Sunday, August 17, 2008

Hire-a-Bitch




Greetings. My name is Mr. Fukushima and I represent the Hire-a-Bitch Headhunting Agency.

Headhunters such as myself are employment recruiters hired by corporations to find the best and the brightest candidates to work in their organizations.

We are interested in talking to Mistress MJ in hopes of luring her away from her present demanding employer and placing her in an organization that appreciates her many and varied talents.

We understand that she is working a grueling 12-day-in-a-row schedule at the moment and is not available to answer our questions.

So we're turning to you, her devoted readers, to advise us.

Due to client confidentiality, we cannot mention the name of the company that has shown an interest in her nor can we divulge the line of work.

We ask you, is Mistress MJ a good candidate for employment?

Please list her strengths and weaknesses and any information you have that might help us make a decision.



Mistress MJ-san … HAI!

46 comments:

  1. First!!!
    Traits? MJ has good Traits? UMMMM, I think I'll have to think about that question for awhile and get back with you. Traits? Oh and MJ, don't work too hard. See ya in 12 days.

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  2. FIRST!
    FIRST!
    FIRST!
    FIRST!
    FIRST!


    shit, hire her, don't hire her, whaddo I care? I'M FIRST!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

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  3. ...cecile you dirty, dirty....

    well i WAS first.

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  4. Cecile/FirstNatons bitch fight!

    Mr. Fukushima is intrigued.

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  5. To whom it may concern,

    Letter of recommendation for Mistress MJ. Please consider the following, which will make her an asset to any organization.

    1. Excellent organizer of "Casual" Friday events.

    2. Very polite (she's Canadian you know).

    3. Funnier than a nun with Tourette's Syndrome.


    The Staff
    Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service

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  6. MJ's good points? hmmmm...ok.
    1) She makes a great breakfast.
    2) She can fart really loud.
    3) Her acne will eventually go.
    4) Great tits.

    Dear Mr Fuckyshita, MJ has been a valued employee of mine for over 40years,in which time the takings at the truck wash have nearly doubled.
    Although I would not like to be without her services, I do realise that she is ambitious and have no doubts that within a period of 5 years or so, MJ will become one of the finest burger flippers Burger King has ever seen.

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  7. To Mr.Fukushima:

    To not hire Mistress MJ would be a BIG mistake *knowing damn well she will set off explosive devices in the basement...*
    Her traits are as follows:

    So funny that she can make someone shoot beer through one's nostrils!

    A great organizer of *the most filthy pics around...* getting the masses to come together and partake in disscussions of a topic!

    She has good bathing habits *when not sucking back on grandpa's cough syrup hours on end...otherwise don't stand so close*

    Mistress MJ is as pleasant *as someone getting titty twisted with a pair of pliers* the next person!

    Hope that some of these traits are of someone who is of high caliber *yeah right!* and would be a great asset to your company *looking at MJ tape of remote control for explosive devices on to her hand!*

    Cheers!

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  8. Well if you are looking for a cakefarting, dirty old slag with a penchant for fat hairy irish arses then MJ is your girl!

    I think deep, deep, deep down there is a very sensitive, polite and respectful girl, but I haven't met her yet.

    Dou itashimashite

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  9. You'll have to get out the industrial strength spelunking gear to find that very sensitive, polite and respectful girl, CyberPetra.

    Mr. Fukushima: One of MJ's great strengths is her foot fashion advice. You would do well to listen to her. In fact, I'd take off those repulsive sandals right now, lest you see a side of her you'll eat your own mother to forget.

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  10. Inside that filthy, immoral and depraved exterior, I'm sure that if you peel down the layers, deep down there's an even more disgusting, wanton, degenerate slut fighting to get out.

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  11. She does a great trick with a box of ping pong balls.

    She love you long time - only five dollar.

    She is the all time record holder for sucking a golf ball through a garden hose.

    Best of all she is an absolute dirt merchant and every major company needs one of them!

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  12. Well IDV. I think what's more important is that he takes off those horrid forest berry yoghurt coloured socks.

    Plus in that second photo the man in the middle should take off that horrid tie

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  13. I hereby enclose the MJCV:

    -----
    Name: MJ

    Real Name: The secret love child of Tom Sizemore and a small white cabbage

    Age: Yes

    Eyes: Average

    Hair: 6'1

    Height: 2 (3 at weekends)

    Marital Status: Not applicable

    -----

    Qualifications:

    *Typing (3.1415926197 wpm)
    *Dicktation (not a miss-spelling)
    *Shorthand (but longarm)
    *IT (does IT a lot)
    *Accounting (is always accounting for herself)

    -----

    Reference:

    I have known MJ for what seems like a million years, though it's only been 45 seconds. She never fails to give satisfaction, even when I don't want it. She has a very good.

