Friday, June 06, 2008

Filthy Friday – How Not To Decorate Edition

If you’re going to pose naked for photographs, try to do it tastefully, would you?

Pick up a style magazine, if you’re not sure. Or watch Home and Garden TV for décor tips.

Infomaniac presents some common decorating mistakes.

MIXING PRINTS



Florals with stripes?

Stick to one pattern, people.

When in doubt, keep it simple.




TOO MUCH CLUTTER



Tapestries and teddy bears and tat! Oh, my!





RED LEATHER (OR PLEATHER) FURNITURE



All you need is a white glove to complete the Michael Jackson look.





ONE IS ENOUGH



Two rolls of toilet tissue in the bathroom is overkill.

Unless you’ve eaten Ma Beastie’s Chickpea Curry.

Remember, less is better.





ANIMAL PRINTS



Leopard print worked for Bet Lynch but if your name’s not Tarzan, don’t overdo it.





PLAID IS BAD



Golfers wear plaid.

This should be all you need to know to stay away from this pattern.





DON’T GO FOR THE GOLD



You’re not an Olympic athlete going for the gold.

And take off your hat while your indoors.




And finally…




SHOES OFF THE BED!



Didn’t your mother teach you ANYTHING?





Note: No new post ‘til Sunday. Don’t look at me like that. This past week I’ve hosted a big competition AND commemorated my 1,000th post. So make do with this one ‘til Sunday, bitches.

70 comments:

  1. BAM!! I'm first!! HA ! Not that I should be so thrilled but it isn't even Friday where I'm at.

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  2. Where's Carson Kressely when you need him?

    PS: Hi Suzanne

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  3. Thanks ... I really see now how the stripes and florals don't work ... I need to go shopping. BTW ... Great post ... I also learned some new sexy poses.

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  4. Was that red leather sofa made out of the man in the last picture? I meean, good gods! No one should be that colour!

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  5. CECILE: Congratulations on your first “first” on Filthy Friday.

    Are you aware that the first commenter on Filthy Friday is always the person who is most desperate to view naked old men?

    I bet you hadn’t even put the kids to bed yet.

    Shameful.

    BOB: Suzanne pretends she doesn’t look at Filthy Friday but she’s almost as bad as Cecile.

    PRACTICALLYJOE: You go for those sexy new poses!

    Just remember to remove your hat and keep your shoes off the bed.

    IVD: I hope he kept the receipt for that self-tanner.

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  6. Never mind the shoes! What's up with the ugly wall paper?

    Good Lord, does Animal Print man have a mirrored headboard? So he can check for moles in those hard to reach places?

    As for the fellow with the gold bed and the crucifix, yeah, um... not even Jesus can save you from your rapper's gold tooth inspired decor.

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  7. Where do all these naked old men come from wails Beast.
    Invaluable advice Miss MJ next time I am decorating I shall be very careful about florals and stripes and nekkid old men

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  8. EROS: He’s praying for good taste.

    BEAST: Never mind the florals and stripes.

    You should be more careful about the placement of your fruit bowl.

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  9. They look so smug. Can't they see how wrong it is?

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  10. Did you notice how vile the curtains are? I mean really, they are a thrid type print,

    The man with the gold bed had watched too much Eurovision and thinks he is 75 Cents.

    I find the extremes in the last photo, ugly dainty wall paper and that pink thing on the bed (not the man) mixed with the leather and big soled shoes extremely funny.

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  11. BITTERSWEET: They do look particularly proud, don’t they?

    I suppose it’s their hap-penis that counts though, eh?

    CYBERPOOF: I could do an entire post on bad window treatments.

    We’d start, of course, at Tazzy and Piggy’s house.

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  12. That would be great fun!

    I actually liked this filthy friday more than the previous because there was really bad decor to mock.

    The others were just really bad.

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  13. I'm going to stop visiting on a Friday. If I want to see a huge, wrinkly, war torn,battle scarred knob I only have to look in the mirror!

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  14. CYBERPOOF: I was on a roll with the décor theme and couldn’t stop.

    What shall we mock next?

    Shoes?

    RATTY: A “huge, wrinkly, war torn, battle scarred knob”?

    Send me your photo immediately!

