Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Message From A Broad Abroad

I’ll be back from hols in a couple of days.

But I’ll be too shagged out to read your blogs when I return so here’s what you can do for me…

Leave a comment and tell me what’s been happening in your world since I left the country. I’ll catch up on reading your blogs as soon as I can.

To make up for my long absence, Infomaniac will be holding a competition later this month … with prizes!

Gotta go now.

p.s. I’m considering hiring one of you to write my blog posts while I’m on vacation in future. Eddie Waring is my first choice based on the grand job he did in the comments. The cunt.

*trips over Piggy’s nosey snout and First Nations’ sharp tongue on the way out*

*wonders if Maidy’s up for a bitch fight*

*hopes someone sent flowers on my behalf if Knudsen popped his clogs…and hired professional wailers for his funeral*

*insists that Frobi bow as I enter and exit the room. Oh look who I’m talking to. Make that “curtsy”*

*laughs long and hard along with SID*

See you soon, bitches.

I must leave you now as there’s a tall glass of Guinness with a gorgeous head calling my name.


  1. To summarise my blogging activities since you went on holiday in 2001.

    I went on holiday. It rained every day. I came back from my holiday. It rained ever day. I *celebrated* my ninety seventh birthday. Nothing interesting happened.

    Still, carry on enjoying head or whatever it is you're doing, don't mind us.

  2. I got one comment on my last post. Since I've been back from holiday my stats have gone down by 90%. That's what happens when you take a break.

    Enjoy your Guinness.

  3. We've enjoyed the peace and quiet since you've been gone.

    But now your almost back, I suppose we should prepare for the worst to resume.

    I hope you brought some new kind of pox back with you as a present for IVF. Like all good queens, he likes unique new things.

  4. Welcome back. Not a lot has happened here, I can't even think of an entertaining insult.

  5. Cannabis has been legalized, we've all been told we have to kill our dogs, and the sun is apparently on strike. Bah.

  6. Ugh, Guinness. You should really start having cocktails, so much better!

    Nothing interesting happened here.

  7. *Blows froth off Guinness into MJ's face*


  8. It figures she would like the head.

  9. Things are pretty boring here as well.

    It's just the same old same old.

  10. i got a little more wonderful each day.............good hols? Any pictures?

  11. Mine will be easy as I've been away as well (for a mere 10 days!).
    There's a nice Corrie pic that you missed.
    Er - did you mention that you missed us - must re read.

  12. I have only one word to summarize my doings while you were off lounging abroad... M E N O P A U S E! Need I say more?

    I hate men!

  13. *laughs at Krissteen*


    Oh, fuck me! My word veri is 'qwim'!!!!! Seriously!

  14. i done been:
    -painting my house (includes scraping, primering and swearing) in +90 degree weather; poor martyred me!

    -obtained an extra-terrestrial flying craft and killed some kid's cat with it

    -got another blogging award (oh, the adulation! the fans! the CASH!!!!!)

    -peed on Pig and Taz's sofa cushions and turned them all over so they won't be able to tell where the smell of roses is coming from

    -slapped a nasty old blop of salsa on my tit. wanna lick it off?
    you couldn't handle it, beeyotch. my tits reign supreme!

    oh fuck. hurry back.

  15. BETTY: 97? You’re still a baby.

    VICUS: Suck my dick.

    GEOFF: You sound a little down. I suppose this would be the wrong time to ask about the Irons?

    PIGGY: I’ve planted a fresh pox in The Elf Shorts. IVF should be scaly and itching by now.

    BILLY: No need for the insults to be entertaining. Just shoot me for the hell of it and see what happens.

    K8: The sun’s on strike? You had me scared there for a minute. I need my British tabloid fix!

    SPIKEY: Your usual, then, eh?

    So you didn’t get lucky in Vegas?

    CYBERPETE: Something you should know about me… I’ve never met a drink I didn’t like. Except gin. That’s IVD’s drink. The fruity little queen. He can have it.

    I am the Queenie of the martini and the Contessa of cocktails. But I also love me a pint of Guinness and an Irish whiskey.

    And it goes without saying that a cocktail is best enjoyed in strappy little sandals or heavenly high heeled stilettos. But you know all about THAT.

    SID: *blows back*

    *laughs and winks*

    GEO: I love a smooth, creamy head. Doesn’t everyone?

    MAIDY: Oh no, nothing new. Just the same old same old of HAVING A BABY!

    A very belated congratulations are in order to you and Trucker Boy.

    TONY: You Hebden Bridge pretty boys are so full of yourselves.

    Great hols, thank you. And pics to come.

    KAZ: This Corrie pic of which you speak…is it a photo of Dev Alahan snorting coke at Bertie Ahern’s party? Or Dev Alahan snorting coke off Miranda Lipinski’s stove?

    Missed you? Well that goes without saying! I thought about you every (cough) day (cough).

    KRISSTEEN: In case you hadn’t noticed, I love men. And the men of Infomaniac are the most loveable of all. Especially Piggy. He’s such a dear. I heart him.

    PIGGY: Is your qwim quivering?

    FN: As much as I would love to lick the salsa off your Tits Supreme, I’ve been preoccupied with licking the froth off of … well never mind.

    Nonetheless, it’s good to you’re just over the border should I have any special needs.

  16. FN: That last comment should read "it's good to KNOW you're just over the border"...

    Thinking about licking the salsa off your tits made me lose my train of thought.

    Evil temptress.