Mistress MJ is spending the day at the Infomaniac House of Beauty and does not wish to be disturbed.
Please hold my calls and see to it that no “boob wars” break out in my absence.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
A Day of Beauty
Mistress MJ is spending the day at the Infomaniac House of Beauty and does not wish to be disturbed.
Please hold my calls and see to it that no “boob wars” break out in my absence.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Winner – Teen Angst Competition
Wondering who is our mystery teen?
It’s Englishman FAMULUS, currently residing in The Netherlands!
Famulus today
Famulus the teen
Correct answers were submitted by Anonymous Boxer, Ponita, CyberPete, EmmaK and Donn.
But there can only be one prizewinner.
Mistress MJ wrote each hopeful’s name on a slip of paper and stuffed the slips down her bra.
Famulus kindly volunteered to draw the names from Mistress MJ’s cleavage…with the proviso that he warm his hands first and act like a gentleman, i.e. not forage about for spare change while he’s in there.
And the winner is… drum roll …
CYBERPETE!
Congratulations, CyberPete! You are the lucky winner of the “I’m So Happy it’s Happy Hour” cocktail napkins!...
This contest really came down to the wire. We kept the contest open until 9:00 pm but at 8:50 pm all was quiet and we assumed no more entries would come in.
So we asked Famulus to reach in and grab a name. The name he drew was EmmaK.
But EmmaK’s luck would change in an instant as the clock struck 8:54 pm and another entry came in from Donn.
This threw a spanner in the works and Famulus was forced once again to delve into Mistress MJ’s cleavage and retrieve another name.
That’s when we drew the name of our little Danish friend, CyberPete.
Better luck next time, EmmaK.
Thanks to everyone who participated in the Teen Angst Competition.
Send in your teen angst photo soon!
Many of you guessed our mystery teen as DONN but don’t you know by now that Donn always wore a red bow tie?...
Note: Looking for more contests? Head on over to CyberPete’s for your chance to win The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts! The competition closes at midnight CET on Friday, March 13th. The Shorts have Mistress MJ’s DNA on them so you know you want them!
It’s Englishman FAMULUS, currently residing in The Netherlands!
Famulus today
Famulus the teen
Correct answers were submitted by Anonymous Boxer, Ponita, CyberPete, EmmaK and Donn.
But there can only be one prizewinner.
Mistress MJ wrote each hopeful’s name on a slip of paper and stuffed the slips down her bra.
Famulus kindly volunteered to draw the names from Mistress MJ’s cleavage…with the proviso that he warm his hands first and act like a gentleman, i.e. not forage about for spare change while he’s in there.
And the winner is… drum roll …
CYBERPETE!
Congratulations, CyberPete! You are the lucky winner of the “I’m So Happy it’s Happy Hour” cocktail napkins!...
This contest really came down to the wire. We kept the contest open until 9:00 pm but at 8:50 pm all was quiet and we assumed no more entries would come in.
So we asked Famulus to reach in and grab a name. The name he drew was EmmaK.
But EmmaK’s luck would change in an instant as the clock struck 8:54 pm and another entry came in from Donn.
This threw a spanner in the works and Famulus was forced once again to delve into Mistress MJ’s cleavage and retrieve another name.
That’s when we drew the name of our little Danish friend, CyberPete.
Better luck next time, EmmaK.
Thanks to everyone who participated in the Teen Angst Competition.
Send in your teen angst photo soon!
Many of you guessed our mystery teen as DONN but don’t you know by now that Donn always wore a red bow tie?...
Note: Looking for more contests? Head on over to CyberPete’s for your chance to win The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts! The competition closes at midnight CET on Friday, March 13th. The Shorts have Mistress MJ’s DNA on them so you know you want them!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Teen Angst Competition
It’s time for another Teen Angst contest.
Guess the identity of this teenaged Infomaniac bitch and win a prize!...
(click to biggify)
In the event of more than one correct answer, Mistress MJ will draw names out of her cleavage to select a final winner.
We here at Infomaniac would like to hold more Teen Angst Competitions in future.
Were you a troubled teen?
Were you moody? Petulant? A dork? A nerd? Did your hair and fashion sense require an intervention?
Do you have the photographic evidence to prove it?
Then email your photo and you could be the next Teen Angst mystery blogger. (Email address is in our Blogger Profile.)
Note: Contest closes at 9:00 pm Pacific Daylight Time (PDT) on Wednesday, March 11th. For you UK readers, that’s 4:00 am on Thursday, March 12th. The rest of you can use this handy World Clock to figure it out for yourselves.
Guess the identity of this teenaged Infomaniac bitch and win a prize!...
(click to biggify)
In the event of more than one correct answer, Mistress MJ will draw names out of her cleavage to select a final winner.
We here at Infomaniac would like to hold more Teen Angst Competitions in future.
Were you a troubled teen?