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  15. My heart is breaking from just looking at these poor, old, bored, miserable, bastards...
    for gawdsake won't somebody please tell them about Lawn Bowling or Bridge. Don't they have cable TV or Internet connections in any of those Old Folks Homes?

    It's shameful the way we warehouse these old coots.

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  16. You know, looking at the horrid decor let me almost ignore all those aged penii .....almost. Dear god, don't these people have ANY shame??? They all look like they could be someone's grandpa! *shudder*

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  17. We could definately mock shoes.

    I wonder if the Paris Hilton line is available anymore.

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  18. I kinda likey the dude with the tight whites. I have no idea why.

    See you Sunday.

    Wuss.

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  19. DONN: A future Filthy Friday will be devoted to naked old men with high speed Internet connections.

    As usual, you’ve gotten ahead of me.

    LOST: That reminds me.

    Your granddad emailed me and wants to be featured next week.

    I told him I’d have to run it by you first.

    CYBERPOOF: The Jessica Simpson line will do.

    BOXER: I could do a whole post on old men in tighty whities if that’s what turns you on.

    Perv.

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  20. I see nothing wrong with my cerise and mauve polka dot hammock.

    I like to recline on it swigging beer and mock the working classes.

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  21. dang... there is more filth than friday on this one...

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  22. GARFY: I’ve heard that Uma Thurman likes to recline on your banana hammock.

    VOICES: You’re not getting a refund, if that’s what you’re after.

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  23. HERGE: Send me your credit card details and I can make arrangements to return your lost innocence.

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  24. Well I suppose those would be interesting pictures then cause both my granddads have been dead for over 10 years. AND they both had impecible decorating skills. So print away LOL

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  25. "will you still want to look at it in five years" as someone over on the voices just commented...

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  26. Oh the horror!

    I don't think I could go back there. The last time I checked out the Jessica Simpson line I felt sick for days.

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  27. LOST: Your grannies emailed me and said it's what your granddads would want.

    VOICES: Dang. At work and can't visit you right now.
    Having to sneak around just to post a comment on my own blog!

    CYBERPOOF: Is there a celebrity who DOESN'T have a line of shoes?

    There's the JLo collection to consider too.

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  28. Oh, that could be interesting.

    Kylie doesn't do shoes. She wears Manolo Blahniks

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  29. thats all right, its fucking mayhem here right now, im trying to sneak off and ignore it all as well...

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  30. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  31. ok ok no, all right, i had to go check, but it IS. IT IS THAT GUY.

    red pleather chair boy?

    that was HIM.
    sitting on MY WASHING MACHINE.
    TWIDDLING HIS TODGER.

    remember? it was one of the pictures that i found in the camera that old knudson left behind after his visit?

    http://1hplovecraft.blogspot.com/2007/08/nsfw-really-really-nswf.html

    I am freaking out here.
    ITS THAT SAME DUDE.
    HE'S OUT THERE.
    AND HE'S SOMEPLACE CLOSE.

    *peers out from behind corner of curtains fearfully*

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  32. ...but now you gotta admit that Mr. Chaps there DOES have a nice shiny weener, doesn't he?

    its SHINY.

    i can see myself!!

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  33. CYBERPOOF: Kylie may not have a shoe line but she DOES have her own fragrance, DARLING!

    VOICES: Be careful.

    Remember, you're operating heavy machinery.

    NATIONS: I can't click on your nsfw link while I'm at work (think how much fun I'm having just quickly trying to access my own filthy blog to type THIS in!)

    But if Knudsen left a camera behind, todger twiddling is sure to be involved.

    Shiny weenies are great to check to make sure that your lipstick hasn't smeared.

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  34. And now, I never have to wonder what those mall Santa Clauses do the other 11 months of the year...and I never want to wonder again...

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  35. I do have to admit that Bad Plaid did have a rather large wanger. And what can I say, my husband had gone off to work and left me with just the battery operated version. So I had no other choice but to be first to comment on filthy Friday. Gosh and here I am back for more, more, more.....AHHH!

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  36. She has 3. Darling, Sweet Darling and Showtime.

    I like Darling best.

    She also has a lingerie line. Very classy knickers.

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  37. EROS: They want to know if you've been a naughty boy.

