Sunday, August 18, 2013

Infomaniac Department of ...

In an attempt to micromanage you Bitches, Mistress MJ has decided create a new department.


[via]

We want to know what sort of department is needed here at Infomaniac and what you would call it.

The Department of (fill in the blank).

Of course, we'll need staff too so if you wish to apply for a position, please include your staff title and credentials.

51 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. TOPHER: The Department of First?

      Or did you mean to suggest a Fisting Department?

      Delete
    2. Um....yeah! No....not Fisting...

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. WALLY: The Department of Sagging Beauty?

      We here at Infomaniac have developed a line of foundation garments constructed with a complex series of pulleys and flying buttresses.

      Please see our model Norma for more information.

      Delete
    2. hey, watch it!

      for what i get paid, i don't
      need to take crap like that.

      *um, would you check my pulley,
      the one i can't reach, the one
      close to the buttress?*

      Delete
    3. NORMA: Your pulley needs rust-proofing.

      Delete
    4. Wait. What? Norma gets paid?

      Delete
    5. LX: Norma gets paid in support hose and a discount on foundation garments.

      Your “friend” gets a discount on Depends so what’s the big deal?

      Delete
  3. Department of Geriatrics.

    I have "a friend" who would be interested in a job in the Incontinence Products section if there is an employee discount.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LX: An employee discount for incontinence products?

      That Depends.

      Delete
    2. And if it gets created and "your friend" gets a position, that means you won something!!!!! Just don't wet yourself with excitement.

      Delete
    3. Don't encourage him, Mistress Maddie.

      Delete
  4. Department of Neuroses

    I have a PhD. in the Neurotic Arts and Sciences, with a minor in Gay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JASON: I’m not surprised it’s a minor in gay, considering your recent attraction to lesbians.

      We’ll be revoking your gay card if that sort of thing keeps up.

      Delete
  5. Infomaniac should have many many Departments with lots of Bureaucracy with forms in triplicate and huge wheels of stamps. Lots of stamps. And elevator operators that announce the floors and the many departments housed on each floor with giant directional globes mapping your location with arrows pointing where you should go.

    All under the master Department of, "The Department of Redundancy Department."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AYEM8Y: But wouldn’t it be redundant to have a Redundancy Department when we already have Thombeau’s Redundant Variety Hour?

      *orders red tape nonetheless*

      Delete
  6. Now listen here Maryvonne Jeannetta, departments sapartments! You think all us bitches need a department to controls us? Well good luck with that. And if there has got to be a new department why not for some thing libation related. But I only apply for certain positions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MISTRESS MADDIE: *presses trap door button to the Oubliette*

      Delete
    2. The Oubliette? I'm honored. Does this mean I finally get whipped by AyeM8y?

      Delete
    3. *Gathers nine cats to fashion fresh whip for the occasion*

      Delete
  7. i agree with mistress maddie, sugar! we need a drinks department! i have been practicing! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SAVANNAH: Why don’t you take a nip of gin down to Mistress Maddie in the Oubliette.

      I’m sure she’s getting thirsty and lonely on her own down there.

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. Or, at the very least, the Department of Bitch Whipping.

      Delete
    2. COOKIE: Or the Department of Bitch Slapping.

      Delete
    3. I like Bitch Whipping. Works well with Oubliette, and better alliteration.

      Delete
    4. COOKIE: Department of Bitch Whipping, it is.

      And first thing on the agenda is organizing a Sissy Boy Slap Party.

      Delete
  9. The Infomaniac Department of Deportment.

    A Bitch being too bitchy? The DoD will soon sort that out. Likewise if the Bitch isn't being bitchy enough!

    I have my own rubber stamp and my glasses are perched on the tip of my nose as I type, so just show me to my office.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MR. DeVICE: How do you feel about wearing a pince-nez?

      Delete
    2. Well, I'll have to adjust my wardrobe accordingly, but I think I can pull it off.

      Although, last time I wore pince-nez someone mistook me for the Hooded Claw!

      How about a monocle?

      Delete
    3. MR. DeVICE: A monocle will do nicely.

      Or a lorgnette.

      Delete
  10. It's about time someone put that Mistress in a Oubliette. Now maybe I can get a vacation. I owe you someday Mistress MJ.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MS. MOORECOCK: Mistress Maddie is lucky I didn’t slap a Banned By Infomaniac sticker on her forehead!

      Delete
    2. You know Mariposa Jaimica, just because I'm in the Oubliette down here with ripped shorts, getting whipped, doesn't mean I can't hear you!

      Delete
    3. MISTRESS MADDIE: Are you using Norma’s ear trumpet?

      Delete
  11. The Departement to end all Departements.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MAGO: This is the beginning of the end.

      Delete
  12. I want to be the head manager of the men's bathroom in all departments!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HUGGY JON: As long as you let LX continue to patrol the bus station toileting facilities, I think we may have a deal.

      Delete
    2. That would be a lovely idea Jon. Do you do a nice spit shine?

      Delete
  13. department of added values.


    let's say someone working behind the counter in notions just happened to have an enormous cock. the department head could saunter by & instruct said employee to, "haul that thing onto the counter!" just imagine what this could do for sales.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NORMA: I’m imagining you as this department’s Mr. Humphries from the Britcom, “Are You Being Served?”

      Delete
  14. Department of Whoretoculture.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ANONYMOUS: Usually, we here at Infomaniac do not welcome anonymous comments but this one can stay.

      Delete
  15. Experience a holiday you would rather forget with MJ's Travel Department. Those of you who get MJ's gander up, could be forced to take a jolly jaunt around Jekyll and Hyde park, where you will encounter drunks swigging meths from a bottle in a brown paper bag, shouting incoherent obscenities at you. A more severe punishment would be a three-day beano here One can almost hear Princess's 'Coo-ee' echoing down the haunting corridor at passing men. Those sent away will have to write a review about their holiday experience on Tripadvisor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MITZI: New York City’s “Sun Bright Hotel” sounds like just the place to send those who’ve been Banned By Infomaniac.

      There is nothing sunny nor bright about it.

      Let’s have a look at just SOME of the many reviews:

      3rd and 4th floors smell like a mix of urine and Asian food

      The roof is made up of chicken wire.

      Absolutely disgusting cockroaches were literally everywhere.

      it's filthy like a jail.

      The sheets are dirty and not changed

      Some of the homeless shelters SMELL BETTER than this place.

      Let’s see for ourselves, shall we?

      Delete
  16. I liked what someone had written on the door 'I survived The Sun Bright 27.3.1945'

    Jeff from NZ the only person to give it an excellent rating 'The rooms are small and there is no ceiling so you can hear everybody' NO CEILING! It sounds like the sort of doss house Bill Sykes and Nancy would live in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MITZI: That survivor was lucky although “the story about a dead man being left inside a room for more than two weeks has not been verified.“ ... yet.

      Delete
  17. Please don't send me to The Sun Bright.
    Anyhow, I would like to apply to be Mr DeVice's assistant in the Department of Deportment... I also have rubber stamps... and glasses that perch on the end of my very pretty nose.
    I promise to be a good assistant and I will always look up to Mr Device... this is because he is 7ft tall and I am 4ft.
    Thank you... I look forward to signing my contract.
    Qx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MS QUOTES: But are you comfortable working next to a man with warts?

      Delete