Monday, February 11, 2008

Beast’s Arse

For months he’s eluded me, taunted and teased me.


But thanks to my intrepid secret source, somewhere in Dorset, (who shall remain nameless unless he wishes to come forward), I have at last obtained a photo of Beast’s arse.

Unfortunately, it’s not a photo of his bare buttocks as requested. However, my secret source informs me that we really, really don’t want to see Beast’s bare bottom.

Judge for yourselves…

Does the name Roy Cropper come to mind?

And do I detect cameltoe to the left of Beast?


An arse this *cough* fine *cough* deserves a name of its own. A pet name, perhaps.

I’m thinking “Roy’s Rolls” is a fitting name.

Your suggestions are welcome.


  1. Even a bulky ski jacket cant hide the fine contours of the Beast's boudacious ass. You are right Miss MJ that is a camels toe to the left(it was after all a camel race) , and a coolbag full of beer to the right. What you cant see(thankfully) is your mole 'Deep Throat' wearing a lumpen duffel coat and self knitted wooly hat

  2. Beast, you're arse isn't as fat as we've been led to believe. Although that monstrous jacket could hide a multitude of sins.

    MJ, how about calling the arse Elsie, after Elsie Tanner. It looks like it could do with a good hiding...

  3. Hmmm if Beasty hadn't already confirmed the camel toe I would have suggested it was moose knuckle

  4. Hurrah for Beast and his bottom!

    As for names, I was thinking 'Beast of Burden'. You, know... cause he sits on it...

    *hanging head low*

  5. It doesn't get much better than this, is that jacket one of those inflatable ones from the 80's? as for naming his arse how about 'the beast with 5 fingers' after a film of that title.

    Just going on rumours.

  6. Have Beast and Roy Cropper ever been seen in the same place at the same time?????


    I suggest Beast's arse be called "New Delhi" because it's large, smelly & you don't really want to go there!

  7. thank goodness he wasnt doing a 'moonie'

    That would be enough to put anyone off of their food for a week!

  8. BEAST: That was Deep Throat in the wooly hat? I cropped him out of the pic so as to focus on your bodacious arse!

    *makes note to do a special posting on Deep Throat in his duffel coat*

    So you’re a camel jockey, are you Beast?

    IVD: Are you offering to tan his hide?

    CYBERPOOF: When he turns around, the moose knuckle will be on view.

    T-BIRD: Or because he uses it as a balance for the load in his Roy Cropper shopping bag.

    KNUDSEN: You see those jackets everywhere you go in Canada. It makes Beast look like the Michelin Man. Or an airbag that’s just been inflated.

    Five fingers? Is that all? How about five fingers and a forearm?

    FROBI: Egad, you’re right. Beast and Royston have never been spotted in the same room together.

    Do you suppose Beast has his teeth in Hayley’s butty as we speak?

    But then perhaps they were separated at birth.

    You say it’s “smelly & you don't really want to go there”… like Barnsley?

    NEWFORESTANDY: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    Will the Lymington Lesbians be joining us?

    From what I know of you, I doubt Beast’s moonie could put you off your rum-soaked pancakes or your pint of Lesbian No. 6.

  9. Judging from his dress sense I suspect that Beast makes his living begging outside Tesco.

    Perhaps there are some half eaten sandwiches extracted from bins concealed in that bag.

  10. lol, brilliant post.. ive some realy good pictures stored some were. i know frob has some crackers too...

  11. GARFY: Or perhaps they're half-eaten Tunnocks Teacakes in which I've punched a straw through the crisp chocolate dome and then sucked the creamy goodness within.

    ANON: Let's all work together for a photo spread entitled "Beast Gone Wild!"

  12. I can only reassure you that Roy and his Rolls and his arse are alive and well at the time of this comment.
    I cannot comment on Beast's arse - not enough information.

  13. KAZ: I’ll take your word for it as your house looks out over Granada Studios.

    Could you order me up a pint of Newton & Ridleys while you’re there?

  14. Chiselled Cheeks Beast11:57 AM, February 11, 2008

    I have a perfect firm peach of an ass.....your all completely insane

  15. BEAST: Chiseled?

    Was the stone mason drunk?

    Would one of you secret agent bitches send me a pic of his kebab?

  16. I pity the camel.

    It has a long neck too.

    Beer. Good.

  17. *takes high road and doesn't mention that the camel, unlike SID, stores fatty tissue in his hump rather than in his arse*

    Ahem... and now a poem. By Ogden Nash...

    The camel has a single hump;
    The dromedary, two;
    Or else the other way around,
    I’m never sure are you?

  18. Those teacakes sound scrumptious.

  19. T-BIRD: Garfy's "teacakes" are rumoured to be scrumptious but we may never know as he's too shy to show them.

  20. Never mind Beasts arse - please assure us thats not a fucking anorack he's wearing!

    And what's with the Roy Cropper bag? Surely one of those tartan shopping trolleys would be more fitting?

  21. it was carrying Frobishers bag because it was too heavy for the poor little flower and its a ski jacket

  22. torn between my desire to see the snow-white glory that is the typical UK man-hine, and my loyalty to a fellow taurean, i must reluctantly refuse to participaGIMME AAAASSSSS COME ON HONEY HANG IT HIGH OH HELL YEAH ASS ASS ASS GIMME THE FREAKY OL PALLID BRITBUTT WE WANT THE MAN ASS WOOOOOT YEAH DORSET DUFF FOREVER ETC. ETC.

  23. PIGGY: Never mind the anorak.

    What’s that yellowish stain on the back of it?

    BEAST: Explain the stain.

    FN: *hands FN a Xanax*

    You take this. I’ll talk to Beast.

    BEAST: You heard the lady.


    Show it.


  24. I call it cuddles myself....

  25. MUTLEY: I've heard you say "Tickle Me Beast" under your breath.