    CECILE: You're insatiable!

    Anyway, shouldn't you be cleaning up your house?

    Or is that why you got your boys to do it?

    So you could have more free time to visit here!

    CYBERPOOF: She may have fancy knickers but YOU have ELF SHORTS!

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  38. True! Maybe I should bring them with me on Sunday and see if she'll sign them?

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  39. OMG...Those balls and sticks look like they have been died in blueberry juice! I guess their minds are more interested in other ...things...than good taste in decorating. Posing on a one color sheet matches all skin tone.

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  40. where on Earth do you find these pictues??? I am now going to have nightmares. I can never look at an old man again without thinking about..... about.... about shoes on the bed! I came here looking for Naked pictures of Johnny Depp...and I get THESE.....ohhhhh my mind's eye. Someone poke it out puleeeeze!

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  41. Is this what they mean about having a second childhood?

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  42. ...those aren't children, donn.

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  43. you know what? false alarm. the old guy on my washing machine had bitch tits and no hair. the old guy on the red chair is in pretty damn good shape and kinda fuzzy.

    hell yes i went and checked. and opened two windows and clicked back and forth. and the arranged them side by side and compared.

    I take my old man ass seriously.

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  44. i should have waited for sunday...

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  45. okay i just am not posting naked...there are too many rules...sorry folks...blame MJ

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  46. CYBERPOOF: Tatas’ stain would provide a firm surface for her to sign.

    MYTOES: It gives new meaning to “blue balls”.

    MATT: Yet I’m so loveable.

    Q: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    You’ll find naked Johnny Depp here.

    DONN: Perhaps they never grew out of their FIRST childhood.

    NATIONS: I got home and checked your link.

    Washing machine guy is different than red leather dude but you know what?

    I have washing machine guy’s pic in my photo folders.

    I suspect this is the work of Old Knudsen.

    SAVANNAH: You have no self control at all, do you?

    DAISY: I’ll just ask Mr. Mutley if I want to see nude photos of you.

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  47. oh no you didn't mj!!!!!!!!

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  48. RED LEATHER (OR PLEATHER) FURNITURE

    That would be leatherette....cunt.

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  49. True MJ, but that's so disgusting, I'm not sure she won't kick me out.

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  50. DAISY: No, I didn’t.

    But I could.

    EDDIE: Leatherette…of course!

    Bad dah DAH!

    You’ve been away too long and obviously I’ve lost my way without you.

    I’ve missed your sweaty arse, lad.

    CYBERPOOF: You’d love to have Kylie’s shoe up your arse.

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  51. I'd much rather wear them MJ

    Manolo Blahnik is THE shoes to wear

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  52. And never mix old dudes naked with any of these prints.

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  53. CYBERPOOF: I'm picturing you in Kylie's gold lamé hotpants and a pair of Manolos.

    RICH: It appears that naked old men clash with everything.

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  54. Actually her gold Ginas would look better with those.

    I thought you'd picture me in TFGES and Kylies shoes.

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  55. I'd luv to see Kylie and her gold vagina!

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  56. Don't make excuses to the cunts just give them what you want and tell them to be grateful.

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  57. CYBERPOOF: Don't make my mental visions any worse than they are.

    EROS: Again with mental images.

    KNUDSEN: They're never satisfied.

    And where the hell have YOU been?

    Even Eddie Waring managed to post something new.

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  58. Have you noticed the old geezer with the leopard skin print has a mirrored headboard !!!!

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  59. BEAST: A mirrored headboard...

    Just like yours!

    But minus the disco ball you have hanging from your bedroom ceiling.

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  60. I'd be able to forgive a disco ball, but a mirrored headboard

    not so much

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  61. Manolos are shit.
    To wear.
    Nice to look.

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  62. CYBERPOOF: I bet Kylie has a mirrored headboard.

    MAGO: You can't go trying to squeeze your size twelves into a pair of size tens.

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  63. I hope you're not the photographer MJ.

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  64. PISSOFF: No, I wasn't the photographer.

    I couldn't even think about taking their pics without redecorating first.

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  65. You have no idea how much therapy I'll need to get over that post.

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  66. FUKKIT: Well fuck it, it’s Fukkit!

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  67. DIVA: More where those came from!

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