Were you moody? Petulant? A dork? A nerd? Did your hair and fashion sense require an intervention?
Do you have the photographic evidence to prove it?
Then email your photo and you could be the next Teen Angst mystery blogger. (Email address is in our Blogger Profile.)
Note: Contest closes at 9:00 pm Pacific Daylight Time (PDT) on Wednesday, March 11th. For you UK readers, that’s 4:00 am on Thursday, March 12th. The rest of you can use this handy World Clock to figure it out for yourselves.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
The Women of Infomaniac
In celebration of International Women’s Day, Infomaniac salutes The Women of Infomaniac!
We can besiege a castle, ride a penny-farthing, play a didgeridoo AND roast your chestnuts on an open fire … all at the same time!
We are The Women of Infomaniac!
We are magnificent!
Stand back, little gurlymen, as we showcase these glorious gals.
Starting with that Mancunian minx, KAZ.
KAZ:
Kaz on vacation (again!) in sunny Spain
KAZ says…
"I'm probably the oldest Infomaniac woman - but I'm certainly not the wisest.
I'm a drinker, an idler and a birder.
I love blues, soul and loud rock music - so why did I choose a jazz fan and a folk singer as my long term significant others?"
Mistress MJ says…
Kaz, would you care to explain that man passed out behind you on the beach?
Were you separated at birth from IVD?
*notes the freakishly bendy fingers, slim figure and penchant for stripey clothing*
Kaz’s maxim is 'Better a weirdo than a wanker'.
FIRST NATIONS:
Ms. Nations says…
here's your damn blurb about me. firstnations. y'all come back now, y' hear?
[ed.note: Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies theme]…
'Come and listen to a story about a muk named First
A poor something something, something something rhymes with 'First',
Then one day she was shootin at some food,
And up through the ground came a vast evil entity fully fifteen feet in height,
adorned with hideous tentacles which writhed and pulsated, swollen with
foul, barely-seen ichors, an entity which filled the atmosphere with
an intolerable and unearthly stench.
Cthulhu, that is. Risen from his death-sleep. In R'lyeh.
Well the first thing you know Muk's met a biker bear,
Biker said 'Muk, lets move away from here'
Said 'Sunny Sumas is the place we ought to be'
So she loaded up her copy of 'At the Mountains of Madness' and moved
to Washington.
State, that is.
Swimmin pools, movie stars. Nyarlathotep. Elder gods.
Mistress MJ says…
Lost in the woods or stranded on a desert island? You’ll want Ms. Nations by your side. The bitch has accomplished 52 of the 101 Life Skills, outnumbering all the other Women of Infomaniac AND all of you so-called men.
What Ms. Nations fails to mention is that she has the biggest gazongas of all The Women of Infomaniac. Massive mammaries. Great heaving milk jugs designed to feed the Canadian Army, should we choose to invade.
BETTY:
Betty says…
"My name is Betty. I have poor social skills and no charisma. Therefore I blog."
Mistress MJ says…
But that’s not all! According to Betty’s Blogger Profile, her interests include: apathy, work avoidance, lack of teamwork skills, not being a people person, surliness, and petty grievances.
ANONYMOUS BOXER:
Boxer says…
“The MJ v. Boxer Story:
I followed MJ from Old K's blog because I needed to know more about the woman who was competing for the Old Man's Cap. After months of stalking, I realized if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and I signed on to be one of the many Women of Infomaniac.
The coveted cap
We worked out an epic custody agreement regarding Old K's Blog, Cap and any other women who attempted to cross our collectjve paths. What was once a battle for the Man of our Dreams turned into a happy truce. Once I had accepted this, I was able to accept Infomaniac into my life. Praise the Lord and pass the bottle.
And despite that many think I'm male (can't imagine why a picture of dog, boxing wouldn't be female) I live in Seattle, WA and own a small business. I do box and I like to make videos, but only when I use my small dogs as stars.”
Mistress MJ says…
The woman is clearly delusional if she thinks I’m sharing Old Knudsen.
MISS SCARLET:
Miss Scarlet says ...
“Still looking for Colonel Mustard... or a professional with big plums will do”...
Mistress MJ says…
Let us add that Miss Scarlet is from East Sussex in England and enjoys staying at home to lick her Smeg.
SAVANNAH:
Savannah says…
“savannah is mad, bad and dangerous to know. she's a hard drinking, hard living, all around party girl with naturally curly hair!”
Mistress MJ says…
In summary: A southern strumpet from Savannah, Georgia.
We would also like to point out that Savannah and Mistress MJ were separated at birth.
LEAH:
Leah says…
"Leah is a housewife who has been whining about, but not actually finishing, her doctoral dissertation for the past 24 months. This is because the Hogwarts dungeons where she lives with Severus Snape are chilly and dimly lit, so that her eyesight is failing and her fingers are now too numb to type. Not because she is lazy or likes to goof off."
