Monday, March 12, 2012

Vote for the Butchest Bitch

It’s time to choose the butchest Bitch!

See for yourself what happened when Infomaniac Bitches were asked to photograph the butchest thing in their house.

[via]

Anyone is eligible to vote in the Butchest Bitch Competition.

View the photos, read the descriptions and leave a comment telling us who you think deserves the title of Butchest Bitch.

The winner will be posted sometime on Wednesday, March 14th.

Let’s get started!

AYEM8Y (MEAN DIRTY PIRATE)…
"What's the, "BUTCHEST THING IN YOUR HOUSE!", you ask? That would have to be my pneumatic nail gun. I use it with my 33 gal. 6hp. air compressor."


MS. FIRST NATIONS
"See the coat. The coat is made of horsehide. See the gloves. They are made of goatskin. See the hat. The hat is made of 100% Australian wool felt. See the plugs. They are made of Indonesian buffalo horn. See the cigars. They are made of cheap. Add a Native American in jeans, Docs and a black tank top and you have what FirstNations wears on pretty much a daily basis."


kabuki zero
"kabuki humbly submits one dirty mechanics tool set, read em and weep bitches. I kabuki zero - oriental princess - is butch beyond reason."


PRINCESS...
"One never knows when one might experience a little trouble in the “Rumpus Room” resulting from over exuberance and ending in a nasty mishap. What with squeaking sling chains, an over taut rope or two, or even a loose fitting gag... One never knows which skills might be called upon... Princess always has her emergency tool kit at hand. Take it from Princess Darlings... being the good ex Boy Scout that I am... One should always “Be Prepared”."


MR. COOKIE
"Kevin weighs in at just under eight pounds. He's very lovable, and fearless. We did a Mars Genetics Panel on him and he is 50% Jack Russell, 25% Shih Tzu, and 25% other, including .82% Great Dane. He prefers to play with the big dogs at Doggie Daycare. He's cute, but he'll knaw your ankles down to the bone on command."


MISTRESS MADDIE
"The cock screw,err, corkscrew is butch in the Casa, Do you know how hard you have to screw to get it out!"

"My sport briefs are butch, for what I put in them!!!! And some Butch is usually pulling them off!"

"Plunger. Just because I know how to use it is butch enough. I plung with it, shoot it across the yard to get escapee houseboys, and then there's that trick that Macgyver showed me."


MITZI
"Looking around the house in search of something butch, proved very difficult indeed. Here goes: Vanilla protein powder great for building muscles, I like to add a couple of scoops to my cake/biscuit mixture, you can really taste the vanilla, unlike the extract stuff you get in supermarkets. A replica of Castell Coch in Wales by Liliput Lane, on rainy days I like to sit and gaze at it, I like to pretend I'm Rapunzel locked up in the tower, letting my hair down for passing tradesmen to climb up. A collection of miniature crested china ornaments, I think one of them is a candle snuffer, and lastly some Irish stout to put "hairs on your chest"."


MR. PEENEE
"This pipe wrench is the butchest thing in mrpeenee's house. Through some odd twist that even I am not sure about, I actually have two. Maybe because I am so very butch. Maybe. I also like it because of its popular name, "Monkey Wrench." Monkey wrench is one of the terms I like to say aloud in different funny voices. Try it yourself. The next time you find yourself in the yogurt aisle at the grocery store, or at Liquorette, start repeating "Monkey wrench" in a variety of tones and accents. Be sure to include your Thurston Howell voice. I'm sure you'll be impressed with the results. I know I was."


NORMADESMOND
"Butchest thing i could find, my business card."


SCOTSYANK
"How about a luscious little ice bucket, with a horse-racing theme, made largely from naugahyde?"


TOPHER
Topher’s butch item speaks for itself. No description needed. And yes, it’s really his.


MR. LX
"Pix of the Butchest Thing In The House attached.
Did I win?"

44 comments:

  1. Gold: First Nations' ensemble.

    Silver: Mr. Peenee's cat.

    Bronze: Pirate's well-used pneumatic nail gun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Technically, Mr. Peenee's butchest thing is his MONKEY WRENCH but who am I to quibble?

      Delete
  2. Lets see you fix something with that poseur nail gun. MONKEY WRENCH IS IT. kabuki sadly wishes he had tastefully photographed his. Wait - tasteful foto - disqualified. kabuki wins again with the dirty mechanics tool kit. kabuki would like to thank the academy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I put every scratch on that bitch!

      I live in a Victorian hovel that needs a lot of attention.

      Delete
    2. Bitchfight! Involving POWER TOOLS!

      Delete
  3. Wow!

    These pansy bitches are definitely gonna lose out to Mrs. Nations every day look. If I got in a bar fight I would say I'm with her.

    *Wheels Kabuki's tool chest out while he's not looking*

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so throwing in with Mitzi. What could top a snuffer? The Lilliput Lane castle is just showing off. Strutting.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I vote for our pirate! That nail gun is awesome!

    Closely followed by LX. Is there a greater butchness to be found than in Top Gun? Well...obviously Pirate's nail gun. But apart from that.

    And Ms Nations is awesome. I'm so going drinking with her!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sigh. I so would have won.
    Anyhow, I see some very impressive tools here, as always on Infomaniac... I am also quite taken with Ms Nations jacket... it would look good with my new boots... but then it wouldn't look butch at all...
    I'm voting for Kevin by Mr Cookie... because... I just have to!
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kevin appreciates your vote, and encourages everyone to vote, and vote often!

