Monday, June 04, 2007

The Winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!

Behold! A new day dawns for The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!

See how the sun illuminates The Shorts and brings with it glad tidings.

For today we announce the Winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!

It’s time to remove The Shorts from my head and send them off to their new foster home. It pains me to part with The Shorts as we’ve become as one.

Oh dear, I’m getting all teary-eyed.
*blows nose into Shorts*

But enough about me. Let’s move on to our impressive list of front-runners. 13 in all!…


MAIDY (Maidink)

Brilliant contributions from all of the above but only one front-runner can take home The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

Drum roll please ….


SID (Stupid Irish Daddy)

SID contributed an impressive 13 cheeky captions. SID is a profound, prolific and profane pontificator of poetry and prose and he truly outdid himself in this competition. Here are two of his best…

"In the forest of earthly delights
With the elves and gnomish sprites
Canuck MJ has covered her face
While wearing a top,I think its lace.

No handsome prince to kiss those lips
Nor seven dwarves to part her hips
She stands alone,ashamed some say
Just moaning the simple word of EH.

Her compo did us all a treat
Captions,comments, all were sweet
Her witty lines and quick retorts
Just so some cunt can wear the Shorts!"

Lovely, SID. Just lovely.

And this poetic gem that literally made me convulse and fall to the floor with laughter… Sung to the tune of Monty Python’s “The Lumberjack Song”…

"She cuts down trees.She wears high heels, suspendies and a bra
She puts on elfish clothing
And hangs around in bars."

All together now...."Oh...She's an Infomaniac and she's ok..."

SID, I may decide to use that line (“She’s an Infomaniac and she’s ok”) as my tagline and motto.

So SID? You’re our runner-up. I know, I know. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Shut it. You’ve had The Shorts once already ya big greedy git.

And SID? Rest assured that you’ll win something one of these days, you clever thing you, as Infomaniac plans to create more competitions in future of a non-Elfin variety. I have great faith that you’ll come away with a prize or two eventually.

And now, it brings me great pleasure to announce...


Drum roll (louder this time and with a horn section, please)…

The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts are on their way back to England to their new foster home with...


Winning Caption: "Ladyboy MJ quickly covers her 5 o'clock shadow and Adam's apple with the Elf Shorts as she catches sight of her next punter."

Inexplicable DeVice contributed 7 captions but the winning caption above is my fave.

And yes, that’s him (the perv) peeking out from behind the tree.

For those of you unfamiliar with Inexplicable DeVice (aka IVD aka IDV aka IVF) I think Martin and John summed it up best when they described him like this:

“Ever heard the phrase 'Friend of Dorothy'? Well, meet Dorothy. As queer as they come. A fully qualified, professional, mincing machine. Complete with neurotic split personality and everything.”

“Witch” one of his personalities will wear The Shorts?

Hey, IVD! Here’s an idea. Why don’t you videotape yourself mincing about in The Shorts and post it on your blog and YouTube for all to see? We’d all love to watch you sashaying in The Shorts, wouldn’t we?

Congratulations on your well-deserved win, you warty old witch.

IVD, email your mailing address to me and I’ll send The Shorts to you along with a souvenir of Canada. Complete with stains. And, of course, they’ll be unwashed.

And finally…

Thanks go out to all the NEWCOMERS who bravely donned their hip waders to step into Infomaniac’s mucky waters and leave a caption or a comment. They are as follows:


You’re all welcome here on Infomaniac anytime.

For anyone who hasn’t already read the many captions and comments, click on The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition! posting from May 28.

And if, like Bock the Robber, you’re still not sure what this competition was all about, read The Definitive History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts posting from May 22.

A huge and heartfelt thanks to ALL OF YOU who participated in the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition.

May The Shorts be with you, bitches.


  1. It's finished already? Who were the judging panel?

  2. Oh my ruddy Christ!!

    * gobsmacked for once *

    Um... er... Shit! I never thought for one moment it'd be me.

    Lawks! I'm at work at the mo, so will do a proper 'acceptance speech' when I get home. Shit. And I was so mean about you too, MJ.

    OK... right... must get on. Think I'll leave work early...

  3. Yay for I,VD - may the crust be with you!

    When you do get them - I made a special stain just for a man of your calibre up on the seam at the back near the'll know it when you find it - enjoy!

  4. FROBI: Oh NOW we hear from you. And where’s YOUR caption, eh? Oh sure, you’re first off the mark to comment today but where were you when the heat was on?

    The judges were a team of winged monkeys. Probably affiliated with IVD, the Wicked Witch himself.

    IVD: Get over yourself, bitch.

    And I should have slapped you for the last caption you left about evil wood elf MJ.

    STEVE: Yes, I see that special stain you left.

    I’m leaving an even bigger one now that I’ve seen that last caption IVD snuck in last night.

  5. *sigh*

    *puts things back on the shelf that was cleared specially for the freakin' shorts*

    (eye roll) Congrats IVD, wtg, and all that kind of shit.

    And good luck with your caption contest, be sure to let us all know when you are ready to roll so we can put forth our best efforts at winning the nasty ass hand me down shorts from around the fucking world... :)

  6. KRISSTEEN: I see that Krissteen is back and Christine has returned to the shelf that was cleared for The Shorts.

    *wonders if Krissteen has as many personalities as IVD*

  7. Poor SID. Always somebody else's bitch, eh? LOL!

    There was some pretty stiff competition for those (probably pretty stiff) shorts. Whoda thunk it?

  8. CHICKA: Poor SID my arse.

    My bitch SID should be here mixing me cocktails, not basking in the glow of runner-up status.

    Once IVD puts The Shorts on, I shudder to think what might get stiff.


