Monday, August 06, 2012

Arrêt! In the Name of Love

Mistress MJ has returned from her French-Canadian getaway.



Mistress MJ has this to say about the ridiculous rumours regarding her whereabouts….

“Arrêt! In the Name of Love!”

We must put a STOP to petty tittle-tattle such as the following:

Where is the bitch? How long can a stupid sex change take anyway?
- Mr. Peenee

I actually just spotted her on Ste-Catherine Street buying a pair of these…

- Huggy Jon

I saw her at the Olympics opening ceremony, wearing a peasant dress and hitching her skirts up at the choir boys.
- Mitzi

kabuki just received a ransom note. She is being held by The Chippendougs, a canadian male stripper cult.
- kabuki zero

MJ: Seen at the beach…

- Normadesmond

The photo above (excerpted from THIS perverse post) is not all that Norma's contributed to the rumour mill. THERE'S MORE! But do NOT under any circumstances, CLICK HERE to reveal the depths of Norma's depravity.

But enough of this idle chit-chat. What’s been going on with YOU Bitches in Mistress MJ’s absence?

Are you all in your places with bright shiny faces?

Details, please.


NOTE: Don’t even THINK that Mistress MJ has time to visit everyone right away. A Bitch needs to unwind, you know. Not to mention a chance to respond to the umpteen email messages you've sent. *places ad for P.A*

55 comments:

  1. How bona to varda your dolly old ecaf again. Welcome back!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I see the good ship "Polari" has docked.

      I've picked up a sailor or three for you, dearest.

      Delete
  2. Oh thank God your back, but your timing couldn't be worst. I have only too just got back by two days ahead, so Im sure the rumors will start again! Meanwhile my ass is still sore.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is it they say?

      "If it hurts, you're not doing it right."

      Or is it, "If it doesn't hurt, you're not doing it right."

      Delete
  3. GOLD!

    That, and welcome back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Check your mailbox for poutine.

      Delete
  4. Well, I had a "woman" by the name of "Petra Donovan" comment on my blog post that I came off as an unfunny Mel Brooks and I she said that I must STOP calling people "Cunt".

    Miss. Donovan, I thank thee for comparing me to Mr. Brooks because even at his unfunniest, he is a genius. And does your command of stop calling people Cunts extend to you, too?

    That's where I have been. Glad you're back MJ!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. cookie, you really should have an unlisted number.

      Delete
    2. I’m a cunt and proud of it!

      And as our dear, departed Piggy would say…

      YOU’RE ALL A BUNCHA CUNTS!

      Delete
  5. THANK GOD, you're back!

    *dozens of wet sloppy kiss*

    You know I never listen to rumors and you should also not listen to rumors about me misbehaving while you were away.

    As for what's been going on... well...

    I'M GETTIN' IT

    Hugs
    Jon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Slap an icepack on that stiffy!

      Delete
  6. oh sure...she saunters in like she owns the joint.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. May I remind you this IS my blog?

      Delete
    2. watch out everyone,
      she's whipping it out.

      ooo, it's big.

      Delete
    3. Watch your back, Norma.

      I’m not done with you yet.

      Delete
  7. Oh good... She's back. I guess it's all downhill from here... Or is that the other Olympics?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Welcome back, Mistress! I put on a new merkin just for the occasion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THOM: You don’t fool me.

      You’ve simply spruced up your dusty merkin.

      Delete
    2. I've always said that one man's Dusty Merkin is another man's Rusty Gherkin!

      Delete
    3. THOM: Another gem from “The Quotable Thombeau!”

      I’ll bookmark that page.

      Delete
  9. Kabuki sees you have returned from vacation and climbed up on the cross. Merely keeping the troops entertained, kabuki reels from the smack down.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mistress MJ wishes to thank kabuki for keeping the home fires burning in her absence.

      Please accept a cheesecake in thanks.

      Delete
  10. oh, you were gone? I was too busy at the Chippendougs show to notice. sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I hope you brought back a sack full of those little soaps as some around here have refused to bathe in your absence....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WALLY: *sprays Febreze liberally*

      Delete
  12. I've been vacationing as well. Catching up myself and in scanning through your post, I see you've been away at the beach.

    Looking good there honey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AYEM8Y: Looking good yourself, Pirate.

      You can leave your hat on.

      Delete
    2. and may I add looking spruce and dapper!

      Delete
    3. MITZI: Isn’t he just?

      Delete
  13. The Mistress returns! Few things have changed. Fried chicken is still worshipped in the USA. Elton and Madonna still hate each other. It's still raining in the UK. Carol Channing's still alive. Jx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JON: Is “chicken and waffles” still on the menu in the U.S.?

      Mistress MJ does not understand that particular food combo.

      Is Zsa Zsa still alive?

      Let’s ask NORMA.

      Delete
  14. Welcome home!!!

    I moved. And tomorrow I move all the way back again. Solicitors have been engaged. I am exhausted and likely to be hospitalised by Thursday.

    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my, Miss Scarlet!

      You sound like Mr. Mutley’s Micro One-headed-Push-me-pull-you, Geoffrey!

      Delete
  15. I snuck in just in time to welcome you back to a place I have missed very much myself...

    But as I am totally out of the loop I will merely wave a languid hello and blow a heartfelt kiss...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LEAH: I’ve been watching “Girls” on HBO and it’s based in Brooklyn so naturally I’ve been thinking about you lately as you share their borough.

      Delete
    2. isn't "girls" the best? i adore it!

      Delete
    3. NORMA: Mistress MJ is disturbed by how similar our tastes are in popular culture.

      Lena Dunham’s indie film “Tiny Furniture” is on my list of DVDs to rent. Have you seen it?

      Delete
    4. i have not and i'm already feeling that infomaniac peer pressure.....hand me a wipe.

      Delete
    5. Lucky for you, Norma, that I keep an industrial sized tub of wipes by the door.

      Delete
  16. I have been using your blog to teach my students about the best Canadian English.

    The classroom is now called The Oubilette, the staff room is The Cheese Room, and split infinitives are now known as Piggy's Arse.

    Students are now Fairy Penguins in Sweaters, but in spite of my best efforts, I have not been rechristened The Official Penis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish I could have gone to your school. Jx

      Delete
    2. KAPI: How about you and AyeM8y have a penis smackdown for the title?

      Cock fight!

      Jon will judge.

      Delete
    3. I've always been keen on the pole vault! Jx

      Delete
    4. JON: When you’re not preoccupied with water sports, that is.

      Delete
    5. ...of the Esther Williams variety, of course! Jx

      Delete
  17. Replies
    1. PEENEE: You’re always down on your knees so why NOT include me in your prayers?

      Delete
  18. Welcome back.
    Just ignore the rumors (or in your case, rumours).
    We're all a bunch of jealous bitches and wish WE could just up and disappear for WEEKS without nary a word to anyone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BLAZNG SCARLET: After just one day of work, I’m already planning my next vacation.

      Delete
  19. Here I am, and there YOU are finally!!! sheesh!

    Me? I flirted with Coco Montoya and MET GUITAR SHORTY, is all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NATIONS: Is “Guitar Shorty” related to “Trombone Shorty?”

      Or is it like how there’s a Blind Lemon Jefferson and a Blind Willie McTell and a Blind Boy Fuller and so on and so forth?

      Delete
  20. Oh look who came creeping in , I hope those are poutine stains on you poncho young lady. Its been all go here what with the Olympics and Miss Scarlet being a flibertygibbet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BEAST: I’ll have you know it’s a Mexican poncho, not a Sears poncho.

      Delete