Mistress MJ says…
Leah has abandoned her dissertation in favour of writing an upcoming review on The Penis Book for us.
We would also like to mention a few fave quotes from her 100 Things About Me post…
"My boobs are the absolute bane of my existence."
"I like to apply very expensive scented lotion to my decolletage."
"I love prescription tranquilizers."
RANDOM CHICK:
Random Chick says…
“Random Chick lives near San Francisco, California and loves to write stupid poems, like the one about her butt probe. She can often be spotted out and about in her stylish hat but be careful because she randomly grabs strange beverages and licks them. Random Chick stumbled up on Infomaniac through a fellow blogger and immediately was hooked after reading "Celebrity Arse," "Fag, Hag, and the Odd Slag Dating Service," and the posts where Mistress MJ was kidnapped by the Yakuza then toured the galaxy in a TARDIS. The refined humor is what keeps her coming back.”
Mistress MJ says…
Thank you for bringing Celebrity Arse to our attention. It appears that we haven’t posted a Celebrity Arse since June! Mistress MJ is em-bare-assed to admit that she’s misplaced her list of Celebrity Arse requests. Did you put in a request, Random Chick?
PONITA:
Ponita says…
“Hailing from the land of perpetual wind and giant mosquitoes [ed.note: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada], not to mention Siberian-like winter temperatures and short men, Ponita is a true Viking warrior woman who was a (distant) second to First Nation's first in 101 Life Skills. Hoo-Rah to the women for smokin' the guys on that list! Nations can do everything on that list, but Ponita has the knowledge and/or experience to perform just over 40 of said items.
A buxom and leggy Prairie girl, Ponita grew up traversing our great country as an Air Force brat. The gypsy blood instilled in childhood set her up for the adventures of continued traipsing across Canada and the USA as an adult. She can pack an entire household in less than a week and load a 22' truck in a couple of hours.
Ponita resides in her own house with Slobber dog, That Damn Cat and BB, the wonderously magic Hairball Dispenser. Her days are spent nursing the ill, wiping dog spit off every object in the house and cleaning up hairballs, both fresh and regurgitated. For additonal excitement, she heads to the barn to visit Thunder the Wonder Pony, wearer of the Giant Underpants.
A shamless flirt, Ponita has been blogging since the spring of '08 and has amassed a loyal following of seven. She enjoys blogging, twittering and hanging out with her Cowgirl Mafia girlfriends at the Olive Garden, gorging on breadsticks and yakking the evenings away. Having experienced the pitfalls of fishing for a man in the shark infested ponds that populate Cyberspace, she is now content to lean her fishing pole against a wall and forget about casting her line in those turbulent waters.”
Mistress MJ says…
Don’t mess with a Viking chick.
EMMAK:
EmmaK ogling a colored cock at a Viennese private view
EmmaK says…
“A robust Austrian with a fetish for kinky boots (see pic), EmmaK enjoys man eating, eating man meat, as well as painting on men (see attached pic).Her ambitions are world domination and her greatest joy would be to see ABBA reform or to see Old Knudson in Playgirl. She loves Infomaniac for its shocking lack of political correctness and the ability to shock a woman even of her sluttish sensibilities.”
Mistress MJ says…
EmmaK currently calls Baltimore home. Baltimore is also known as “Charm City” and “Hairdo Capital of the World.” As Baltimore’s own great son John Waters said, "It's the place where all the southern hillbillies on their way to the north ran out of gas --and decided to stay...".
We have it on good authority that EmmaK is a bit of a goer.
DAISY:
Daisy says…
okay...about me? not much interesting...
i'm a child protection investigator but i don't do my job as a cop and don't do it just for the paycheck
i quilt for those i love
i love my dogs...if i didn't they would surely be dead by now
i'm a vicious flirt...but mean no harm
i love being italian, except when straightening my hair in the morning
my eyes change from blue to green depending on my mood
i'm not really nervous meeting people for the first time except Electro Kevin and he got me at a loss for words...really he did...and i don't know why
I HATE LIMA BEANS!
i'm a joker, i'm a smoker, and i used to be a toker
i find myself equally comfortable in jeans and tennis shoes as i do dressed to the nines, which people tell me is odd
I ALWAYS SIT UP STRAIGHT!
i have always touch typed and wear out the letters on all my keyboards regulary where normal people cannot use them after me (that can be a good thing)
i love deeply and leave quickly...
People tell me their deepest darkest secrets even when i don't want to know them...um...even in the damn grocery store when i don't know them full stop
i have one son, one husband, one boyfriend and 3 dogs...guess which i like most
I HATE LAWYERS! but love to testify in court
i cannot abide lies...and yes the husband knows about the boyfriend and the boyfriend knows about the husband and we have all been out together more than once...no shit i just don't lie about it.
i wear a lot of black...pants, skirts; and a lot of purple shirts, blouses, sweaters
purple is my favorite colour, has been even before it was popular
Mistress MJ says…
Zzzzz. You’re right. There wasn’t much interesting there at all. No, not even that bit about your three-way with your husband and your boyfriend. No, nothing at all of interest. HELLO!