    *Sigh, not even close to the shortlist*

  10. Congrats IDV!

    Oh and MJ, fabulous competition, could you make one with a longer title next time?


  11. Fantastic MJ!! I am looking forward to the photos of him in them - do you think it will be a single sexy eye twinkling from the crotch??

  12. Oof! Home now.

    I'm going to post something suitable as an acceptance speech - I'll try not to cry. But first, I'm going to wade through the history of The Shorts again to bring myself up to scratch (although I'm sure I'll be scratching away after I've worn them for a little while).

    Thank you all for your wishes. When I post the competition, I'll be sure to come back here to find you all and let you know.

    Right. I have work to do!

  13. MJ, must you continue to keep giving out my secrets?

    For the love of Christ woman, let me enjoy the sacredness that is my life of many personalities. (Heh, that could be a fucked up country western song in the making eh?)

    Actually, I can't decide who I want to be anymore, maybe after my daughter's wedding is said and done next Saturday I will regain enough sanity to figure out who the fuck I am. Until then, I will remain lost and confused as each day brings with it a little more stress and a lot more alcohol!

    Oh yeah, and I should have gotten extra points because even though I am not Canadian, I do have a huge ass freakin’ Maple Tree in my front yard, that counts for something doesn’t it?


  14. BITCHES: I'm starting work now and won't be able to participate for awhile here so amuse yourselves without me.

    That should be easy to do just imagining IVD in The Shorts.

  15. Congratulations Inexplicable! Wear them in good health! (best preserved by updating all your immunizations prior to receiving the shorts, kiddo)

    I have regained faith in a loving and involved God simply by not having even garnered the whisper of a mention here. I thank you, and Eleanor thanks you.
    *stands for a rousing chorus of 'Jesus Loves me, this I know"*

  16. Seems I come back, but not in time! Darn it!

    I must say, the cleavage makes me a bit jealous! :)

    Yayyy! I got dsl again! I missed ya, MJ!

  17. Yay! Congrats to IVF!

    Of course, the shorts will be tame in comparison to some of the 'other' shimmering green adornments he possesses.

    AND... Here's hoping he does something with them rather quicker than the previous two owners!

  18. You don't mean my crystal balls, do you M and J?

  19. Ha ha ha haaaaa - you're going to be quite a sight in those!!!

    (And I don't mean that as a good thing - prepare to be ridiculed! Muwahahahaha!)

  20. This should be fun.

  21. ATTENTION BITCHES: This just in from SID...

    SID's Internet connection is down. More likely he's just a feckin' big eejit who accidentally unplugged his PC but nonetheless, he won't be commenting or posting today or possibly for a few days.

    He humbly accepts runner-up status and will make a speech upon his return.

    And he sends a big congratulatory kiss to IVD.

    And SID? You'll have to work overtime serving me cocktails and doing my bidding when you come back.

  22. Fuck.....

    Where's the blogging round up you lazy cow?

  23. sid brokered his internet.

    I told dude that potatoes may be good to eat, but they don't make good processors.

    Sid...still waiting on my recipes! :)

  24. Well done everyone! Congratulations to IVD (it is SO hard not to type IUD) on your splendid comment, I know your junk will feel right at home in those shorts.

    Great job MJ, really.

    Sorry Ms. Mac, your streak continues, try not to lose hope my darling.

    Do keep us posted, eh?

    Sorry it took me so long to visit love, it's been a bit hectic around here. Thanks again.

  25. *waves to everyone in appreciation for dropping by to extend your warm wishes today to IVD...everyone except that cunting WARING. Waring, I refuse to post on Tuesday as a result of your insolence*

    *takes tip from KIM to add "IUD" as yet another nickname for IVD*

    Now everyone go visit IVD's blog so you can see his excitable posting on winning The Shorts.

  26. Ok heres my caption,

    'MJ wanted a new look and thought this would be a good cheap way to put streaks in her hair.'

    what do ya mean its over?

  27. Congratulations IDV.... May you carry on this proud er........ whatever..

    The longer this competition goes on, the harder it is to find a new and exciting pose I'll tell you that for sure!

    Good luck and again, congratulations!

  28. You've blown it, KNUDSEN but I bet it's not the first time you've heard that phrase directed your way.

    IVD you should get down on your scaly, scabby knees and thank ANDI for congratulating you. She is, after all, the creator of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition. You, IVD, are not worthy of her praise. All hail Queen Andrea.

  29. * creeeeeeeeeeeeeeaak *

    Ooh, my knees...

    Thank you Andi, oh mighty originator! I'll try and do you proud when MJ eventually relinquishes the shorts.

    * leaves a sprinkling of scab flakes at MJ's *

  30. IVD, you scabby old skank, I'm sitting here typing this whilst wearing nothing between me and my Elf Shorts. Enjoy them when they arrive.

  31. * faints, and not in a good way, on the way down, wonders if sheep dip will neutralise some of the cooties *

    * thud *

  32. Thanks MJ for the comment.

    Yes..some cunt's stalking me hence me interweb down and other nastiness.

    Will explain all soon.

    Well done IVD..they were made for you. You winning bitch.


    *assumes foetal position*

    *resumes stirring MJs cocktails*

    *mutters something incoherent about not winning*

  33. Oh look, IVD... SID has contrived some blarney designed to turn attention away from you, the winner, and onto him. He's such a sore loser.

    *uses SID as an ottoman whilst he's in the foetal position*

  34. Well Done Old Chap!

    I was going to suggest sending the article in question over here for a onceover at the Canadian Virology Lab BUT...

    The sooner those shorts are off of the continent the better.

  35. HE: Canadian representation for The Shorts compo was sadly lacking. So much for Team Canada.

  36. I'll be your gnome... ;-)