Friday, July 20, 2012

On Vacation / En Vacances

Mistress MJ is on holidays in La Belle Province, where, apparently, they have air conditioning!...



And gaiety!...


[via]

Mistress MJ looks forward to soaking up the culture and atmosphere of Quebec…


[thanks, Huggy Jon!]

While I’m away, you Bitches can get cracking on submitting your gardening photos. And remember to include a brief blurb with your photos.Click here to see last year’s garden pics.



If you don’t have a garden, send a photo of your houseplants or lawn ornaments. Or for those style queens amongst you, a photo of your artfully arranged cut flowers.

A bientôt, Bitches!

See you soon!

100 comments:

  1. Je me souviens!

    I saw that on a license plate once!

    ReplyDelete
  2. so, your life is just one long vacation?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES, IT IS, NORMA!

      Is there anything WRONG with that?

      Delete
    2. why not at all darling!

      just make sure and send me a cable when you hit the continent....or when that runaway glacier hits you.

      Delete
  3. At least one civilized island in the ocean of wilderness over there ...

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  4. Happy Holidays!!!!
    Erm... please don't shout at me, but when is the deadline for the gardening pics?
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mistress MJ has already used up her energy reserves shouting at Norma.

      The deadline will be announced in August.

      *whispers*...but get a move on!

      Delete
  5. Oh dear...had I known you were vacationing in the Eden of the North I would have been much less strident in my demands yesterday. I do apologize. I do's. Even though I had to Febreeze my computer to get the smell of duck cheese and copper alloy out of the cpu. Have a wonderful time, my darling! Enjoy the air conditioning and the poutine! And the air conditioned poutine! X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I can find a postcard of poutine, I'm sending it to you.

      Delete
    2. I would also like a poutine postcard, s'il vous plaît!

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    3. For the best poutine in town, go THERE. Open 24/7 and more than 28 types of poutines. can't be more serious about poutine than that!

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    4. Sacré bleu! La Bacon Poutine!

      That settles it, I'm ready for a Montreal vacation!

      Delete
    5. Wait! I didn't know they even have a photo album! Some of them look totally DISGUSTING!

      Delete
    6. "L'Abreuvoir" is with "sliced pogo" - dear Jon, can you please tell me what they slice over the ... well, specialty?
      I am sure the photographs do no justice to the marvellous meal. I'd join XL and try it - just put that vodka bottle on ice and keep the glass filled ...

      Delete
  6. Have a great time, MJ! And stay out of jail.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THOM: Thank you for not saying "rehab."

      Delete
  7. Air conditioning the height of luxury! Do they have bidets over there too? I do enjoy a bidet, it keeps my man-fanny nice and fresh. Please send me one of those sailor boys, one with navy blue eyes, it's been over a week! Have a wonderful time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MITZI: I shall do whatever I can to keep your flanges fresh.

      Delete
  8. I forgot what we have to remember!!!

    Maybe it's something about making sure to avoid those aweful Los Tabarnacos! Eeew!

    Câlin & gros bisou.
    Huggy Jon

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  9. 28 days of poutine delights! Be careful or you'll return looking like the side of a house living on that stuff darling.
    Have a wonderful time!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Replies
    1. Sorry Ms Nations, this one is not on the menu yet! Perhaps you could create it!

      Delete
  11. BITCHES: Enough with the poutine!

    Poutine is not the only item on the menu in Quebec, you know.

    Click here for a truly heavenly French-Canadian delicacy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It seems that nun flatulence is universal.

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    2. we have pet de nonnes down here too.
      Of course we cajuns would.

      Delete
  12. Oh... I've just looked poutine up... I thought it was chicken... but it's just chips and gravy... with cheese????
    What are you lot like?
    Sx

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    Replies
    1. MISS SCARLET: Well THAT is the pot calling the kettle black.

      How about you lot with your pork faggots?

      Delete
  13. Replies
    1. MS. NATIONS: Does it taste like a corn dog?

      Delete
    2. More like cigarillo ...

      Delete
  14. Have no fear beautiful maiden, kabuki shall keep the home fires burning. But why would you vacation IN canada? Kabuki thinks you should review your vacation plans, and set sail for Pismo Beach. That is where Bugs Bunny always headed, and he was one smart rabbit. ps be alert for polkadot queen sightings

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kabooks: But didn’t Bugs Bunny take a wrong turn in Albuquerque?

      Delete
  15. It all sounds very FRENCH . How ghastly :-( . Have a marvellous time :-)

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    Replies
    1. BEAST: I shall be on the lookout for the Quebec equivalent of Walnut World.