    If you employ this remarkable gentleman/lady he/she will change your/our company overnight. I can't remember what she actually does but that's because she's so damn good at it.

    PS. Can you get some milk on the way home? Love, xxx

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  14. XL-san: Do you think Mistress MJ would show us her assets?

    Bollix-san: Mr. Fukushima loves the ladies who can do the face farting!

    Robyn-san: Explosives make Mr. Fukushima think of Pearl Harbour.

    Not a good reference.

    CyberPete-san: I see that the Cyber Poofter speaks Japanese.

    Are you willing to relocate from Denmark for an exciting career opportunity?

    Are you seeking fun, friendship and more?

    *winks at excited salarymen at conference table*

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  15. IVD-san: My mother tastes of sashimi.

    Crump-san: Peeling onions makes Mr. Fukushima cry.

    Maxi-san: She has an impressive touch with spherical objects, by all accounts.

    Dirt merchant?

    Special sucking powers?

    Is it possible she could represent Dyson?

    CyberPete-san: Do you have anything to remove yogurt stains?

    Kapi-san: I like cabbage. Good for making farts.

    Do you have any idea of the cost of a litre of milk in Japan?

    Do I look like I’m made of money?

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  16. Franken, den 18. August 2008


    Mistress MJ / The Infomaniac


    Sehr geehrter Herr Fukushima,

    als regelmäßiger Leser des Infomaniac bin ich gerne bereit Ihnen über Mistress MJ Auskunft zu geben.
    Ich habe Mistress MJ als äußerst kommunkative, verantwortungsbewußte und führungsstarke Persönlichkeit kennen und schätzen gelernt. Ihre gewinnende Art und Weise mit Menschen umzugehen hat zu erstaunlichen Ergebnissen geführt. Ihre Fähigkeit in Wort und Bild den Erwartungen ihrer Zielgruppe gerecht auch komplexe Aussagen verständlich darzustellen, sucht ihresgleichen: Kurz - ich bin sicher, daß Mistress MJ eine Bereicherung für jede Organisation darstellt, die den Mumm und Verstand hat sie unter Vertrag zu nehmen.
    Der Fairness halber muss zugestanden werden, dass der Führungsstil von Mistress MJ anfangs eventuell zu leichten Irritationen führen kann, die aber schnell ausgeräumt werden können.
    Sehr geehrter Herr Fukushima, ich bin sicher, dass Sie Ihren Auftraggebern einen Gefallen tun werden, wenn Sie Mistress MJ an diese vermitteln.

    Mit freundlichen Grüßen

    mago

    P.s. Gestatten Sie mir nachträglich bitte noch, Ihnen zu Ihrem Geschmack hinsichtlich Ihrer Fußbekleidung zu gratulieren! Stil, Eleganz und Mut zur eigenen Linie sind heute rar geworden und Sie, Herr Fukushima, stellen eine wohltuende Ausnahme dar.
    mago

    ---------------
    Get the bitch, she's hot.
    P.s.: Super shoes, Fukushima!
    ---------------

    ReplyDelete
  17. Dear Sirs,

    If you're looking for someone who spends a great deal of time surfing the web to findest the strangest/weirdest TOTALLY NSFW pictures, then I can highly recommend MJ for that position.

    Oh, and she's very good at remembering birthdays.

    Best Regards,

    A.Boxer

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  18. I havn't got time to comment today , I am entertaining Ma and Pa Beasty. Be back later:-)

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  19. Mr. Fukushima: I would be open to relocating if the payment and benefits package is satisfactory.

    A hint: I like it big.

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  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  21. 私はそれを大きい好む

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  22. Mago-san: Because of the Germans, Ich bin ein Ehrenarier.

    Hitler declared it so for all Japanese.

    Boxer-san: Boxing?

    You must try sumo!

    Beast-san: Are you using Japanese condiments?

    Allow me to poke at your tsukemono with my chopsticks.

    CyberPete-san: Got in himmel!

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  23. I know. I *am* quite talented.

    You'd be lucky to employ me.

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  24. is that a CV in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

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  25. Mistress MJ likes to stroke dwarves, can whistle, and is a dab hand at naked synchronized swimming.

    Apart from that she has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

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  26. Tony-san: I am always happy to see people from Hebden Bridge.

    Can you introduce me to Bogshed?