UBERMOUTH:
Ubermouth says…
Dear Fellow She-Bitch,
I am a wonderful woman of Infomaniac- I AM!
I am from Surrey, England-although, I grew up in Canada,if we're getting technical-but I AM an English rose [ed.note: removal here of line Ubermouth told me not to print] <------------------Don't print that. My interests- reading, films, dancing, music and bringing certain men down a peg or two. I love Infomaniac because I recognize a fellow bitch and blog whore in you. Isn't it amazing how men love bitches like us? It's kind of sad that some women waste so much time being 'nice' to them,having not figured this out. Back to sycophanty---------->Your blog is only one of a couple which makes me laugh.
I have sent you both my pic and av, to give you a choice. I don't care which one you use but I had better not find an ugly, saggy breasted woman attached to my face.
You're just enough of a cow to do that too, aren't you? :)
Mistress MJ says…
Whatever are you on about?
ROBYN:
Robyn says.
“Well...I am loyal to a fault, I am very passionate, I have beat cancer not once but 2x's, I love my family and friends! I worked since I was 14 so no slouch! I live in Sacramento,CA. I love scrapbooking, traveling, writing, photography, working out (and yes that includes lots of sex...lol)!
And I just love you because you are one Sassy bitch!”
Mistress MJ says…
You dirty scrapbooking bitch, you. We know your type.
PEEVISH:
Peevish says…
I've been a faithful Infomaniac reader, but a lackadaisical commenter for well over a year now. I enjoy your forays into smut and love reading the comments from the assemblage of motley characters that also find fulfillment here. A bit about me, well, can only be a bit, as I enjoy my anonymity. What you can know is this: I'm a 38 year old American woman, who loves all things chocolate and Duran Duran in equal measure. I've been married to the World's Cheapest Man for 18 years and have one wee earth angel - Miss Peanut. I speak English, French, and enough Spanish to get me satisfactorily laid and fed in South and/or Central America, should that opportunity ever present itself. Here's a photo, but you'll have to pardon the cheesy thumbs-up.
Mistress MJ says…
Move to South America and hook up with a man who appreciates your smart and stylish self. Or send the cheap-ass husband to Mistress MJ for training. She’ll soon have him emptying his wallet and handing over the credit cards to you.
CARNALIS:
Carnalis says...
"Buried in the english countryside with small boys and a raging libido, carnalis bakes away her frustrations, and, with the help of a collection of sex toys (flesh and otherwise), keeps herself busy and flushed.
The reason i like infomaniac? .. 'cos i have a secret crush on MJ, and a not-so-secret lust for Old Knudsen."
Mistress MJ says...
Did someone leave the window open? Is there a cold draft in here?
And finally, here’s your hostess, Mistress MJ herself…
Swingin’
Bow down and worship us, O Men of Infomaniac.
We can besiege a castle, ride a penny-farthing, play a didgeridoo AND roast your chestnuts on an open fire … all at the same time!
We are The Women of Infomaniac!
We are magnificent!
Stand back, little gurlymen, as we showcase these glorious gals.
Starting with that Mancunian minx, KAZ.
KAZ:
Kaz on vacation (again!) in sunny Spain
KAZ says…
"I'm probably the oldest Infomaniac woman - but I'm certainly not the wisest.
I'm a drinker, an idler and a birder.
I love blues, soul and loud rock music - so why did I choose a jazz fan and a folk singer as my long term significant others?"
Mistress MJ says…
Kaz, would you care to explain that man passed out behind you on the beach?
Were you separated at birth from IVD?
*notes the freakishly bendy fingers, slim figure and penchant for stripey clothing*
Kaz’s maxim is 'Better a weirdo than a wanker'.
FIRST NATIONS:
Ms. Nations says…
here's your damn blurb about me. firstnations. y'all come back now, y' hear?
[ed.note: Sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies theme]…
'Come and listen to a story about a muk named First
A poor something something, something something rhymes with 'First',
Then one day she was shootin at some food,
And up through the ground came a vast evil entity fully fifteen feet in height,
adorned with hideous tentacles which writhed and pulsated, swollen with
foul, barely-seen ichors, an entity which filled the atmosphere with
an intolerable and unearthly stench.
Cthulhu, that is. Risen from his death-sleep. In R'lyeh.
Well the first thing you know Muk's met a biker bear,
Biker said 'Muk, lets move away from here'
Said 'Sunny Sumas is the place we ought to be'
So she loaded up her copy of 'At the Mountains of Madness' and moved
to Washington.
State, that is.
Swimmin pools, movie stars. Nyarlathotep. Elder gods.
