used to buy automotive products and camping equipment and caulking guns and lots more crap at the Canadian Tire store.




We’re a land of manly men…


WW and Donn…ROWR!



And buxom babes…


MJ



and


Pamela Anderson turns 41 on Canada Day. . Her age has finally caught up to her bust size.




Our telly shows us the way we are…


Trailer Park Boys




Our leaders, just like yours, are buffoons…


Prime Minister Stephen Harper




Our police are on horseback…


Dances with hooves: The Royal Canadian Mounted Police ‘Musical Ride’ is a spectacle showcasing the equestrian skills of the Mounties.




We have a lot of big stuff (future post on Canada’s big roadside attractions to come)...


The Wawa Goose in Wawa, Ontario


Yes, that’s a Canada Goose which, as you may know, produces big droppings…







And now let’s play you out with Stompin’ Tom Connors (popular Canadian folk singer) singing The Good Old Hockey Game…



Stompin’ Tom and hockey. It doesn’t get any more Canadian than that, folks.





THE END

Foreign Relations

Following the past week’s three big “guess the foreigner” competitions, Infomaniac wants to know if you’d like us to continue exploring our various nations.



Would you like to see more posts about our individual countries and their quirks and national characteristics?

More peeking through the keyholes of doors abroad?

Perhaps something similar to our “Planet Oz” post, dedicated to Infomaniac’s Australian readers?

Or more reports on British cuisine?

Or the nation with the worst sex lives?

Have your say, bitches.

Time Out

Mistress MJ is knackered.

After hosting three big competitions for you ungrateful bitches over a period of one week, she needs a lie-down.

This hammock will do nicely …



See you tomorrow, bitches.

Winner of the Guess the Canadians Competition

Infomaniac is pleased to announce the winner of the “Guess the Canadians” Competition but before we do, let’s have a look at the correct answers …


#1: RED GREEN


Steve Smith plays the leading role as Red Green on The Red Green Show: a “parody of home improvement, do-it-yourself, fishing, and other outdoors shows.”

Best Wrong Answer
Eroswings: “The Fall Collection: Gay Canadian Lumberjack”
Kapitano: “Raymond Burr”
Miss Scarlet: "A Canadian axe murderer."


#2: TRAILER PARK BOYS


Ricky (Robb Wells), Bubbles (Mike Smith) and Julian (John Paul Tremblay) are televison’s the Trailer Park Boys: friends in a trailer park who enjoy smoking pot, drinking, eating donairs, listening to Rush, and stealing barbecues and shopping carts … your basic Canadian fellas, then.

Best Wrong Answer
Ayem8y: “My pot dealers, they must’ve had to cross the border to escape the law.”


#3: STOMPIN' TOM CONNORS


A folksinging, foot stompin’ troubadour, Stompin’ Tom writes songs about Canada including my personal favourite, Sudbury Saturday Night.

Oh, the girls are out to bingo
And the boys are gettin' stinko
And we'll think no more of Inco
On a Sudbury Saturday night

Take it away, b’ys!

Best Wrong Answers
Mago: “Mr. "I had my best time 1970"”
Eroswings: “K.D. Lang! Wait...this one is wearing shoes. It's Ian Tyson.”
Ayem8y: “K. D. Lang or Shania Twain - It’s un clear, I’m unfamiliar with Canadian Country singers and I thought you only had the two.”
Kapitano: “Neil Young”
Miss Scarlet: "The man who invented Crocs."


#4: COLLEEN JONES


World champion curler and weather gal.

Best Wrong Answers
Eroswings: “Alanis Morisette after a break up.”
Ayem8y: “Definitely Shania Twain. As we say in the South, “Sh’nire” Twain. Doing that broom sweeping ice sport.”
Kapitano: “Shania Twain”



#5: BRENT BUTT


A stand-up comedian/actor, Brent Butt plays the leading role as Brent Leroy in the sitcom Corner Gas.

Best Wrong Answers
Eroswings: “The seating host at Tim Hortons.”
Ayem8y: ““Knock off George” From Canada’s knock off version of Seinfeld.”
Kapitano: “William Shatner”



#6: THE BODY BREAK COUPLE


Married couple Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod show Canadians how to “keep fit and have fun” in Body Break, a series of 90-second TV clips.

Best Wrong Answers
Eroswings: “Barack Obama visits Shania Twain.”
Ayem8y: “Canada’s inter-racial love guru experts that show up on late-night TV. They also look like former Olympians cashing in on success.”
Kapitano: “Alex Trebek and Yvonne Decarlo”


#7: DON CHERRY


Don Cherry co-hosts “Coach’s Corner,” an intermission segment on Hockey Night in Canada.

Cherry is known for his strong opinions and flamboyant fashion sense.

We figure if you have a bobblehead doll in your image, you’ve made it to the top of the Canadian success heap.

Best Wrong Answers
Mago: “The founder of the "Canadian Nation"”
Ayem8y: “oldest living gay hockey player in the Canadian Gay Games.”
Miss Scarlet: "A Canadian Vulcan."



#8: DAVID SUZUKI


Environmentalist, geneticist and science broadcaster, David Suzuki was voted one of the Top Ten Greatest Canadians.

Best Wrong Answers
Geoff: “Is number 8 related to Donn?”
Ayem8y: “Tommy Chong. I didn’t know he was Canadian, I thought he was sort of Asian. Canasian like Eurasian.”
Miss Scarlet: "A Filthy Friday participant circa 2007"


#9: THE MCKENZIE BROTHERS


Canadian “hosers” Bob and Doug McKenzie (The McKenzie Brothers) are played by Rick Moranis (Bob, on the left) and Dave Thomas (Doug, on the right).

They hosted a sketch entitled, "The Great White North" (originally known as "Kanadian Korner") for SCTV, a popular comedy show that ran between 1976 and 1984.

The sketch was intended “as a sardonic response to the CBC network's request that the show feature two minutes of "identifiably Canadian content" in every episode.”

Years later, Bob and Doug are still Canadian icons.

Best Worst Answer
Kapitano: “Jack Kerouac and William Burroughs”


#10: Her Excellency the Right Honourable Michaëlle Jean, C.C., C.M.M., C.O.M., C.D., Governor General and Commander-in-Chief of Canada


Here we see the Queen’s representative eating a raw seal heart from a seal that she has helped to butcher. Full story here.

We have no further comment.

Best Wrong Answers
Mago: “doped athlete who gets rid of the evidence”
Ayem8y: “Canada’s version of a cooking show hostess. I didn’t know you guys had black people too.”
Kapitano: “Divine Brown”


Before we proceed to the announcement of the winner, let’s have a look at some of your submissions, shall we?

VICUS incorrectly identified everyone as former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau. To Vicus we say, “Fuddle Duddle.”

XL identified all but David Suzuki and The McKenzie Brothers as "hosers." We are awarding him one bonus point as a result.

THE JELLY MONSTER from Ireland gets honourable mention with a score of 5/10. However, she receives one demerit point as she spent some time living in Canada. On second thought, we give back that point to her as she is a Stompin’ Tom fan.

Once again, KAPITANO scored zero yet scores high for sending us screen shots from a porno entitled, “Attack Of The Amazing Colossal Latino.”


And now… drum roll please…

THE WINNER OF THE “GUESS THE CANADIANS” COMPETITION IS:

GINRO FROM ENGLAND!

CONGRATULATIONS, GINRO! You scored 7/10 correct answers. The only photos that stumped you were numbers 4, 6 and 10.

Thanks to everyone who participated in the Guess the Canadians Competition.

Now go forth proudly and eat POUTINE!