      Or Le Monde du Walnut as it’s known in those parts.

      Delete
  16. Replies
    1. kabooks: Kabuki is always a winner.

      Delete
  17. I'm just surprised that Lx didn't have a panic attack since the departure of our Mistress!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HUGGY JON: Mr. Lax is busy with his pussy.

      Click on his blog for further details.

      Delete
    2. He's actually more in deers now ...

      Delete
  18. i'm in LOS ANGELES, sugar! xoxoxo

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  19. its so cold. i am afraid. where is my mj? SOB

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  20. Qidnapped by Quebekkers? Or done in by nun farts?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually just spotted her on Ste-Catherine street bying a pair of those!

      Delete
  21. Replies
    1. Speaking of .... where have YOU been????

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  22. Actually kabuki never left. Kabuki was just hanging out in the grotto. Kabuki likes to feed the alligators when MJ is away.

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  23. ... hmbfl ... loveya ... comeback when itsright

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  24. Mistress?

    [begins panic attack from separation anxiety]

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  25. Now you see Mistress, you have no other choice but to end your vacation right now. Lx is panicking.

    Did you hear me?

    LX IS PANICKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think she ran away with a yodeling cowboy.

      Delete
    2. I'm thinking The Mistress knows a thing or two about yodeling!

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    3. She may secretly work on the Koenigsjodler ...

      Delete
  26. Oh what the FUCK. I just came back from vacation. I came back with brilliance and dispatch and posted right up like a good electronic citizen. This has gone on long enough I say. There is NOTHING in Canada worth forgetting us bitches for this long! AND LX IS PANICKING!!!!!!!! HAVE YOU NO PITY???

    ReplyDelete
  27. Yes, please come back soon.... your tan looks fab enough. I am in need of some normality right now!
    Sx

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  28. *spooning heated brandy between LX's clenched teeth*

    ReplyDelete
  29. where exactly, is the princess of pleasure? one would think she took a slow boat to china for vacay. kabuki swears MJ was in the olympic stadium for men's beach volleyball. Towel Girl indeed!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I saw her at the opening ceremony, wearing a peasant dress and hitching her skirts up at the choir boys. Very good method acting, I must say.

      Delete
    2. There were choir boys???

      Delete
  30. Yes... Just checking to see if I wrote choir boys.

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  31. A bootleg, 'from-the-stands' video on YouTube shows MJ crouched beneath the keyboard busily at 'work' while Mr. Bean plays. Note his expressions in the official release.

    ReplyDelete
  32. MJ's been spotted lounging and drinking beer on the shores of the Laurentian River: http://flic.kr/p/xrnVw

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After her bar room fight that is, where she got punched and kicked in the eyes!

      Delete
    2. Too thin I guess, Riley, Jon's more to it I'd say ...

      Delete
  33. Where is the bitch? How long can a stupid sex change take anyway?

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  34. They're waiting for the metallurgist to get back to them, but reliable information (Jon) sez they needed a team of draft horses just to carry the dick away.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Isn't she here in the audience (at 01:03 or so) ...?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...wearing the cake hat. Yup. I'd know those missing teeth anywhere!
      WELL SPOTTED FRANCONIA!!

      Delete
  36. kabuki will make sure his next vacation is spent with MJ, who apparently spends WEEKS at a time touring the continent. Must be a big purse to carry all that cash she is spending. Or perhaps an alligator valise? Because we know she don't do croc.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I thought I saw her stroking in the cockless pairs....

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  38. I have had a postcard from the Mistress - she is in 1967 and is enjoying herself!
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But of course, Ms Blue! Why didn't I think of that. That's why I havent been able to spot her around town. She's at the 67 World's Fair. She looks so very sassy in that yellow dress!

      Delete
    2. She is also using a tardis to travel and is going to visit me in the future... hopefully she will be sober enough to bring back some future lottery numbers on her return to the present.
      Sx

      Delete
    3. I've had one off her too, she's in 1953 now and is being ordained by Cardinal Paul-Émile Léger! Isn't it exciting? It reminds me of a book I've just read off Kindle The Psammead Trilogy, I wonder if she has met a talking phoenix that is giving her free rides through time and space on a magic carpet.

      Delete
  39. if she was wondering how kabuki looks in the next age, she need not have bothered. kabuki will look FABULOUS! kabuki has been assured this by the canadian physic hotline damsels, who for $1.99 a minute speak the future truth

    ReplyDelete
  40. Please don't give the physic damsels my location. I've got enough smooth moves without their ass
    istance.