Mistress MJ says…
Lost in the woods or stranded on a desert island? You’ll want Ms. Nations by your side. The bitch has accomplished 52 of the 101 Life Skills, outnumbering all the other Women of Infomaniac AND all of you so-called men.
What Ms. Nations fails to mention is that she has the biggest gazongas of all The Women of Infomaniac. Massive mammaries. Great heaving milk jugs designed to feed the Canadian Army, should we choose to invade.
BETTY:
Betty says…
"My name is Betty. I have poor social skills and no charisma. Therefore I blog."
Mistress MJ says…
But that’s not all! According to Betty’s Blogger Profile, her interests include: apathy, work avoidance, lack of teamwork skills, not being a people person, surliness, and petty grievances.
ANONYMOUS BOXER:
Boxer says…
“The MJ v. Boxer Story:
I followed MJ from Old K's blog because I needed to know more about the woman who was competing for the Old Man's Cap. After months of stalking, I realized if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and I signed on to be one of the many Women of Infomaniac.
The coveted cap
We worked out an epic custody agreement regarding Old K's Blog, Cap and any other women who attempted to cross our collectjve paths. What was once a battle for the Man of our Dreams turned into a happy truce. Once I had accepted this, I was able to accept Infomaniac into my life. Praise the Lord and pass the bottle.
And despite that many think I'm male (can't imagine why a picture of dog, boxing wouldn't be female) I live in Seattle, WA and own a small business. I do box and I like to make videos, but only when I use my small dogs as stars.”
Mistress MJ says…
The woman is clearly delusional if she thinks I’m sharing Old Knudsen.
MISS SCARLET:
Miss Scarlet says ...
“Still looking for Colonel Mustard... or a professional with big plums will do”...
Mistress MJ says…
Let us add that Miss Scarlet is from East Sussex in England and enjoys staying at home to lick her Smeg.
SAVANNAH:
Savannah says…
“savannah is mad, bad and dangerous to know. she's a hard drinking, hard living, all around party girl with naturally curly hair!”
Mistress MJ says…
In summary: A southern strumpet from Savannah, Georgia.
We would also like to point out that Savannah and Mistress MJ were separated at birth.
LEAH:
Leah says…
"Leah is a housewife who has been whining about, but not actually finishing, her doctoral dissertation for the past 24 months. This is because the Hogwarts dungeons where she lives with Severus Snape are chilly and dimly lit, so that her eyesight is failing and her fingers are now too numb to type. Not because she is lazy or likes to goof off."
Mistress MJ says…
Leah has abandoned her dissertation in favour of writing an upcoming review on The Penis Book for us.
We would also like to mention a few fave quotes from her 100 Things About Me post…
"My boobs are the absolute bane of my existence."
"I like to apply very expensive scented lotion to my decolletage."
"I love prescription tranquilizers."
RANDOM CHICK:
Random Chick says…
“Random Chick lives near San Francisco, California and loves to write stupid poems, like the one about her butt probe. She can often be spotted out and about in her stylish hat but be careful because she randomly grabs strange beverages and licks them. Random Chick stumbled up on Infomaniac through a fellow blogger and immediately was hooked after reading "Celebrity Arse," "Fag, Hag, and the Odd Slag Dating Service," and the posts where Mistress MJ was kidnapped by the Yakuza then toured the galaxy in a TARDIS. The refined humor is what keeps her coming back.”
Mistress MJ says…
Thank you for bringing Celebrity Arse to our attention. It appears that we haven’t posted a Celebrity Arse since June! Mistress MJ is em-bare-assed to admit that she’s misplaced her list of Celebrity Arse requests. Did you put in a request, Random Chick?
PONITA:
Ponita says…
“Hailing from the land of perpetual wind and giant mosquitoes [ed.note: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada], not to mention Siberian-like winter temperatures and short men, Ponita is a true Viking warrior woman who was a (distant) second to First Nation's first in 101 Life Skills. Hoo-Rah to the women for smokin' the guys on that list! Nations can do everything on that list, but Ponita has the knowledge and/or experience to perform just over 40 of said items.
A buxom and leggy Prairie girl, Ponita grew up traversing our great country as an Air Force brat. The gypsy blood instilled in childhood set her up for the adventures of continued traipsing across Canada and the USA as an adult. She can pack an entire household in less than a week and load a 22' truck in a couple of hours.
Ponita resides in her own house with Slobber dog, That Damn Cat and BB, the wonderously magic Hairball Dispenser. Her days are spent nursing the ill, wiping dog spit off every object in the house and cleaning up hairballs, both fresh and regurgitated. For additonal excitement, she heads to the barn to visit Thunder the Wonder Pony, wearer of the Giant Underpants.
