Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Typical Infomaniac Reader



Fill in the blank to describe the typical Infomaniac reader.

UPDATE!

After reading dozens of reader submissions and subjecting the responses to the scientific method, I have deduced that the Typical Infomaniac Reader is…

Not too bright yet far above average intelligence; possibly a little bit ghey; typically a poof or a dyke; drinks too much and falls down a lot; posts comments on blogs and can't remember them afterwards; ginger with an STD and too much time on their hands; amused by Canuck low-life, happy in the knowledge that MJ is thousands of miles away, glad to be slimmer than SID, always surprised and a little bit titillated; handsome (devastatingly so), debonair, witty, and a proud recipient of several Nobel prizes; practically perfect in every way; buff hotties who want me to oil their pecs and have unprotected sex in a hammock; depraved, misanthropic, morally ambiguous, voyeuristic, socially retarded, genetalially gifted, funny as hell, and predominantly Oyrish, Lebanese, Philadelphian, or Bi-Coastal; 86 yet young; pretending to be a twelve year old Asian girl; hoping for more more naked gorrila pics; slacking off at work; touching themselves while typing; ‘special'.......but not in a good way; wishing he was brave enough to read this in work; wondering why the fuck they visit?; alone...totally alone!; saying "Kill me! Kill me!"; wondering if nurse will hand out their medication dressed as a potato and drinking a bottle of Jameson's?; a spotty teenager that has just typed porn on their keyboard for the first time; a military dictator looking for a reason to bomb Cannuckland; frantically looking for the delete/Go back a page button; someone who just got a spaghetti noodle stuck in their sinus trying to replicate the head #17 trick; on public record as having been attacked by a Christmas tree; frequently visited by miniature farmers who WON'T STOP KNOCKING AT THE DOOOOOOOR; trying to figure out the meaning of “gunties”; embarrassed about the things they get themselves into; electronically tagged so they can't leave the house; a total pervert; impotent; masturbating furiously to the strains of the Canadian National Anthem played on the didgerdoo (That’s just SID, really); in need of therapy, exceeding the recommended dosage; Piggy and Tazzy; sex offenders; misfits; the dregs of society.

And, of course, a cunt!

82 comments:

  1. Not too bright and possibly a little bit ghey.



    I'm not a typical anything.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Drinks too much and falls down a lot. Posts comments on blogs and can't remember them afterwards.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ...fucking wonderful. Although with perhaps a little too much time on their hands.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ...supposed to be working, not surfing, right now.

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  5. ...someone that'd appreciate a pic of Geo's cock

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  6. ...someone that'd appreciate a pic of MJ's gaping cavern being filled with concrete

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  7. ...someone that feels heartfelt sympathy for Mr MJ.

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  8. ...fantastic, gorgeous, salt of the earth goodness and the best friend you could ever wish for.

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  9. ...a cunt!

    (how could I miss out that one!)

    ReplyDelete
  10. ...quite content not to resemble E.T

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  11. ...happy in the knowledge that MJ is thousands of miles away.

    ReplyDelete
  12. ...happy that MJ didn't quit blogging after all.

    ReplyDelete
  13. ...would love MJ to convince Mr MJ to post - just once

    ReplyDelete
  14. ...would love MJ to tell us a tale from her teenage years

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  15. ...your friend, albeit thousands of miles away

    ReplyDelete
  16. ...fed up typing all these things in.

    ReplyDelete
  17. ... always suprised and a little bit titillated

    ReplyDelete
  18. Handsome, debonair, witty, and a proud recipient of several Nobel prizes.

    Or a total pervert.

    ReplyDelete
  19. unusual, in the best possible way.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Far above average intelligence, depraved, misanthropic, morally ambiguous, voyeuristic, socially retarded, genetalially gifted, funny as hell, and predominantly Oyrish, Lebanese, Philadelphian, or Bi-Coastal.

    ReplyDelete
  21. young, smart and devastatingly handsome

    and a total perv

    ReplyDelete
  22. hoping for more more naked gorrila pics...

    slacking off at work...

    pretending to be a twelve year old asain girl...

    touching themselves while typing!

    ReplyDelete
  23. 'Special'.......but not in a good way

    ReplyDelete
  24. ...wishing I was brave enough to read this in work and have made the 'cunt' comment.

    ReplyDelete
  25. ...wondering why the fuck they visit?

    ...alone...totally alone!


    ...saying "Kill me!Kill me!"

    ...wondering if nurse will hand out their medication dressed as a potato, and drinking a bottle of Jameson's?

    ... a spotty teenager that has just typed porn on their keyboard for the first time.

    ...a military dictator looking for a reason to bomb Cannuckland.

    ... frantically looking for the delete/Go back a page button.


    ...typing in crap punchlines.

    ReplyDelete
  26. ...someone who just got a spaghetti noodle stuck in their sinus trying to replicate the head #17 trick

    ReplyDelete
  27. ..on public record as having been attacked by a christmas tree

    ...frequently visited by miniature farmers

    ReplyDelete
  28. please make the miniature farmers go away

    ReplyDelete
  29. please i beg of you they WON'T STOP KNOCKING AT THE DOOOOOOOR

    ReplyDelete
  30. listen i am not joking here the miniature farmer will NOT GO AWAY


    he's real


    he's miniature


    he farms

    ReplyDelete
  31. still trying to figure out "gunties".

