Thursday, April 25, 2013

Crisco Party Cancelled

No doubt you're wondering why it's been a long time since our last Crisco party.

We're trying not to attract this sort...


He said he was looking for a place to party

The suspect (Chad William Forber) was naked and carrying his shorts as well as a can of Crisco.

“He had lathered himself up in Crisco. He was covered in grease, and was holding the can under his arm."

He told police he'd taken the shorts off because they were too big and wouldn't stay on.

Forber was held in jail on $40,000 bond.

We're cancelling our upcoming annual Crisco party until we're assured that none of you Bitches will behave badly.

You can be assured that Mistress MJ will not show up with bail money.

39 comments:

  1. Schweineschmalz: German for party in a tub!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LX: I’ve lost my appetite since clicking on your link yet I shall attempt a translation from German to English…

      Party Lard!

      Pig fat (lard) with goldenbrown bacon cracklings, roasted onions, apples and herbs.

      Delete
    2. We called them "Creton"! Yummy

      Delete
    3. HUGGY JON: Did someone mention our former Prime Minister?

      Delete
    4. HUGGY JON: Oh, excuse me.

      You said "Creton," not "Chrétien."

      Delete
    5. It's Jean "Crétin" over here! Although, he did a few good things....

      Delete
    6. HUGGY JON: He is famous for popularizing the Shawinigan Handshake.

      Delete
  2. They know how to have a good time in the Quad Cities.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. COOKIE: This is the first time I’ve heard the term “Quad Cities.”

      "Tri Cities" ... yes. "Quad Cities"...no.

      Perhaps I should get out more often.

      Delete
    2. i think they may be "quad" because each,
      on their own, is lame-town personified.

      Delete
    3. NORMA: You are going straight to hell for that comment.

      *titters behind sleeve*

      Delete
    4. You mean Mistress hasn't enjoyed the charms that Moline, Rock Island, Davenport and Bettendorf? Well, charm and Bettendorf are seldom said together. But it is some place one can go to, but not when the Mississippi is at or nearing flood stage.

      Delete
    5. I've just Googled "Quad Cities" (obviously I have some time on my hands) to find that it's home to the world's largest truck stop.

      I'm putting it on my bucket list.

      Delete
  3. I concur with the Earl of Downton, "it's a damn shame".
    When I was a young lad my pants were too big and they wouldn't stay on. These days my pants are quite snug. Quite depressing really?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DONNNNNNNN: Welcome back!

      Though I must say you’re looking a little green around the gills.

      Regarding your tight pants…

      Be thankful they’re snug. In Louisiana, there’s a law against saggy pants!

      Delete
  4. How'd they catch him?
    Perhaps his plan was to be tackled, repeatedly slipping through the brawny arms of some boys in blue...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WALLY: It’s a mystery how they slipped the cuffs on him.

      Delete
  5. Well he can't have shaved his pits... Otherwise... That can of crisco under his arm would have been out of there like a rat up drainpipe...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PRINNY: Now I am imagining his sweaty armpits.

      Thank you VERY much, Prinny.

      Delete
  6. Then why not have a poutine party. Fill the gincuzzi with fries and cheese curds and pour some gravy and let's all take a dive in it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. "and that just goes to show you that
    drugs and baking grease never, ever, ever mix
    "

    what the fuck do they know, that's the
    basis for my award winning ding-dong cake!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NORMA: Do you always have to bring your Ding Dong into it?

      Delete
  8. Christ! He's 41?! Maybe he thought the Crisco would enable people to see him in fuzzy-focus, a la vaseline on the lens, and think he actually looked his age rather than that of Chris Cringle?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe it was his failed attempt at a beauty regime? Jx

      Delete
    2. MR. DeVICE: Chris Cringle or CRISCO Cringle?

      JON: Women in the 1700s used hog lard moisturizer and so can you!

      Delete
    3. JON: If it was good enough for Good Queen Bess.

      Delete
  9. Jeez...can't a guy make holiday cookies in peace?

    ReplyDelete
  10. People cover themselves in lard all the time when swimming the English Channel. Perhaps he's training to swim the Alantic Ocean, therefore he should be applauded for his daring feat not held in prison with a $40,000 bond. It's a bit extreme.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MITZI: When David Walliams met the Queen, they spoke about his charity swim across the English Channel: "She said: 'Were you covered in lard?' I said 'Yes, but it's not as much fun as it looks' and she laughed."

      Delete
  11. I'm not even touching this one, or asking any questions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MISTRESS MADDIE: If anyone asks, we didn’t see you.

      Delete