A shamless flirt, Ponita has been blogging since the spring of '08 and has amassed a loyal following of seven. She enjoys blogging, twittering and hanging out with her Cowgirl Mafia girlfriends at the Olive Garden, gorging on breadsticks and yakking the evenings away. Having experienced the pitfalls of fishing for a man in the shark infested ponds that populate Cyberspace, she is now content to lean her fishing pole against a wall and forget about casting her line in those turbulent waters.”
Mistress MJ says…
Don’t mess with a Viking chick.
EMMAK:
EmmaK ogling a colored cock at a Viennese private view
EmmaK says…
“A robust Austrian with a fetish for kinky boots (see pic), EmmaK enjoys man eating, eating man meat, as well as painting on men (see attached pic).Her ambitions are world domination and her greatest joy would be to see ABBA reform or to see Old Knudson in Playgirl. She loves Infomaniac for its shocking lack of political correctness and the ability to shock a woman even of her sluttish sensibilities.”
Mistress MJ says…
EmmaK currently calls Baltimore home. Baltimore is also known as “Charm City” and “Hairdo Capital of the World.” As Baltimore’s own great son John Waters said, "It's the place where all the southern hillbillies on their way to the north ran out of gas --and decided to stay...".
We have it on good authority that EmmaK is a bit of a goer.
DAISY:
Daisy says…
okay...about me? not much interesting...
i'm a child protection investigator but i don't do my job as a cop and don't do it just for the paycheck
i quilt for those i love
i love my dogs...if i didn't they would surely be dead by now
i'm a vicious flirt...but mean no harm
i love being italian, except when straightening my hair in the morning
my eyes change from blue to green depending on my mood
i'm not really nervous meeting people for the first time except Electro Kevin and he got me at a loss for words...really he did...and i don't know why
I HATE LIMA BEANS!
i'm a joker, i'm a smoker, and i used to be a toker
i find myself equally comfortable in jeans and tennis shoes as i do dressed to the nines, which people tell me is odd
I ALWAYS SIT UP STRAIGHT!
i have always touch typed and wear out the letters on all my keyboards regulary where normal people cannot use them after me (that can be a good thing)
i love deeply and leave quickly...
People tell me their deepest darkest secrets even when i don't want to know them...um...even in the damn grocery store when i don't know them full stop
i have one son, one husband, one boyfriend and 3 dogs...guess which i like most
I HATE LAWYERS! but love to testify in court
i cannot abide lies...and yes the husband knows about the boyfriend and the boyfriend knows about the husband and we have all been out together more than once...no shit i just don't lie about it.
i wear a lot of black...pants, skirts; and a lot of purple shirts, blouses, sweaters
purple is my favorite colour, has been even before it was popular
Mistress MJ says…
Zzzzz. You’re right. There wasn’t much interesting there at all. No, not even that bit about your three-way with your husband and your boyfriend. No, nothing at all of interest. HELLO!
UBERMOUTH:
Ubermouth says…
Dear Fellow She-Bitch,
I am a wonderful woman of Infomaniac- I AM!
I am from Surrey, England-although, I grew up in Canada,if we're getting technical-but I AM an English rose [ed.note: removal here of line Ubermouth told me not to print] <------------------Don't print that. My interests- reading, films, dancing, music and bringing certain men down a peg or two. I love Infomaniac because I recognize a fellow bitch and blog whore in you. Isn't it amazing how men love bitches like us? It's kind of sad that some women waste so much time being 'nice' to them,having not figured this out. Back to sycophanty---------->Your blog is only one of a couple which makes me laugh.
I have sent you both my pic and av, to give you a choice. I don't care which one you use but I had better not find an ugly, saggy breasted woman attached to my face.
You're just enough of a cow to do that too, aren't you? :)
Mistress MJ says…
Whatever are you on about?
ROBYN:
Robyn says.
“Well...I am loyal to a fault, I am very passionate, I have beat cancer not once but 2x's, I love my family and friends! I worked since I was 14 so no slouch! I live in Sacramento,CA. I love scrapbooking, traveling, writing, photography, working out (and yes that includes lots of sex...lol)!
And I just love you because you are one Sassy bitch!”
Mistress MJ says…
You dirty scrapbooking bitch, you. We know your type.
PEEVISH:
Peevish says…
I've been a faithful Infomaniac reader, but a lackadaisical commenter for well over a year now. I enjoy your forays into smut and love reading the comments from the assemblage of motley characters that also find fulfillment here. A bit about me, well, can only be a bit, as I enjoy my anonymity. What you can know is this: I'm a 38 year old American woman, who loves all things chocolate and Duran Duran in equal measure. I've been married to the World's Cheapest Man for 18 years and have one wee earth angel - Miss Peanut. I speak English, French, and enough Spanish to get me satisfactorily laid and fed in South and/or Central America, should that opportunity ever present itself. Here's a photo, but you'll have to pardon the cheesy thumbs-up.
Mistress MJ says…
Move to South America and hook up with a man who appreciates your smart and stylish self. Or send the cheap-ass husband to Mistress MJ for training. She’ll soon have him emptying his wallet and handing over the credit cards to you.