    ReplyDelete
  32. ... practically perfect in every way.



    Oh, hang on. That's just me.

    ReplyDelete
  33. *reviews reader submissions*

    *still pondering the common thread*

    hmmmmmm

    ReplyDelete
  34. . . . electronically tagged so they can't leave the house

    ReplyDelete
  35. ...masturbating furiously to the strains of the Canadian National Anthem played on the didgerdoo.

    ReplyDelete
  36. ... exceeding the recommended dosage.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I'm at work for the next few hours but at the end of the day I'll study the results and come to a conclusion on the Typical Infomaniac Reader.

    *clears screen of SID gloop*

    ReplyDelete
  38. embarrassed about the things they get themselves into......

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  39. sex offenders, I myself have offended many during sex.

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  40. Insomniac readers are buff hotties like me. Hey MJ do you want to oil my pecs and maybe we can have some unprotected sex in a hammock?

    ReplyDelete
  41. BITCHES: The results are in and have been tabulated.

    See update in posting.

    ReplyDelete
  42. No wonder you like them so much.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Hmmm. I think that description up there pretty well describes us all.

    I forgot to add though, that I also come here to be educated about things like chocolate enemas. But am I a typical reader?

    ReplyDelete
  44. The Infomaniac Reader is one badass intelligent gorgeous fantabulous Frank Sinatra Ratpack loving lost in the times retro sexy ass occasional lush mother of four fine Maxim Playboy cover material allaround woman named Awa.

    Now. Continue with your useless and completely unwarranted suggestions. As there is no better *burrrrrrrpppppp* (Pass the VODKA SHIT, I NEED A REFILL!) than AWA!

    Ok, carry on.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Yay!!! Sixtieth!!
    Infomaniac readers like describing themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  46. KNUDSEN: Aren't they just adorable?

    Don't you want to give them all a cuddle?

    T-BIRD: You're typical if you show an interest in the chocolate enema, which, by the way, is an ancient Mayan ritual.

    Probably not unlike what you and the Coven of Hags get up to in your spare time.

    AWA: Thank goodness we agree on that much.

    *hears Awa yell, "I did it MY WAY!"*

    Dooby-dooby-do.

    KAZ: Don't bother yelling "Yay!!! Sixtieth!!" 'til Piggy's 60th birthday in April.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I only come here becuase my fit ass demands it

    ReplyDelete
  48. Yes Geo we know, but you could have left the poodles out of it!

    ReplyDelete
  49. FN: The only plaid around here is on St. Andrew’s Day when both Piggy and Knudsen celebrate their Scottish heritage by wearing tartan gunties.

    Piggy goes commando every other day of the year.

    BEAST: Your arse is very demanding.

    My left tit told me to say that.

    GEO: According to Piggy, a Typical Infomaniac Reader is “someone that'd appreciate a pic of Geo's cock.”

    So how about it, Trucker Boy?

    SID: Says SID as an Alsatian sniffs his crotch.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Poodles ,LOL!!!!!!!!!
    I am still shy maybe after a couple of drinks.Wonder who's going to buy the first round?

    ReplyDelete
  51. Wow - how on earth could a chocolate enema help you see the spirits of your ancestors?

    Maybe they'd come to bitch slap you for being such a knob end. Come one, this is cocoa! It goes in the other end.

    Man, those Mayans were into some crazy stuff.

    As for the coven, our rituals usually involve tea, a monocle, cravatt and dead parrot. That's all I can say.

    ReplyDelete
  52. GEO: Will you be ordering “Hair of the Dog?”

    T-BIRD: I’m sure the Mayans tossed a few peyote buttons into the enema mix.

    I don’t want to see IVD in a cravat, thanks just the same. Still, it’s an improvement on that hoodie he’s wearing today.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Hey, I was comment #69.

    tee hee

    ReplyDelete
  54. I don't tick all the boxes. Just the vast majority.

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  55. TICKERS: A belated congratulations on your Nobel Prize.

    ReplyDelete
  56. ...a figment of MJ's deranged imagination.

    ReplyDelete
  57. BOXER & KAPI: Come back tomorrow when I'll post something new.

    Unless this really IS a pigment of my fragmentation, er, figment of my imagination.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Did you mention that your typical Ninfomaniac addict would not, under any circumstances, allow the CSI crew in their red goggles waving that fluorescent light over their keyboards!
    Oy-Yoy-Yoy!

    ReplyDelete
  59. HE: I thought we established they're pervs, not perps.

    ReplyDelete
  60. What the fuck did you just call me?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Let's round it off to a respectable 80 shall we..
    VOILA!

    ReplyDelete
  62. ... and there was me thinking 'its just me then...'
    although I'm not a bit ghay though, just occasionally camp...

    My cousin didn't do the noodle, but got a leaf stuck up her nose and had to have it tweaser-ed out by a doctor at the local A&E

    ReplyDelete
  63. HE: Keep the ball rolling.

    MR.G: I've heard about people smoking banana skins and sniffing nutmeg but a leaf up her nose?

    You can camp it up all you like here.

    Mind you don't trip over the petticoats of the other fellas on your way out.

    ReplyDelete