Penile perils abound as the following news items so painfully reveal.
At Ease, Soldier!
Typical appearance of a fractured penisA young married soldier sustained penile fracture secondary to rolling over onto the erect penis whilst asleep in bed.
Surgery was performed and the patient recovered.
With This Ring
A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.
According to the nurse attending, the patient’s girlfriend found the ring in the pocket of his trousers.
She got so angry that she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring onto his penis whilst he slept.
Wee Man Stuck in Hoover
A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh Fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.
Daniel Blackner, or 'Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf', was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.
The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.
The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.
He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.
"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E [accident and emergency ward] with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.
Pencil in Penis Backfires
Pencil dickA Serbian man needed emergency surgery after sticking a pencil inside his penis to keep it stiff during sex.
Zeljko Tupic, from Belgrade, told doctors he had experienced erectile difficulties in the past.
So as he prepared for a night with his new lover, he decided to insert a thin pencil into his penis.
Tupic had to cut his sex session short when the pencil shifted and became lodged in his bladder, forcing him to call an ambulance, the daily Kurir reported.
Doctor Aleksandar Milosevic from Belgrade's Zvezdara hospital, who succesfully removed the pencil, said: "At first the patient did not tell us what really happened, but x-rays proved the truth.
"Tupic said he had no idea there were things like Viagra available but agreed that in future he will try pills before he takes any more chances with pencils."
Broken penis? Or Smunty's bendy bit?
Unless you are an experienced Puppetry of the Penis Master, please treat your meat with respect.
Accidents happen.