CARNALIS:
Carnalis says...
"Buried in the english countryside with small boys and a raging libido, carnalis bakes away her frustrations, and, with the help of a collection of sex toys (flesh and otherwise), keeps herself busy and flushed.
The reason i like infomaniac? .. 'cos i have a secret crush on MJ, and a not-so-secret lust for Old Knudsen."
Mistress MJ says...
Did someone leave the window open? Is there a cold draft in here?
And finally, here’s your hostess, Mistress MJ herself…
Swingin’
Bow down and worship us, O Men of Infomaniac.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
It’s Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Time!
Remember this?...
Mistress MJ wearing the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts…on her head
Yes, that’s Mistress MJ, pictured above, former Winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.
Longtime Infomaniac bitches have seen The Shorts travel all over the world.
Remember when IVD wore them in Norwich, England?...
Or Eroswings in Texas?...
Now they’re in Denmark and CYBERPETE is holding THE FREAKIN’ GREEN ELF SHORTS CAPTION COMPETITION!
You want to win The Shorts, don’t you?
Then head on over to CYBERPETE’S blog NOW!
Contest begins today and ends on March 13th.
Are you new to Infomaniac and wondering what all the fuss is about over a pair of shorts?
Mistress MJ has painstakingly compiled The Definitive History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts for your enlightment.
Now get over to CyberPete’s and WIN WIN WIN!
Note: No new post until Sunday when we’ll showcase The Women of Infomaniac.
Mistress MJ wearing the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts…on her head
Yes, that’s Mistress MJ, pictured above, former Winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.
Longtime Infomaniac bitches have seen The Shorts travel all over the world.
Remember when IVD wore them in Norwich, England?...
Or Eroswings in Texas?...
Now they’re in Denmark and CYBERPETE is holding THE FREAKIN’ GREEN ELF SHORTS CAPTION COMPETITION!
You want to win The Shorts, don’t you?
Then head on over to CYBERPETE’S blog NOW!
Contest begins today and ends on March 13th.
Are you new to Infomaniac and wondering what all the fuss is about over a pair of shorts?
Mistress MJ has painstakingly compiled The Definitive History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts for your enlightment.
Now get over to CyberPete’s and WIN WIN WIN!
Note: No new post until Sunday when we’ll showcase The Women of Infomaniac.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Legs! Legs! Legs!
Reminder to the Womenfolk
If you female Infomaniac readers haven’t already followed the instructions from yesterday’s Calling All Women post, do it soon!
You Brits are especially lazy.
I’ve received blurbs from a Canadian woman and several American women but so far none of you British bitches have coughed up.
Get moving.
You Brits are especially lazy.
I’ve received blurbs from a Canadian woman and several American women but so far none of you British bitches have coughed up.
Get moving.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Calling All Women
Attention all female Infomaniac readers.
To celebrate International Women’s Day on March 8th, we are updating our Women of Infomaniac post and want to hear from you.
If you’re a regular Infomaniac reader, send Mistress MJ a wee blurb about yourself by email. (Email address is in my Blogger Profile).
Just a few lines to tell us a bit about who you are, where you’re from, your interests, etc. And, of course, why you love Infomaniac!
Include a photo if you wish. Preferably nekkid or partially clad.
Mistress MJ reserves the right to edit and/or take creative license.
Hurry! Sunday is coming up soon and we want our new Women of Infomaniac post to be ready by then!
Note: When we say “women” we are not referring to those of you male readers who like to dress in laydeez clothing.
UPDATE: There seems to be some confusion, as usual.
This posting is meant for ALL the women who read Infomaniac, no matter whether you’re new to Infomaniac or whether you’ve been reading for years.
Our upcoming “Women of Infomaniac” post this Sunday, March 8th is meant to profile ALL the wonderful women who read Infomaniac.
Now hurry the fuck up and email your blurbs to me!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Life Skills 101
Could you have survived in days of yore?
Can you throw a battleax, milk a cow and make a fire without matches?
Reading the book “Back in the Day: 101 Things Everyone Used to Know How to Do” made me realize how few life skills I really have. 17 out of 101 to be exact.
Of course some of the 101 things are not exactly essential for survival. However, they are skills that were common knowledge back in the good old days.
So I’ve highlighted all things I know how to do in red.
G’won. You check them off and tell us how you fared.
Do you have any other skills to include in the list?