      Delete
  7. I'm with Mr Lax... Kelly McGillis was the butchest bitch in that whole movie!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I vote for the cat of Peenee. All these power tools give me the creeps, as does this uber tidy drawer of Mistress Maddie's Unterhosen. Ms Nations' jacket looks nice, could use a bit of Wichse rubbed in all the wrinkles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BITCHES: Mistress MJ has thoughtfully provided an English translation here of the German word Wichse, as mentioned above by Herr Mago.

      May we remind you that it is Mr. Peenee’s MONKEY WRENCH that is the butchest thing in his house, NOT his cat. Do any of you actually READ THE DESCRIPTIONS?

      Delete
    2. No, I never ask for directions. The correct translation of course would be "polish".

      Delete
    3. As in "spit" and polish?

      Too late to backpeddle on the translation as we can now see for ourselves the meaning simply by clicking on that link. Ha!

      Delete
    4. As you can see here to polish means wichsen. That's what one does with leather.

      Delete
    5. Why do the Germans use the same word for "shoe polish" as they do for "semen?"

      Delete
    6. Maybe it's a shoe fetish, boot related. Blame it on Wilhelm II and his beard, or Dali.

      (Basically: "wichsen" = cerare, althochdt. "wahsen")

      Delete
  9. After hearing Ms Nation talking about standing atop pile of burning harleys firing a gun and drinking warm elk blood, I had the highest expectations on all of the participants. God! what a let down. If I knew all I needed to submit were sex toys and lube tube...

    I'll go with Norma.

    *gets on all four and pops up his flat furry naked arse to Topher*

    I'm ready for your 30 inches, sir!

    ReplyDelete
  10. My late entry - the only butch thing in my house, but by far the butchest thing in my life. The man I'm calling...

    My Boyfriend!

    What?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Look at the size of his package!

      Delete
  11. Topher and his strap on dildo is the clear winner for me.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Gold: Princess' well-used tool
    ....bench
    Silver: Kabuki's Craftsman tool
    ...set.
    Bronze: DeepBlues' flat furry naked arse

    Tinfoil: Polish masturbators. WHAT THE FUCK MAGO??? (xo!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Less of a fuck, my dear, more of a rubbin' what your jacket needs.

      Delete
  13. Ms FirstNation's shabby coat gets my vote. It conjures up a cosy image of someone who enjoys standing around on rubble strewn wasteland, watching an armchair burn whilst drinking methylated spirits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's Sunday afternoon at El Rancho ...

      Delete
    2. Why limit it to Sunday afternoon at Rancho First Nations?

      Sounds like a typical day in her backyard.

      Delete
    3. Is there enough space for burning armchairs between all these potty planters?

      Delete
    4. THERE ARE NO TOILET PLANTERS AT RANCHO FIRSTNATIONS.
      That said, Mitzi does conjure sentimental images of my last barbecue, and the homeless guy we dismembered in the garage...

      Delete
  14. I vote for the lovely Ms. FirstNations. I'm not scared of power tools or a plunger, but that coat coming at me would have me quaking in the presence of butchness. And if we look further down, that coat is being worn in Top Gun by a butch. Hint: the butch is behind the DL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well bless your heart KellyRed. The patina on the jacket is thanks due to my Biker, who wore it through 2 near-fatal bike accidents and one shooting (no shit.) Just wearing it makes hair grow on your chest!
      *whips off shirt* see?

      Delete
  15. BITCHES: I'm out of here for the evening so carry on without me.

    You have all night to cast your vote...and POSSIBLY a little time on Wednesday.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Norma survived 29 inches! That must have been the time that troop of travelling dwarfs came through town.... Hi Ho!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Brings to mind that famed '10 ft. pole' nobody wants to get touched by...

    *runs*

    ReplyDelete
  18. All those dirty tools! I don't know where to begin.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Butchest: First Nations! That ensemble demands it, the various tools and toys not so much.

    Funniest: the willful audacity to consider then promote this lowly implement as butch made ME laugh. The description provided the second.

    Most imaginative: Mr. Peenee's "Monkey Wrench" tableau.

    Most bewildering: a tie between Mitzee's and Scotyank's chachkas.

    ReplyDelete
  20. kudos to all!

    though cookie's puppy gave me pause (as well as topher's puppy) i feel the amazing mr. peenee has raised the bar to unattainable heights.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Norma - it isn't often that twenty-nine inches of Colonoscopy merits a souvenir bumper sticker. And however did they get it out of you? You asshole must have put up quite a fight!

    ReplyDelete
  22. *waking from gin haze*.... all these things are butch to me since I haven't a damn clue what the hell they are, but the air tank thingy from our DIRTY PIRATE wins for me. And what the does he nail with that other thing anyhow? Followed in close second by Norma, just because it's butch taking the 29 inches..... and she is still able to walk upright. ok granted she is aided by a cane....

    ReplyDelete
  23. And Cookie, are we certain Norma even knew it was all in there???

    ReplyDelete
  24. cookie, my asshole? why, my asshole NEVER accompanies me to procedures. i always take a cab.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Is it Wednesday yet? Where's the Wenis?

    ReplyDelete