    ...god I am so sorry. *hangs head in shame*

    ReplyDelete
  41. Now beeeble, led's face it.... Our mmmiztress izzz dead! Sheez been gaught in zhe dime-sbace gondinuuuuum... yeah, dad's it.... som'where 'round two hundred...... BC. Shheeez aint EVAH gomin' bag'..... Dey held her fffuneral yezderday... in Od'wa... lods, LODSSS of very famous beeeble... even dhe brime binister... som'thin' Harber... Ralf Harber... Roger.... NO... who gaaares!...... and ya know wut??? KD Lang waz sss'poze to zing dhe nashhh'nal andem...... reagae style! Yeah... dad's right.... REAGGAE!!! OH GANADAAAAH! OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAAAAND!...... But shheez didn' want to lower herzelf to such..... ya know...... low...... So insdead... dey god Sdombin' Dom Gonnors to do it..........

    I'M NOT MMAKING DISS UP YA KNOW!!!....

    And NONE of us were invided.... dey don't like us.... in fact... I'v heard dey want to erase aaaall dracks leading MJ to dee Innnvomaniac..... I'm dellin' ya.... so ya bedder geep a low brofile oth'wize ya might get a v'zzit.... yeah.... a vizzitt from de arse-see-hemm-pee...... aldhough... gomme to dink ov'it.... it'd be raaader nice to get grop'd, ffffrisk'd and sssssearch'd by a bbbunch of zzzexy mountiezz..... Anywayzz.... sheeez dead! Kaaaaaaaa Puuuttt! DHE BIDCH IZZ DEEEEEAD! LONG LIVE DHE BIDCH! Now I dink itss 'bout dime we make some reMAWd'lin' in here..... first dat HHheeedeous plaid room.... God, I've always HAAAted dat room!... I say we turn it into a LEADER ROOOOM... leader.... EVVV'RYWHERE.... leader gouches and leader armchairs... and leader carbets and leader badded walls... yesss.... and leader beds with leader sssheets and leader billows.... And dat lounge... DAT LOUNGE.... I GAN'T take dat disgusssding bink lounge anymore.......... Oh my Gaaawd! diss ssstuf izz sooooooo goooood.... y'all look soooo gorgeous, beeeeble.... Norma... wats dat aura around you??? izz dat a new kind of hairspray ya're usin'.... oh my.... bidches... ya're ALL gloooowiiiing.... lotsa rainbow golours are vlowing around ya.... wooooh.... diss izz sssso bee-yoooo-tiful!! Mizz Nation izz dancing on de yellow brig road...... Maddie honey... ya're ssdanding too glose to me, I gan feel your eyelashes brushing my tusssh..... And look up there!!! .... Itsss a biiiird.... itsss a blaaane.... NO! Itss PRINCESS riding a flying mongey.... or maybe itss the mongey riding Princess.... Oh! itss ssssooo bee-yoooo-teee-fooolll! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUU AAAAALL!!!

    *thud*

    ReplyDelete
  42. I biss her soooo buch!

    *sobs*

    *thud*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As I understood Jon loves the plaid room and wants to spend ages in it - has anybody got the keys?

      Delete
  43. My lovey, we all miss her. But our aim is improving. Meanwhile you lay off the acid. Drugs are not the answer. At least not to this question. I don't think.
    *lets Cowardly Lion smell cheerful gingham basket and watches as he darts off and returns with 'dinner'... grabs welding torch, turns Tin Woodsman into a barbecue, fires off Scarecrow, roasts Toto*

    ReplyDelete
  44. If that bitch thinks I'm going to put together a PayPal account for her bail money, she can just think again.

    Is it possible the comment section on this post has simply become the new Infomaniac blog?

    ReplyDelete
  45. I dreamt about MJ last night, in my dream she was rushed to hospital by an air ambulance to have a new hip fitted, when I visited her in hospital she was surrounded by nuns with black and white minstrel faces all doing jazz hands, I just said "bad girl" and tapped MJ hard on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and then walked away. What could this mean?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Down deep inside you're really a broadway musical playwrite.... with control issues?

      Delete
  46. kabuki just received a ransom note. She is being held by The Chippendougs, a canadian male stripper cult. They demanded $20 or promised to do unspeakable horrors to our beloved MJ. Of course kabuki threw the note away. She can thank kabuki later

    ReplyDelete
  47. Last!!

    (Just to make it 100...)

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