    Garfer-san: Perhaps she could whistle a duet with our Kimiko Wakiyama in her Whistling Paradise?
    I like "Don't Worry, Be Happy."

    As for the swimming, I would like to see her do the breaststroke. With a dwarf strapped to her back.

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  27. They look like a fun bunch of guys to work for. I'm assuming it's the same three guys from the Filthy Friday Foto right?

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  28. *feels a little ignored and worries about his future employment*

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  29. 1 take out order for Ma Beasties special chick pea sushi respectfully sent to honour Mr Fukushima :-)

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  30. MJ's pros:

    1. Excellent penmanship.
    2. Can hold her own liquor--big plus for the after work sake and sushi.
    3. Footwear expert.
    4. Works well with others.
    5. Able to resolve conflicts and hand out discipline or instruction as needed.
    6. Canadian: very friendly and looks very nice wearing a huge red maple leaf.

    MJ's cons:

    1. Canadian: As you know, all Canadians (and some Australians and Brits) make frequent spelling mistakes such as "colour" or "centre" and "arse". A small pocket dictionary should help her avoid this tiny mistake.

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  31. Trooper-san: The Board of Directors is flattered that you would consider us as well-endowed as the gentlemen pictured in Filthy Friday.

    You have not known Mistress MJ long, have you?

    Nonetheless, I believe she will extend a warm welcome to you.

    Please bend over to receive her greeting.

    CyberPete-san: Can you not see that Mr. Fukushima is a busy man?

    I accidentally overlooked you in my haste to perform my job evaluations.

    If you continue to harass me, I shall succumb to karoshi.

    Beast-san: Itadakimasu!

    Would you fancy a bite of my sticky bun?

    Eros-san: She holds her liquor roughly by the ears.

    Something may have been lost in translation here.

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  32. MJ's good points?

    There are none.

    MJ's bad points?

    How long can a comment on this blog be?

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  33. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  34. Mr. Fubukake:
    Present Ly Chao Li pimp of very fine girl MJ, number one girl. Very many trick having.
    She love you long time, five dollar. Two time seven. No all night, she go to work other job. You got very big thing she not go with you, find another girl love you. No wear bad shoe. Bad shoe very bad, she hit you. Hide moneys, she take him. Hide jeweleries ring in shoe. Not bad shoe though. She hit you bad shoe. You got sick she not go with you. Dirty mans find other girl love you. Use toy extra. Use bumpy toy very much extra. No bad shoe.
    You hire, I be pay first. Go in car too. around block you like very much.

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  35. Piggy-san: You know her long, long time.

    You no lie to Mr. Fukushima.

    Tell all.

    Anon-san: Will we go for ride to Dutch Mothers Restaurant in Lynden for waffles?

    Hoping to see authentic Dutch windmills!

    I wear Crocs.

    You think she mind?

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  36. Mistress MJ is excellent ping pong and whistle Smoke on the Water.

    She is expert sushi dolphin contortionist and plays pashinko goodstyle.

    Extra special karaoke expert and blows blowfish in public.

    Most excellent five dollar.

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  37. Garfer-san: Pachinko?

    She cheat and touch my balls!

    Why you make Mr. Fukushima talk so?

    Get back to work now.

    Everyone!

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  38. she's an ASSet to any business.....

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  39. she's an ASSet to any business.....

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  40. Manuel-san: Mistress MJ speaks highly of your sweet wagashi.

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  41. Dear Mr. Fukushima, as I said earlier but Blogger killed my comment, the Fuehrer said a lot on a long day - and I am sure that he declared the Irish to be Freunde des Reichs - is there a mention of the Mistress' Irish ancestry? That alone qualifies her for the after-work-sake-binge until last man standing.
    Mistress MJ's natural authority and inborn leading skills form her powerful personality - remember that the Mistress expects every man to do his duty.

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  42. Mago-san: Mistress MJ is indeed of Irish ancestry but she is not a Freunde des Reichs.

    Mistress MJ is a Freunde des Jameson Irish Whiskey.

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  43. Fucushima-san old chap, I begrudge you the possibility to work with the Mistress. And by the way - I am sure the Mistress will notice your crocs immedeately and find the fitting answer.

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  44. "Eros-san: She holds her liquor roughly by the ears.

    Something may have been lost in translation here."


    Mr Fukushima something was lost in translation. Let me clarify:

    She holds people who LICK HER roughly by the ears.

    I hope that clarifies any misunderstandings.

    Domo Arigato, Mr Roboto.

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  45. Mago-san and Eros-san: Enough!

    Mr. Fukushima must meet with Board of Directors and discuss case.

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