1. Use a bow and arrow
2. Load and fire a musket
3. Duel with pistol
4. Joust
5. Throw a battleax
6. Forge a sword
7. Fight with a rapier and dagger
8. Besiege a castle
9. Defend a castle
10. Make and smoke a peace pipe
11. Make a flint cutting tool
12. Brew mead
13. Make bread
14. Roast chestnuts on an open fire
15. Make hard cheese
16. Make butter
17. Make ice cream
18. Keep bees and harvest honey
19. Tap and make maple syrup
20. Find berries in the wild
21. Can food
22. Archery fish
23. Gut and clean fish
24. Keep chickens
25. Pluck a chicken
26. Roast a wild boar
27. Cook on a range
28. Dig and use a pit oven
29. Make a fire without matches
30. Track animals
31. Forecast the weather
32. Tease, card, & spin wool
33. Make natural dye from plants
34. Weave a chair seat
35. Weave a basket
36. Make soap
37. Make a broom
38. Sweep a chimney
39. Chop down a tree with an ax
40. Carve a totem pole
41. Carve a canoe
42. Make a barrel
43. Thatch a roof
44. Build a wall with wattle and daub
45. Build a dry stone wall
46. Dig a well
47. Plow a field
48. Build a log bridge
49. Build a log cabin
50. Build a pyramid
51. Embalm a body
52. Treat a battle wound
53. Set broken bones
54. Groom a horse
55. Shoe a horse
56. Mount and dismount a horse
57. Make and throw a lasso
58. Milk a cow
59. Hunt deer safely in woodlands
60. Mount a stag’s head
61. Shear a sheep
62. Care for rope
63. Tie a hangman’s noose
64. Read Roman numerals
65. Use an abacus
66. Operate a telegraph machine
67. Send smoke signals
68. Cure people with leeches and maggots
69. Read palms
70. Behave at a medieval banquet
71. Read a coat of arms
72. Address royalty
73. Grow herbs
74. Use herbs in your personal grooming
75. Care for leather boots
76. Wear opera gloves
77. Wear a Roman toga
78. Wash clothes by hand
79. Care for your period wig
80. Play hopscotch
81. Play jacks
82. Use a hoola hoop
83. Play marbles
84. Play real tennis
85. Play stickball
86. Make a pair of shoes
87. Make a hammock
88. Make a quill pen
89. Make papyrus
90. Write a sonnet
91. Write calligraphy
92. Understand opera
93. Make a corn husk doll
94. Make and play a didgeridoo
95. Ride a penny-farthing
96. Make a cave painting
97. Make a Roman mosaic
98. Pan for gold
99. Clean and polish silver
100. Blow glass
101. Make a stained-glass window.
Note: No new posting ‘til Tuesday. Mistress MJ is busy learning how to care for her period wig.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Daily Affirmations
Mistress MJ is seeking her own personal daily affirmation.
The type of positive reinforcement you might hear on Oprah.
For example, looking into the mirror and repeating, “I love myself” until you believe it.
Or sticking a post-it note to your bathroom mirror that says “I invite prosperity and success into my life.”
Has everyone collectively vomited by this point?
Anyway, Mistress MJ wants an affirmation to affect positive change in her life.
Please write a suitable affirmation for Mistress MJ and make one up for yourself while you’re at it.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Winner – Teen Angst Competition
Wondering who is our mystery teen?
It’s PONITA from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada!
Ponita today
Ponita the teen
You know Ponita as the woman who put GIANT UNDERPANTS on a horse.
The following bitches correctly indentified Ponita: Miss Scarlet, EmmaK, Donn, and Leah.
Mistress MJ placed their names into her chapeau and drew the winner.
Infomaniac is pleased to announce that the winner of the Teen Angst Competition is LEAH in Brooklyn, New York!
Leah, you’ve won the "I'm Savin' Up for More Valium!…So I Can Relax Forever!" Piggy Bank. It looks like this…
Thanks to ALL you bitches who participated in the Teen Angst Competition.
Send in your teenage angst photos today!
And now the question that’s on everyone’s minds…
Ponita, what is that hideous green thing hanging from the ceiling?
And were you in prison? What is that thing in your lap?
So many questions.
Note to Ms. Nations: Your Ponita vote did not count as your first guess was BEAST and we went with first guesses only. It says so in the fine print.
It’s PONITA from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada!
Ponita today
Ponita the teen
You know Ponita as the woman who put GIANT UNDERPANTS on a horse.
The following bitches correctly indentified Ponita: Miss Scarlet, EmmaK, Donn, and Leah.
Mistress MJ placed their names into her chapeau and drew the winner.
Infomaniac is pleased to announce that the winner of the Teen Angst Competition is LEAH in Brooklyn, New York!
Leah, you’ve won the "I'm Savin' Up for More Valium!…So I Can Relax Forever!" Piggy Bank. It looks like this…
Thanks to ALL you bitches who participated in the Teen Angst Competition.
Send in your teenage angst photos today!
And now the question that’s on everyone’s minds…
Ponita, what is that hideous green thing hanging from the ceiling?
And were you in prison? What is that thing in your lap?
So many questions.
Note to Ms. Nations: Your Ponita vote did not count as your first guess was BEAST and we went with first guesses only. It says so in the fine print.
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